Friday, December 4, 2009

Wut Th3 FK?




previous post: Push it to the Limit



  1. Did they use this?

  2. I like skeezers.

  3. Why did the first guy feel the need to switch out ”r”s with “q”s?

  4. ^ posted quick to prevent the ‘FIRST’ thing.
    Christ, these people have given me such a FKin’ h3adach3.
    Death’s too good for them.

  5. I couldn’t read them. I’m sure someone will summarise them later for me.

  6. I am tyrna r3ad this but myie h3ad hurts

  7. Is this the next generation of 1337? I struggled with that

  8. #1, I was wondering about that. It seems like it would me MORE work to type like that, unless there was some program that easily converted it to tard for them.

    Devolution. So Devo was right.

  9. No, this is the next generation of jackass.

  10. In the words of Peter Griffin, I’m sorry…………..what?

  11. Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m not even going to bother trying to read them. Fucking hieroglyphics, I swear.

  12. After glancing at these posts, trying to understand, all I can really say is, FUCK EVERYTHING.

    That’s how I feel.

  13. I’ll have a go at deciphering this non-sense (it’s a slow day in the office.)

    First one) So and so.. Is in the shower. Still got a headache from yesterday, well I don’t know. Maybe I just need to ride solo? I love Destiny Taylor, I think he loves me like he says. And he doesn’t think I love him at all. But hey, I don’t know…..I don’t know I’m tired of this.

    Second)I’m not doing that one on general principle.

    Third) LTC be some bitch ass n*ggers. Shit cause them n*ggers be trying to knock on my hustle cause now all them n*ggers who be owing me money and shit are about to get to me, so now I got to spend like 20 dollars to meet them and they only owe me like 5 dollars so I dunno if I have enough money to buy you 40s of oe. FUCK LTC FUCK LTC.

  14. “i fink theres missin us lyk a Kacked Shat ya no wot i mean”

    No. I do not know what you mean. All I know is all these people make me sick to the stomach.

  15. I’m convinced that people spell that way to cover up the fact that they couldn’t write properly even if they wanted to.

  16. damn to all of them for making me cry on a friday …

  17. and damn me for trying to read it … curiosity can be a bitch

  18. I can’t even read these.

    It just makes me really irritated when I try to. Like trying to read a book backwards and upside down.

  19. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    I don’t understand, and it makes my head hurt. I had a couple of glasses of wine last night, and my head hurt this morning. My headache went away earlier but due to this brainache post it is now throbbing again. Nurse, the Quaaludes…

  20. Kickapoo … i understand the feeling it caused me to slap my secretary right in the face … and she’s such a poor sweet thing …

    And she almost made it into the weekend without being assaulted.

  21. @no way. The last line of the first entry is lamer than “I’m tired of this” which would make sense. I’m judging from what I managed to decipher from the post that q’s are r’s (makes sense)So it reads “I’m tired of tears.”
    Maybe someone should tell them they aren’t tears, it’s just the water droplets from the showerhead. *sigh*
    BTW whoever can decipher the second post deserves a doctorate in Lamer Language Study.

  22. @no way

    Excellent effort there – I thought the last line of Pørc’s message translated as “But I do know I’m tired of tears” – but that could just be wishful thinking on my part.

    As for the second one, I speak a little pidgin Chav myself (to avoid misunderstandings with the peasants) so I’ve attempted to decrypt it. It still makes very little sense, and contains a measure of colloquial gobbledygook that’ll make even the translation hard going for our American friends, but here goes:

    Jenna: It’s ok Warby, that left leg of yours is a sick individual, believe me: ask Adam and talk to Frank next time!
    How the fuck did you teach it to do that? You wonky donkey, haha!
    You can’t blend into the wallpaper now, can you Sponge Bob, eh? Fuck off you weirdo, haha!
    Warby’s left leg has a mind of it’s own; BE WARNED, STEP WELL AWAY!

    Michael: Haha, very funny Jenna! What are you doing?

    Jenna: Well, I’ve just caught my boost (bus?) once again, been arseing about like a blue-arsed fly. I couldn’t catch it though, it was gone in no time, like Jack Flash! I’ve even had Chel’s mum on it, but it needed a wash!
    Going to go to Wilkie’s tomorrow, to get you a booster seat you dwarf! Haha – how the devil are you? Haha, I’m at Chel’s. Gib’s took his car back, so I’ll have to get my skates on, ’cause Adam and Lewis need to hear all that bullshit I fed them over again. I think they’re missing us like a Kacked Shat, (WTF?) you know what I mean?
    Haha, what are you up to?

    I think I might have to go and have a lie down now . . .

  23. Thank you, no way. And thank you, Thesaurapist.

  24. As I said in a previous comment long time ago; the children are no longer our future. Please alert Whitney. Thank you.

  25. I don’t pony why all you chellovecks are getting so bezoomny over this posty wost. I viddy exactly what these droogies are govereeting. Real horrorshow like.

  26. I think the first one is crying in the shower because she’s in love with a dude named “Destiny Taylor” and she knows that, with a name like that, he’ll almost certainly be starring in transgender porn within a year, and he’ll forget all about her. It’s a pretty standard unrequited love story, really.

  27. To me the saddest part is that these folks don’t have facebook friends sensible enough to comment under these and say something about what a clusterf— these posts are and how they’re unreadable.

  28. The Scarlet Pimple

    Jenna is a prime counterexample for you British detractors of American English.

  29. @RingingInMyHead

    Indeedy my droog, but they all need a tolchok in the yarbles – a nice bit of the old ultraviolence . . .

    Also: Sensible Madness, FTW!

  30. fucktards…

  31. I hope they fill out their resumes like that also, i’d hire be chained to my radiator while i whip them with a wire hanger.

  32. I didn’t even bother attempting to read that nonsense.
    Anyone who types like that never has anything interesting to say anyways.

  33. no wonder the first one has a headache.

  34. Lamebook: Making you question the value of humanity since April ’09.

  35. *head explode*

  36. Reading in stupid hurts.

  37. I didn’t even bother reading. I tried, but my eyes hurt!

  38. Thelonious, you can’t knock the hustle B. Gotta spend money to make money playa.

  39. Taylor, my density has bought me to you.

  40. Jenna is speaking of her friend Warby who can do an amzing trick he can do with his leg, and if you don’t believe Jenna, ask Frank or Adam. She goes on to say that Warby is very unique, and that his leg may have amind of it’s own, so you should be warned to stand back when he;s doing his trick.

    She replies by saying, she’s been very lazy lately, but has just got a burst of energy, and has been moving very quickly and getting a lot of things done, but not everything she needed to. So she enlisted the help of Chlesea’s Mum, but she couldn’t rectify the situation because the car needed to be washed.

    Speaking of the car, I’m going to Wilkies tomorrow to buy a car seat for you, because you are short. How are you? I need to get going soon, because Chelsea gave Tuk his car back, and I need to relay all this information to Adam and Lewis again, because they didn’t believe me the first time, and they need more convincing. Adam and Lewis have been missing us both, wouldn’t you agree? What are you doing later?

  41. And I teach English for a living… maybe it’s time for a career change?

  42. @pravin: i know right.

    seriously, what.the.fuck was that language they were speaking??

    now i have a headache. thanks… fuckers.

  43. keyser , i m guessing these kids don’t go to school at all , so do not give up the fight

    There are bound to be kids out there that are in dire need of your guidance trough the labyrinth that is the English language

  44. Tip of the day:

    Copy someone else’s login by replacing the space with an underscore …

  45. Anyone who types like that probably doesn’t have anything intelligent, witty, or important to say. What’s the point in even translating?

  46. I think I got cancer from reading that.

  47. Ironically, the first post gave me a h3adach3 and made me slightly diizzy. Why does she use q’s in place of r’s?


  48. Jesus and his rubber twat bomb, that is just fucking insane.

    I had a slight hope for humanity until I read that. How do they actually think?

  49. For those of you that think that the british all speak like the Grand Moff…


    I actually kind of enjoy reading facebook posts like this, could be that i am not from the UK, and don’t mind reading things written in chav…but its fun to put that accent in your head. Me finks dis poss’s propa rad, innit?

  50. Oh those crazy blacks and their new ebonics

  51. This isn’t English right? This must be some other language I’m not familiar with.

  52. Few things make me wanna ruin somebody’s shit as much as this post does.

  53. @martha- The second post clearly is not ebonics…although you can read the status through an ebonics tone the next post is a dead giveaway that it is closer to cockney….If it were ebonics she would have said ma, mah, my or something that would be conducive with the rest of her speech patterns- i.e. writing fly as fly and time as tyme….the vowel sound of “i” clearly is a long “e” pronunciation. In England, they would say something like “m telephone” in ebonics, it would be “m telephone”

    i am still trying to figure out wtf is going on with the first post, though…the only way i can read that is through the voice of Boxxy…

  54. Somebody PLEASE pass me an Aspirin. Not one Aspirin. The whole damn bottle of ‘em.

  55. Edit: forgot they allowed tags here…
    cockney dialect: M-ee- telephone….ebonics: m-aa- telephone.
    given the usage of the same representation of the vowel sound -aa- to be consistent through other parts of the message, it is clear it is -ee-.

    Cockney accents are rad.

  56. Am I the only one that found “Wonkey Donkey” a bit odd?

    I need a Panadol :(

  57. Just when you thought the english language could not be mutilated anymore, a generation of abbreviaters have abbreviated so much they have discombobulated majority of the globe. They are getting stronger. The end is near. Repent, for the increase in the abbreviaters cofuzzling powers is yet another sign that the world will end in 2012.

  58. #29 Thesaurapist RULES for the Clockwork Orange ref!!


  59. #57 Insane

    We will in fact, be outbred by the idiots. Technology has allowed Darwinian theories to work in reverse.

  60. Ugh, I think my brain just walked out on me.

  61. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    I believe my brain nearly reverted to primordial ooze. I think even Neanderthal speak is more intelligible than that garble

  62. This hurts my head. It’s like trying to work out where the fairy is in a 3 year old’s drawing.

  63. # 59 Anitalaff: Absolutely fucking hilarious! Yet so true. The epiphany of epiphanies!

  64. WTH! My brain hurts from attempting to read whatever the hell they were saying. There’s too many stupid people. Just too many.

  65. Yeah, I think I’m skipping this post. Whatever comedy gold there might be in it is just not worth it.

  66. td;cr

  67. @Keyser Soze:

    Wasn’t intentional, friend. Have been the “underscored” Keyser_Soze for years now on a bunch of forums. Sorry ’bout that.

  68. Gave me a bit of a pain in my gulliver, and had to go bedways and get a bit of spatchka.

  69. The wonky donkey comment makes me think this person is between 20 and 30 years old. It was very popular around in the late 1990s and early 2000s due to a Saturday tv program called SM:TV that featured a competition which had a mascot of a toy donkey with 1 leg shorter than the others. Hense wonky donkey. Thank you Ant and Dec

  70. How do you pronounce the first guy’s name? Because I keep thinking of it as pork.

  71. maybe ‘paws’ or ‘pork’. any other suggestions?

  72. He sure likes saying ‘I dont know’..

  73. English teachers need a salary raise if this is the shit they have to put up with.

  74. Kenada, that was brilliant, thank you! I had no idea what she was saying.

  75. @39 nice back to the future reference. And to the translators, good job, there was no fucking way I was gonna try and read it how it was

  76. to everyone who is asking why she was putting qs for rs, she posted from mobile those letters are on the same number on a phone… though there is no excuse for this. *drops head in shame*

  77. Well I’ve just been left with a bunch of questions. Most notably:
    Is it fashionable now to exchange q for r?
    And if so… fucking WHY?!
    Who would name their son Destiny Taylor.
    Again, fucking WHY?!
    What exactly can Darby Warby do with his left leg?
    And would it get him far in the porn industry?
    What in hell is a kacked shat?
    And as for Thelonious… how come he has the correct “i-o-u” structure in his name, yet types as though “dem niggaz” he’s talking about just beat his brain to a pulp.

    Overall, just fucking WHY?!?!?!

  78. I fucken hate these posts – I can read them but its slow and painful and when you reach the end you realise the message was just a fucken pile of Emo dogshit……….. I avoid wasting my time reading this shit, until I find myself faced with a weekend that finds me not doing anything special and Lamebook is not updating…… at this moment I feel compelled to apply the extra effort in deciphering this shit and I always come to the same conclusion – FUCK YOU LAMEBOOK FOR POSTING THIS ABORTION OF A POST!

  79. @Gripper: I think i am going to die of laughter, or dehydration from all of the laughing tears. FTW!!!

  80. From what I can gather the second one is trying to imply she has had a ‘mad’ night on drugs or at least Warby has, Talk to Frank is the UK drug helpline.

    I am hoping she is still tripping as this will make me feel better about the post and believe that this kind of fuckwit does not actually exist in normal sober life!

  81. Taking shot at this (so glad to put my English degree to work in such an honorable manner!):

    #1 (Porc) – I am in the shower with a headache and dizziness left over from yesterday. Perhaps I should pursue the single life from now on. I love Destiny Taylor, and I think he loves me like he says. However, he doesn’t think I love him at all. I am really not sure, but I do know that I am tired of crying over him.

    #2 – Apparently Jenna has a friend named Warby who can do an insane trick with his left leg and therefore can no longer be a wallflower at social gatherings. Also, one of her friends is very short.

    #3 (Thelonius) – A particular gang [Ed. note — mostly likely some form of Crips, perhaps the La Tercera or Loc Town) is giving me some unreasonable crap because they do not appreciate my hustle, and also they owe me money and other materials. Now I must spend approximately $20 to meet them, although they only owe me $5. Therefore, I will not have the funds available to procure 40-ounce (1.183-liter) bottles of Olde English 800 malt liquor.

  82. Oops, I forgot to post the last bit of translation for Thelonius’s status update:

    “I shall express my anger and contempt towards this gang by using a slang term for copulation directed towards them.”

  83. This is for cunninglinguist: Thanks for the translation. You defintely have a skill the government could use

  84. “adam and lewis… are missing us like a kacked shat”

    kack (or cack) means shit. so it probably means they are missed like shit that has been shitted out if that means anything. in any case i’d wager they weren’t missed at all.

    idiot chavs should be neutered.

  85. Two things.
    One, I have a sneaking suspicion Thelonious’ parents named him after famed jazz pianist Thelonious Monk. My heart weeps.
    Two, I had a friend who often referred to having sex as *skronking*. Doing it doggy style was *donkey*. Therefore, doing it doggy-style was refered to as *the Skronky Donkey*. I automatically assumed the Wonky Donkey was some sort of sex position involving Warby’s artifical leg.

  86. Holy.Crap. Those were the most crytpic messages I have ever read in my ENTIRE LIFE. I felt so proud of myself when I deciphered the first one. And because of that elation I felt when figuring it out, I officially can say that these are some of the best examples of some of the stupidest people in the entire world.

  87. My brain hurts trying to convert the text to English. I mean seriously what is:
    “iis iin th3 sh0w3q”
    “ltc b sum bytch”



  89. I just skipped all of those ^ because I couldn’t read it without flinching in pain.

  90. @Najma: Concurred.

  91. @#88 jezzypoo
    I thought the exact same thing when I saw this one

  92. I have absolutely no idea what any of them say… my head hurts from all this bad grammar!

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