After my grandfather got a titanium hip replacement, he would inevitably set off the metal detectors in airports. One time, even though he showed them the card that cleared him as having a titanium hip, they still insisted on strip-searching him. He pointed to a young lady and said, “Only if that pretty little thing over there does it.” They let him through without a word.
#4 – actually, they were right. “[name] and I” is the grammatically correct version, the language has just been twisted so much and often over the years by people getting it consistently wrong and not being corrected that it has been forgotten. I was glad to see someone using proper English for once.
The rest of these wins (apart from the second) made me laugh, though I feel sorry for the ginger – nobody chooses to be ginge, you literally can’t buy the dye for it.
Me vs. I. Use I when you are the subject of the sentence, use me when you are the object. In Anna’s sentence she and Maya are the objects of the sentence therefor she should have in fact used “me” instead of “I.” Simple litmus test: remove the other person’s name and see how it goes. In this case: “…random guy to I at the airport” Sorry. No good.
@Soulman88, interestingly enough your comment that “Jenuvere and I are in agreement.” is the corect form. Because you and Jenuvere are the subjects in that sentence. But @jukaswo is correct that Anna was incorrect becuase Anna and Maya were the objects in that particular sentence.
Firstly, I’m amused you spelt my name wrong in a comment about grammer…secondly, as far as I know, speaking the Queen’s Engligh, in England, with a pretty darn good grade in the subject throughout education, I was never taught to use “and me”, always “and I” regardless of the context. Perhaps in America it’s different. Perhaps I wasn’t taught correctly. Either way, it doesn’t matter, because the original post up there is a hilarious airport shenannigan
@Jenivere, grammAr and spelling are different things…
I am also from England, but have definitely not been taught to use “I” in all situations ’cause that’s not how it works, “I” and “me” show the Subject vs. Object distinction. Our lecturer had a rather long rant about it in a syntax seminar the other day so it definitely isn’t the standard in England!
Loved most of these, but I do wonder what Ted’s friend meant by the second hole in a vagina though!
@xians421, perhaps his was stainless steel? This would have been probably 15 years ago. I think Grandma’s new hip is titanium. Or maybe not. Shit. All’s I know is the hip was replaced and it set off metal detectors. And Grandaddy was a flirt till the end.
I believe that Jenivere could have been taught wrong, as I have had 2 teachers, that taught always “and I” never “and me”. They were of course wrong, and luckily the majority of my teachers had not previously had lobotomies. So all is good, and the first one FTW. Wow, I am starting to think, and type like a Lamebooker. o.O
Jenivere, I just registered to say you are a ferociously pompous spastic with a shit name. Your attempt to correct someone who had previously corrected the grammar of the original post was bad enough, but to then get all high and mighty and spell such words as “shenanigan”, “grammar”, and, best of all, “English”, was just the icing on a spectacular cake crafted from the finest fail.
I’ve often pondered the question of sexing one’s own clone. I have no problem with it being gay. If you’re into it, you’re into it, right? Why judge yourself. The question I have is whether it would be incest or masturbation. Are you really having sex with yourself, or is it more like having sex with your identical twin? These are the things that occupy my mind…
@ Jenivere, I do apologise for the typo, and am in turn amused that you misspelled grammar whilst correcting my spelling of your name. I was beaten with a large stick and great force every time I uttered the word ‘me’ unless it was in a sentence such as ‘It belongs to me’ or ‘Me no speakie Anglesi’.
EmKitteh is probably right. But I don’t know. I would use [name] and I by default if it sounds right…
Soup, are you a Raelian? Hang on, are you talking about cloning because someone mentioned Me vs. I? That’s awesome! I’m serious. I just found out Asimov posited that only males could make a clone of them that’s the opposite sex due to the fact that a female would have to get the Y chromosome from somewhere else… At least then it is masturbation, and probably incest, but not gay. True story. I love the internets.
Maybe the British Hobo/ette thing is further evidence of this. Maybe.
Maybe I’m jealous that bunbags simply registered to tell Jenivere that they make cakes that taste like faeces when they try to be clever. Can’t someone register just to tell me this entry sucks digressive donkey balls? Current members notwithstanding. Or do I need a clone?
When I type fast, I make tiny spelling mistakes. So sue me, I’m not killing myself over it even if a stranger did register themselves on a site just to tell me to do so. And I don’t see how you can talk with a name like “bunbags” anyway. I wasn’t on any form of horse just amused by what appeared to me to be a double mistake, a correction of something I read to be right first time.
Perhaps I was taught wrong, but if for all your life you were taught the world was flat, how could you believe any different?
I just found it amusing when it seemed like someone corrected something with no need to. It turned into an argument. Nobody really cares except some douche who had to hop off their own high horse to register for the sheer sake of posting a slanderous and hate filled message. I made an honest mistake, but at least I’m not a complete loser I thank you and goodnight
I’m having a most pleasurable geekgasm over the grammar arguments! I, for one, actually ENJOY seeing corrections of public displays of poor grammar.
It seems to me that if good grades in school were not enough motivation to learn correct use of one’s native language, then perhaps public shaming, and repeated correction by annoyed, snarky strangers will do the trick. That is, if one has not already bothered to reach out into the learning opportunities the interets can freely provide.
Additionally, I believe the real humor on this site now comes from the comments, and it’s widely accepted that a successful entertainer must generally be smarter than their audience.
So, in conclusion I say if you a) complain about lamebook not being funny any longer, or b) can’t use proper grammar and spelling you should GTFO. Small mistakes are fine, and usually ignored. Egregious ones are like blood in the water.
PS @DivineMonkeyTrigger, @Soup, @EmKitteh, @bunbags, and ESPECIALLY @MightyMorphineShowerStranger
I adore you with a deep, soulless pseudo affection that could only be found in this one-dimensional, uber-judgmental cyber world. Carry on, you magnificent sons of bitches!
PPS Shouldn’t have had that 3rd Bloody Mary at brunch before perusing the lamebook. Seems to have made me a bit loquacious.
Hmmm, if you were always taught that the earth was flat, how could you believe any different. Well, there were these guys called Aristotle, Pythagoras, Copernicus and others who were taught that the earth was flat but they used their brains to figure out the contrary, so I guess that argument is moot. Just saying.
Thankyou. I adore adoration, whatever form it takes.
@Jenivere and soulman — FAIL! (Especially soulman.)
Thanks, emkitteh, for the validation.
Anna and Maya are the objects in that sentence, therefore “me” would be correct, not “I.” If Maya wasn’t there, and the man made the sexual comment to Anna, alone, the sentence would not be “random guy to I.” No, it would be “random guy to ME.”
Jenivere, I’m glad you addressed how the language has become so twisted, because this is precisely why so many people think “I” is to be used no matter the context. WhenEVER the first person is the object, the correct term is me. (“Myself” is the exception.)
soulman, you attempt to put me in my place, but your attempt is, again, a fail, and just made you look stupid.
Maybe that was the wrong analogy…perhaps it’s more realistic to say that if you were taught to end every sentence with the word “arse”, and corrected any time you didn’t, you wouldn’t know any better but to everyone else you would still be talking a load of arse.
Jenivere – when I moved on to A level English I was taught that “so and so and I” is incorrect due to the object and subject mentioned earlier. When I tried to explain this to my parents I was told without a shadow of a doubt that I was wrong as they’d been taught that it was right. I have no idea which one is really right but in my bones I feel that “Maya and I” is wrong, it just feels very clumsy to say. That said…I failed my English A level.
you got ur wish. I’ve been reading this site for months and never joined, but “digressive donkey balls” was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
BTW I think all these are wins except the black powers one.
And yes @Miss Shegas I also believe the true wins on this site are the comments.
“Last time i checked, the world had more important issues,” said the LAMEBOOK poster.” That’s what I thought!
Thank God, DB took time out of his very busy schedule of dealing with the world’s important issues to give us this little treat…
Dukey Smoothy Buns, you made my day. Thank you, this is true affirmation (No offence Shegas, looks like we’re mutually in each other’s cool books).
I personally thought the hyper pretentious Seneca quote would have been the tonne of straw that broke the llama’s hump and stirred the masses into a cyber lynching, but NO way was i gonna bother with getting into grammar wars. (Did I spell gonna right…? Anyone!?)
malteaser. You really want to be called a toolbelt, but I won’t sate your masochistic need to troll and cop abuse. I suggest you ought hang out on the wrong side of a glory hole, should muffle your incessant “laughing out loud” disorder.