Friday, January 28, 2011

What the FOLK!

previous post: Who’s on Top?



  1. I quite enjoyed these. Yes, even the second one.

  2. Also, first. Never gets old. I love coming first!

    My girlfriend doesn’t like it when I do, however.

  3. I think fraping should be a crime, just because I think it would be funny to watch Stabler and Benson tell Mikey it’s not his fault.

  4. if loving dicks in my butt is a crime, then i am guilty a hundred times over. nail me to the cross janice, you geriatric homophobe. i bet she’s just jealous that my butt has accommodated more dicks than the cavernous folds of her withered old vagina.

  5. @ vincent: you gross pig, keep your dirty stories for you, and open the human being user’s manual: an arse is made to poo not to get dicks into.


  6. @Vincent. She thinks it is illegal to hack someones Facebook, not be a fag.

  7. With a mouth like Janice and Valerie’s, it would be no surprise if he really did post something like that. Keep it classy, bitches.

    All in all, these were awesome!

  8. @Celine- alot of people would say the mouth is for eating and breathing… not blowjobs… instead of opening the human being user’s manual try opening your mind. I like blowjobs, Vincent likes butthole pleasures, and you need to live and let live.

  9. celine, you stupid whore: please work on your english before addressing me again. i don’t take kindly to bigots, especially not those who struggle to form simple sentences. you can shove your fascist manual up your diseased rectal passage, you fat rancid bitch. not even the most desperate rapist would go near your festering haemorrhoid-laden anus with a rusty bargepole.

    justthebottomhalf – no way, wow, i guess i completely missed that one. thanks for the heads up, you dumb redneck. now go crawl up celine’s aforementioned arsehole and read her fucking manual.

  10. I’m with Valerie. If my “friends” posted something like that for me, I’d be thinking ‘yeah, whatever, grow the fuck up’.

    On the other hand, if my mom reacted like Janice, I’d find it fucking hilarious.

  11. MachineGun Monica

    Hey at least he’s spending quality time with his kid!!

  12. Yeah, but I wonder what’s in the (baby) bottle.

  13. Celine meet vince, aka the resident angry flower (surely you’ve encountered him before?)

  14. Ah now vincent actually has good cause to be fuming!

    Cherry Cola, you were in my head ….. that’s EXACTLY what I was going to say.

  15. Ja, but he’s usually the one trolling. He got what he deserved.

    Nice to see Friday wins for once :) and I’m late with this but askmyjunk???

  16. Good lad Vincent

  17. Think she’ll call the Facebook and Farmville authorities?

  18. “now thats funny”

  19. oh im meant to have a massive freakout this weekend.

    Watch this space ye crazy cyber bullies

  20. Not worth much I’m afraid saffer.

    Conor ….. Aaahh Freak out!
    Le Freak, C’est Chic
    Freak out!

    Go for it mate.

  21. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Fuck Celine I’m still reading the comment, but after comment #5 I had to share my opinion. Where the fuck do you think you are?

  22. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Okay, so after reading the comments, “Fuck you Celine.” It’s been said but it needs to be said again.

  23. Celine meet Dan Fargis. Dan fargis meet Celine, now piss-off.

  24. iaccidentallyurface

    Dear Vincent:
    You are kind of fucking amazing.

  25. Dear Vincent:
    Keep being awesome :D

  26. ah conor, i’ve been to hard on you. Let’s all get back to hating people like celine.

    I am curious how many calls a day the police get across the country about facebook stuff from crazy people like this…

  27. @celine BOOM, SIT THE FUCK DOWN! YOU GOT OWNED! rofls at the arguement

  28. Uh oh. Celine’s boyfriend is never gonna get that backstage pass he’s been dreaming of. Nope. Not even for a whole ‘coopon’ book.

  29. ah jonjones. its the internet, i dont really care what people say. just take it with a pinch of salt.

    I never understood how or why people would open up and unleash fury on here, its pretty pointless. If you dont like what you see just dont look or go somewhere else. I just never understood why people would feel the need to write a bit long speil about their morals and ethics to feel good about themselves because they laughed at someones misfortune. I think them people can sit and swivel or fuck off to church.

    Im hardly gonna change my life because somebody here had a go at me for laughing at someone

    Or maybe thats me just being a cunt?

  30. I agree about the ‘long spiel’ thing .. still undecided abouth the ‘cunt’ part.

  31. *about

  32. @vincent .. Some time ago you made a comment about critiquing something or other using cooking analogies. I imagine they’d be funny, unless you were just fucking around… any links?

  33. ya maybe ‘cunt’ is too much of a strong word for it.. eh the last sentence is pointless really.
    ignore that.

  34. Guys, I’ve noticed the presence of a lot of long winded, boring paragraphs trying to solve the problems of lamebook. I am so sick of this, people constantly writing these insanely long, boring paragraphs. I mean come on, lets cut the paragraphs already, there really is no point to these paragraphs. Most of the sentences in them just repeat the same garbage over and over anyway! Seriously you guys, why do you care enough about what people think to write these huge, long paragraphs about morals and ethics on lamebook. All I can say is, how dumb are you? Are you seriously going to write a huge paragraph which most people won’t even read. Jeez, what the hell is wrong with you. I’m just so sick of long paragraphs and all these complete hypocrite assholes writing huge paragraphs to blame other people for all the boring paragraphs.

  35. Thank you. i never blamed, just said i didnt understand.
    it was an observation.

    your a paragraph.

  36. Don’t take it personally, I do it to everyone. I just thought it was funny that you wrote a paragraph judging other people’s moral compass in paragraph form because they were judging people’s morals in paragraph form.

  37. but i wasnt judging? Also i was due to have my freakout this weekend.

    So i guess thats my freakout cherry popped.

    But most people who do have their period/menopause/manopause/meriod on LB are probably a bit odd and usually tend to go for the high ground in their arguement.

    smeh i couldnt give a shit.

  38. mass #32- please don’t encourage him.

  39. sorry saffer .. I guess I should get some fresh air.

  40. Wow, look at all the love in the Lamebook room for vincent! It makes for such a change from the usual stuff said about him. And like saff pointed out, he’s normally the one tearing strips off others. But I’m (kind of) interested to know what he thinks of this, his overnight reversal of fortune. He’s curiously quiet. So unlike the little fella…

  41. I think this new crowd is just hoping that if they praise him enough, he won’t use his culinary metaphors to destroy their self-esteem.

  42. I want him to belittle me with culinary metaphors.

    Im curious

  43. i’ve always had a loyal fanbase here, it’s nothing new. it’s the people who have a go who tend to be my biggest admirers – if i respond, it’s like a little trophy to them!

    i think the praise on this page has a lot to do with a conspicuous liberal show of support for the gay minority against the homophobic troll. which is fair enough, but i won’t let it get to my head.

    the only true hater is saffer, no idea what i have to do to win her over. i think everyone else secretly loves me, even the ones who pretend otherwise – you know who you are!

  44. *rolls eyes at vincent

  45. It seems fairly obvious to me

    That some people may


    Berating others
    For their own amusement

    Since they will never have to respond to

    These people in real life. Quite cathartic.

    Hell, I’d go for it, but fuck it; if I’m up at 6am on a Saturday morning I think I emptied my lungs and soul of primal screams about 4(?) hours ago.

    Whatever. Hope nobody is offended by all the paragraphs.

  46. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Fuck celine seriously. Vince keep fucking around like you always do, I don’t give a flying fuck.

  47. @45
    words that
    are spread
    across the
    annoying as fuck.
    Dare I say

  48. @Jonjones
    I registered just to tell you how much I loved your comment. ROFL!
    Poetry at its best…

  49. i disagree with you, jonjones. i absolutely love the long paragraphs, they are an ideal hunting ground. i read every single word, scouring each sentence for signs of insecurity and bad grammar. it’s the ‘snappy’ one-liners that piss me off, they are rarely as nonchalant and witty as they are intended to be, and they always lack expression and meaningful content.

  50. Loving the comments today. Keep up the good work guys!

  51. I agree with vincent. Let’s have your motherfucking manuscripts, bitches. And make your bullshit funny.

    And meaningful.

  52. @47 Thank you for bringing what I imagine you considered that gross oversight to my attention. Constructive criticism is a great tool for self-improvement. However, you misinterpret. There are three paragraphs in my post for which I was apologising – small I admit. With the spaced words though, I was aiming for offense in a bid at sarcasm, much as you were doing by spacing out your post (I assume it wasn’t straight hypocrisy). Nonetheless, your concern is appreciated.

  53. Longest weekend thread at 52? For shame.

    In my experience, the long paragraphs are a homing beacon to summon the nastiest, most irritable posters, the most willing to willing to play the dirty dozens despite themselves, you know, the fun ones. ‘Quite cathartic?’ Indeed.

    It’s definitely a numbers game though. Sometimes only people lacking in erudition and wit tend to bite, in which case you just get vague American anti-intellectual slurs and jokes about cheese (the horror!). Vincent’s ebulliently open homosexuality is pretty ingenius; it befuddles the frat boy types for whom gay slurs are the first obvious weapon in their arsenal.

    When you get people writing long paragraphs telling you why you should stop writing in long paragraphs though…that’s the fucking gold.

  54. This is an interesting thread. Some comments containing complaints about long comments, and other comments expressing a favor for the long comments. All these comments about the long comments, and there isn’t an example of one of these long comments even on this thread. It’s been a good effort by those attempting to tease out one of these rambling nuts, but so far, none have emerged. Shame, it’s the rambling nuts who make the weekend on lamebook so entertaining.

  55. where’s mikey in this? I want him to come out and clarify for us. Does he really love dicks in his butt? Or does he just like it?

  56. I agree with Pep. Sometimes you just have to face reality. The fact is that Pep and I have read The Stranger. And the sooner you realise that that makes us better than the majority of you, the better.

    PLUS, in addition to that, and might I add, some of you are American. Hmph!!!!!!!!!!

  57. I disagree with you Walter. If you’re going to try to read all the great books, you’ll never get around to them all. Suffice to know the names, plots, and themes running through them all; that way you can name drop Camus, run a little ways with his faux-existentialism, and still have time for Lamebook. Which I suspect is what both you and Pep, as well as myself, have in fact done.

    Can’t find a hole in the American comment though. Also, some of you people use Blackberries/HTCs/Dells, etc. Faugh. The pangs of remorse for humanity are strong this day.

  58. PEP. My long paragraph isnt even that long. Its of average length and girth.


  59. i’m surprised that camus should be held up as a badge of intellect. if he was alive today, he would probably be posting long-winded paragraphs on lamebook commenting on the futility of his own comments. i think we can all agree that there is something very sisyphean about this weekend’s lamebook!

  60. I don’t appreciate you putting words in my mouth, “sandcat”. Pep and I never said that.

  61. It’s just a comment on my own pretentiousness, Walter, although one with an undertone of sincerity which doesn’t really reflect on you, more on the cult of academia which is as derisive and elitist as my own pretentiousness. Don’t take it badly, I had to write a ridiculous essay on Camus (amongst others) recently which put the nails in the coffin of my faith in literatary theory. The Absurd and the Myth of Sisyphus etc. is three quarters bullshit and one quarter ingenuity (which definitely doesn’t mitigate the afore-mentioned bullshit). I would subscribe to deconstructionism but Derrida’s just a fool with a great imagination and a knack of jumping through about four steps of associatiative allegory in one sentence. So I’m at a loss, not to mention insecure. Forgive me.

  62. Anyone else getting mad2 vibes from sandcat?

  63. Ah for fuck sake. why cant the LB poster wake up and post mondays post already.

    jesus christ sandcat

  64. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Can someone have a fucking meltdown already, it’s almost Monday.

  65. i would refer to this whole thread as a meltdown. christ.

  66. Um… POTATO!

  67. also, sandcat… most of your comments so far have been masturbatory, erudite rubbish. unless you have a funny joke or point to make, please. enough with the college-level digressions. we get that you’re educated.

  68. sandcat‘s big brain is getting me all hot. I’d like to nail her in the vincent hole. After the inevitable rectal prolapse (my penis is… snaggy), I will tie her up with her own insides. This show of love and trust will allay her insecurities and allow us to connect on a deeper level.

  69. hey, big brains make my tiddly wink too, but using the thesaurus to put together a post makes my would-be penis go limp.

  70. Aww, c’mon now rawnuh. Without the newcomer posting pomous rubbish about pompous rubbish for you guys to rally around where would the weekend be now? I don’t need to have a point or a bone of wit (or Soup) in my body, simply posting makes the time go by. Inevitably in such a situation though, this will happen, in the excitement of a new scenario and in a bid to wow the other kids, the shiny new kid on the block will appear over-eager, and most times an asshole to boot. No worries though, I’ll go away soon enough.

  71. Walter is right, except I prefer ‘harumph’ over ‘hmph’ – It more connotes a powerful white male who smokes cigars, dresses in power suits, and knocks over others in hallways, which is what I aspire to be one day.

    And sandcat, believe it or not, some people do read books. Also, stop comparing Camus to the ‘existentialists,’ like Sartre, on whom he spat for reasons I’ve mentioned before. Absurdism is badass because it’s honest – read “L’homme révolté” (The Rebel). It’s not a fiction work but just a long political essay. He says life is unfair, innocent people starve and die, and that sucks, but there is often shit we can do about it (beyond improving life ‘arithmetically’), and that capitalism, private property, and the nation-state are still less deadly than communism as well as those who want to imagine a new social ‘structure’ without thinking about how to get there.

    Camus was willing to step beyond the sophistry and condemn the literary bitches and Stalinist apologists when that was not the ‘cool’ thing to do. Camus is like critical theory, except not intended for people ignorant of biology, economics, and complex spontaneous orders and systems.

    And read some Friedrich Hayek while you’re at it if you want a more intelligent version of how language is itself a malleable and forever incomplete ‘rational’ system without having to indulge the intellectual tradition of pussies from Husserl all the way up to Derrida.

  72. touche, sandcat. it really does help kill some time.
    however, the grace with which you accept criticism really grinds my gears.
    if you haven’t noticed, the fun of commenting in lamebook land is in the BANTER, damn you!
    NOW GET MAD!!!

  73. sandcat, meet your male equivalent… pep.

  74. Haaaaah. You guys are fools. More so you Pep. Fuck you all.

    …How’d I do?

    But nah in all seriousness, Pep, I do know that some people read, including myself, but many people simply try to pass off ideas and themes as if they were an authority on the matter, when in fact, they know nothing except regurgitated, endlessly circulated catchphrases about things. And even when they do know about certain ideas, they then try to pass them off as truth, when many times that idea is just derived from an academic postulating across a larger demographic for whatever reason (fame, journals, etc.).

    Camus denied being an existentialist, hence my “faux” prefix, but it’s undeniable that he is bandied about as one, even by high profile theorists. Regardless of the misleading title (or not), I disagree that Camus is intended for more educated audiences than contemporary critical theorists. He was just from an era before polymathy went out the window due to such exceptional specificity in subjects. The further back you go, the more subjects people talked about. Marx, for instance, talked about, as well as biology, economics, and “complex spontaneous orders and systems,” history, sociology, etc. Aristotle, on the other hand, well what did he NOT write about? I’m trying to find some of Hayek’s stuff to read now.

    I can’t remember ever saying I was a female, but I’ll let you guys run with that.
    …I should defo have left this after the “Fuck you all”, right?

  75. Don’t worry about them sandcat. I like you.

  76. Look out pep! He’s going good will hunting on your ass! Although it’s ironic that that first paragraph there is about ripping off ideas and passing them off as your own, yet it almost seems like it was completely ripped off from that movie. I guess that means you stole the idea and are just trying to act like the authority on the matter because as we all know, agreeing and understanding any idea that has been thought of in the past is impossible right?

  77. If I ever find the taint mongering philosophy professor who decided to make Lamebook an assignment to his class, I’m going to punch him in the dick.

  78. Ah shit. I accidentally fell in love with a dude again.

  79. Aww shucks Walter, I like you too.

    Lol Jonjones I wouldn’t quote that of all films. I stopped watching crap for the most part 4 or 5 years ago. But enough of this shit, I’ll just leave you guys with a few of my personal traits.

    I believe in God.
    I don’t believe in America.
    I’m an Apple fanboy.

    That should provide me with some fairly interesting (hopefully more funny and low-brow) reading tomorrow…

  80. As with Walter, I say you’re alright, and the cuteness of your name makes it impossible to stay mad at you.

    My point with Camus was that as well as not believing what existentialists believed at the time, he was often denigrated in writing and excluded from their same ‘bandying about’ because his philosophy was depicted (quite rightly) as being subtly conservative and opposed to radical revolutionary change.

    I wouldn’t consider Camus a polymath, but you’re right to bring that up. Hayek was an economist long before he ever started writing tendentious political tracts and his polymathy infests every page. You might find ‘The Errors of Socialism’ interesting. Yes, the title makes it obvious that it’s from the Cold War Era, but the book is about virtually every subject imaginable and has more to do with epistomology even than economics outright. Hayek basically breaks down the ‘central planning’ argument of socialism by showing it assumes all the same fallacies as what we today might call ‘intelligent design’ creationists. If you don’t wanna shell out the cash for that book, just look up the subject of “spontaneous order”: economies, ecologies, language, etc. depicted as the results of unconscious order with no central designer.

    My point is simply that one does not need Derrida to explain texts as deriving from cultural traditions. In fact, I’d argue Derrida and DeMan and his buddies often fail at their own game, looking for ‘internal contradictions’ when they deconstruct texts, which is basically another way of saying that they apply a universalist’s rule stick, forgetting that language changes over time and that texts don’t fall from the sky or emerge from voids.

    For example, if you wanna talk about Thomas Hobbes’ writing and you don’t mention civil war or British politics of the 16th and 17th centuries, you just CAN’T get where he’s coming from – no Derrida necessary to understand that. The deconstructionists, when they go off on phenomenological tangents, commit some of the same silly flaws common to literary theorists and that get repeated over again, such as by the ‘linguistic turn’, etc.

  81. Ah, shit, if I’d known you were an Apple fanboy, I’d have avoided telling you what I think about literary theory to begin with.

    It’s all, like, about, like, being, man, like, rad, man. Cool?

  82. Oh, and I forgot to mention how God is just like, a karmic…cosmic…connectedness between things. Like…woah.

  83. I’ll read your first post deeper tomorrow and possibly answer, as I’m off to do an assignment.

    But no, I’m not really an Apple fanboy. I just find Jonathan Ives’ industrial design to be far superior to anyone else’s in the current market, excluding perhaps Chris Bangle of BMW (mmm, flame surfacing) and the (apparently recently retired) Patrick le Quement of Renault (the Megane II etc.). It’s all about, like, aesthetic experiences, man.
    And cosmic connectedness, is like, all about, like ecstasy, and LSD, more than God. All of which we’re down with, cool.

  84. (thank you for humoring me, sandcat)

  85. mad2 is that you?

    LOL at Dukey #64 :)


    Pep, sandcat,: take it outside already for fucks sake! here’s a site you’d find more fitting for your smart-a-thon You’re welcome.

    …and before you say it I am a highly educated young woman and a sexy lingerie model, so there! That validates my opinion of you low life immorals. FUCK YOU ALL!

    *dramatic exit stage left*

  86. But I need someone to attempt to damage my self-esteem, which I doubt your site offers. Where did all the hate go? This thread has been so upbeat and it’s making me upset. :(

  87. Lamebook,

  88. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    By the fuck, you dicks, I can quote popper all day but this is fucking Lamebook let’s quit with these monkey fighting essays.

  89. Oh Jesus Ballsack Christ, what in the fuck is going on here? Did someone just discover or how to use a thesaurus? Fucking great Godzilla balls guys…THIS IS MADNESS!

  90. sandcat, Pep, you boys seriously need to get laid.

    Just a thought.

  91. This may come as a shock to Alexis, but some people actually want large families…

  92. @91 Can you please not talk about the actual lamebook entries? We much prefer the following:-

    a) Meltdown sans paragraphs
    b) Flirty exchanges
    c) Perverted comments with no relevance to subject matter
    d) Angry rants about anything.

    If you could also refrain from referencing European philosophers to prove your intellect that would be great, ta.

  93. this was beautiful guys, can’t believe i missed it. you are both so gay and preppy, i had this incredible fantasy about us having a threesome on the art nouveau reference desk in the widener library (pun intended).

  94. @ Paranoid – You forget the usual display of admiration from afar. Which reminds me that I’ve always admired your ass

    Camus still gives me nightmares

  95. If you love my ass, you’ll explode in a big creamy mess when you see my goat. Or cock, possibly.

    Farmyard innuendo, for the mother-fucking win.

  96. Man, I read the Sartorialist and all sorts of bullshit, but 2′ tall farmyard cocks taking strips off my face as a toddler is what took me out of the gay scene for good. Not that I’m saying I didn’t have the same fantasy vince!

    Does anyone else love a single Scotch? I fucking love a single Scotch. Especially at one pm on a Monday afternoon. And by “single”, I mean preparation standards, not consumption. I love a single bottle.

  97. What the absolute shit is going on here?

  98. Well, crap. Peppy longfuckingstocking is back.

  99. I’d love a single Scot

  100. Did Janice call the cyber po-leese?

    (and if a Jessi Slaughter’s dad joke was already issue, sorry I got here late and the rest is TL;DR)

  101. @92 lol. I considered acknowledging all this.

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