Monday, July 13, 2009

You Lost Us at “Actually Care”



Josh, congratulations … all of the time you spent writing this note has earned you a Lamester Award.  Not only because it’s long, a little pretentious, and includes the word “schadenfreude,” but also because if we understand you correctly, and what you’re saying is true, you’re leaving Facebook for a while.  And sure, this may be right for you, but come on man! If you start some sort of Facebook exodus revolution then … well, we’re out of business.  And frankly that’s just lame.

♥ The Editors

previous post: Dino Dump



  1. Josh is douchetastic.

  2. Will somebody please get Josh some Zoloft?

  3. Looks like somebody has been hitting the thesaurus!

  4. There’s nothing douchetastic or pretentious in writing a note that is above a sixth grade reading level. Also, when you use a thesaurus to write a tract like this, it’s more obviously mechanistic, and the word tends to be ill-fitting. Kudos to Josh.

  5. In all honesty I fail to see what he is getting at, its like showing off his ability to use words than making a good point

  6. He’s probably going to end up dead in Alaska like that moron from Into the Wild. What a douche.

  7. Can something really be concealed in plain sight?

  8. It’s Alexander SuperTwat

  9. I hope no one makes the “you just couldn’t understand it” argument. He’s a pretentious ass who DID use big words to make himself look really deep and misunderstood, and we all got it that he was basically just writing a note telling people he’s leaving facebook. And yeah, I totally thought about Into the Wild when I read this, haha.

  10. I guess he gets points for the Mountain Goats reference…

  11. I thought more about Walden than Into the Wild.

    Henry David Thoreau was a pretty douchetastic ass himself.

  12. Translation: Bla bla bla… (insert five-dollar words to make myself look deep) … bla bla bla… (pretentiousness) … bla bla bla… I’m leaving Facebook… bla bla bla.

    However, the thing that irritates me the most about this is the fact that he takes longer to prepare the reader for what he/she is about to read than to actually make his point.

  13. how romantic! what a deep guy.

  14. Oh yes, let’s all laugh at the guy! He didn’t even say “lolol” once, and that is obviously unacceptable on a social networking site.

  15. he sort of makes it sound like a suicide note

    especially at the end

  16. Douchebaggery in a way I haven’t seen it before.

  17. wow, people are so ignorant. there is nothing wrong with what this man is saying. in fact, reading this makes me wonder if i should become a drifter/explorer. there is more to life than social networking and cell phone bills. and all you’re comments about using a dictionary and being pretentious are much more lame than what this man is actually saying. he’s not trying to impress you, just telling it like it is. because obviously he doesnt care what people think of him, he’s above all that and he’s obvi not gonna be checking fb to see how “cool” people think he is.

  18. I don’t think this is lame at all.

    And yeah! Mountain Goats reference!

  19. I’m sorely tempted to see if the (same name) person that reminds me of still has a FB account.

  20. Hey “blahh”!

    Much in the same way that I stopped reading the EXTREMELY LAME post after the first paragraph, I stopped reading your EXTREMELY LAME comment after “wow, people are so ignorant”.

    You dont even remember to put capital letters at the start of your sentences…SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

  21. S., ajay, blahh, and Valerie: You are sad, sad people. For one, you bought this crap, which disgusts me. But what is even more disgusting is that what this guy is “saying” has been said a million times before, and in drastically better ways.

    TyBat, you hit the nail on the head.

  22. i agree with blahh and who cares if you put capital letters at the start of your sentences?

  23. It’s not that he’s used “proper” words, it’s that he’s used them gratuitously! For a start, he’s mis spelled proselytizing.. when you’re using a word just to show off it’s a pretty good idea to get it right.

    He’s used “delusion” where “illusion” would be far more appropriate. “Cognizant” is just a hideous word and “I realise” would be far easier to read.
    no problem with good writing but what we have here is a prime example of the a gaping void between how others see this guy and how he perceives himself. Said void has been filled with bullshit.

  24. isn’t it obvious the two different sides to be taken on this will never be able to relate to one another? and it’s certainly not going to help trying to convince one or the other online.

    face it: those who say this is ‘douchebaggery’ (whoever the fuck came up with that stupid term.) will never be able to see at equal terms with those who think this actually has a certain amount of profundity. so stop your stupid cyber-bitching.

    and besides, who are any of you to assess properly whether or not this was written in lieu of a joke or instead a bloody sermon. right – you’re nobody to do so.

  25. and Rob, no.

    one, prosthelytize is an accepted spelling variation of proselytize.

    two, delusion is just as technically valid; in terms figurative, it’s also just as valid – the reason the two words exist simultaneously is because they are for different purposes. read up on your dictonary some.

    three, cognizant is difficult to read? ‘i realise’ or ‘i am aware of the fact’ or any other permutation is just as easy to read as cognizant. or is it…? yes. it is.

  26. ok james, i’m going to spend saturday “reading up” on my dictionary… just so i can get to your level of comprehension.
    first, prosthelytize is a lame way of spelling proselytize. looking at entomology, there is no reason to have ever added the ‘th’ to the word. that alone strikes me as pretentious.
    secondly, i almost started getting into this with you, but i just got sick to my stomach that i almost spent the next few minutes of my life arguing about something so lame. so. adios. :)

  27. The last paragraph reminded me of the last verse in Weird Al’s “Albuquerque”.

  28. I kind of like where he’s going with this. Agreed that he shouldn’t have spent so much time preparing people for the point, but I dig it.

  29. i’m glad that you consider this is lame, because otherwise i wouldn’t have seen it.

    but – great but! – this isn’t lame at all!
    reading this caused a lot of enjoyment.

  30. I think those who are defending him are missing the point that this is lame because he is trying really hard to sound intelligent. You shouldn’t have to use big words words and long-winded descriptions of ideas to make a point.

  31. This is a plea for attention. Why does he need to say goodbye? OH GOD NO PLEASE DON’T LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS JOSH! PLEASE THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS! HOW WILL THEY MANAGE!!!!

  32. also. im so peeved at “blah’s” comment. if this kid didn’t care so much about what people thought of him, why would he give such a carefully thought-out explanation? why not just get off facebook?

  33. OMG make him stop talking!

  34. Right. This guy is so deep and intelligent he understands that walking away from problems in life is how to deal with them.

    This little pity party note is nothing more of a cry for attention using a social network as a vessel of communication. Ironic? I think so.

    Something tells me that being able to be happy with life is his problem. That doesn’t make him special, deep, or above society at all, even despite his apparently large vocabulary. Evidence:

    “If you’re tired of being walked on, all you have to do is walk away.”

    That’s a real winning attitude, Josh! Go get ‘em! … er nm you just like to run in the other direction :(

  35. I absolutely love how this has turned into a full on debate. The post itself and the heated debate in response to it is SO worthy of lamebook… FYI, Josh’s point of view on which we are all commenting matters about as little as the debate that followed… my opinion doesn’t much matter here either but I wanted to give kudos to the people who made clever/funny comments instead of getting emotional about this shit! hahaha

  36. Look up laconic phrase, or laconism. Josh should have thought about that.

  37. I have to take the side that calls Josh lame. I guess people forget that trying to sound more smart, deep, and introspective than you really are is just as lame (and “rong”) as Brittani and her “rongs”. I went through a “smarter than thou/fuck society” phase in high school, so I can relate to Josh, but I grew up. I became smart enough to know I am not nearly as smart as I thought, and I don’t actually have the answers. So I actually feel bad for Josh, I think this may be a cry for help.

    As for the pretentious vocabulary, he did use all the words properly so my guess is that he didn’t just pick up a thesaurus. What he said actually made grammatical sense. The problem is that the higher vocabulary was gratuitous. I mean it was vocab-porn. It’s the equivalent of saying “I’m hung like Ron Jeremy, so I’m going to whip it out whenever I want, everyone wants to see that”.

    In conclusion: Josh (and all of his defenders on here), get some professional help and leave your friends the fuck alone.

  38. Its not just the overstatements and ridiculous route he takes its the cry for attention that annoys me. I may come back I may not. ZOMG! NO JOSH DON’T LEAVE US. Trying to sound like a brain while whining about how ridiculous life is and that you are going to disappear just doesn’t go together.

  39. I’m gonna have to agree with Ken here. Why walk away from life’s problems? Learn to deal with them. I used to be like this, but then got over it, and I’m so much happier. Also, if he didn’t care what people thought of him, why would he take the time to write such a long note? He could have simply said “I don’t like society, I’m gonna go do stuff for a while” and that’s that. But whatever, if he goes away, we won’t have to deal with his whining, so go get ‘em Josh! A world of wonder awaits you!

  40. look, to all you retards who are buying into this guy and saying hes “deep” and “not lame,” you are incredibly stupid. Regardless of the lameness of his thoughts and his rambling and poor style of writing, he clearly used a thesaurus to try and make himself sound more sophisticated which is absolutely lame, douchey, and pathetic.

  41. At first I was going to go into the whole “Good for him” frame of thought given that he was using big words in a somewhat acceptable fashion, but the moment he said “self-directed schadenfreude” was when I REALLY decided he was trying to be a pretentious douchebag.

    What he said isn’t necessarily that bad, it’s rather preachy and comes across as though he’s trying to squeeze every ounce of verbal knowledge he can into a few tedious paragraphs. I’ve been accused of trying to make my vocabulary inflated and I was very nearly willing to sympathize… But then again, I could scarcely get passed the first paragraph without swooping into the comments section.

  42. hahaha! the post itself isn’t nearly as worth being on here as the comments. i totally agree with CM; why waste my time joining the argument when i can just watch

  43. I died and went to heaven after reading this post. The opening “I hate Facebook so I don’t even care if you read my Facebook post” is classic.

    Then, “I am, for more reasons than I could possibly begin to list, opting out of modern civilization.” OH MAN! TELL ME MORE!

    “If there’s not already any cognitive dissonance with our hilariously dystopian world, nothing I say will ever change that.” HAHAHAHA! It IS hilariously dystopian, Josh. Also arachibutyrophobic! Please go on.

    “Existential quandary,” “shades of grey,” “life-altering lies,” “trapped,” “walked on…” NO JOSH, DON’T LEAVE US! You’re an endless well of joy and mirth for Lamebook and probably the vast majority of your friends and family! Nobody likes a quitter. Oh well, at least you didn’t have to go to the effort of actually say goodbye to each and every one of your buddies — you had Facebook to do it for you! Civilization: 1, Josh: 0.

    You are a treasure of Lamebook. Have fun in Alaska!

  44. I thought it was pretty good. The guy turns a decent phrase, you’ve gotta give him credit. He’s probably leaving a well-paid job, has a nice savings account, will write a decent book and live a fairly pleasant life. Kudos to him

  45. Krazy-Eyez-Killer

    Who reckons Josh thought On the Road was a master class of modern literature? What a bell-end.

  46. This whole write-up reminds me of a SWPL posting

  47. lol nevermind guys the semen had my thought process all sorts of fucked up, what i meant to say was i love dicks lol!

  48. lol nevermind i love black lol rofl rofl rofl!

  49. lol not me james, i just wanna lick dolphin butthole while chuck norris fucks my ass LOL!

  50. lol me too james!

  51. disregard last post ROFL! i just wanna suck some dicks with these guys!

  52. “…looking at entomology…”

    Yeah, I like bugs too, kn.

  53. The big words aren’t an issue. Really, even if someone uses a thesaurus, who cares. Good for him, he learned new words. Why complain about improved literacy. That said, this post is utterly self indulgent and painful. He’ll starve or get eaten by some animal within the week.

  54. What the hell are people talking about “sides” for? Are you kidding me?

    Goddam Moron Side: CJ, S, ajay, blahh, Valerie, Elizabeth, james, Matt, baldrian, Amelie

  55. Douche Apparently

    If a note like this got on lamebook, I’m suddenly worried about showing up here myself. Ah well.

  56. “a little pretentious?” how about oozes, leaks, seeps, floods with pretension? oh and jason? if you’re going to use Big Words like proselytizing, get a spell check, asshole.

  57. This guy is looking for someone to tell him how smart he sounds. A thesaurus is a good tool when you are looking for other words to use/describe the same thing, not to use as many times as you can in the same sentence, paragraph and/or story.

    or in thesaurus terms…
    This chap is looking for someone to advise him how cerebral he reverberates. A thesaurus is a good contrivance when you are penetrating for other expressions to use/ portray the same object, not to use as numerous instances as you can in the same sentence, paragraph and/or narrative.

  58. I don’t think he used a thesaurus. It seems more like he’s dipping into the level of vocabulary that’s a somewhat more obscure than most, though far from little-used. “Schadenfreude” is probably the prime example of a word that looks hard – hard to spell and pronounce, plus it’s from a different language! – but honestly isn’t that hard to handle once you learn it. Kind of like substituting “implode” for “explode,” i.e, “my head just imploded.”

  59. Josh is sooo emo

  60. Oh, Josh. Sticking words like “Schadenfreude” and “dystopian” in between your cliches does not make them any less cliche. Pour yourself a glass of milk and try some humility, babycakes.

  61. if only josh were still on the internet to clear this all up

  62. Josh is just mad that he doesn’t have friends.

  63. i actually think that my favorite part of this post is the fact that he waited until the end of the first paragraph to tell his audience that his diatribe is boring.

    if his audience has eyes, they figured that out at roughly sentence #2.

  64. FUCK stupid people.

  65. So brave! Turning your back on centering your life on the acquisition of a wage… lemme guess you’re taking your parent’s money to go authentically slum in up in some third world paradise and tell everyone you see how enlightened you are.

    believe it or not, other find careers that mean something to them and people that are important.

  66. i guess all we need now is to find this kid an abandoned bus, some curiously harmless looking poisonous plants, and a little bit of time, and we’ll have ourselves a sequel!

  67. …. Because walking away from all of your problems is so fucking difficult. Someone get this whiny bitch a kleenex

  68. what a weirdo. I think he’s just trying to use as many big words as he can to make it look like he knows what he’s going on about!! get a life

  69. “enjoying the freedom of not centering my life around the acquisition of a wage” = I just came into my trust fund, and now I will act as if I’m doing something really worthwhile and thoughtful and unique, when in reality I’m just another a-hole rich kid.

    We used to call these kinds of people Trustafarians. They’re a dime a dozen, and so annoying!

  70. ha, wowie, i’m impressed everyone even read that whole goddamn boring ass post. The comments were far more entertaining.. some people know how to throw some insults. Be-friend me please. lol

  71. Lauren is correct.

    If he truly was the person he tries to make himself out to be, I don’t believe he would’ve cared to write out a long winded goodbye to his Internet Social Network pals.

  72. The guy’s an asshole. Yes, there is a “certain level of profundity” here, but that level is low enough that everyone has already thought of the things he’s saying. What makes him an asshole is that he apparently thinks that he’s very clever for realising all of this.

    This is just another outset of a white person international journey. I’m guessing he’ll be much more open to the idea of earning a wage when his money starts to run out. For some reason, I severely doubt that he’s going to do his traveling on foot.

  73. This is the classic example of one of those ‘alternative’ guys that thinks they’re a hell of a lot deeper and smarter than they actually are.

    Yeah the world is a shit hole, you think you’re the first person to notice that? Should we reward you with the Nobel Prize? But you’re pretty stupid to think you’re going to have a better life with a diet that consists of roadkill and foraging for food in dumpsters. At best you’ll pick some berries somewhere and die because they’re posionous but because human society has moved on we’ve forgotton how to distinguish what they look like.

    I give this guy 4 days before he comes back or winds up in hosipital/a morgue.

  74. Josh sounds like he majored in philosophy and pot smoking.

  75. ^^ Please note that the two are not mutually exclusive.

  76. Oh how I wish this guy had a weird-ass name so we could find him, or that one of his friends had the balls to write something derogatory under this post. You just know this guy jacks off at the thought of people commenting on this update, or some girl he knows somewhere crying because she misses him. I bet he’s logged onto Facebook every day since he wrote this to see if anyone’s said anything. In that case, maybe it’s best no one has.

  77. Wow- quite a discussion here, guys. I think that Josh would be proud. : )

  78. Yes, it’s somewhat self-indulgent and overwrought. I still kinda liked it though. But then, I rather am into self-directed schadenfreude.




  81. at #26: entomology is the study of bugs. i recommend looking at the etymology instead, it may be more helpful.

    in other news, josh feels too much emotion. hopefully he doesn’t also feel too many bears, out there in the wild.

  82. Less talkee, more walkee

  83. what would borat say to Josh?

    “You are very deep and misunderstood guy, I have been having lots of respect for you… NAAAAAAAATTTTTT”

  84. i’m very confused as to why mitch is yelling at us.

  85. I think Josh needs to move to Bridgend in the UK; the kids in that region would probably understand where he’s coming from, if they weren’t too busy offing themselves.

    Emos FTW!

  86. The last time i was prosthelytized to, I traded my real legs for wooden ones.

  87. Speaking as a bit of a pretentious smartass myself, I’m laughing just as loudly at this dickwad’s supercilious supporters here as I am at his uncontrolled verbosity.

    I find his pseudo-intellectual prolix thoroughly worthy of a lamebook lambast. It’s a smug and self righteous exercise in first class verbal diahorrea*, and if you’re here indignantly defending it, you – like Josh – are nowhere near as smart as you’d wish us to believe you are.

    If you’re intent on displaying intellectual airs and graces through superior language, you need to be extremely careful of your grammar. There’s no shortage of utterly dreadful examples to choose from, but my favourite sentence is: “If there’s not already any cognitive dissonance with our hilariously dystopian world, nothing I can say would change that.” Quite.
    WTF are you talking about you drivelling fucktard?
    I hope you’re lost in a wilderness with nothing to eat but your thesaurus.

    *As is this critique: it’s all in a theme – see what I did there? Do ya?

  88. Goddamnit Josh, you made me feel like an ass for knowing your title was from a Mountain Goats song. (They’re really douchey)

  89. it really bothers me how I completely understand and agree with the point that he’s making, while at the same time recognizing what a complete douche he (and therefore I) must be…

    god damn you Josh… you cut me deep.

  90. He writes well, but he’s a self-absorbed wanker. End of debate.

  91. Yo I love you guys! I am glad that so many people had the same reaction to this as me, fuk this hipster fuk.

  92. “pathectly detached douchtastic aura self important”
    yea lets stick to those words Josh.

  93. OMG. This guy is JUST LIKE ‘Chairman Mao.’ If you guys have read his comments here on lamebook, you’ll know what I mean. Wordy and pretentious.

  94. Good on you Rob, I agree completely… & void of bullshit, lol:-D

  95. He just used a whole string of big words to let us know that he is no longer employed.

  96. @Math #71 I agreed with what this guy said untill you posted your thoughts, and have convinced me otherwise.

    (P.S. Everyone, I misspelled a few words here, guess what they are)

  97. “And this is a convenient way to do it.”

    Thank you for your review on “The Internet”.

  98. “Opting out of modern civilization”? Seriously? This isn’t the 19th century, Jason, and you sure as hell aren’t Henry David Thoreau—or John the Baptist, Nebuchadnezzar, or Siddhartha fucking Gautama for that matter. There’s no great wilderness left in which to lose yourself, and even if there were, anyone fleeing a wage—which I would assume is earned in some cubicle-humping, white collar vacuum—will quickly become the most inspiring, eloquent, anti-establishment hunk of ass meat in history.

    Grow a cortex and learn how to resist if that’s your goal, otherwise you’re little more than an apathetic, ineffectual poser.

  99. *ahem* I meant Josh.

  100. And to think all of those chumps like Plato and Kant and Nietzsche wasted their lives actually “thinking” and “writing books” in pursuit of the greatest truth. Josh, our young prodigy, has consigned them to irrelevance in a half a page of text.

    Premature enlightenment. This is like Tuesday’s With Morrie with even less justification and an Ayn Rand-ian bent, all with an emo soundtrack.

    Hey Josh: romanticism, transcendentalism, asceticism, western movies, Kung Fu and the Beat Generation all called. They want their cliches back.

  101. OK I thought someone would have already said it, but Josh does NOT know how to use all those words properly. Schadenfreude is German for joy in other people’s misfortunes. You therefore cannot have self-directed schadenfreude. Look up the German word for joy in your own misfortunes Josh, or better yet, stick to using words you understand in the first place.

  102. Yeah… so at best we’re looking at dissociative fugue and at worst paranoid schizophrenia.

    Isn’t “self-directed schadenfreude” masochism?

  103. @mkho5- I had a whole response typed up before I re-read your comment…and yeah, I think it would be masochism, but I think he’s referencing it as an exaggerated ability to laugh at oneself.

  104. There are lots of words I don’t use because I don’t want to be called pretentious. I’m not pretentious. I like words though. When I come across words I don’t know, I look them up. I don’t always spell them right and sometimes I use the wrong word. But you’ve got to admit that it takes some guts to use a word that people might call a $2 word or a $5 word if the backlash you get is anything like most of these comments.

  105. I actually really like this.

  106. If Holden Caulfield had a facebook, I imagine it would be something like this.

  107. He certainly spent a lot of time and effort explaining something he doesn’t think he can explain or anyone else can comprehend.

  108. I doubt he really detached himself from modern civilization. He probably went to McDonalds and Walmart after he finished writing this.

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