Thursday, October 7, 2010

Wonderful One-Liners

previous post: Who You KIDdin?

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51 Comments

  1. Katie, I second that.
    And, it’s ke$ha, get with the program (I hate myself a little for that) ;-)

  2. What is it with the mention of rape lately? kind of disturbing

  3. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Katie wins. I think sex in the shower is great too.

  4. how can you have sex in the shower?

    i hate to be all empirical about this, but as i see it there are three positions- on top, doggy, and normal – all of which require a horizontal plane… i’m confused… unless it’s one of those huge fancy walk-in shower closet things, then you could do it on the floor i suppose, because there’s quite a lot of floor space…

    that must be what you mean.

  5. alordslums,

    C’mon, seriously? You’ve never fucked standing up??

  6. Jeeeesus alordy, don’t you make me into a Wallace today. Three positions? I’m hopping on a plane right now to come and teach you the other 50,000.

    Not a fan of ze shower-lovin’ though. My attention span is bad enough as it is, without combining it with my affinity for gravity. Bruising your coccyx in the bathtub during a moment of passion is not the greatest turn-on, lemme tell ya’. And then you spend all your time focusing on making sure it never happens again. So no hot, hot shower-sex for me.

  7. don’t worry june – quest is already wallace.

  8. alordslums – you just drown, but the sex is worth it.

  9. Sigh…as I suspected. My sarcasm radar needs tuning.

  10. THANK YOU KATE.
    It’s SO fucking lame when people are just saying stuff that’s so clearly just an innuendo and doesn’t fucking work with purses. Not that it’s good when they do it right, it’s still fucking nonsensical.

    Is this the second post in a day with the punchline ‘rape victims are the exception’?

    Aaand… hey! Hey, you! Yeah, you! Do you like Justin Bieber? No? Oh, that’s an awful shame. Are you so obsessed with your dislike of a singer who’s target audience CLEARLY isn’t you that you have to spend half your boring fucking life prattling on about how shit you think he is?
    You are?
    Fuck you.

  11. Yes Hobo, we have finally seen an example of a woman on facebook who is not a fücking idiot.
    I suspect there are more, but then this is ‘lamebook’ not ‘smartbook.’ And the purse meme is about as lame as it gets. A fact which I believe we have now established something like three dozen times.

  12. 1. I like Gaga and Ke$ha..auto-tuned or not. Bieber can be assassinated, though.

    2.lolz
    3.And so, on the 3rd day, God made cheese…
    4. Katie, what the fuck do you mean? Seriously..I mean…I DO carry a purse and like to- but no cigar for humor. Can someone explain? Please forgive my fail and ignorance. This is the first time I’ve encountered a joke with a purse that’s meant to have an innuendo.

  13. I feel bad now, think I’m turning bitching-about-the-purse-meme into it’s own meme.

  14. The thing that irritates me more than the purse meme is people randomly putting ‘just sayin’ in the middle of their posts. Yes I know you were just sayin’, I just saw you say it.
    Just sayin’

  15. MsBuzzkillington

    I have heard more people talk about Justin Bieber who “hate” him, than I have heard people who love him talk about him. There’s like 50,000 groups of Justin haters, and 10 groups of Justin loves. Come on now…You aren’t cool for being one of the millions who are Justin bashing.

    Also, I hate to admit this, but I know Grilled Chesus is from Glee. I really, really, REALLY hope that it doesn’t become a thing.

  16. @alord

    “as i see it there are three positions- on top, doggy, and normal”

    Normal? I’m dying over here. Hee hee…”normal”. That’s a good one. Thank you.

  17. Katie FTW. why are the rest of them even there?

  18. @alord

    Shower sex is amazing – no laying down required. All you need is a flexible partner.

    A rubber non-slip mat is a bonus but completely not necessary if you don’t mind a little danger :)

    Find one of those handicap showers with the safety bars and you can have yourself a veritable circus.

  19. I like soapy boobs..

  20. Soapy tit-wanks are wonderful

  21. You can have sex in the frontal plane too.

  22. Does that get you into the mile-high club?

  23. The rubber mat is definitely your friend if you don’t want to run the risk of an awkward hospital story.

    Ladyrisk, you get a pass on the dollar sign thing, since we like ya and all. However, bonus points if you can tell me how to correctly pronounce it that way…

  24. I’m not a big fan of the standing screw. Also, I’ve never had sex in the shower… or in the bath… or in the pool… or in the ocean… or in any body of water, for that matter. For mine, water is a hindrance, not a help. Boring? Oh well.

  25. @wordy

    That doesn’t make you boring, it just makes you a non-aquatic fornicator. While no one gets between your sea legs, I’m sure they don’t care once you make their bed rock. Besides, there are all sorts of things swimming in ocean water that I don’t want joining in on the fun.

  26. On a pool ‘table’ maybe, word… in black knee high leather boots….. and soaped-up boobs?

  27. In my, admittedly limited, experience submerged sex can be awkward and uncomfortable as the natural lubrication gets washed away.

  28. I agree Pedanti with the ‘submerged’ aspect of your comment… the shower’s right-on, though… the light’s always on to boot.

  29. Yes, shower sex seems to work fine. And, mass, your comment at 26 is killing me. I need some alone time now.

  30. @word, I can see where you come from with the hindrance. Me, I’ve never had sex in the shower, but in the pool…the water rushing into orifices adds to the pleasure. Except if it’s too cold and Soup’s gusher goes limp. I shudder to think of sex in rapids or a flood…all that fast powerful water.

    Oh jeez..I just googled purse meme, and one link says “Tell Facebook where you like your purse.

    I guess I didn’t understand it before, and, I posted “I like it up against the wall” and heard crickets. I feel so silly.

  31. Comments, thank you. Don’t get me wrong, I love water. I’m a water sign, after all. I just prefer not to have sex in it.

    mass, yes, I would do that.

    oldgit, … gets washed away. True that.

  32. Keona, I’ll take you word for it.

  33. Sweet, word.. pencil me in for Friday.

    *books flight*

  34. Sweet, mass… you’re penned in.

    *buffs boots*

  35. Bah, mass booked the last seat; how’s about a word-on-the-table-wish-you-were-here picture postcard? :)

  36. If Comments gets a postcard, I want one too.

  37. Postcards … all around!!

    Happy belated birthday junebug.!

  38. Postcards? Nah. We’ll have a movie night. You’re all invited.

  39. Will the dvd be in my local ‘special-interest’ video emporium?

  40. Awesome.. little nervous though, haven’t been on film in a while.

    *waxes*

  41. The funniest line I read here this week.. ” Your mother sucks cocks in hell”

    I just wanted to mention that as I stalker-off for 4 days.

    I look forward to seeing you all .. actually if my Mom’s Vic20 is on-line I might, before long.

  42. I’m a little concerned that Soup hasn’t been magically summoned by all this rampant perversity. I’d have thought it would be like saying Candyman 5 times in the mirror.
    I hope he/she/it is feeling ok

  43. I’m not 100% on how to pronounce ‘$’, I just think of it like ‘the artist formerly known as prince’ and try to avoid saying her name aloud.

  44. Bye, mass. I lust you.

  45. Also I’m pretty sure if you say her name correctly she’ll appear in a cloud of chalk dust, kill you and raid your liqueur cabinet.

  46. thank you mass#37 :) I will consider the video my present from you both.

    ladyrisk, you have to say her name three times.

  47. I’m just going to go ahead and post this for everyone as confused as I was about Katie.

    After some pondering.. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is an annoying Breast Cancer Awareness thing going around again, but this time instead of the color of your bra it has something to do with where you like to put your purse.

    Katie doesn’t have a purse. She’s a sleaze, not a tease.

  48. the previous owners of our house must have liked it in the shower as well, how else could the two glass walls and the glass door get cracked!

  49. Rape jokes are so lame. They’re no wins.

  50. I’m not really a fan of Bieber, Ke$ha, or Gaga, either, but I certainly don’t wish for their assassination.. goodness.

  51. @wordy

    Movie night it is :)

    @ladyrisk

    That was seven shades of awesome.

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