Saturday, March 6, 2010

Wins for the Weekend

previous post: More Fantastic Fans

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83 Comments

  1. ULTIMATE WINS! I love the first one the most.

  2. Haha, I like Mary. That sounds like something I would say.

  3. THESE WERE AWESOME! except for the black powers one, that one wasn’t really funny.

  4. I know it’s beside the point, but… “to Maya and ME,” not “I.”
    There, I feel better now. (And Ted’s friends freakin’ rule.)

  5. These are pretty mediocre. I mean, the first one is okay, and the second to last, but the rest are bland.

  6. @britishhobette disagree. These were hilarious.

  7. Loved the first one! I need to remember that next time I fly…

  8. JacksSmirkingRevenge

    Haha I thought these were hilarious! Love Ted’s friends.

  9. After my grandfather got a titanium hip replacement, he would inevitably set off the metal detectors in airports. One time, even though he showed them the card that cleared him as having a titanium hip, they still insisted on strip-searching him. He pointed to a young lady and said, “Only if that pretty little thing over there does it.” They let him through without a word.

  10. I’m going on a flight next month…

    The ginger ones always crack me up!

  11. #4 – actually, they were right. “[name] and I” is the grammatically correct version, the language has just been twisted so much and often over the years by people getting it consistently wrong and not being corrected that it has been forgotten. I was glad to see someone using proper English for once.

    The rest of these wins (apart from the second) made me laugh, though I feel sorry for the ginger – nobody chooses to be ginge, you literally can’t buy the dye for it.

  12. @Jenivere Actually, it’s “[name] and me”. You wouldn’t say “Give that to I.”

  13. Wouldn’t be nice if FB give us a “that’s what she said” button?

  14. Jenivere and I are in agreement. This is the grammatically correct form. And it’s amusing that you went ‘beside the point’ to correct already correct grammar and in effect missed the point completely.

  15. It would be more terrible for that ginger to wake up and remember his name was Ashley…

  16. Soulman & Jenivere – do you have a reference for that? I was taught that the sentence should still make sense if you took the other person out of it. If ‘he said it to Maya and me’, then he could have ‘said it to me’.
    http://www.askoxford.com/asktheexperts/faq/aboutgrammar/meandi?view=uk
    http://hubpages.com/hub/Grammar_Mishaps__I_versus_Me

  17. @Triceratops – What’s wrong with his name being Ashley?

  18. These are pretty mediocre. I mean, the first one is okay, and the second to last, but the rest are bland.

    Wait, shit! Who am I? :O

  19. Who are you?

  20. LOL @ Desolation Row. Fantastic idea! :)

  21. I don’t know anymore. :’(

  22. MightyMorphineShowerStranger

    Me vs. I. Use I when you are the subject of the sentence, use me when you are the object. In Anna’s sentence she and Maya are the objects of the sentence therefor she should have in fact used “me” instead of “I.” Simple litmus test: remove the other person’s name and see how it goes. In this case: “…random guy to I at the airport” Sorry. No good.

    @Soulman88, interestingly enough your comment that “Jenuvere and I are in agreement.” is the corect form. Because you and Jenuvere are the subjects in that sentence. But @jukaswo is correct that Anna was incorrect becuase Anna and Maya were the objects in that particular sentence.

    Clear as mud? Me can be confusing sometimes.

  23. Thank you MMSS!! I had nearly the same discussion with a class two weeks ago.

  24. Firstly, I’m amused you spelt my name wrong in a comment about grammer…secondly, as far as I know, speaking the Queen’s Engligh, in England, with a pretty darn good grade in the subject throughout education, I was never taught to use “and me”, always “and I” regardless of the context. Perhaps in America it’s different. Perhaps I wasn’t taught correctly. Either way, it doesn’t matter, because the original post up there is a hilarious airport shenannigan

  25. Jeez…. with friends like Mary, who needs enemies?

  26. That was a disappointing “That’s what she said!” joke.

  27. Oh my god. The Grammar Police piss me off!! Get a fucking life. Last time i checked, the world had more important issues.

  28. @Jenivere, grammAr and spelling are different things…

    I am also from England, but have definitely not been taught to use “I” in all situations ’cause that’s not how it works, “I” and “me” show the Subject vs. Object distinction. Our lecturer had a rather long rant about it in a syntax seminar the other day so it definitely isn’t the standard in England!

    Loved most of these, but I do wonder what Ted’s friend meant by the second hole in a vagina though!

  29. Ugh I hated coming across as a grammar nazi there but I just couldn’t leave it as a US vs. UK English thing

  30. Jukaswo is right, deltaquadboi is right, MightyMorphineShowerStranger is right, Elliewa is right, Jenivere is wrong, and soulman88 managed to be both right and wrong at the same time.

    It’s “[name] and I” for the subject, “[name] and me” for the object. But then, hardly anyone these days even understands subject/verb/object anyway. I weep for our language.

  31. @ Anna: Titanium is non-ferrous and as such, does not ring the bell at the airport. Your friend must have some iron in there somewhere.

  32. @xians421, perhaps his was stainless steel? This would have been probably 15 years ago. I think Grandma’s new hip is titanium. Or maybe not. Shit. All’s I know is the hip was replaced and it set off metal detectors. And Grandaddy was a flirt till the end.

  33. The first and last are awesome. And “and me” is correct, just in case we hadn’t established that solidly enough.

  34. I believe that Jenivere could have been taught wrong, as I have had 2 teachers, that taught always “and I” never “and me”. They were of course wrong, and luckily the majority of my teachers had not previously had lobotomies. So all is good, and the first one FTW. Wow, I am starting to think, and type like a Lamebooker. o.O

  35. @ Donnie Brasco

    “Last time i checked, the world had more important issues,” said the LAMEBOOK poster.

  36. I would just like to point out the stupid fucking advertisement right next to the lamebook logo that says PREV NEXT and MORE that leads you to a different site.

    Do not like.

  37. Jenivere, I just registered to say you are a ferociously pompous spastic with a shit name. Your attempt to correct someone who had previously corrected the grammar of the original post was bad enough, but to then get all high and mighty and spell such words as “shenanigan”, “grammar”, and, best of all, “English”, was just the icing on a spectacular cake crafted from the finest fail.

    Kill yourself, tbf.

  38. stupid lamebook, be more funny.

  39. UncreativeUsername

    oh my god, i laughed out loud for almost all of them

  40. I remember when lamebook was actually lame. These are just your everyday assholes making a funny. COME ON.

  41. I recently cloned myself, so me and I always wonder about the proper way to to describe our activities. Like, I’ll fuck me, but I won’t let me fuck me. That would be gay. But I disagrees.

  42. I’ve been reading this site for months, and I just made an account for the sole purpose of letting Soup know that that was one of the most fantastic things I’ve ever read on lamebook.

    Also, grammar Nazis rule and Jenivere is Frodo.

  43. @Soup

    I’ve often pondered the question of sexing one’s own clone. I have no problem with it being gay. If you’re into it, you’re into it, right? Why judge yourself. The question I have is whether it would be incest or masturbation. Are you really having sex with yourself, or is it more like having sex with your identical twin? These are the things that occupy my mind…

  44. @ Jenivere, I do apologise for the typo, and am in turn amused that you misspelled grammar whilst correcting my spelling of your name. I was beaten with a large stick and great force every time I uttered the word ‘me’ unless it was in a sentence such as ‘It belongs to me’ or ‘Me no speakie Anglesi’.
    EmKitteh is probably right. But I don’t know. I would use [name] and I by default if it sounds right…

  45. DivineMonkeyTrigger

    Soup, are you a Raelian? Hang on, are you talking about cloning because someone mentioned Me vs. I? That’s awesome! I’m serious. I just found out Asimov posited that only males could make a clone of them that’s the opposite sex due to the fact that a female would have to get the Y chromosome from somewhere else… At least then it is masturbation, and probably incest, but not gay. True story. I love the internets.
    Maybe the British Hobo/ette thing is further evidence of this. Maybe.
    Maybe I’m jealous that bunbags simply registered to tell Jenivere that they make cakes that taste like faeces when they try to be clever. Can’t someone register just to tell me this entry sucks digressive donkey balls? Current members notwithstanding. Or do I need a clone?

  46. fuck arguing over spellling and grammar. this isn’t an english lesson guys, its the fucking internet

  47. @Soup
    I still can’t get the AIDS/mashed bananas thing out of my mind. You are a genius.

  48. also, i just noticed that an extra l crept into spelling. do i give a shit? no. for all you know, some of these people who misspell things could have dyslexia and you’re just being an insensitive twat

    not that lamebook typohs aren’t funny, there’s plenty of ironic ones, especially when people are complaining about how shitty their clarses are, but pedantic bitching in comments is boring

  49. DivineMonkeyTrigger

    donsimon, you’ll never slap a saddle on that pony. Just give up now.

    “It is the superfluous things for which men sweat.” – Seneca.

  50. @soulman88: Unfortunately, “if it sounds right” is how millions of kids are taught grammar nowadays. Yeah, that’s working out very well for all of us.

    My 5th grade teacher taught us to drop the other person’s name in order to figure out whether “I” or “me” is correct in the sentence. That pretty much works every time.

    No, it’s not “always I”, and any teacher who teaches that needs to be fired immediately. :)

  51. When I type fast, I make tiny spelling mistakes. So sue me, I’m not killing myself over it even if a stranger did register themselves on a site just to tell me to do so. And I don’t see how you can talk with a name like “bunbags” anyway. I wasn’t on any form of horse just amused by what appeared to me to be a double mistake, a correction of something I read to be right first time.

    Perhaps I was taught wrong, but if for all your life you were taught the world was flat, how could you believe any different?

    I just found it amusing when it seemed like someone corrected something with no need to. It turned into an argument. Nobody really cares except some douche who had to hop off their own high horse to register for the sheer sake of posting a slanderous and hate filled message. I made an honest mistake, but at least I’m not a complete loser :) I thank you and goodnight

  52. Jenivere, I know you’re not talking only to me, but the only people I blame are the teachers who teach the incorrectness, not the students. They’re the ones who should know better.

    I have to admit, though, that I found it hilarious that someone actually made the effort to register simply to write out a douchey diatribe.

  53. Dorothy Mantooth

    I personaly feel that it should be, ‘[Name] and shut the fuck up no-one cares’. Thanks.

  54. For once, I laughed because I found them genuinely funny, not because of how pathetic they were.
    Good on ya, lamebook!

  55. I’m having a most pleasurable geekgasm over the grammar arguments! I, for one, actually ENJOY seeing corrections of public displays of poor grammar.

    It seems to me that if good grades in school were not enough motivation to learn correct use of one’s native language, then perhaps public shaming, and repeated correction by annoyed, snarky strangers will do the trick. That is, if one has not already bothered to reach out into the learning opportunities the interets can freely provide.

    Additionally, I believe the real humor on this site now comes from the comments, and it’s widely accepted that a successful entertainer must generally be smarter than their audience.

    So, in conclusion I say if you a) complain about lamebook not being funny any longer, or b) can’t use proper grammar and spelling you should GTFO. Small mistakes are fine, and usually ignored. Egregious ones are like blood in the water.

    PS @DivineMonkeyTrigger, @Soup, @EmKitteh, @bunbags, and ESPECIALLY @MightyMorphineShowerStranger
    I adore you with a deep, soulless pseudo affection that could only be found in this one-dimensional, uber-judgmental cyber world. Carry on, you magnificent sons of bitches!

    PPS Shouldn’t have had that 3rd Bloody Mary at brunch before perusing the lamebook. Seems to have made me a bit loquacious.

  56. Is it only acceptable to take the effort to register if you plan on being douchey on a regular basis? Some people just don’t have that kind of time!!

  57. @Miss Sehgas, is it okay if I only fill one of your two criteria? Because I don’t know what the hell this comments argument is about, I didn’t bother to read it, but it bored me half to death.

  58. Chinchillazilla

    Jenivere certainly taught I a lesson about grammar.

  59. Hmmm, if you were always taught that the earth was flat, how could you believe any different. Well, there were these guys called Aristotle, Pythagoras, Copernicus and others who were taught that the earth was flat but they used their brains to figure out the contrary, so I guess that argument is moot. Just saying.

    @Miss Shegas

    Thankyou. I adore adoration, whatever form it takes.

  60. @Jenivere and soulman — FAIL! (Especially soulman.)

    Thanks, emkitteh, for the validation.

    Anna and Maya are the objects in that sentence, therefore “me” would be correct, not “I.” If Maya wasn’t there, and the man made the sexual comment to Anna, alone, the sentence would not be “random guy to I.” No, it would be “random guy to ME.”

    Jenivere, I’m glad you addressed how the language has become so twisted, because this is precisely why so many people think “I” is to be used no matter the context. WhenEVER the first person is the object, the correct term is me. (“Myself” is the exception.)

    soulman, you attempt to put me in my place, but your attempt is, again, a fail, and just made you look stupid.

  61. Miss Shegas: Why don’t YOU GTFO? We’re just having fun here. Wow.

  62. Fuck me, myself and I. I’m with you, Mr. B. Hobo.

  63. Dizzy_Ballerina

    heeeyyyy!!! Whose underwear is up their butt? Not mine cuz I am not wearing any!!!!!!

  64. None of them were funny 2 me…ugh I should REALLY shoot myself for waiting all day to use the computer for these bogus posts.

  65. Gussy, Scarlet, Ashley, and Ted.
    Get together, fuck each other’s brains out, and put an end to all your pathetic personal pity parties ok.
    And that’s an order!

  66. Maybe that was the wrong analogy…perhaps it’s more realistic to say that if you were taught to end every sentence with the word “arse”, and corrected any time you didn’t, you wouldn’t know any better but to everyone else you would still be talking a load of arse.

    I bid thee all a good morrow.

  67. Me giv up. me akchully dunt giv a tos bout gramer newayZZ.

    I did just realise, however, that to start a sentence “Random guy to…” is probably not that grammatically correct either.

  68. I take that last comment back after re-reading the initial post (just shows how far from the topic in hand we actually are).

  69. Jenivere – when I moved on to A level English I was taught that “so and so and I” is incorrect due to the object and subject mentioned earlier. When I tried to explain this to my parents I was told without a shadow of a doubt that I was wrong as they’d been taught that it was right. I have no idea which one is really right but in my bones I feel that “Maya and I” is wrong, it just feels very clumsy to say. That said…I failed my English A level.

    Ginger jokes aren’t funny, really

  70. “Maya and I”. Who is this girl? Master Joda?

  71. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    @DivineMonkeyTrigger
    you got ur wish. I’ve been reading this site for months and never joined, but “digressive donkey balls” was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
    BTW I think all these are wins except the black powers one.

    And yes @Miss Shegas I also believe the true wins on this site are the comments.

  72. Jenivere has a massive bucket fanny.

  73. poor gingers.

  74. @35 danetta

    “@ Donnie Brasco

    “Last time i checked, the world had more important issues,” said the LAMEBOOK poster.” That’s what I thought! :D
    Thank God, DB took time out of his very busy schedule of dealing with the world’s important issues to give us this little treat…

    @15 Triceratops

    I think so, too…

  75. I have to wonder if it’s really any more trivial to care about proper grammar than it is to be posting on lamebook to begin with. World’s important issues be damned! ;)

  76. I want to go to happy hour with Ted’s friends! It sounds like it would be a blast!

  77. Jenivere and soulman certainly taught chinchillazilla and I a lesson about grammar.

  78. DivineMonkeyTrigger

    Dukey Smoothy Buns, you made my day. Thank you, this is true affirmation (No offence Shegas, looks like we’re mutually in each other’s cool books).

    I personally thought the hyper pretentious Seneca quote would have been the tonne of straw that broke the llama’s hump and stirred the masses into a cyber lynching, but NO way was i gonna bother with getting into grammar wars. (Did I spell gonna right…? Anyone!?)

    Last.

  79. lol

  80. DivineMonkeyTrigger

    malteaser. You really want to be called a toolbelt, but I won’t sate your masochistic need to troll and cop abuse. I suggest you ought hang out on the wrong side of a glory hole, should muffle your incessant “laughing out loud” disorder.

    I’m last. Got it?

    (Bored at work)

    Last.

  81. Not any more.

  82. DivineMonkeyTrigger

    Damn, that’s cheeky. Next time shanar, next time…
    My friend rang me to tell me I’d been knocked off the bottom spot.

    This one’s for you Jord!
    Turns out it’s easier to be first.

    LAST!

  83. emkitteh has got it hands down soup you’re amazing what does “soandso is Frodo” mean? don’t you love how effed up my runon sentences with no punctuation are huh huh confused yet good kthxbai

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