I’ll have a go at deciphering this non-sense (it’s a slow day in the office.)
First one) So and so.. Is in the shower. Still got a headache from yesterday, well I don’t know. Maybe I just need to ride solo? I love Destiny Taylor, I think he loves me like he says. And he doesn’t think I love him at all. But hey, I don’t know…..I don’t know I’m tired of this.
Second)I’m not doing that one on general principle.
Third) LTC be some bitch ass n*ggers. Shit cause them n*ggers be trying to knock on my hustle cause now all them n*ggers who be owing me money and shit are about to get to me, so now I got to spend like 20 dollars to meet them and they only owe me like 5 dollars so I dunno if I have enough money to buy you 40s of oe. FUCK LTC FUCK LTC.
I don’t understand, and it makes my head hurt. I had a couple of glasses of wine last night, and my head hurt this morning. My headache went away earlier but due to this brainache post it is now throbbing again. Nurse, the Quaaludes…
@no way. The last line of the first entry is lamer than “I’m tired of this” which would make sense. I’m judging from what I managed to decipher from the post that q’s are r’s (makes sense)So it reads “I’m tired of tears.”
Maybe someone should tell them they aren’t tears, it’s just the water droplets from the showerhead. *sigh*
BTW whoever can decipher the second post deserves a doctorate in Lamer Language Study.
Excellent effort there – I thought the last line of Pørc’s message translated as “But I do know I’m tired of tears” – but that could just be wishful thinking on my part.
As for the second one, I speak a little pidgin Chav myself (to avoid misunderstandings with the peasants) so I’ve attempted to decrypt it. It still makes very little sense, and contains a measure of colloquial gobbledygook that’ll make even the translation hard going for our American friends, but here goes:
Jenna: It’s ok Warby, that left leg of yours is a sick individual, believe me: ask Adam and talk to Frank next time!
How the fuck did you teach it to do that? You wonky donkey, haha!
You can’t blend into the wallpaper now, can you Sponge Bob, eh? Fuck off you weirdo, haha!
Warby’s left leg has a mind of it’s own; BE WARNED, STEP WELL AWAY!
Michael: Haha, very funny Jenna! What are you doing?
Jenna: Well, I’ve just caught my boost (bus?) once again, been arseing about like a blue-arsed fly. I couldn’t catch it though, it was gone in no time, like Jack Flash! I’ve even had Chel’s mum on it, but it needed a wash!
Going to go to Wilkie’s tomorrow, to get you a booster seat you dwarf! Haha – how the devil are you? Haha, I’m at Chel’s. Gib’s took his car back, so I’ll have to get my skates on, ’cause Adam and Lewis need to hear all that bullshit I fed them over again. I think they’re missing us like a Kacked Shat, (WTF?) you know what I mean?
Haha, what are you up to?
I think I might have to go and have a lie down now . . .
I think the first one is crying in the shower because she’s in love with a dude named “Destiny Taylor” and she knows that, with a name like that, he’ll almost certainly be starring in transgender porn within a year, and he’ll forget all about her. It’s a pretty standard unrequited love story, really.
Jenna is speaking of her friend Warby who can do an amzing trick he can do with his leg, and if you don’t believe Jenna, ask Frank or Adam. She goes on to say that Warby is very unique, and that his leg may have amind of it’s own, so you should be warned to stand back when he;s doing his trick.
She replies by saying, she’s been very lazy lately, but has just got a burst of energy, and has been moving very quickly and getting a lot of things done, but not everything she needed to. So she enlisted the help of Chlesea’s Mum, but she couldn’t rectify the situation because the car needed to be washed.
Speaking of the car, I’m going to Wilkies tomorrow to buy a car seat for you, because you are short. How are you? I need to get going soon, because Chelsea gave Tuk his car back, and I need to relay all this information to Adam and Lewis again, because they didn’t believe me the first time, and they need more convincing. Adam and Lewis have been missing us both, wouldn’t you agree? What are you doing later?
For those of you that think that the british all speak like the Grand Moff…
I actually kind of enjoy reading facebook posts like this, could be that i am not from the UK, and don’t mind reading things written in chav…but its fun to put that accent in your head. Me finks dis poss’s propa rad, innit?
@martha- The second post clearly is not ebonics…although you can read the status through an ebonics tone the next post is a dead giveaway that it is closer to cockney….If it were ebonics she would have said ma, mah, my or something that would be conducive with the rest of her speech patterns- i.e. writing fly as fly and time as tyme….the vowel sound of “i” clearly is a long “e” pronunciation. In England, they would say something like “m telephone” in ebonics, it would be “m telephone”
i am still trying to figure out wtf is going on with the first post, though…the only way i can read that is through the voice of Boxxy…
Edit: forgot they allowed tags here…
cockney dialect: M-ee- telephone….ebonics: m-aa- telephone.
given the usage of the same representation of the vowel sound -aa- to be consistent through other parts of the message, it is clear it is -ee-.
Just when you thought the english language could not be mutilated anymore, a generation of abbreviaters have abbreviated so much they have discombobulated majority of the globe. They are getting stronger. The end is near. Repent, for the increase in the abbreviaters cofuzzling powers is yet another sign that the world will end in 2012.
The wonky donkey comment makes me think this person is between 20 and 30 years old. It was very popular around in the late 1990s and early 2000s due to a Saturday tv program called SM:TV that featured a competition which had a mascot of a toy donkey with 1 leg shorter than the others. Hense wonky donkey. Thank you Ant and Dec
Well I’ve just been left with a bunch of questions. Most notably:
Is it fashionable now to exchange q for r?
And if so… fucking WHY?!
Who would name their son Destiny Taylor.
Again, fucking WHY?!
What exactly can Darby Warby do with his left leg?
And would it get him far in the porn industry?
What in hell is a kacked shat?
And as for Thelonious… how come he has the correct “i-o-u” structure in his name, yet types as though “dem niggaz” he’s talking about just beat his brain to a pulp.
I fucken hate these posts – I can read them but its slow and painful and when you reach the end you realise the message was just a fucken pile of Emo dogshit……….. I avoid wasting my time reading this shit, until I find myself faced with a weekend that finds me not doing anything special and Lamebook is not updating…… at this moment I feel compelled to apply the extra effort in deciphering this shit and I always come to the same conclusion – FUCK YOU LAMEBOOK FOR POSTING THIS ABORTION OF A POST!
Taking shot at this (so glad to put my English degree to work in such an honorable manner!):
#1 (Porc) – I am in the shower with a headache and dizziness left over from yesterday. Perhaps I should pursue the single life from now on. I love Destiny Taylor, and I think he loves me like he says. However, he doesn’t think I love him at all. I am really not sure, but I do know that I am tired of crying over him.
#2 – Apparently Jenna has a friend named Warby who can do an insane trick with his left leg and therefore can no longer be a wallflower at social gatherings. Also, one of her friends is very short.
#3 (Thelonius) – A particular gang [Ed. note — mostly likely some form of Crips, perhaps the La Tercera or Loc Town) is giving me some unreasonable crap because they do not appreciate my hustle, and also they owe me money and other materials. Now I must spend approximately $20 to meet them, although they only owe me $5. Therefore, I will not have the funds available to procure 40-ounce (1.183-liter) bottles of Olde English 800 malt liquor.
One, I have a sneaking suspicion Thelonious’ parents named him after famed jazz pianist Thelonious Monk. My heart weeps.
Two, I had a friend who often referred to having sex as *skronking*. Doing it doggy style was *donkey*. Therefore, doing it doggy-style was refered to as *the Skronky Donkey*. I automatically assumed the Wonky Donkey was some sort of sex position involving Warby’s artifical leg.
Holy.Crap. Those were the most crytpic messages I have ever read in my ENTIRE LIFE. I felt so proud of myself when I deciphered the first one. And because of that elation I felt when figuring it out, I officially can say that these are some of the best examples of some of the stupidest people in the entire world.