Monday, July 26, 2010

Updates from the UN-BORN!

previous post: The Ex-List



  1. …1st…

  2. I think Amy just made another account to have another Farmville friend to send herself stuff. Tsk tsk. Using your unborn child as an excuse…

  3. Appalling.

  4. All I can say is “Why?”.

  5. Grosssss

  6. Wow. Just.. Wow.

  7. Does anyone not realize that you have to be of a certain age to use Facebook?

    Report fetus profiles!

  8. This is one of those lamebook posts that make me question the future of humankind.

  9. I know a girl who made a Facebook similar to these. It’s so sad…

  10. Yuk!

  11. Chloe’s mom wins for being that classic combination of insane and creepy.

  12. Robin and Chloe have no chance of becoming normal people.

  13. O..M..F..G..

  14. Clams got legs!

  15. Wow!

  16. The second one doesn’t bother me until she obviously posted the last status while pushing. That’s just odd. The other stuff, meh, not my thing but I don’t think it’s weird.

  17. The worst part is Chloe’s mom is updating Chloe’s page while she is giving birth to her.

  18. Sheesh…

  19. FB for babies… not so weird.

    FB for the unborn… pretty freakin’ creepy.

  20. Magically Suspicious

    I understand eliminating these profiles based on age, but if fb instituted an IQ requirment (and I so wish they would), Chloe is already winning the race.

  21. Who the hell takes time to post a status – on their foetus’ profile, no less – when they’re actually giving birth?

  22. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, let Chloe be the anti-christ.

    It would be suitable punishment for mommy AND it would make future status updates from Chloe so much more interesting.


    There are five different forms of sugar on the ingredients list. Most of the rest are highly refined starches which instantly turn to sugar in the body.

  24. all american food contains sugar, doesn’t it?

    although this didn’t make me laugh, it’s unquestionably lame. i’m going to carry around a cyanide pill, in case i ever wake up one morning married to a woman like these.

  25. “i can see the light through a little hole”

    oh. dear. god. no.

  26. @alordslums (24): yes, all american food contains sugar. Except bacon, which is why bacon is the healthiest part of a cow.

  27. I can understand why people give their unborn children Facebook pages so they can have a head start in Farmville when they get older. It’s sort of how I’ve taken out several credit cards in my kids’ names so they can have a head start on soul-crushing debt when they get older.

    Honestly, I think my method is better. If you’re going to start your kids off with something they’ll have to dedicate untold hours of work on for no apparent gain, it should be something tangible like trying to repair their credit score enough so they can finance a stick of gum before they turn 50. With Farmville, all they get for years of mindless toil is a deep emptiness inside when the angry mob finally takes down Zynga and their whole farm disappears.

  28. Foxtrot Uniform

    People are doomed

  29. Maple syrup changes that immediately, buckle_up.

  30. I’m relatively new here. Are the American Apparel banners I see at the top and on the right side of the screen part of the humor? I don’t know the brand, but I do hope for their sake that these pictures are intentionally lame…

  31. My teets chatter when I get cold too.

  32. @buckle_up

    Nope. The AA ads are always that lame.

  33. i added an old schoolmate to my fb before i realised she had turned into a raving, mindless new parent. (i blocked her news feed for my own sanity) I didn’t think anyone could top the inane baby drivel she posted on an hourly basis, but I’m sorry to see i was wrong….

  34. In this internet-driven day and age, I think that setting up a Facebook profile for one’s unborn baby is an admirable act of efficiency and foresight. Profiles for pets are also excellent. If dogs can now star on Britain’s Got Talent, and talk on the Montel Williams show, and masturbate on YouTube, then it’s only a matter of time before they master social networking. Someone should probably start setting up some profiles for super-space monkeys as well, just in case, eh alord?!

  35. If anyone’s interested, my fiancee and me are about to start trying for a baby, and the little tyke’s already set up a Facebook profile. As of his last update he’s just swimming around inside his daddy right now, though he has managed to get a high score on Tetris.

  36. @BritishHopo, nice going there on the Tetris high scores. But will you please let us know as soon as the little one can see light through a little hole?

  37. Sorry, that should be Hobo

  38. “little hole”…

    Chloe, well you’re about to change that for mommy.

    Mommy, I’ve got three words of postpartum advice – do your kegels.

  39. And welcome back, Hobes.

  40. I’ll second that one word!

  41. OHhhhhhhhhhhh my GOD I hate these facebook profiles for babies (or cats or dogs or whatever). And the poor child has a Farmville, it is doomed already. I delete all friends who put their child as their photo or have more than 5 statuses a week about their children’s bowel movements/way of smiling/drawing on the walls and so on.

  42. CommentsAtLarge

    Light through the little hole?!? Christ smothered in gouda, coated in syrup (just for you alord), and spread on a cracker – who thinks of that whilst having a baby… “puuuush, wait I need to update the unborn baby’s facebook!!!!”

  43. definitely creepy stephen king territory here. or maybe more David Cronenberg? Fucking nuts whichever it is…bitches be crazy.

  44. wouldn’t it be sad if the baby died in a horrible miscarriage before it was born?
    Than all this hard work would be for nothing…

  45. My friend has profiles for his rabbit (now deceased and deleted) and this trombone. I find those are far more acceptable than profiles for fetuses and babies. I also have to ask Chloe: Why are you hatin’ on Honey Bunches of Oats? I know Honey Bunches of Goats are better, but don’t complain about that!

  46. This is seriously messed up.
    I wonder what their husbands think or whoever knocked them up.

  47. @slippyslappy

    I think that Chloe’s mom would just chronicle her fetus’ travels through the afterlife. “I met God today, he said my mom is really awesome! LOL!”

  48. I love it when womens teets chatter. Man I love seeing them shake!

  49. What is wrong with people?

  50. Somebody should send Robin some photos of porn or munting or something. You know, as a head start.

  51. The other thing is, babies and dogs and cats are like me, they don’t want 1000 facebook friends. We want some titty milk and a nap. Leave US the fuck alone!!

  52. i love malteaser too

    @ Sensible Madness: Amy is probably doing the same thing as you are. She buys Farmville cash points with her baby’s credit card.

  53. what the hell is wrong with people..

  54. #2 is literally the worst thing i’ve seen on here

  55. I’m five months pregnant at the moment, and wouldn’t dream of doing something like this. I refuse to add my friend’s kids on facebook, when they haven’t even hit one yet, especially because they put awful status updates like ‘Marcus loves hes nanny’. No word of a lie. Not to mention the baby’s father would probably cut the baby from me and make a run for it if I was to do something so horrifying to his child as make it a facebook page.

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