Wednesday, October 7, 2009

…Type Like One Too


previous post: The Other Grape Stomp



  1. It was as weird as the time I kissed my sister. With tongue.
    My Uncle Jeb was always a weird one. His favourite show was MASH. He looked like Frank, but

    acted and dressed like Klinger (during the earlier years, before the death of beloved Radar)
    He always mentioned the time he got his grape popped, though I never understood what it

    Much of our family talked behind his back, but it was ubiquitously known that he was the

    sole inspiration for The Kinks’ hit Lola.
    As he aged, his desire to ‘rock out’ only got stronger. He grew his already-thin hair out

    and puffed it up. He wasn’t black, but he somehow managed to make his head look like a giant

    microphone (google “Gary Spivey” for a comparison). He also bought a real old junker

    Porsche, a sad excuse to say he owned one. He strapped his guitar in the passenger seat and

    drove around the high-school parking lot over and over again.
    Often times his hair would cause such a static shock that it would down the central power

    grid. He thought this was the definition of awesome. That, and touching boys.
    It was soon thereafter he realized he could exploit his microphone hair to get into the

    hearts and pants of little boys everywhere. He went to nearest daycare/church combo and

    began learning the ways of God. After getting his Ph.D in Godology, he became a minister.

    The microphone-head came in handy as he told everyone that his hair was the device through

    which God spoke. My Uncle Jeb was God’s microphone. Unfortunately Jeb had some of that Jew-

    hate in him and started preaching about some off-colour topics. The townspeople gathered

    with pitchforks and torches, calling for the beheading of Gods Microphone. The Vatican

    intervened, they had their own ways of dealing with people like Jeb. They took two balloons

    and had a mechanism which rubbed them against his massive bushel of hair, so much so that

    the static electricity overwhelmed his brain and short-circuited his microphone head.

    Suddenly, God’s microphone was silenced, and the world breathed a sigh of relief.
    Suddenly kissing my sister didn’t seem so weird.

  2. Pray for our children.

  3. Let’s hope you’re not teaching grammar or spelling. In fact, I don’t think they should even let you near the kids !

  4. Don’t worry, she will misspell something on her resume and then will wonder why she can’t find a teaching job.

  5. @AnonisGay

    Concise & to the point as usual, I see.

  6. Future leaders of America, people. By which I mean the lamepost and AnonisGay both.

  7. Seriously, do they just give away degrees or something?

  8. I soooo hope that she is not planning on teaching anywhere in Scotland. I wouldn’t wish it on anywhere else either though!

  9. Please reveal her last name. I want to let her know that there’s a law job waiting for her when she gets out of school… or watching Toy Story.

  10. The day she receives a teaching job, the world ends.

  11. Can’t the admins ban this AnonisGay for his plagiarised crap (or at least delete his entries)? I mean if you are going to be such moronic, attention seeking idiot you could at least attempt to be original?! obviously not.

    What gratification does he achieve from these futile, ignorant acts?

    Please enlighten me.

  12. Jayjayuf – his gratification comes from posts like yours, giving him attention. Ignore it.

  13. When I read that status I thought I had rediscovered the concept of “pathetic”.

    Until I read AnonisGay’s comment.

  14. Actually, Until I started to read it. I couldn’t stand more than three sentences.

  15. @11. Please define plagiarized. I don’t think random stories are considered plagiarism. Plagiarism would be if they were stolen from somewhere, except AFAIK, they are his/her own creation.
    I find the stories funny, and if you look in the archive, so do many other people. Hell, the guy (or girl) even obtained some imitators (who attempt to defame his name), which is impressive to say the least.

  16. @15 he has admitted previously that none of this stuff he writes is his own creation, copied off some blog somewhere.

    As per No.12, you must be correct and for that reason that is the last I will ever say on the matter.

    Thank you and good night

  17. @16. I’ve been frequenting this site longer than he has, and I’ve read each of the ridiculous stories. The ONE time he copied (from a popular meme, which I presume he realized people would find out), he admitted it, and went on to create an absurd story out of that incident. Premeditated? I don’t know. But it worked in getting people all riled up.

    Of course, if you have a link to him “admitting previously that none of this stuff he writes is his own creation, copied off some blog somewhere” I would love to see it. Otherwise, you’re making shit up.

    Great now I look like some fucking AnonisGay fan club, just because I call people out on their bullshit.

  18. Wow, you’ve apparently never heard of creepypasta. Take your medication and find a more appropriate place to start wank.

  19. @17. This is so obviously copypasta it’s ridiculous. Look at the indentation first off and how sometimes there is a full line between rows of text. Also when you said “I would love to see it. Otherwise, you’re making shit up.” That does not follow at all. Just because they don’t have a link for some small slice of text on a website does not mean he is making anything up. But don’t worry you, don’t look like an “AnonisGay fan club” you just look like a dipshit.

  20. @Jayjayuf

    Here’s what he said:

    “Yes. They’re all stolen. Google “Uncle James Robertson” and you’ll find all my posts are part of a one mans struggle living through a life of sexual molestation involving uncles, feces and government experiments involving penis size. Last I checked it was on the 16th page of results, but that was some time ago.”

    You read these words and held them as true…I don’t think you have any business calling anyone an idiot :D

  21. hahahahah She is going to be teaching children!!! No wonder our society is retarded!! hahahahahaha

  22. indentation could come from anywhere. maybe he’s typing them into a notepad / other word processor and copying and pasting? Oh no, he must be typing that whole story into the comment box seeing as he had the FIRST comment, while others typed “Pray for our children…” in equal time. I can’t believe some of you morons can’t figure this out. You have no business insulting peoples facebook posts when you say equally-as-dumb shit here.

    Since I like arguing with retards over the internet, I’ve done various searches (wildcards, quotations, etc.) and I have come up with nothing. I challenge you to do the same.
    Hell, I wonder how many people googled Uncle James Robertson after he posted that just to ‘bust’ him, only to find out they’ve been had.

  23. Hmmm, not sure if anyone remembers, but I’m the one that “busted” AnonisGay when he used the Tuscan Whole Milk meme. I then sarcastically said that I no longer was confident that his posts were all original.

    He sarcastically replied that he copied them all from the internet. Even though it’s text and he didn’t use tags, it was still obviously sarcastic.

    Therefore, Jobs is right. I’m also not a “fan” of AnonisGay. I read through all of his stories and smile from time to time, and frown/shake my head/chew on a cat’s tail from time to time also.

    I definitely don’t think he plagarizes things and hopefully he wasn’t really dumb enough to try to pass off the Tuscan Whole Milk thing as his own, but I don’t know. Maybe he had writer’s block, or his Uncle turned him down for a date, so he had to resort to the extreme.

    To sum up. AnonisGay posts stories that he probably writes himself. They range from funny to incredibly stupid. Christina is 21 and is about to start a teaching career in which she’ll have to penalize students for using the same grammar/spelling as she’s used all her life.

  24. @mcowles is correct.

    And I don’t remember writing @Boz at all, above. I was pretty out of it this morning, though.

  25. I am a teacher and sadly, her post reflects the intelligence of some teachers that I know. On the bright side, there is a huge teacher surplus right now and it is nearly impossible to get a job. I am willing to bet she is an elementary ed major “because she loves the children!!1!!!11!!1″ and hasn’t given one rat’s ass of a thought to actually how she might TEACH.

  26. I’m sorry, I should say that there is a surplus in the US–not sure about other countries.

  27. @Trish you are so completely correct. I am very thankful to already have a teaching job due to the current surplus in the U.S. Some people on my facebook are upset that they haven’t “landed” a teaching job yet, however their facebook status’ look just like this.

  28. Don’t you think it’s funny his name just happens to include “anon”? Don’t you think it’s interesting that the infamous meme generating website is notorious for “copypasta”, incest and basically anything else odd or disturbing? Not only that but 4chan posts are hardly ever google searchable because they come and go in the matter of minutes.

    “I can’t believe how some of you morons can’t figure this out”

    This made me nearly die laughing. What difference would it make if he had copy and pasted it from his notepad or a website? All it is copying one text and placing it in another box. Sorry pal, I guess by your logic you are the moron.

    Now try and google a couple of the terms above and see why you are wrong. You are either terribly new to the internet or you are the ultimate troll. In both cases I feel terrible for you.

  29. i’m gay for dicks

  30. Why can’t people just type properly?!

  31. @Erin, some also don’t realize that unless they lock down their profile (which I did…I also found my boss and completely blocked her so she can’t even find me if she looks), potential employers can see their stupid shit, too.

    Not that principals necessarily would do this, but still….

  32. The big question here: Why don’t they perform drug tests on teachers?

  33. wait….what??? she’s going to be a teacher?

  34. @Trish I did the same thing! However, my problem isn’t with my employer, mine is with my students. I teach high school and they are constantly trying to look me up. Thank goodness for facebook’s “can’t be searched” option!

    @Steve-o They don’t drug test teachers because they already know what the result would be! (Now I’m not saying this is a fact, but I know a few teachers who smoke more pot than the students) However, because of the recent surplus in teachers, Texas Education Agency is now considering drug testing their teachers to free up jobs.

  35. Last m0nth I cudnt evn spel teachr. 2mrw Im gna B 1!!

    Oh fuck. Just kill your children now everybody. It’ll be kinder to them in the long run . . .

  36. I just want to slap the hell out of her for being so stupid. It hurts just reading her crap. I can only imagine what its like to be around this moron.

  37. Oh god.

    I’m about to become a teacher myself. I’m scared at what is getting through the universities.

    Fucking Idiot.

  38. Mister Haiku cries
    for the future of the kids
    in Christina’s class

  39. @Action

    As a casual observer, I too fear for what is regarded as acceptable, even in the English departments, of universities in America.

  40. I’m suprised she got accepted on a teaching degree with typing and spelling like that

  41. Here’s another way-too-young teacher that will be having sex with minors. Because she can “t0taly undastand the little 1′s!” What the fuck is up with women in the early 20′s acting like they are 12?

  42. Words fail me.

  43. hahaha, sh3 h4s 4 d3gr33 in h4x3r

  44. Oh man, some people were not meant to be teachers. Like this girl. Damn, it’s scary who gets degrees these days.

  45. seriously….what the fuck!!

  46. sigh, you know you’ve hit rock bottom when morons like this are graduating and you are pissing away your life :(

  47. Christina is one of the reasons why we homeschool.

  48. No, don’t worry, Christina won’t be actually speaking to your children, she’ll be texting the lesson to them….

  49. C’mon people. Am I the only one here reading that status as ironic?

    “I t0taly undastand tha little 1′s”

    She’s pretending to be “down with the kids” by writing like a moron. You guys need to develop a sense of humour and quit being so quick to laugh at people. Sorry state the world is in, cynical mean people everywhere.


  50. Rudy, why come to a site called Lamebook and try to get people to stop making fun of the morons that this site is dedicated to making fun of? Methinks you do not understand.

  51. No methinks you do not understand. This person is being ironic.

    I’m happy to laugh at the morons on this site, which I do loudly, but the “moron” is laughing at you in this case.

    Maybe I should lower my sights here.


  52. I would not want this girl teaching my child….

  53. Wow, I’ve met, and studied with, a bunch of future kindergarten teachers but this is just horrible.

  54. Oh Noz. next generation will be spelling with 0s and multiplying with o’s
    wats 3xo?
    RICK’N and ROLL’N

  55. u mean “tiepz liek 1 2″

  56. I don’t know WHY kids are so uneducated in this country. Maybe this ditz teaching them has something to do with it?

  57. reason 239058734958734589034985 to homeschool.

  58. Reason #5,165 to wear a condom

  59. Ok…Where does she teach so I can make sure my children stay as far from her as possible…

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