Monday, May 10, 2010

Unfortunate Updates

previous post: Some Terrible TypOHs

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64 Comments

  1. I’m pretty sure i’ve seen that last one on lamebook at least ONCE before…

  2. well if ashlee is only like your sister then there’s nothing to worry about

  3. wtf who cares about colin quinn anyway.

  4. original-lisha

    who is colin quinn?

  5. also, i dont get the first one?? i’m going to use the excuse that i’m tired and not just generally slow, but can someone please explain?

  6. original-lisha

    I always thought RIP was something you said about a recently deceased person?

  7. and one further point: angela uses far too many full stops and exclamation points and it makes me sad :(

  8. krasivaya_devushka

    “But in sometime they can be hurted becouse the large number of girls they have”
    Wtf how old do you have to be to talk like that?

  9. First one is funny because..?

  10. “but in sometime they can be hurted becouse the large number of girls they have”

    I’ve seen some pretty fucked up sentences in my time (i’m an ESL teacher) but that one is almost a new record.

    Angela is a retard (stressing the second syllable, hangover style). Angela is a one-woman wolfpack.

  11. tangalangadingdong

    @tilly Colin Quinn is a comedian known for his work on SNL back in the mid- to late-90s as the anchor on Weekend Update. Acerbic wit similar to Denis Leary. Had a great line during Clinton’s Monica-gate about the qualities that get a man elected being similar to the qualities that get a guy laid.

    @original RIP is from the Latin for Requiescat in Pace (May S/He Rest in Peace). Person doesn’t need to be _recently_ deceased, but they do need to be deceased. Part of why #1 is funny?

  12. tangalangadingdong

    @ Emma LOL! If an ESL teacher says that sentence is bad…

  13. …..WHY IS HE SAYING RIP FOR SOMEONE AS OF TOMORROW?!? IT BOGGLES MY MIND!!

  14. @13 because probably that person is on life support and they’re shutting it off tomorrow?

  15. @meatsofevil Maybe because tomorrow is the anniversary of that persons death?

  16. @tilly Colin Quinn is a comedian known for his work on SNL back in the mid- to late-90s as the anchor on Weekend Update. Acerbic wit similar to Denis Leary. Had a great line during Clinton’s Monica-gate about the qualities that get a man elected being similar to the qualities that get a guy laid.

    @original RIP is from the Latin for Requiescat in Pace (May S/He Rest in Peace). Person doesn’t need to be _recently_ deceased, but they do need to be deceased. Part of why #1 is funny?

  17. I agree with CrashBall, they died in 2001. Must be the anniversary rather than the date of the death.

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  19. OOOOHHH… Both very logical explanations. i can sleep tonight now, thankyou.

  20. TylerDurdenUMD

    People like Angela need to just fall off the face of the earth. God almighty.

    And call me weird but I liked Colin Quinn a lot more than most of the other Weekend Update hosts.

  21. @sosr Good spotting. i was far too lazy to read the dates and figure that out all by myself, hahaha! *facepalm*

  22. @sara110: you blow. nice spam.

  23. I can’t tell you how long it took me to remember who the hell Colin Quinn was…..

  24. Ryan’s a repeat

  25. Colin Quinn is a hacky “comedian” with HORRIBLE comedic timing and mediocre delivery/material.

    He is up there with Jimmy Kimmel for the way he’s able to butcher a joke by not pausing in the right way, or at all.

    He’s also somewhat monotone and incredibly unattractive and comparing him to Dennis Leary is a slap in the face of someone that is at least animated and obviously alive, on stage.

    If I ever meet a real life Colin Quinn fan, I will look long and hard as to why I am talking to said person in the first place.

    Dawn, you better not like Colin Quinn!

  26. Desolation Row

    Yes me too. I’m very sure I saw third one here before…

  27. rebarbativebecc

    @2 I think “like my sister” means she is a really close friend who is a sister to him in every way but blood.

    The first one is really old?

  28. I don’t have anything new to add here. These were kind of lame.

  29. I’m assuming the “as of tomorrow” is more of an “anniversary of her death”, just with a VERY poor choice of words.

    I doubt that he took a screenshot back in 2001, hoping there would eventually be a website to make fun of facebook statuses. Facebook probably looked MUCH different back then, anyway.

  30. 1st: I appreciate Frank’s efficiency in posting the 2-for-1 death notice. This frees up tomorrow’s update to inform us about his latest herpes related hi-jinks.

    2nd: You folks might not like Colin Quinn, but it certainly sounds like he killed at that set.

    3rd: For some reason, I’m picturing Ashlee as a good, intelligent, well spoken person. God is looking down and giggling like a schoolgirl at the fact that we are still stuck with Angela.

  31. “Ashlee is like my sister.” either she is or she isn’t. Bloody Amercians putting ‘like’ as every other word! Like, sooo, like, annoying, like.

  32. I do love Angela’s ‘why are you going from one girl to the next? why do boys treat girls badly and hurt them?’ rant followed quickly by a ‘lol!!!!! XD’

    FUCK YOU, YOU CHEATING SHIT. LMAO.

  33. Sorry about your sister, Ryan :(

  34. Maybe the first one (Frank) is a serial killer, and he’s just updating everyone on his latest collection. That’s the way I read it.

  35. Hi I’m Colin Quinn, MTV’s Remote Control.

  36. Lizzle, you are like a mentally retarded person.

    You are not a retarded person. But in many ways you are very similar to one. Therefore you are like a retarded person.

    You could say that the way Ryan considers Ashlee to be like a sister to him is like the way I consider you to be like a retard.

  37. I think chicky_monkey is the closest one, yet. I read it as if it was a foul joke and he was having one of those days where he wanted to strangle his wife/mother/sister/daughter/aunt/g-ma/whatever… Sounded to me he was considering going through with it, hence, “as of tomorrow.”

  38. My bad. I did happen to leave out the sex change possibilities… but, I assume the “whatever” acts as an “etc” and that clears it up. :)

  39. The reason Ryan said ‘like my sister’ is because Angela was criticizing him for all the girls he’s dated, and Ryan was differing Ashlee from them by saying that she is ‘like my sister’. That way Angela knows that Ashlee isn’t just another one of his girls.

    He’s not just some ‘bloody american’ overusing like….

  40. MonkeyCMonkeyDo

    you silly bunch :) thanks for the giggles!

  41. The comments here are funnier than the actual posts most of the time.

  42. @mcowles

    Hahaha, remember his AWESOME solo show? The one with some of the most fantastic and up-and-coming comedians of the 90′s in one place? That one that *still* somehow managed to be one of the most disappointing, awkward experiences EVER with (sometimes) overly political and (always) obviously way too scripted skits??

    Hmmm, Colin Quinn FTL, baby, FTL.

  43. Going from Norm McDonald to Colin Quinn on “Weekend Update” was kinda like going from sex with Jessica Alba to a handjob from Edward Scissorhands. It left my dick chaffed and bloody.

    Perhaps I was watching the television wrong.

  44. Bulldog, I don’t know who Norm and Colin are, but I do love your analogy.

  45. lol

  46. FAIL for Angela

  47. @chicky_monkey That’s exactly what I thought! Otherwise it’s not even lame.

  48. @Bulldog

    I couldn’t agree more.

  49. RIP SANCHEZ from the weekend, now we have his sister sara110 flogging what appears to be the same shit.

  50. Bwahahahaaaa Bulldog FTW! Great comparison :)

  51. Walter Sobchak

    Yeah I think I also remember a gradual increase of bitterness and dissappoimtment – and blame and eventually hatred for Colin Quinn – after he replaced something that was sometimes really funny with something that was always always crap.

  52. Oh Bulldog, I hope you put on ointment on that. Ouch.

    I giggled when Andrew had to explain why he was at his Aunt’s wake. Thanks for clearing that up Andrew.

  53. Was Colin Quinn attending Andrew’s aunts wake or the wake being held for his career?

  54. @29 Also facebook was invented in 2004.

    I think the unfortunate word choice in the first one is hilarious.

  55. JesusOnADinosaur

    Why is he announcing the death of a person the day before… And that actually died in 2001? Or am I missing something?

  56. butterflysandsocks

    @Bulldog- you, sir/madam, win SO hard.

  57. “Also, as of tomorrow, RIP Catherine” Nice foreshadowing.

  58. rebarbativebecc

    @katemonster/54
    Uh, Facebook was NOT invented in 2009, I’ve been using it since around…2006 I think, and it was around before I joined.

  59. rebarbativebecc

    o_o I’m so sorry, I read your comment four times but my mind carries over numbers so I saw 2009 because of the 29 at the start. Sorry!!!

  60. Oh my word…The last one. Wow.

    God’s investment(His Son) in you was SO great, He could never abandon you!
    “Seek me and you will find me, if you seek me with all your heart!” Jer.29:13

  61. the last one has been posted before.

    yes. that’s how long i’ve been reading this blog. lol

  62. TylerDurdenUMD

    Angela’s slaughter of the English/Americanized English language hurted my brain. xD lollllllllllllll

  63. Walter Sobchak

    Tyler, what do you mean when you say “English/Americanized English?” What part is Americanized?

  64. I was using the shotgun approach to try to guess wtf it was. I told you it hurted my brain.

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