Friday, November 20, 2009

Twilight Saga: PG-13?






previous post: Zing!



  1. on the never to see list.

  2. lol at marshall, great idea btw :D

  3. Second

  4. Yes, Twilight is lame and overrated, we’re all tired of hearing about it, blah blah blah. Frankly at this point I’m MORE sick of listening to people talk about how they’re too awesome for Twilight. WE GET IT ALREADY, YOU’RE VERY VERY COOL AND DON’T FOLLOW TRENDS.

  5. Marshall is a natural born comedian. Love it.

  6. I don’t think it has to do with following trends.
    I think it has to do with having a decent taste in writing and movies. The writing of the books is fucking gradeschool shit and the movies are horrid aimed at gradeschool girls.

    Being a 27 year old heterosexual male, I know I am by society’s standards the Devil and responsible for all that’s wrong in this country, but I don’t think not liking the Twilight garbage makes me “too cool to follow trends” or what not. It’s called having taste. The whole series is just the author’s wet dream fantasy.

  7. I like turtles.

  8. @Canaduck; so you’re not seeing it either, nice.

  9. I like how Zombie Kid did not get VERY old.. VERY fast…

    wait.. is this thing on?

  10. WTF is Twilight?

  11. @ j m, you’ve got at least another year before you’re the devil..that doesn’t start until you’re at least 28, but then you’re kinda fucked for the next 7 or so. :)

    That said, I couldn’t agree more. I don’t think the lack of desire to read/follow the Twilight crap makes anyone think they’re too cool for trends, just makes them a grown up who either had a decent adolescence or is at least willing to move past the craptastic one they had and not dwell on how dreamy it would have been to have a stalker pining for them.

  12. Okay j m, I see your point, but I’d disagree that it has to do simply with “having a decent taste in writing in movies”. Complaining constantly about how Twilight is lame doesn’t convince anyone that you’re too smart for it, even if you are. I mean, seriously–are you telling me that by spitting in people’s sandwiches, Marshall is making a blow for Scorsese or Tolstoy or Fellini? Most of the people who bitch about Twilight are probably just as stupid as the drooling fans who think that it’s the apex of art and culture.

  13. @just me

    “That said, I couldn’t agree more. I don’t think the lack of desire to read/follow the Twilight crap makes anyone think they’re too cool for trends…”

    I’m not talking about people who have no desire to read the books or watch the movie. I’m talking about people who won’t shut up about the fact that they have no desire to read the books or watch the movie.

  14. I’ll definitely give you that, the ones that don’t shut up about how bad it is really don’t sound any better than the ones that won’t shut up about how amazing it is. Like it or don’t like it, whatever, but to go on and on about how good or bad it is is a bit much.

  15. They don’t make good vampire movies like the lost boys anymore



  17. Chelsea for the win

  18. I hope Marshall gets fired! That’s just gross…

  19. ^ is that you chelsea?

  20. Holy hell I finally managed to get a screen on here? \o/ Yay!

  21. this is awesome :D

  22. tom, you are an asshole, why do you even come here anymore!! you suck at everythign as especialy spelling asshole.

  23. Thesaurapist 13(F)

    Flexo: Skitt’s Law, awesomely personified.
    Epically poor troll is Epic.

  24. flexo you are sooo awesome, I think I love you…

  25. I agree with Canaduck on this one, I’m more sick of seeing facebook statuses trashing twilight than seeing people who are fanatic about it; at least with fanatic updates the phrase “team jacob” didn’t mean anything to me till yesterday.

    That being said, j m, I think one thing you need to realize about the books before you criticize them is that they are written on a grade-school level because that’s the target audience. It’s called a “preteen” or “young adult” novel for a reason. So don’t try and hold it in the same critical light as David Foster Wallace, Eggers, or Sedaris, because it just doesn’t hold. Same goes with the movies. The filmmakers aren’t really interested in making a film that actually says something about the human experience; they just want to take what was in a book and put images to it. Come to think of it, you could make that case for most any movie based on a text.

  26. Oh man, I so root for beastiality.

  27. twatlight, new poon, and eclit!!!

  28. The second one = FUCK YEAH!

  29. @BlickNation-whether the twilight books are aimed at preteen or young adult fiction readers or not, they’re still badly written. why should that be good enough for those audiences? The Tomorrow series and Artemis Fowl novels are awesome and really well written. I think twilight was just a money spinner or, as someone said, the author’s wet dream.

  30. Is Flexo as funny on FB as here?

  31. Amen Chingaso!….

  32. How can he spit on anyone’s sandwich? At Subway they make them right in front of you. It would be obvious.

  33. @megan
    Fill one of the dressing bottles with spit. Easy :P

  34. @OOBL: This may be true; I wouldn’t know because I haven’t read a book from that genre in a long while. I was just addressing what I (still believe to be rightly) assumed to be a criticism that was unfair. I think that alot of people who get overly critical of the books or films are usually holding them against unreasonable standards. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t read or seen anything from the series other than the commercials that come on TV, so I’m not trying to point out what the series does well, but I think some people need to chill and let other people enjoy it for what it is. It’s like a friend of mine (in her mid-20′s) was saying last night: she’ll get all fussy about twilight fans, but she recognizes the same fanaticism in herself with harry potter. We all have our own nerd-sessions

  35. After reading this:

    I’ve partially revised my position.

  36. @BlickNation:
    Read the books. Tremble in awe at what is quite possibly the worst grammar, diction and character development ever. I agree that teen fiction doesn’t have to be Tolstoy or even Atwood, but there should be basic standards for grammar and words that actually make sense in the sentence. I read the books (I’m a good little English student like that) and couldn’t get through the first five chapters without having to go get my red pen. I ran out of ink part-way through the second book. For me, it’s not even that the stories are part propaganda for the dangers of sex before marriage, that the characters aren’t really characters but cardboard stand-ins for the reader or that they all-but idolize abusive behaviour (although all of that is indeed offensive), it’s that they can’t even tell a horrible story without a dozen OBVIOUS errors per page. Good books can be works of word art without the best story sometimes but these books just fail on every relevant level of what could possibly make them good. The added bonus to all this is that children now believe that their grammar or diction doesn’t matter because Stephanie Meyer’s “works” were published with so many glaring errors, so obviously it doesn’t matter.

  37. I haven’t read the books, and I only mildly paid attention to the first movie after downloading it.

    Forgetting the fact that there are plenty of teen fiction novels out there 10 million times better, it’s that so many women in their 20′s, 30′s, and even 40′s like it is appalling. I mean really, have they never read a book before this?

  38. I liked the first movie, but this crap is hilarious. HILARIOUS!

  39. These are very funny. Chelsea rules.

  40. I get the feeling that Jess is fat.

  41. I eat my own boogers and find them quite tasty.

  42. If he actually spat in peoples sandwiches that is disgusting. Even if they like New Moon, however horrible it may or may not be having never had the slightest inclination to watch it myself..

  43. Tom’s comment = WIN

  44. If I knew Marshall, I’d have printed out a screen shot of his page and taken it to his work.
    That is the most fucking disgusting things to do. I would happily cause him to loose his job and make it near impossible for him to get a job at any other restaurant.
    Its just a fucking movie, get over it people.

  45. @44

    And it’s just a fucking joke, get over it Rachel.

  46. Why wasn’t a combination of necrophilia AND beastiality on offer? Kids these days have no imagination.

  47. I don’t want to flog a dead horse but I also like a bit of masochism with my necrophilia and beastiality.

  48. Just like a penguin in bondage boii

  49. So much gold in one post. Pure comedy :D

    Although I don’t think anyone needed quite so much detailing of Jess’s sex life.

  50. 5 mins later, and everyone finds out that Marshall’s boss is a friend on facebook :)

  51. Erm, don’t they make the food in front of you?
    btw. Hope he got canned. haha

  52. Canaduck,

    I get what you are saying. But let met defend my intense hate for these books/movies/turds. I’m 31, I’m a mom, I’m happily married. I have dozens of friends who are also happily married moms in their 30′s who will not shut up about these books. These books are garbage. Plain and simple and it’s baffling.

    SO baffling that I have started to read them so I can figure out what the FUCK the big god damn deal is! It’s irritating. Go to and read the Twilight message board thread entitled “I’m obsessed!” and TRY to not marinade in disgust. Try TRY T-R-Y to not spend your idle moments pondering what the hell happened to your once, seemingly, intelligent friends.

    Try to imagine yourself a casual writer/avid reader coming to terms with what is now passing for sensational writing.

  53. NettlesInYerMouth

    PennyLane, you sound like one of those self-avowed, “I’ll be published someday” wanna-be writers. Why don’t you stop reading the wretched things simply because those you share breathing space with are, and save the brain activity for a fictional pursuit of your own? You read what people say on Amazon’s comments? You’re not angry at “Twilight”, you’re angry at your average life. DIAF Thanks.

  54. No, I am pretty sure Penny Lane is 100% correct, Nettles.

  55. NEW POON!


  56. No, I have no plans on being published Nettles. I don’t write for any other reason than it’s good for my insides.

    I’m unsure of the difference between reading Amazon book reviews and reading Lamebook…

    If you are missing out on the entertainment of 1 star reviews on Amazon then I don’t know what to say. It’s a fun rainy day activity. Try reading the 1 star reviews for the Ouija Board. Talk about fun!

  57. chelsea’s status: EPIC LOL

  58. Chelsea’s status is fucking awesome!

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