Tuesday, August 25, 2009




Lamester Review:

It’s not uncommon that many of us forget what the “www” stands for at the beginning of a web address. To refresh your memory it means, “World Wide Web”. That’s right. The Internet is accessible WORLD WIDE. To the far reaches of our beloved planet, the Internet has sunk its claws deep into any patch of land it finds. And here, it has found Jasmine.  Most likely, you and I will never run into Jasmine. Her exact location probably could not be discovered even by Google Earth. You see, she lives in a world that fantasies are made of. In fact, if you were to peruse her friends list on Facebook, you’d find that they are all animals. Yes, she lives with Mr. Cat. She takes a daily stroll with Mrs. Wolf and she buys groceries from Mr. Cow. To post on Facebook that someone has tried to steal her baby egg, may in fact seem lame to readers like you and I. But for Jasmine, it’s just another day spending time on her social networking.

previous post: Period? Craps.



  1. I love that she used Palin as an insult.

  2. Those eggs were poached, alright.

  3. She’s typing how you sound when you have a cold

  4. Let’s hope someone poaches the rest of her eggs so she can’t reproduce.

  5. Okay guys, I need your help since I am from a farway land. What the fuck is she on about????? Do birds use the internet in the US? Is the lamp reference some sort of code or slang?

    @ Chip – it’s the only part I understood lol!!!!

  6. At first, I thought the confusion was in the misspelled words and then I translated it.

    I wish I never did.

    I’m with you, @wtf

  7. Or is it part of a Law & Order Special Victims episode?

  8. English translation:

    Yes, that’s what you do when you get owned by me, you run away.

    Don’t think I don’t know you took my dead baby egg, I lay her to rest there and took the light bulb out. And you’re going and poaching my eggs like woah bitch, where are you at?

    And you’re trying to lie…to me, bitch, you haven’t got shit in your pouch to be lying like this. I know that lamp is the lamp on your desk not that one in that cave, you maverick Palin egg stealer.

    you know, somehow it makes even less sense in translation…

  9. That’s what happens when you confuse a lava lamp for a dildo.

  10. http://www.tesora.com.au/Triple_Egg_Mood_Lights_.htm

    that’s all i could think of.

  11. Doris Lessing, is that you?

  12. w..t..f??
    Seriously egg poaching and lamps, is she trying to raise baby chicks or something?

  13. holy moly….make it stop!

  14. I don’t understand.

  15. This looks like a job for the English to English translator!

    YEAH DAZ WUT U DO WEN U GETZ MEH related Runza on. No I dont no u Dink TOOKZ MAH EGG dead child, I rest and Tuc LED. Vado Pochini my balls Like Whoa Bish ??!?!? Where You At and the link they tryin to … For me, there Bish You Is not Got Yo Shiz pocket as Lyin Diss. I know that the yo desk lamp in the basement, which was his STEAL MAAAVERICK LIL EGG Palin

    Hahaha, nope… still doesn’t make any sense.

  16. Who talks like this?!?!??!?!?!

  17. epic WTF

  18. LOL oh my gosh I couldn’t stop laughing at the post and the comments posted by you guys. Seriously wtf- you’re right it makes no sense I think she meant to type GAVE instead of CAVE. The masochist in me would love to hear her speak

  19. WTF seriously…..the world is going to hell in a handbasket….

  20. this hurts!

  21. “The masochist in me would love to hear her speak”

    The misogynist in me would love to slap a bitch…

  22. These are the effects of meth smoking.

  23. This is why Twitter is great. If she tried that, she’d be cut off after 140 characters.


  25. WTF! this girl is OBVIOUSLY lol participating in a high school science class project in which she is attempting to artificially hatch an egg…and she is upset that another girl tried to sabotage her work by taking taking out the light bulb! Open your eyes people! FTW!

  26. Gabriela Sabatini

    re: here2go

    LOL oh my god “OBVIOUSLY” right?!! tots insightful commenting FTW

  27. Wtf.

  28. @ Canaduck: +1,000. Hilarious.

  29. just shoot her and put her out of our misery

  30. Let the end begin

    Thank you U.S. Department of Education. Fine work.

  31. @ 25 here2go – YOU ARE THE WINNER!!!! Yes yes yes, that all it can be, you are GOOD!

    Btw, what the heck? All I did in school was dissect frogs and look at weird things in bottles. Hatching your own eggs? Cool! These girls are seriously competitive about it – I’d hate to see them in a lab trying to cure HIV or the latest travelling flu!

  32. Hahahaaaaa @seriously wtf’s translation. I just read it out to some friends and hearing it out loud makes it so much funnier!

  33. My vote goes to the meth theory. This sounds like some BAD trip.

  34. Oh hi guys, this was just the result of my friend blocking me on AIM after mentioning some mysterious eggs being stolen. As you can see I decided to play along; didn’t think it would end up on here lol

    Btw, the palin part was my favorite :) and high five @here2go

  35. This is frighteningly reminiscent of particularly heinous drug-induced texts submitted to Texts From Last Night.

  36. I think I’m in love.

  37. Why oh why do we anonymize these Facebook people? There should be no sanctuary in writing like a dumbass.

  38. @ Canaduck, I burst out laughing and now my coworkers know I’m not doing any work.

  39. This is amazing, she almost sounds like she’s talking in lolcat without even trying. FTW!

  40. my head hurts!

  41. i just ate a jasmine omlett and it tasted like retard

  42. Doris Lessing reference FTW.

  43. G.E.D. ?

  44. 16.Jen Who talks like this?!?!??!?!?!

    All of her children !

  45. Talks like friggin’ Smeagol from LOTR!!!

  46. Scramble her up and lets call it an egg.

  47. i know her personally there is something wrong with her

  48. Devastated for you America… Truly I am…

  49. Those look like M.I.A lyrics.

  50. Maybe she thinks she looks extra tough by writing so COOL. Hahaha. Or she’s just plain stupid.
    I’m going with a mix of the two.
    Lol at #4, so true!

  51. editors: “you and me” not “you and I”

  52. It appalls me to realize that there are people as dimwitted as this in the world.

  53. I love that there’s an Egg Genie ad in this page

  54. Jasmine, you’re my new hero. I laughed my ass off!

  55. Luvinthesecrazybitches

    Ladies and gentleman, this is what happens when you have a IQ of 54..

    I actually felt MY brain melt reading this, and my tongue dropped off as I was repeating this back to my sister…How do these people pass the 2nd grade?

  56. It’s probably a kangaroo she’s talking to. The empty pouch makes sense. Thus, the stolen egg.

  57. I’m surprised her parents could spell “Jasmine” correctly.

  58. Yall retards, she’s typing phonetic Jamaican English. Read it in an Aunt Cleo voice. Who talks like this? Just about every person in Jamaica.

  59. my brain hurts…

  60. *south park ftw!

    I KNOW!!! that’s what i said when i tried reading what she wrote! this is totslly a different language! :S

  61. They are roommates. Jasmine was going to make her breakfast, she remembered that the light bulb in the light above the stove was out. She left to get a replacement bulb. When she returned her roommate was eating poached eggs and Jasmine’s eggs were gone. Jasmine knows the only eggs in the refrigerator were her’s, as her roommate was out of eggs. Her roommate told her that the lamp she has on her desk is an artifact found in an ancient cave. Jasmine knows that it’s just a regular lamp.

  62. @E-Beth – love it! FTW

    “Her roommate told her that the lamp she has on her desk is an artifact found in an ancient cave. Jasmine knows that it’s just a regular lamp.”

  63. I think she’s joking about a video game?

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