Monday, April 5, 2010

Wins to Start the Week

previous post: Monday PhoDOHs

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44 Comments

  1. most of these were pretty weak, but Andrew’s is a good one.

    BEN!

  2. Andrew FTW, but that immortal jellyfish is badass. I want one.

  3. Fraser’s sucked. Virginia is for lovers, biotch.

  4. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Michael “tossed salad” for the win. you can’t expect to toss a salad without poisoning.

  5. MonkeyCMonkeyDo

    Hmm… eh

  6. i wish more guys were as considerate as brandon and his friends.

  7. Tossed salad was stupid, as were all but Andrew’s and Nathaniel’s comments. What is HAPPENING to lamebook?!?!?

  8. If Scott would’ve stopped after “my penis does that”, then he’d be the winner here. As it stands, it’s mediocre.

    When you start your humping… and approach your cum dumping
    Don’t be all crazy, just cuz you’re lazy
    Pull out of that hole, to avoid creating another soul
    That you’ll regret forever, ties you can’t sever.
    She’ll be pregnant and fat, no one wants that.
    If it DOES happen, it’s not over cap’n! (crunch)
    You don’t want 12 babies like some sort of hick, just wait till she sleeps and punch her stomach.
    Or if you don’t care, there’s always the stairs.
    My motto’s always been “If you do bang her, remember the coat hanger.”

    Or you could be smart… from the very start
    and you could think ahead far and aim for her brown star.
    That’s right… don’t be a tool, just cum in her stool!
    I mean if you don’t want a baby…uh…avoid her labia!

  9. I like how Fraser combined a poor grasp of etymology with a poor grasp on reality.

  10. mcowles- my fiance and i actually joke about this. he’ll pretend to punch me in the stomach and then say “abort!” or i’ll be at the top of the stairs and he acts like he’s going to push me and says “abort!”. we both laugh. one of these days, we’re going to accidently do this in public and probably get a lot of stares and offend hella people. we’re weird.

  11. oh yeah, i’m not pregnant btw just to clarify.

  12. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    AH
    AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH
    “mcowles- my fiance and i actually joke about this. he’ll pretend to punch me in the stomach and then say “abort!” or i’ll be at the top of the stairs and he acts like he’s going to push me and says “abort!”. we both laugh. one of these days, we’re going to accidently do this in public and probably get a lot of stares and offend hella people. we’re weird.”

    *BRANDON FTW!

  13. whoa, for a second I thought Matea was malteaser… and the months of holding back finally got to him, and he snapped.

    @virgo79 – Does he use two fists to “punch you in the stomach”, kind of like a defibrillator, when he says “abort!”? It’s cool either way, just curious.

    My ex used to stab my testicles with a steak knife and say “vasectomy!”, so I know where you’re coming from.

  14. I’m missing the tossed salad joke. Bagged salad actually is infamous for causing food poisoning.

    I know I’m going to be proven totally naive on not knowing what it is, which is why I mention it. Educate me.

  15. @Douchetastic – A tossed salad is a sexual act involving one person … licking (a lot) a second person’s anus.

    A “Rusty Trombone” is the combination of a tossed salad (with the licking kneeling behind the standing receiver) with a reach around included.

  16. lame lamebook postings these days followed by jokes of abortion and spouce abuse… funny, funny stuff

    james – not funny
    scott – trying way to Hard
    michael – actually funny
    kathy – just came out all lame, not funny
    fraser – just stupid
    andrew – ftw
    brandon and co – yippie, you learned to rhyme sexual terms… congrats, you have passed 2nd grade
    nathaniel – eh, more of an ass than funny

  17. lol… Douchetastic debating the health of different salads, hahaha

    tossed sald! oh you in some shit now

  18. Ok now I wish I hadn’t asked… ;)

  19. Hey I wasn’t debating, I was truly confused, I’d never heard the term before. *lol*

  20. Wait… what exactly is a “bagged salad”? That sounds hot. And the fact that it’s infamous for causing food poisoning? Wow… I gotta try that shit out.

    Just from the name I’m assuming it’s a rocking motion that alternates between a teabag and a tossed salad. Educate me, please.

  21. mcowles- no he only uses one fist but he’s pretty strong so i think it work with just one. our stairs are pretty narrow with a cement wall on one side so that would definitely work.

  22. *Girls giggling in a locker room*
    Girl 1: Oh yeah? My man is so strong, he could bench press me over his head!
    Girl 2: Oh yeah?? MY man is so strong, he once beat up 3 guys in a bar fight!
    Girl 3: That’s nothing! MY man is so strong, he could easily abort my fetus with just one fist to my stomach!

    Girl 1 and Girl 2: Ooooooh. How big is his crank?

  23. james made me chuckle and that was it. the rest were ok but not great. todays lamebook posts weren’t stellar but whatev. i figure it’s like the economy. it can’t always be awesome.

  24. mcowles, you’re the reason that i got to laugh today. thanks for stepping up buddy.

  25. mcowles- you are AWESOME. i’m glad there’s nobody on here today that’s easily offended. that would really kill the mood.

  26. @virgo79

    I agree… it’s obvious that we (at least I) aren’t planning to really do these heinous acts, haha.

    Don’t be heinous, aim for the anus.

    Slimjayz hates me for rhyming sex terms :( .

  27. I could never hate you mccowles… just think you are lame :o lol… make that bitch cry and nut in her eye

    and speaking of teabags… this older african guy in the office had a toothache and an older indian guy told him to use a teabag in between his teeth and they were debating and joking about how the teabag goes in and if you should hang the string out… so hard to not bust out laughing

  28. @ mcowles & slimjayz LMAO!!!!

  29. @ mcowles, thanks for defining tossed salad above… although my interpretation was also lewd – at least in British English. To toss (off) means to jack off, so I thought maybe Michael had tossed off into Matthew’s salad…

  30. Awww slimjayz! You do tolerate me! You do!

    Haha, I love when people use common sexual terms in everyday conversation. My uncle once thought “dirty sanchez” was just a derogatory term for Mexican people.

  31. mcowles locker room conversation deserves its own blog entry for recognition. That was awesome. *lol* There should be a Hall of Lamebook Comment Fame.

  32. hahaha, mcowles would have his own wing. He always wins.

  33. douchetastic- i agree. they definitely need a Hall of Lamebook Comment Fame.

  34. @Douchetastic: Don’t worry I was about to come ask ‘maybe he really means tossed salad?’ too :P

    I’d never heard ‘tossed salad’ being used for that. And that happens a lot to me on here…

    Lamebook teaches me so much I never knew I didn’t want to know xD

  35. mcowles, you made my day…multiple times throughout lamebook this afternoon. I think I’m in love.

  36. @ slimjayz that was hilarious. Reminds me of when I had to explain to the women on my team at work what teabagging means. haha.

  37. Kathy and Nasri were pretty funny too. :)

  38. heavilyunbroken

    Fraser’s comment reminded me of this photo:

    http://www.tabloidprodigy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/virginiaplate.jpg

    The fact that I live in Virginia and will be attending the University of Virginia in the fall just makes me fully appreciate my state’s contradictory name.

  39. @Frankie83

    As was my intention :) .

  40. @ 2. nuff: The jellyfish or the penis? :)

  41. I applaud your skills Sophie.

    It would be anatomically very difficult to fill oneself with 2 toblerones.
    One is hard enough.
    Those pointy bits can very troublesome on the way in.

    Just so you all know.

  42. lol

  43. HOW IS IT THAT NO ONE ELSE’S MINDS ARE COMPLETELY BLOWN AT THIS JELLY FISH?

  44. brandon wins at life.
    and the jellyfish comes in with a close second

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