Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tuesday TypOHs!

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previous post: Marilyn’s Master Plan

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114 Comments

  1. That first post is ridiculous. My little sister tried to start chatting with me like that and I ignored her until she started using english. I can’t stand it.

  2. The typo in the last one is hysterical to me.

  3. The last one’s pretty messed up… funny, yes, but still messed up:)

  4. I’m actually totally fascinated by the first one. I can’t make much out at all, but they can understand each other.

  5. True, they would make a good case study… Kind of like the Animal Planet… “It seems like they’re communicating doesn’t it?”.

  6. As a fellow Mancunian (from Manchester for those who don’t know) I feel it is my responsibility to apologise for my area’s general grasp of the english language, i’l see to it that it does not happen again.

  7. … Mancunian?!… I’ve never heard that… You’d officially be my idol if your name is Manny McManaman!

  8. @tdrules -*apologize *I’ll… unless that’s how you spell apologise in Mancunian tongue… I’ve not the slightest.

  9. *facepalm*

    Not only is it spelt apologise in Mancunian tongue, but in virtually every English speaking country in the world.

  10. I love Jason, and I hate stupid women.

  11. Griffin meant what he said, he just thought his farm had grown larger than it had. Everyone knows you can’t start buying slaves in Farmville until your farm gets to Plantation size or bigger.

  12. no, apologise is how you spell it, us Brits invented the language no need to correct us thanks.

    and I missed an l
    fml

  13. @Marc

    *Facepalm* SPELLED

  14. What the hell kind of name is Maff?

  15. @tdrules -Okay, first of all, like I said, I admitted to not knowing whether apologise was a british form of the word or not. That’s why I put that disclaimer in there. Second, “apologize” is the american spelling of it. So, with that in mind, we’re both correct. And third, no. The brits did not ‘invent’ the language. The language existed before the country.

    @Marc -Read the above.

  16. @sammie200718

    *Facepalm* Both are correct ;) We say ‘Spelt’ here in the U.K so if we’re going to argue it, as was said earlier, we invented the language no need to correct us.

  17. @sammie200718
    *Facepalm*
    SPELT

    I cannot believe how many people correct that when it is a totally acceptable and common spelling.

  18. Ah, someone else beat me to it!

  19. @Wednesday -I was thinking the same thing about Callum… weird.

  20. Spelled and spelt are both acceptable in Britain. I have a whole bunch of cousins in the Manchester area and the first one is pretty much par for the course. One of them actually uses ‘a’ when she means ‘i’ honestly, what the fuck is that all about?

  21. @libbyt ;) haha

  22. Damn you “log in” page!!

    Wednesday beat me to the Maff punchline…

  23. @fl09 -Once again, brits didn’t ‘invent’ the language. You guys sound very pompous when you say that:)

  24. Who invented what, I still generally go with the British version of a word. Although not with spelled. But that’s probably because I was so ingrained with how to spell it. I still say colour and favourite and such. But I also still start my sentences with a conjunction.

  25. I’m not sure which is more annoying… when the teenies typ lk ths or when they tyypeee lliiikkeee thhisss. Do you have some sort of physical disability that causes your fingers to miss certain keys? Or perhaps to linger a little too long on each letter?

  26. MNic

    I would love to hear your theory on how English was some how miraculously ‘invented’ before England was a country. Because, it’s quite simply not true. Olde English developed into an early form of the Language we call English today during the Anglo Saxon era. There were obviously many things throughout the course of history that added in to the mix, but obviously, English was developed in England, and taken to America centuries later. So don’t talk shit about people’s spelling, it’s lame in itself, especially when you’re wrong, and you correct OUR language with your dumb American z’s and spelled and the likes. The whole pulling a made up historical fact out of your arse (yes arse, not ass) to try and save some credibility makes you look more of an idiot. Still you can’t expect an American to have much of a grasp on history, after all your country has none.

  27. @image #1, they need to have their fingers cut off immediately. Todays youth is the downfall of our future. The majority of them are all fucking ignorant fucks.

  28. The people in #1 need to be beaten with baseball bats a la “The Bear Jew”.

    I was waiting for a cotton joke in the last one.

  29. @13,15: Oh dear. I never knew fail of that extreme still existed. And especially you Mnic, when you try to correct someone’s spelling and make a complete mess of it you should probably avoid doing the exact same thing a few moments later.

    And no Mnic, you’re not both correct because it can also be spelt (or ‘spelled’ if you want to use the slightly less appropriate word for this context) ‘apologize’. No one’s saying that it can’t be spelt apologize, but you’re the one saying it can’t be spelt apologise. You’re wrong, everyone else is right.

  30. OK, a search for “Maff baby name” fails me. Maybe it’s a nickname for some phonetic spelling of Matthew, like our old friend Nartarsha.

  31. My favourite word is neighborhood. :O

  32. Wow brits are almost as annoying as the kids in the first example. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the way you spell things, but to us “spelt” would only be used by someone who doesn’t know how. It just sounds extremely ignorant. Which is proabably what you thing of us, but we know better.

  33. *think

  34. @no way -HAHA! You are too funny:) Seriously. First of all, you might want to look up the history of the english language. English was a mixture of several different languages and dialects brought to the british isles by Germans, Scandinavians, and Romans. All three cultures influenced eachother and created what we call Old English. Thus, based on the origins that molded into what we now call English, the language is a sub-division of multicultural languages which happened to converge in the british isles. So, obviously, we americans have no sense of history. I never said that America invented any language either. One last thing, I wasn’t talking ‘shit’ when I corrected the word ‘apologise/apologize’. In fact, I actually remember saying that I wasn’t sure if, in England, that was indeed how you spell it. Nice try for the come-back though;)

  35. Can’t we just agree that we’re all idiots and move on?

  36. @cinderellie -They are rather angry aren’t they?

    @Marc -Perhaps you do not have the ability to read, or maybe it’s that you have such a rage towards americans that you refuse to see words that would prove us as to being hospitable, unlike yourself. I am not from Britain, (and judging by the way these guys are acting I’m sure proud of that fact) and as such, it is not my responsibility to know how you spell each of your words. Hence, when I say;
    “unless that’s how you spell apologise in Mancunian tongue… I’ve not the slightest.”,
    you should then know that I am admitting to the fact that I am unfamiliar with your dialect and just put the information about the word that I knew of, into the pot.

    P.S. -You ‘brits’ sure are touchy. I heard that the gloomy weather in England brings people down.

  37. BTW, inhabiitants of what is now England spoke a Celtic language until Germanic tribes arrived. And modern English is heavily influenced by so amny other languages, it is pretty ridiculous to claim that any one country invented it. If you’re so proud of your countries long history, then why don’t you know it?

  38. MNic

    If your logic were to be followed then you could never say any language ever came from anywhere, because there would always be somewhere further back you could go, until you get to the early stages of evolution and grunting between cavemen. As far as the whole world, except of course you, English was formed in England over many centuries, thus created by England, and the English.

    Just stop trying to sound clever eh? It doesn’t suit you. And you were talking shit, correcting spelling is talking shit really anyway, and when you’re wrong, in my book, you’re talking shit mate.

  39. @Sensible Madness -Hey, I admitted to not knowing the language difference. They’re the ones screaming and hollering and crying like little girls. :)

  40. You say tomayto, I say tomahto.

    Apologise and apologize are both correct, depending on where you come from. Spelt and spelled, likewise. Arse and ass, ditto.

    As for those saying “we invented it”, that’s ridiculous.

    All languages constantly evolve and change. English especially is a mixed-up mongrel of a language, since throughout history the British Isles have been invaded and mashed up countless times, each wave of interlopers leaving their mark on the language and culture. (Note: British Isles, not just England, you think Welsh and Gaelic etc weren’t involved?)

    Add to the mix the fact that reading and writing were certainly not universal skills until fairly recently (if you accept that we have universal literacy even now), and there is no absolute rulebook for “correct” English anyway, there are only conventions.

    Using conventional spelling and grammar is merely good manners, to ensure your reader can easily understand you.

    Now can we please have a transatlantic hug and stop the playground-style taunts?

  41. I hope Char and Sammy don’t breed

  42. omg..the first post is just annoying! I know people talk horrible in the states but come on Brits! Talk like a human being!

  43. @No way -You sure are amusing, but yes, I don’t believe that anyone can ‘invent’ a language. Talking ‘shit’ is when you are being demeaning towards another person. I’m not going to explain, yet again, that I clearly had a disclaimer regarding the language difference.

    @cinderellie -Sorry, I forgot to mention that originally it was the celts that the other cultures were influencing, good job.

  44. Alas

    I Don’t know how you can conclude that English is an especially mixed up mongrel of a language, when it has evolved so organically over so many Centuries in one country, and even itself been exported all over the world in more recent history during the British Empire rule over so many countries. Surely a Creole from Zimbabwe, South Africa, Jamaica or the likes that mix modern English with their own aborigine languages, would be considered a mongrel of a language?

  45. Apparently the name Haley and the variations of it means “spells like a ‘tard.”

  46. @36: Wut? I have no rage against Americans, it’s you who’s desperately clinging to racism (as well as this bizarre assumption that anyone who doesn’t spell words the American way is British… I certainly know I’m not from Britain). I honestly don’t care where you’re from. The simple fact of the matter is you said words were spelt wrong and that was corrected (and no, saying “i dunno lol” isn’t a way to avoid that) but you still refuse to just let it go. Take a deep breath and get on with your life. Put the shovel down and stop digging, you’re not doing yourself any favours with these peculiar attempts to sound intelligent.

    And no, we’re not the ones screaming and hollering. I think everyone can see who’s doing that.

  47. MNic,

    There you go again! In ENGLAND, talking shit means talking non-sense, waffling, spiel etc. Just because in your little town in your city in your country says something one way, doesn’t mean that it is true all over the world, seriously, you yanks need to leave the country a bit more, expand your minds, jeez.

  48. @no way -You are failing to grasp Alas’ point. He, like me, thinks that no one can say that they “INVENTED” a language. Regardless of what language it is, there is always a history, and, guaranteed, there was never a person that said, “I’m inventing a new language for us all to speak, ya dig?”. As such, no country, can claim the rights to any language, period.

  49. @ no way

    I live in South Africa. No Creoles around here. Sorry.

    And when English is described as a mongrel of a language, then it’s not meant in an insulting way. It just means that the metaphorical blood of different nations were added to the stew that eventually became the English language we know today. That’s how it is, it wasn’t “invented”. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

  50. I love the fact that in a heated debate about language, MNic and no way have had a misunderstanding about the phrase “talking shit”.

    It seems that in the US it means to insult someone, and over here it means talking nonsense. I seem to remember that in my teens I told my cousin in the US that I got pissed. She thought I meant angry. Of course, I meant I got drunk. I seem to remember we laughed about the different meanings, rather than accusing each other of stupidity.

    @no way: I don’t think we’re ever going to agree on this. You accept that English has evolved over many centuries, yet you refuse to accept that it is still evolving, wherever it is spoken. You made the point yourself:
    “…you could never say any language ever came from anywhere, because there would always be somewhere further back you could go, until you get to the early stages of evolution and grunting between cavemen.”
    Exactly. Give yourself a biscuit.

    Taking your view that English was “exported” to America, I assume you mean when the British colonisation (colonization) took place in the 16th Century. I’m sure you’ll be aware that British English during the Elizabethan era was quite different to the language we speak today, and there was no “standard” spelling anyway. Shakespeare would think you are a tard. Except he would possibly call you a boorish rube.

    In fact, it’s quite miraculous that British and US English are still so similar after a few hundred years and an industrial revolution.

  51. @Marc -Wow, show me one place in that first comment where I was being derogatory. Please? Since you can’t think past your own bubble, let me spell it out for you. When I said that I wasn’t sure if that was how it was spelled (;)), I meant that IF I am wrong about how Mancunians spell the word “apologize” then, I am wrong. From that point on, all of you who spell it that way flipped out and started saying that you invented the english language, which is bullshit, and I simply had to inform you otherwise. I had not been derogatory towards any of you until after you all got your panties in a twist.

    @No way -By your definition your claim makes no sense. Talking nonsense would require… talking nonsense. Making suggestions as to how to spell a word is not non-sense. If I had been someone like you, I would have said “Learn how to ***’n spell correctly you bloody wanker”. I merely suggested the correct spelling according to my knowledge but also left the door open to discuss the different variations of spelling in different dialects. From there, you both threw tantrums.

  52. @MNic: by the way, I’m a “she”. :-)

  53. jesus christ, will you poeple shut up?

  54. Fucking hell Lamebook’s comments page is almost as bad as Youtube’s.

  55. @ 53

    I second that

  56. Alas, was only asking, it was a question, not an insult. Of course English is still evolving, case in point is on this post above, where it’s being dumbed down to shit. Anyway, enough, I’m not even that patriotic and certainly didn’t take it as an insult, I was just interested to know why you thought English above a lot of other languages is a mongrel of a language, I didn’t start calling you a tard or any juvenile shit like that. Whatever, my only point is that there is very few languages that haven’t had external influences due to invasions and occupations, a lot of languages much more so than English. I thought the subject quite interesting in truth.

  57. @Alas -Thank you for giving the secondary spelling of colonisation/colonization for me. Heaven forbid I ask if that was word had a different spelling as well. I would probably get death threats from these guys:) And they tell US to expand our minds:)

  58. this is the lamest string of comments i’ve ever seen. tylerdurdenUMD was on the right track, but i think that instead of beating the people in the first picture he should come out with his bat swingin’ on these ridiculous language nazi’s. (can someone please point out the fact that i didn’t capitalize or punctuate correctly in this very srs internet comment? thanks.)

  59. @TDRules- Do the Brits have a the term or an equivalent term to and oxymoron? Example- When a person apologizes (American English version)for the general lapse of grasping the English language in Manchester, and then that same person let’s us know that ‘they’ “invented” the language and not to correct them?

  60. @no way -*”…there ARE very few…”

    @Alas -Sorry:)

  61. SomeRandomChick I’m not sure what you describe is an oxymoron, it might be closer to irony.
    I fear that at the rate the english language is evolving that any grandkids I might have will view the way I spell words the way I view the way Shakespeare spells words and all essays etc. will be written like those in the first post

  62. @Somerandomchick -heh? I didn’t say we invented the english language. I apologized and tdrules said that he invented the language. And no, brits, I’m not ‘talking shit’ to her. I’m merely pointing out the facts in a completely polite way.

  63. there needs to be a lamebook for lamebook.

  64. MNic. I really hope the MN stands for Minnesota because I would be proud that you are representing our State.

  65. @no way: I apologise if you found my post insulting. I didn’t intend to call you a tard, I was trying to make the point that Shakespeare might think your (our) English is incorrect, and that he might call you a tard. If he were alive today. And had an internet connection. And a penchant for engaging in a debate in the comments section of Lamebook.

    In answer to your question, I consider English to be more of a mongrel language than others because it has absorbed so many different influences in a way that, for example, French or German have not. So we frequently have a germanic word like “green”, and a latinate word like “verdant”, and they mean the same thing. We have a much larger/bigger vocabulary, and we can choose/opt to use either word.

    @MNic: no problem, I also assume people on the internet are men unless they call themselves fairygirl or sparkleface.

    @ the people who object to this conversation: you don’t have to read it. The same way I skim-read over comments that just say “OMG lol tihs isnt lame”.

  66. @Midwest -Sorry, but no. I’m in Utah.

  67. @MNic -You have an extra “was” in one of your comments.

    @Mnic -Oh crikey! ‘Tis true, there is an extra “was” in one of my comments. Before anyone has a kyniption, I am truly, gravely sorry for my error in that sentence. ;) Thanks MNic

  68. @MNic- I don’t remember mentioning you? In fact, I didn’t mention you at all? lol The whole thing was to TDRules….

    @Roxy- As far as the oxymoron irony thing, you’re probably right as an oxymoron is usually a figure of speech that contains contradictory words, irony works better. Thanks. But either way, (s)he contradicted him/her self and I found it funny…

  69. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! normally I stay out of the bickering, but I just can’t do it anymore.
    That this bother’s me enough to post on this subject makes me a prime candidate for Bamboo’s “lamebook for lamebook” but I need to vent!
    Not only does there need to be a “lamebook for lamebook” right now but there also needs to be a damn forum Sticky that must be read before being allowed post on the supposed spellings of the following words which I see on this bloomin’ site and which drive me potty .. (potty being the UK slang for crazy, as opposed to wanting to go to the potty)

    apologise / apologize
    learnt / learned
    spelt / spelled
    arse / ass
    humour / humor
    colour / color
    realise / realize
    Full Stop vs Period

    And a WHOLE bunch of other words that we spell or use differently to each other across the pond..and who gives a flying poop who invented what language, no matter who “invented it” or where it originated from all languages evolve continuously.

    And exhale. Sigh. That’s better. Thanks.

  70. crap crap crap
    *being allowed TO post. Serves me right for venting.

  71. Nerdy Nerdenstein

    I completely get the humor in correctly someone’s spelling when it is completely awful (first lamebook entry) or when it changes the intent (last lamebook entry), but I really don’t get the compulsion that some people have to correct the spelling of one single letter in an otherwise coherant paragraph?

    Flanting will be yor downfall.

  72. @McG -You’re awesome:)

    @Nerdy Nerdenstein -… you did that on purpose didn’t you?! >:(

  73. @SomeRandomChick -This is not meant to be derogatory at all- All I meant was that it was me and not TDRules that apologized for not understanding the Manchester dialect. So technically, he didn’t do both. There is absolutely no malice intended, just information.

  74. Nerdy Nerdenstein

    Guilty =)

  75. for the love of pete, stfu the lot of you.

  76. @Nerdy Nerdenstein -That is so rude and so funny at the same time… Touche’! You probably would have died laughing at my reaction to that. “AHAH! Oh wait, NO!!!”

  77. @MNic- lol with no malice intended…… you’re wrong. Someone is might full of themselves, :D This is what I made a comment about, just so we can get this all cleared up:

    tdrules January 12th, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    As a fellow Mancunian (from Manchester for those who don’t know) I feel it is my responsibility to apologise for my area’s general grasp of the english language, i’l see to it that it does not happen again.

    and this….

    tdrules January 12th, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    no, apologise is how you spell it, us Brits invented the language no need to correct us thanks.
    and

  78. Nerdy Nerdenstein

    @MNic – I died laughing just reading that description! Awesome. Thanks for the laugh, buddy.

  79. You Got Doddified

    Is it possible to have Lamebook comments on Lamebook?

    There’s a few posts back there that deserve their own page.

  80. @SomeRandomChick -I’m sorry, I must be really tired:) You’re right, I’m wrong.

    Well at least I can say I’m mature enough to admit that I’m wrong when I am. So take THAT and feed it to your grandma!!!:P

    … That wasn’t pointed at anyone specific…*COUGH*no way and tdrules*COUGH*… hehehehehe, evilplottingevilplotting

  81. @Nerdy Nerdenstein -Glad I could make you laugh… jerk… j/k.

  82. Will the real Mancunian Candidate please stand up?

  83. We’re gonna have a problem here.

  84. Goodness me, if spelling is so important to you then surely you should all know that America and the UK have different spellings?! Stop obsessing over it it! Can’t we all just get along?

    Also, being British myself I have SO many people on my facebook who talk like that first post and I just can’t speak to them. Oh and Maff might just be a nickname from his last name or something.

  85. @Rach -Yeah, I know there are different spellings of words, and that’s why I put my disclaimer on it.

  86. I love Maff. He’s my new best friend… as soon as I find him.

    As a side note, I can’t believe Maff is a name. I thought she had misspelled Matt at first.

  87. is this really still being discussed? really? and just to say it for the 8th time this post – THERE NEEDS TO BE A LAMEBOOK FOR LAMEBOOK.

  88. Wow, people sure do get catty on here, don’t they? Spelling seems to be the main focus, though… And in all actuallity, the English language, while not actually called English originally, was around before England. What, did you think that a bunch of people settled down, gathered around, and said “Fuck it, let’s create a language no one else knows!”. English is mainly derived from latin, and takes most of its roots from that language, as does French, Italian, Spainish, and many more. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, if that’s how it sounds, but that’s actually what I’m currently studying in school.

  89. I AM CANADIAN!

  90. @MNic I think when you first tried to correct that spelling of apologise, it sounded like you were taking the piss. He apologised for people in Manchester talking like the first post, and you said is apologise another word from the manchunian dialect, sounded a bit mocking. You have made it clear that wasn’t the intention, but I think that might’ve been how this whole ‘beef ting’ developed. Let’s see if I get my head bitten off for that one :) . I have learnt where my language comes from now, so it was worth reading through these comments.

  91. Maff is a nickname for Matthew yes.

  92. Also for the person that searched for me how many maffs can there be on facebook?

  93. Who cares who invented the language?

  94. Actually, I believe the English language was invented by a chap named Maff!

  95. wasn’t invented by Maff; but it was invented by Maffedonians livin’ in a cave

  96. So both are korrect?
    Geography justifies
    A spelling mistake?

  97. Korrect is korrect.
    That is how I choose to spell
    it in Haikustan.

  98. #70

    There are many ways
    changing one letter will change
    the meaning. You cunt.

  99. #70

    There are many ways
    changing one letter will change
    the meaning. You count.

  100. The Arabs would be delighted to see the Americans and the Britishers going after each other in this battle of spellings.. LOL!

  101. Mr Haiku… hilarious!

  102. Matt*

  103. Sorry I took so long rocking up to this one I was busy lecturing on pro-nouns at the international language creation forums in Las Vegas.

    I am actually the co-creator of the English language, a young lad named Denzel Washington, a blonde bombshell named Moira Hindley and I invented it back in 1974 in a cafe on Dagenham High Street.

    To put the question to bed I can confirm that you’re all correct and anybody who misspells ANY word is a word mangling cunt

  104. Imamofo – it’s Myra Hindley not Moira, oops

  105. Chairman Lmao – Not its not. You’re thinking of the child killing serial killer, I’m referring to the co-inventor of the English language. You sicko.

  106. I did a spit-take on that last one.

  107. not lame enough to warrant witicism, OMOO and I have nothing to add to the age old tomaaaato, tomahhhhto debate. Well, maybe I do.

    Language is a tool folks not a religion. The whole point, and ya’ll WILL correct me if I’m wrong – is that language is a means to assist in communication. So whatever works in getting your point from person A to person B is acceptable. I think. Now go ahead and tell me in perfect king’s english why I am a dumbass.

  108. HOLY FUCK. The above comments took longer to read than War & Peace.

  109. the post from griffen is too funny, i have tears in my eyes ( i am black and hate the n word) but it’s too funny.

  110. I see they blurred out the “ig” in N**ger…

  111. The blurring of N**ger was done later.

    One of my comments some time ago was deleted because of using the word snig.ger (remove the dot) in a completely innocent context. Well, that’s political correctness for you. Totally misplaced and a major pain in the ass for rational people.

  112. He must have been growing cotton.

  113. worst_episode_ever

    over 100 frickn posts in and still no one’s translated the first one? seriously man what the fuck does that say?

  114. I can’t wait to have a beer.

    What are you doing tonight Pipkin?

    I don’t know baby, what about you?

    Have a beer for me please Chick.

    I’m going to Manchester tonight baby.

    Oh I will, how long have you got now? (pregnancy)

    Ooo, who are you going with?

    Sar and Rosie, come if you are not doing anything.

    Have you got a taxi baby?

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