Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Tuesday TypOHs!

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previous post: Fashion Forward

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75 Comments

  1. Ahh, I still remember when I pasted together my first collage. It only seems like yesterday (*sheds a single tear*).

  2. Lauren may as well have written that in hieroglyphics.

  3. It’s great to know that Barbie has not shit on Lauren.

  4. A few things I have gleaned about Lauren:

    she likes reading.
    she is not that conceited.
    she does not have a boyfriend.
    she is a party girlie.
    she is always the centre of attention.
    it takes a lot to keep up with her crazy life.
    she is better than us all seriously.
    she thinks that if someone doesn’t like her, for whatever reason, they should commit suicide by incesting bleach.
    she will not reply to people that send her a message.
    she places a lot of importance in correct spelling.

  5. Ricky <3.

  6. @knobjockey – incesting bleach??? That sounds horribly painful.

  7. Given that Lauren likes synchronized swimming and that she both can’t spell and hates poor spelling, we can conclude that she is an 85 year old woman suffering from severe dementia. Sad, really.

  8. ahahaha!!! Laurens final paragraph is the BEST….Here biography is full of usefully information (most of which is unreadable) but what I’ve gotten from it is that Lauren is quite a contradiction. She doesn’t like people who can’t spell shit, and yet she can’t spell shitttttt (is that enough t’s?). Also she is not conceited (thats important to know) but she is better than all of us, hotter than Barbie AND all thAttt*…when does she find time to not be conceited?

    Lauren, I know you already know this, but you rock.

  9. I hope Lauren is a real person so I can meet her….and strangle her :)

  10. can someone please tell me what language lAurenn is speaking? I can’t make it out. I tried English, French, Spanish, and German. I definately know it’s not French-Creole (my native tongue).

  11. Dammit! I got through these without reading Lauren’s long lame ass paragraph, but then when knobjockey put that about incesting bleach I had to try and find it! Fuck. Thanks a lot.

  12. Wow. Can someone who understands that please translate for the rest of us? God have mercy on us all!

  13. @tamedshrew: I think its a new language called Fbookian(EF-book-ee-an), my research shows that generally females of our species use this language, but males are learning and using it in an attempt to lure said females in to his life with the hope of procreating and teaching the young Fbookian. It is only the written word that they use, so far but I am still researching and my find that these females actually speak like this also.

  14. Wow, I kinda want to kill myself for sharing this girl’s name. The ones about how they “past” college are also quite humorous.

  15. my bad. you all knew i meant ingesting bleach.

  16. The only thing that would explain the travesty that is Lauren’s About Me section would be LOTS of Crack Cocaine.

  17. tthee ssstuppiddd… Ittt buurrnnnssss usss, preeeshusssss!!1!1!11

  18. @no dramas. I ran to my nearest Barnes and Noble and picked up Fbookian for Dummies (teen section). I finally translated what “laurRr” (seeing how we can’t call her by her government name) wrote. It took a couple hours but I got it! Unfortunately, I’ve lost a few brain cells in the process.

  19. Um so glade eye past collage two.

  20. @tamedshrew:
    lol French-creole is easier to read as opposed to Lauren’s little blurb about her self x)

  21. Dude! English isn’t even my native language and me nor people from my school would spell like that. How come??

    And Lauren must die! The world would be a better place.

  22. What does creole mean?

  23. Pepjin: “neither I nor people from my school”

    FTFY

  24. Translation:

    Hi birds :) What’s up, it’s Lauren, but you skanks don’t have the privilege to call me by my government so it’s Laur to you. Mkay. I like long walks on the beach, reading & walking my dog along with synchronize swimming. Bahaha. Sike. Buy me Tiffany’s on June 4th :P I’m hotter than Bargie, she has not shit on me. Lmao fuckin kidding. Not that conceited ;) k thanks. <3 cupcakes and fruit snacks…I could live off of. I DON’T have a boyfriend. Let’s see, I’m a party girlie, center of attention always. No matter if im home with fam. I like to party like no other and it takes a lot to keep up with my crazy life. I’m Irish & we do do it best, so stfu if you don’t believe. I’m a girlie girl sometimes, my whipdizzle (I have no clue if that can be translated). Starbucks. Makeup. Clothes. Shoes. Handbags. Huge sunglasses. Boys. Clubs. My crackberry. I’m a sweetheart, if I like you lol. But if I don’t, then I’m a crazy bitch :P which would mean you most likely know me as a bitch, just because you all suck! Ha. A woman is who she believes she is, and I believe I’m all that, so umm believe it too or kill yourself :X. I have no time for haters, you smuts are seriously like dead to me :) . Just keep putting my name out there, I appreciate the publicity. <3 Oh and keep stealing my about me’s bitches…even though they’re about me and not you. Haha. It’ll get you far in life. Lmfao not. Don’t message me, that’s gay. Respond to comments. Mmh if you are cute! I’m better than you all seriously. Hop off my life, you hit little birds. <3 :) Oh, and if you don’t like me (for some odd reason)…kick rocks, drink bleach, and walk it out on glass. K thanks. Bye XO

  25. *Barbie.

  26. Lauren, your “About Me” section made my eyes hurt.

    I hope someone punches you in the face! :(

  27. @Noobie:
    “Creole is a stable language that originated from a mixture of various languages.”

    I totally stole that from wiki btw ;)

    Basically it’s just some other language that came from another language or a mixture of several languages. That’s the definition of a creole language. But there’s many other definitions for Creole.

  28. @Sealitte:
    Wow. That was a lot of hard work…Must have taken so much mental capacity to translate such a text like that from a dead language. My oh my…

    You’re my hero LOL!:D

  29. *Oops… Seattlite

  30. @noobie it’s a dialect of the French language. it’s the official language of Haiti.

    there are many different types of creole though. Danish-Creole, english creole, portuguese creole, etc.

  31. Jesus I wish I had read Seattlite’s recap instead of all that garbage. I felt like I was reading a letter written by Micheal Jay Fox.

  32. @seattlite I’m literally laughing my ass off right now! Hilarious

  33. “ohhh,& if yOuu donn’t likee meee (f0R sommee odd reAsOnnn)”
    Yeah. What possible reason anyone could have not to like you, laurRr?

    Why have people come to believe it’s cool to type like a Parkinsons patient with a broken backspace key? Do they thinkk padddingg everyyyythinggg outtt with unecessary letters will make their pointless warbling more interesting? Is there that much heavy metal in the drinking water? Did I miss a vote?

    On a brighter note, lAurenn and her ilk spends three times longer than actually necessary to communicate via keyboard – which is that little bit less time that the rest of humanity has to deal with her contradictory self-obsessed prattle on a face-to-face basis.

    Glad she doesn’t hAveee a bOyfriennnnd. Hope she never breeedsss either.

  34. @tamedshrew . I must admit I’ve never heard of Danish-Creole.. And I’m Danish. How do you know about it?

  35. @Danish:
    I think it’s called Afrikaans, in South Africa. I’m not sure though.

  36. Yo Ma, wht’s gud?

    Its obvious that she is having a problem with the keys on her keyboard sticking…. and the caps lock intermitently coming on by itself… and spell check auto-correcting to the incorrect spelling haphazardly… and…….

  37. @Danish I’m sorry, I meant DUTCH creole. It’s spoken in the Virgin Islands. But, there is some Danish mixed in there.

    creole is basically the language of the natives of a conquered country mixed with the language of the country that colonized it. For example, when the French invaded Haiti and settled there, their language was merged with that of its inhabitants.

    Jamaican Patois derives from gaelic, american english comes from English, Philippines speak Tagalog which has Portuguese influence. In Africa,…. you get my point.

    Sorry, I’m just fascinated by language.

  38. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    Lauren is a retarttttt

  39. LMFAO Lauren. Hilarious! That is the longest ‘about me’ I have ever read. As els9874 said, you rock!

    How do you commit incest with bleach? It seems unpossible!

    @Seattlite: That is dedication to Lamebook. Bravo sir!

    I pasted my second semester of college, but you don’t hear me cutting about it!

    @Kevin: How could you possibly know that she wouldn’t rape someone? Have you tried to get her to rape someone? Just because she refused you while under the influence of date rape drugs, it does not mean she cannot, or will not, rape or sleep with another human being! You sir are a Necro-felcher!

  40. People like these dipshits make my brain hurt…

  41. @ seattlite: dude, you just stole the whole point of my post. i didn’t try to translate her whole ‘about me’ section, i just got the main parts and translated them into english. thanks for whipping a dead donkey. asshole.

  42. @knobjockey Who cares, get over yourself.

  43. “Kick rocks, drink bleach, and walk it out on glass,” is going to be my new email signature. Thanks, Lauren.

  44. translation:

    Hello, ladies and gentlemen. What is new with you? The person currently speaking is Lauren, but you sexually promiscuous people do not have the privilege to call me by the name that the government does, so you may call me “Laur”, okay?
    I like long walks on the beach, reading, and walking my dog. I also enjoy synchronized swimming! Haha, just kidding about that last part!
    My birthday is June 4th, so you should buy me something, preferrably jewellery from Tiffany’s.
    I’m more attractive than Mattel’s doll, Barbie. She pales in comparison to me. Haha! Just kidding (again)! I’m not that conceited.
    I could live on cupcakes and fruit snacks.
    I’m currently single.
    I like to party and be the center of attention. Even if I’m just home with my family, I party like no other. It takes a lot of work to try to keep up with my crazy life.
    I’m Irish. We do basically everything the best, and if you don’t believe it, it would be best if you didn’t bring it up around me.
    I can be girlish sometmes.
    I also enjoy the following things: Starbucks coffee, makeup, clothes, shoes, handbags, huge sunglasses, boys, clubs, and my blackberry (which I amusingly call ‘crackberry’ because it’s so addictive).
    I am a kind person if I like you. If I dislike you, then I am crazy and mean. Most likely, you think I’m crazy and mean because all of you kind ladies and gentlemen are not up to my standards.
    A woman is who she believes she is, and I do believe I am the best. If you are of opposite opinion, then please commit suicide. Haha.
    I have no time for people who dislike me. They do not exist to me. But please continue to spread malicious rumors about me, you are just making me more famous.
    Also, keep stealing this “about me” section, I’m sure it will cause you to excel in life. Haha. Not! (See what I did there? I’m being amusing again!)
    Please do not message me. That is homosexual. I would prefer it if you responded to comments (if you’re cute, that is).
    Once again, I would like to reiterate that I am better than all of you. Seriously. Please stop pretending to be me.
    Lastly, if you do not like me (for some strange reason), commit suicide through ingesting bleach.
    Goodbye!

  45. @athousandtimesno:
    Quick! Guard your post! knobjocky might have a hissy fit over it.

  46. athousandtimesno FTW. Excellent work. Please let us know when your brain stops bleeding.

  47. omg, omg, omg i hope i paste my last semester of college¬¬

  48. I’m reeling over the insinuation that anyone would actually WANT to copy LauRrRrR’s “About Me.”
    Is it now fashionable to tell the world in one overlong paragraph that you are an illiterate, hypocritical psycho?

  49. omg kevin… if i seriously thought that was ‘be a good raper (well rapist i guess but thats not the point)’ i would skip it… i definitely would not answer it!

    and i think Lauren has multiple personalities lol

  50. Ah yes, I remember the day I pasted my first semester of college. If you don’t believe me, kick rocks, drink bleach and walk it out on glass, k thanks bye.

  51. Skipping to the end after the first 20 – you people cannot be serious? Lauren’s obv doing satire, you morans.

    No one types world-class AOL gibberish like that then snaps into perfect English except to make a point – one which, apparently, you all completely missed?

  52. wow – 50 comments from people bagging someone who’s written creative brilliance that sailed above your heads. Tight lives!

  53. These entities (Manuel, Lauren et al) are super-intelligent members of an extra-terrestrial conspiracy to re-condition the human race into a collection of mindless zombies, in order to facilitate their takeover of the planet with zero resistance. If you don’t believe that, then go and kick rocks, drink bleach and walk it out on glass, k thanks bye.

  54. @ scuter

    In case you haven’t realised it yet, lamebook’s comments section isn’t exactly a serious hangout. And I’d advise against acting as if you are the one and only high-grade intellectual with sharp perception and advanced analytical reasoning skills around here. Just a thought.

    Now go and kick rocks.

  55. Antarctic Circle, I want to thank you for lulling me to sleep. You are zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  56. @24 & 44: I’m a professional translator and if I had to do that job, I’d bill the client upwards of $100. Let not your hard work go to waste!

  57. FFS you guys are idiots.

    Lauren is being ironic. Can you not tell by the last paragraph?

  58. I seriously need Ricky (from the screendump) and ‘athousandtimesno’ (from these comments) on my facebook to translate half the crap that people post.

  59. @wan this would have been a win for her if, in her alleged irony, didn’t misspell ESPECIALLY!

    It’s actually “lauRrr” that needs To “learn to spell shit the right way”. And if I’m not mistaken, isn’t it: learn how to spell…

    Too bad we are all laughing at her instead of seeing the point she was trying to make. Which I believe to have been none.

  60. Don’t @ me AC – save that crap for Twitter where it belongs.

    And I wasn’t acting anything of the sort – I was just shocked that not one in 50 comments posted recognised the fact that Lauren was doing a little creative writing.

    The fact that her talent – and if you don’t think it’s talent, you try splashing some AOL together and post it here – was instead ridiculed by most of you jokers shocked me. That’s all.

    And this is my 3rd comment lifetime here – so the only thing I’ve realised so far is posters here seem to lack the ability to distinguish between irony and morony [invented that word just now - don't y'all wannabe academics jump on me for it not being in Websters yet]. It surely seems that is your MO. But I concede I’m basing these judgments on a very tiny sample size – specifically, this single comment thread.

  61. @scuter: kick rocks, drink bleach, and walk it out on rocks! K, thanks emo boy!

  62. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    athousandtimesno wins!

    I have a couple of questions –

    What the fuck is a government name?

    What is a whippdizzzle?

    Barbie shits on her?

    And by crackberry does she mean a raspberry injected with crack? That is the only explanation my brain can process for this utter arsewater.

  63. @ Insane – oh please don’t hurt his feelings by using the @ symbol … :)

  64. One more comment,
    why even go through all that to prove a point? Why bother with the aggravation of opening your inbox and receiving message after message from random guys Saying “Yo ma wht’s gud?” if you don’t want them messaging you, why not use proper English in your about me section?

    what’s the point of that? No sarcasm at all. Just want to understand lauRrr’s irony.

  65. @ Antarctic Circle: I know I have stepped over the line again. Oh no! I’ve done it again while talking to you. Lamebook has turned me into a monster!

  66. Don’t I just love stupid people!

  67. hey Ricky, I’ll*

  68. But you skanks don’t have the privilege to call me by my government? Wtf?

  69. And she likes make-up, shoes, hand bags, clothes, jewellery, big sunglasses, clubbing and guys. She ‘can’ be ‘girlie’.

  70. I wish I had a government name and some whipdizzle. FML
    *kicks rocks and walks it out on glass*

  71. Four words Laur: DRINK, YOUR, SCHITZO, MEDICINE! Honestly, I know some-one who suffers from schitzophrenia and he makes a hell of a lot more sense even when he’s drunk!

  72. haha, you’re a douche. i didnt feel like going all out on his grammar. i just wanted to attack the spelling. capitalization can be handled differently lol.

  73. I can’t even read that. What a knob.

  74. @iloveyourmum

    Neither can I, but all you really need to read is the final sentence!

  75. The impossible message has been translated, but let’s decipher the point she is trying to prove that scuter has pointed out. Here goes:
    1. People who message her fail to use her real name, which she makes a point of here: “First off, I have a name, use it.” So, i’m assuming she would like that people do use her proper name respectfully.
    2. She has proven she knows how to spell properly, though it would look a lot better if she hadn’t shot herself in the foot by spelling especially wrong.
    3. Lastly, she is tired of receiving spammed messages over and over again from illiterate men who want to beat the meat to her picture.

    I feel like such a kill-joy. Making fun of her rant seems like so much more fun, so i’m going to go with the fact that she’s a schizo and her intelligent personality with a sense of satirical comedy thought it was a good idea to clarify things at the end.
    Now I shall go and kick rocks, drink bleach and walk it out on glass, k thanks bye.

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