Friday, July 27, 2012

What’s Your Super Power?

previous post: Meet Cedric

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105 Comments

  1. velocirrobeeerrr…

  2. After making an ass out of myself, both because of the velocirrobeeerrr thing and because I’m still at work this late on Friday, I should say that I like Gerry.

  3. I fucked Alisha.

  4. “volicirobber” is as fake as TI000.

    so let’s get FOOTLOOSE!!! come on, my worm brethren!!!

  5. lame..

  6. bathsaltsheba uses Trojan Condoms. It’s super effective.

  7. hootie the blowfish

    So I went and checked out “Proud Single Mother” on Facebook because I wanted to check out the stupid women I’m sure were flipping out at Gerry, and … oh my god, what a bunch of morons. I actually never found this particular post, but the comments below the ones I did see were horribly depressing. I feel sorry for the children many (not all) of these “proud” mothers.

  8. ANAL SEX!

  9. NOT being a single parent!

  10. ^for EVERYONE!

  11. ^#8

  12. wait, that’s not any more of a superpower than being a solo mum is.

    but it isn’t as fucking depressing.

  13. Pulling out is how all the single parents I know got to be that way (apparently no one understands how cum works these days). So his superpower is not realizing that pulling out isn’t birth control?

    Whatever, people who think they are special because they do/do not have kids are retards – you are not special in either case.

  14. Having sex in general is how they became a parent, being a total bitch that nobody can stand to be with is how they became a SINGLE parent.

  15. I can get out of bed half an hour before I need to leave the house for work.. that’s my super power.

    And Fakenfake, feel free to have all the unprotected anal sex you want. See how that works out for ya!

  16. nopers: If pulling out isn’t birth control, then how come I used that method with one person successfully multiple times a day for a year? Apparently you’re the one who doesn’t know how cum works.

    Modern day thinking: “Sex without condom one time = pregnancy and AIDS.”

    I’m not saying using birth control or STD protection is a bad idea, because it’s not, I’m just sick of the constant vilification of the (highly effective within proper use) withdrawal method.

  17. ^In regards to your first question: blokes can’t actually get pregnant… no matter how hard you fuck ‘em.

    You’re welcome.

  18. @crane: Okay, just because it worked for you and that person doesn’t mean it’s an effective method of birth control. I live in the south where this “method” is used all the time (because Texans are retarded and think it works) and there are a TON of single parents running around here. Granted, this is also because of our stupid abstinence-only teachings, but still. I was with a guy for a year and a half and I was never on birth control and I never got pregnant, but it turns out that his age had rendered him sterile. This doesn’t mean that I could do the same thing with another person and get the same results.

    Here’s some info for ya (because, really, it’s all over the Internet and there are many, many studies that you can read yourself from people who actually do these studies for a living): Withdrawal (“Pulling Out”)produces 27 pregnancies out of 100 women, which means it’s considered less effective, not highly effective. High effective which would be 1 or 2 pregnancies out of 100 women. And there’s no reason that Planned Parenthood would want to lie to me.

    Maybe you should get your sperm count checked, or maybe you two didn’t have compatible bodies to have babies, but please stop stating as fact what’s different for everyone. Thank you.

  19. carlosspicyweiner

    Sex can wait, masturbate!

  20. ^wanker

  21. carlosspicyweiner

    ^And proud!

  22. this place is so educational..’sex is how they became a parent’?.. who’d have known…interesting follow up though, so all single women are bitches that no one wants to be with, no blokes out there that done the runner on their responsibility?

    crane ‘pulling out’ is like ordering lobster so you can eat the shell, and has all the intimacy of a science experiment

    c11k, one problem.. Texas ain’t ‘in the south’, it’s in the north mate.. Antarctica is in the south.. unless what you suggest is that nothing exists beyond the boundaries of USA?

  23. Seriously, dude? It’s in the south to me because I’m not in the habit of thinking globally when I comment on stupid sh!t on the internet.

    Way to find something to be offended about. That was a dumb question.

  24. why would I be ‘offended’? was just highlighting what I saw as a point worth mentioning (given that this is a global forum).. much like you did when you posted your take on pulling out.. Possibly was a stupid question but not for the reasons you are hinting at.

  25. hootie the blowfish

    Berkley, seriously, just shut the fuck up.

  26. why?

  27. hootie the blowfish

    Because you’re a helpless waste of human flesh and every sentence you produce makes the human species as a whole dumber? I thought it was obvious, but then, you ARE a fucking dumbass, so I guess I didn’t really think that all the way through.

  28. lol epic fail
    (www.funnyfails.net for more funny fails)

  29. hootie the blowfish

    Well congratulations Berkely, with the introduction of this “alex54″ character, you are no longer the biggest dumbass in this particular comment thread.

  30. My super power is the ability to resemble Muammar Ghaddafi at the drop of hat.

  31. what are you like the rodeo clown or something Hootie? doing a little dance to distract things? it’s kinda cute, but a bit unwarranted

    I’d love to see things from your perspective but I’d rather not stick my head up my own arse

  32. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    I really cant be arsed today…

  33. c11k: The Withdrawal method, within perfect use, 4 out of 100 women will become pregnant. With condoms that is 2 out of 100. With poor use it is 27 out of 100 and for condoms that is also very similar. With average use (people not doing it perfectly every time but also not bumblefucks who barely do it at all) is 18 out of 100, and for condoms it is 17 out of 100. There is not simply one statistic to this, and yes, I would consider those odds “highly effective”. I never said it works for everyone, just that it’s not “completely ineffective and the same as doing nothing” like many people seem to say/imply.

  34. Someone needs to quietly tell crane he’s firing blanks.

  35. hootie the blowfish

    Berkely, I’m sure you are proud of your little “head up my own ass” comment – it displays the kind of originality and wit I’d expect from someone missing as many chromosomes as you. Now, about that shutting the fuck up, can you get on that? I mean, you’re doing an awful lot of talking, but you seemingly have fuck all to say.

  36. HEY, CRANE! YOUR SPERM IS USELESS!

    Was that quiet? I couldn’t tell.

  37. hootie the blowfish

    Hey! His sperm’s not useless. It works quite well for slicking back his hair. And I think he mentioned once that he enjoys it as a sauce for his pasta.

  38. I hope to Yahweh I’m sterile. That would save me some money down the road.

  39. i see stupid shit is still getting posted still. with kindergarten like replies. and even more down syndromed like comments below.

  40. you thinking i am saying fuck all says more about you than me Hootie..

    doesn’t look like I’m going to shut up anytime soon but if you prefer I can start posting in words and concepts you can understand?

    so tell me, given that you seem to be an expert of genetics and in the possession of a means to determine chromosomal abnormality of a person based on 4 posts, what is the effect of a person missing chromosomes?

  41. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    ^In general people with missing chromosomes have issues phrasing comprehensible sentences. So unless you found your missing chromosomes, I think that the middle section of your comments is way too ambitious.

  42. so let me get this straight… I’d have to post a sentence that you can comprehend in order to prove to you that I have sufficient chromosomes?

    Are you seriously saying that I have to post something that your intellect can understand to prove that there is nothing genetically wr

  43. genetically wrong with my intellect…

    you should probably stop trying to insult people now, it doesn’t seem to be working for you.

  44. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    Nah you are rising so the insults ARE working, you also made a typo when you picked your nick name. Cunt is with C not with an H.

  45. Sorry how am I rising exactly?

    Crickey..did you really post that publicly? look up what Berkely Hunt represents in rhyming slang you twit

  46. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    Before you continue look up what “stomabeutel” means. Now go swim with a stingray, crickey.

  47. my dad died of bowel cancer, I know what a colostomy bag is

    so, basically, you are a self appointed bag of shit with the ability to feel empathy at times?

    thanks for the stingray compliment

  48. Why, just this morning I told my neighbour to fuck off and die of bowel cancer.
    What a wonderful and heartwarming coinky-dink!

  49. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    @47 The empathy part is greatly exaggerated but look on the bright side, atleast your dad wasn’t suffering from butthurt. Unlike you. Would you like to talk about it?

  50. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Okay, I’m better now.

    My superpower is the incredible, prodigious, unbelievable ability to keep myself from checking lamebook over the weekend; and THEN come back to it on Monday.
    I’m beginning to think there’s a correlation between how much I enjoy my weekends, and not interacting with so many stupid people (that is, unless I have to stop at Walmart over the weekend…).

    Cheers, fuckers!

  51. Checking in again to see if the place was magically hilarious since I quit ruining it for everyone. Nothing yet I see. The residuals must be quite strong.

  52. hootie the blowfish

    Berkely, what your parents never told you is, your father paid a doctor to give him that cancer because he couldn’t stand to be around you anymore. I think his exact line was, “this seems appropriate doc. Regarding my son, I always said that giant pain in my ass would kill me.”

  53. Teeko, that’s because you’re not truly gone, and the space-time continuum of lamebook will never properly heal unless you die – or at least leave forever.
    Delete your account and never come back again – EVER – and I promise it will get hilarious.

  54. Hmm well I only said I was going to quit posting. I didn’t realize how strong my powers were over inferiors that I could have such an effect by simply logging in to this site.
    How would I be able to see if your theory is correct then, if I actually never come back. You do seem like a bit of a liar to me.

  55. a coinkidink to be sure.. interesting way to be told to fuck off with no doubt

    stoma?…butthurt… really?? that’s what you are going to go with.. and no thanks, I’m flattered but I don’t want to talk to you about butthurt (interesting pickup line though)

    Hootie returns, bigger and better than ever… yes yes.. my dad got cancer injected into him to get away from me.. my dad was too drunk most of the time to think up that kind of plan he must of had help from a master strategist like yourself.. did you help inject his arse too?… I notice you still haven’t educated me on missing chromosomes?

  56. ^ Did you bookmark this thread?

  57. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    @Berky I feel so sorry after reading that your dad was an alcoholic, I simply didn’t know. I mean, for fuck sake, how was I supposed the know anyhow?

    I’ve changed my opinion completely, you’re one of the cool kids now.

  58. hootie the blowfish

    It says a lot about you that you consider injecting oneself with cancer to avoid a person you don’t want to see to be a masterful plan. No, the plan was all your father’s, and I think he was a dumbass. Compared to you, though, he was a freaking genius. Must have been the fact that his genetic material was all intact.

    I’m not sure what you want me to tell you about missing chromosomes. People missing chromosomes tend to be fucking retarded, not unlike you. That’s pretty straightforward, isn’t it?

  59. what is wrong with you fucking people?

  60. hootie the blowfish

    Now now, MsAnneThrope, there’s no reason to get nasty.

  61. I was only asking a legitimate question.

  62. stoma.. thanks mate, your endorsement means a lot….

    Hootie, that sounded remarkably like a long winded version of ‘I know you are but what does that make me’. I cant figure out if thats below par for you or you reaching above your class. Oh, ‘Retarded’ people tend to have abnormally formed chromosomes, pairs of identical chromosomes (hence not enough genetic diversity to compensate for small abnormalities), or an extra chromosome in the pair. Having fewer makes little difference unless that number is so small as to mean the person cannot form in the first place. in fact there is some good evidence to suggest that our ancestors of 50,000+ years ago had more chromosomes than our generation.

  63. hootie the blowfish

    Speaking of long-winded, I thought we established about 40 comments ago that it’s best for all involved (including you) if you just shut the fuck up, didn’t we? And yet, you’re still talking. You’re just clueless.

  64. You have this nasty habit of assuming that if you think something that should make it so… Rage against the machine- Killing in the name of, 4:10 onwards… you’ll get the idea

  65. Despite all my rage, I am still just Nicolas Cage.

  66. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    That was fun

  67. despite all my rage, at least I’m not Nicholas Cage, Bacchante.

  68. couldn’t agree more Stoma

  69. carlosspicyweiner

    Nothing to see here. Move along, move along.

  70. hootie the blowfish

    Berk, I admire your spunk. The staggering stupidity, the father you drove to an alcohol-induced suicide, the mother whose hatred for you led her to a life of whoring around as a form of a escape … you take it all in stride, with something of an idiot glee. I can’t tell if you genuinely like being such a pathetic waste of space, or if you’re just too dumb to realize it’s the case. Either way, good on you for looking on the bright side of things. Even if I can’t possibly understand what bright side there could possibly be in your meaningless existence.

    That said, seriously, just shut the fuck up. You have fuck all to say that is worth being said, and everybody knows it but you. I’m trying to help you here.

  71. ^ And that’s mighty white of ya, hootie!

    @teeko: You won’t be able to see, old maid; but just trust me, it WILL get so much more hilarious. Just sayin’.

  72. how dare you! my mother gave the arse off her back so that we could have whiskey on the table… actually she was too messed up to really be a very successful whore (bruises, cuts and all that) but your mother… now SHE was a whore.. ‘meat curtains’ she was known as, and from my recollection of her it was a name well earned.. loved the cock that one.. so much so that when she started to age and popularity waned she took it in her stride, dropped her price to barely more than the condom she never made them wear and spread for young and old alike… what a woman, what a whore! …and I hear you’re quite a chip off the old block?, good for you, hats off to you mate

    sure I have nothing to say, you keep telling me over and over in between your constant checking of this thread to see what it is I haven’t said

    rage against the machine- killing in the name 4:10 onwards

  73. hootie the blowfish

    Berky, look. I’m not surprised that you think just saying the same shit back to me that I said to you is clever – as we’ve already established, you kind of lack some necessary tools for judging what is witty and what isn’t. Making up silly stories about my mother doesn’t justify the overwhelming shame you have brought on your family. It’s best just to accept that you are a disgrace, try to minimize the damage you do to humanity from here on out, and, most importantly, shut the fuck up for once in your worthless existence.

  74. I’m liking this argument. loads.

    I particularly enjoy internet arguments when both parties are articulate, abusive, and ballsy.

    keep it up.

  75. I came back for this???

    Ah, who am I kidding I love this.

  76. Ms. I’m sure you enjoy “loads” no matter where they cum from!

  77. And you reckon I say the same shit over and over..but ok ok let’s play your little game
    when did I say I thought I was clever? I’ll be the first to admit I’m anything but dumb.. I’ll also be the first to admit I am not quite as dumb as you

    let me read your dribble again.. ‘shame’…’damage’…’worthless’… oh that’s fucking it!! you’ve offended me now!!!! see those exclamation marks ass biter?? LOOK I’LL EVEN TYPE IN CAPS IM SO FUCKING ANGRY….im gonna hunt you down, drag your weedy ass to miami, nail gun your nuts to the footpath, and cover your head in KFC spices..them im gonna feed whats left of you to the stock on your uncles pig farm…..actually nah its all good, I’ll probably just get around to admitting, again, that I won’t ‘shut the fuck up’… blah blah 4:10

    you know if you were a dog I reckon you’d be a poodle

    thanks Ms and Hawk for the words of encouragement

  78. Miami doesn’t have nearly enough negros for kfc spices to have any effect Berkely…but since you’re in the mood for games, lets play mine. All you’re caps are getting me ready for some sexci time. You still wanna play, cuz ‘dis pirate ready. Lemme just whip out my cock and get up to full mast and it’s a motherfucking party. Boy, I’m gonna ram this shit so far up your little ass you’ll be speaking in tongues for weeks. Fuck that clever shit, bend over and take it like the little bitch you’re acting like. Don’t get me wrong, bro, we cool, I’m just look’n for some vanilla face to wax my pole, you down, g-dog?

  79. actually I was trying to lure in cannibals capn.. but if you wanna play the race card then good for you me old matey

    a couple of problems with us partying.. 1. my ass not so small, in any sense of the word.. why you wouldn’t even plunge the s-bend with that there little thang…if you get my drift
    2. I’m not really the right color to fulfill your vanilla need
    3. i wouldn’t want to cut Hootie’s lunch mate.. he and I don’t see eye to eye but still not right for a bloke to shag another blokes squeeze

    Am truly touched by the offer though, you are the goods… here’s to you Cap’n

  80. Aww, man, yeah, fuck your right though. I forgot I loaned out my my cock earlier, anyway. Added benefit to it being detachable. Best I just lay here ’til the beer and handfull of sleeping pills kick in…cheers then!

  81. no probs Berkely, old chapperoonie.
    I’m actually quite famous hereabouts for my lovely personality and warm encouragement, so I get that quite a bit. I try not to let it affect me.
    I have my belorussian valet put my handwoven silk pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. I’m cool.

  82. Okay, this is admittedly great reading, but for fuck’s sake, berkely, stop with the, “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me” Rage Against the Machine shit that comes at 4:10 in the song already, will ya? We get it. Super clever. Moving along.

  83. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I absolutely love it when people try to prove their intelligence, and then fuck it up with something so simple.

    The correct word is “drivel”.

  84. Ms I got that impression about you, matriarchal, kindly, and wise with a slight hint of asshole.. you are all class

    Nails I knew you and a few others had figured it out but there are one or two that don’t seem to be correctly interpreting the meaning behind the lyrics.. oh and the repetition has good piss off potential

    Beat, yeah I’m sorry I’m not as articulate as you mate. I think you assigned me a little more intelligence than is justified to expect me to use a word like ‘drivel’. I actually did mean ‘dribble’.. as in ‘the shit that dribbles from his brain flopping onto the keyboard and winding up as shit dribbling onto my screen’

  85. Are you sure it’s shit, and not something else that you may have accidentally squirted onto your screen after Capn’s advances?

  86. lube?

  87. yeah Beat.. you got me.. between Cap’n and your sultry words I just lost my shit and spontaneously jizzed all the place

    oh shit I probably shouldn’t have told you that should I? given your fascination with the goo… umm look, don’t get upset mate.. I’m sure you’ll get your face load one day.. there is a bloke out there somewhere that will want you I know it..chin up bro, your pr

  88. your prince is coming

    Ms you got me too.. was indeed lube.. is this where, like the tool monkeys getting around here, that I should insert an obligatory cock comment like ‘yeah.. my cock so big i even need to lube up just to get it to fit in my hand without breakin ma fingers’?

  89. ^ Do you have cerebral palsy or some type of motor neuron disease, that prevents you from unfurling your fingers? Just loosen the grip, dude. Your cock ain’t anything to brag about.

  90. yes Bacch.. if you’ll take a gander again I think you’ll see that my cock line was laced heavily in sarcasm/satire.. and I’d point you in the direction of something you said elsewhere regarding that

  91. Don’t try and skip out now, keep it in the thread deck boy! You keep it up, the only ‘pointing’ yer gon be doin’ is your ass up in the air while we’re plowing away. I was being nice before, since when the fuck have I even taken no for an answer? Seriously, as soon as I get my freshly polished shaft back I’m going to fucking RUIN you! You ever have hickory splinter off in that lil’ slophole of yours. You know what….I don’t even know if I want your ass anymore….itzs probably all used up and loose as fuck…and you already admitted to being fat, so, at least I can still spit on you and call you degrading names right?

  92. Jizz? I was thinking soda or fruit juice being sprayed from laughter.

  93. think I already admitted it was loose, and that as a result neither of us would get much from you ‘plowing’.. actually that’d probably be the case even if I wasn’t loose

    your asking my permission to spit on me and call me names? isn’t that a little redundant or counterintuitive?

    beat, forgive me I thought that the word ‘squirt’ kind of pushed your comment towards saying that I was sexually charged and overcome by the Cap’ns advances.. when you were really having just havin a good old fashioned laugh at his expense instead

  94. *you’re

  95. *lose

  96. actually, no. loose works.

  97. Been a while since a solid 100 comments on a single thread. And it’s only back on page 5.
    So, let’s keep it going with some completely fucking hilarious jokes:

    Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    A. No-Eye Deer.

    Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    A. Still no eye deer.

    Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
    A. Still no fucking eye deer.

  98. Dear, I wasn’t asking permission…more making a statement in the form of a question. I know how fanboys hate that shit….so here’s to having a boppin’ good time! *spits in berkyhunts eye* now take that, you filthy, filthy whore! You fucking disgust me! Now go grab that box of steel wool you keep under the sink since you’re too lazy to do the dishes, it’s fucking bathtime for you!

  99. LoL.. here’s one for you nails
    what’s invisible and smells like carrot?

    rabbit farts

    Cap’n I resemble those insults! better to be a disgusting whore and good at it I reckon.. what? you gonna steel wool my arse now?? who are you kidding, you that desperate for a cum bucket that you’d hardly care for hygiene if you found someone willing…

    speaking of willing whores what happened to Hootchie? I’m offended he didn’t come back after my poodle comment.. was that going a little too far ?

  100. Ah, hell. How do you get a one-armed idiot out of a tree? Wave.

  101. Berky, love, let’s not mistake me for a basement dweller who spends their days locked up play WoW 23 hours a day. Getting laid has never been a problem…finding a bird worth keeping around is. I enjoy the chase, the game, the courting process, if you will. I like bitches that play hard to get, ya know? Longest a girl ever took me was the third date. I was just being polite, so fuck you prick, wash your own ass…I’m not going anywhere near that hemmoroid ridden cesspool. Your old news, and your newness has worn off. Anyways, congratulations, beatus, you made 100, and just for that I award you 10 internetz….use them them wisely! And Berky, now that the goal has been reached I bid your filthy cunt mouth and sticky fingers farewell…go wash the cum outta your keyboard and seek my ad-vice and ramblings in another tread…

  102. well fuck me gently with a chainsaw, did I get to you old cap’n?

    oh yep, I’m sure you have untold success with women, I can just tell by the way you sweet talk.. I’m guessing most of them are of a quality where they have ‘all you can eat’ tattoo’d on their stomachs, and smoke powders from dinted coke cans.. yep no worries mate, I’ll catch you elsewhere if that’s what you want

  103. Yeah, babe, catch me elsewhere, get’n aboot time to replace bookmarks mate! And no, don’t confuse yourself, lamebook’s no place for getting butthurt…I figure its all in good phun idnt it? Don’t get all sourpuss on me :p

  104. ah Cap’n you never fail to amuse.. but come on, that tattoo’d meth line I used bordered on golden!

    no butthurt here, I told ya that you not even touching the sides yet matey.. it’s always all in good fun.. you ever hear of the golden rivet? I bet you have eh

  105. Eh, I was more tickled with the conundrum that presents itself while gently fucking one with a chainsaw….it’s the gentle part that got me…reminded me of that one song “killing me softly”. I rather enjoy poetic violence. Oh yeah, and the golden rivet, forgot all about it! Have you found it yet?

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