Yup, Sounds like a Twilight self-fucker to me. You freeze a load of water in a spunk sack to simulate rutting with a vampire. If you want to know what it’s like getting rammed by a zombie, why not try filling a blob bag with frozen rotten offal before heaving into you?
Hungry Bitches is the story of my life. Hmmm that gives ME an idea!
What makes you think zombies can get it up? Please tell me it’s firsthand experience!
I’m interested, seriously, since I’m preparing for the zombie apocalypse. I’m hoping to make it my survival strategy, but all the very serious book I read on the subject tell me it’s not a viable option.
Unfortunately wandr I am an unbeliever when it comes to zombies, vampires and the like.
But I can offer (and did)some sage advice on how to ‘simulate’ fucking a zombie. 1st try the method outlined above, if that fails seduce a coroner’s assistant and sexy talk him into letting you have a go on one of the corpses with the correct appendage set in rigor mortis. Hope this helps.
This is the type of quality advice people often want and need but are often to scared or embarrassed to ask for, but since no fucker is desperate enough to ask for my help on there, I’m having to act out and fulfil my agony aunt fantasies over here instead.
Come on everybody, make yourselves comfy and tell Uncle Imamofo all about your worries and woes…. touch yourselves whilst you do it will make it easier for us all.
I never thought to ask you on Tips from a twat. Like I said, I’d given up on that idea. I didn’t know I was so desperate for advice until your comment.
Next time I have a really pertinent problem I need expert advice for, I’ll try and use the appropriate venue. Promise!
Gave up on me already eh? Folk normally wait until I start sloshing fluids about the room before they turn their backs on me.
Good fucking question that! I don’t think so, do you?…I’d like to see a few to be honest, I think if somebody is brave enough to go troll over there, good on ‘em!…but they best be good ones, or I’ll have my fill of them!
@ 17: Your comment caused me to laugh out loud (even I wasn’t expecting it), which led everyone else in my office to jump and look at me, possibly wondering what about budgets was so hilarious. Please be less amusing. My job is on the line here.
@siren sorry it auto corrected it wrong because I did misspell lol… but I do wanna know if icy masturbation is that abnormal? they have those glass wands that you put in ice baths or warm water and there is always using your mans favorite popsicle… I just didn’t know it was that out of the box to try different temps.
@ conoellingus – I guess people are into all sorts of things, but I agree with jellica, there is no way I would want anything numbing that area in any way. I wouldn’t say icy masturbation is “abnormal”, but probably uncommon. It’s more likely that people enjoy having an ice cube rubbed over their naked flesh than actually have a big rod of it shoved up their you-know-what.
I will agree with you on that… and it’s not like its a big part of my alone time but I have heard a lot about it and didn’t realize it was so uncommon I guess the people I talk to are some kind of freaks. lol