There was a knock on the door. It was the Walrus. He had driven up the turnpike to see me. I knew what he wanted. He knew I wanted it. He sneezed on me.
“gesundheit” I said.
He looked at me, his whiskers twitching a bit. He raised his tusks.
“D()N’T Le@VE THE ()N3 Y()U L()V3″
I knew he was right, but what could I do? I was tired of the way Giraffe never paid any attention to me. Sure, his tongue was long and able to do things others only dream about… but that only goes so far.
“What do you want from me, Walrus?”
He just looked at me and clapped his fins together.
“Hang on, I’ll get you a bucket and a sponge”
I went to the kitchen and got out the bucket. The very same bucket we used for giving grandpa his bi-weekly spongebath. Walrus’ wrinkly, leathery skin reminded me of cleaning grandpas testicles. The strange thing was they made very similar sounds of pleasure during the sponging as well.
“Y()U @R3 D@ 1 I L!K3″ he said.
I wanted to be the one he loved. I guess it’s true what they say: don’t ever give your heart to a Walrus.
Having just read this, I feel as if I could have had a former life as a code-breaker during WW2. As a part of ‘the youth of today’ I should be able to read it properly. But it appears I grasped the use of a keyboard fairly quickly. That just makes me cross!
@ #2…Wow….how many trips have you taken?…Have you got any left for me?…oh how I wish I was living on your random giraffe/walrus/sponge-bath planet right now!…it sounds like fun!
AnonisGay…you should publish a book of creative writing ‘cos you are way out there!
Just out of curiosity… why do people type “@ #2″ or “#17″ or something like that. I realize it’s the # of the post they are replying to, but it seems like a pain to count down to 17, instead of just using someone’s name.
I know on textsfromlastnight.com they actually show up as #1, #2, #3, etc… but that’s now how it looks on my screen for lamebook.
Is it just something people are doing for tradition? Or does it show up as numbers for some people? Please enlighten me…
@ 15 or mcowles – i guess one reason is to show the person that you are responding to what they said in that specific numbered comment, in case they have posted more than one. Each of the comments here are numbered. It’s also sometimes easier to type @ a number than a name.
I have no numbers! I want my numbers.
@0 or @Admin: Give me my fucking numbers. Don’t you oppress me you fascist bastard. Show me the digits!
@mcowles: Fuck them if they’re not going to let us have our numbers (which we have every mother fucking right too). We’ll start our own utopian somethingsynonymouswithlame-book where we’ll all be free. If people want to use numbers they can. If they want to use names they can. No longer will we be shackled by these right wing regimist nazis (of course we still won’t accept spelling mistakes or poor grammar – unless it is my own).
Come on brothers, sisters, comrades. Vive la revolution!
Fair enough statement Barbara, if rather cliched.
Pity you had to go and ruin your internet credibility with this crap. Think about all the things you could have done in the 2 minutes extra it took you to figure out how many “awesome” ways you could switch up your letters. Buying a clue would have been first on my list.
Internet credibility: Attainment of the required level of IQ needed to have anything you put on the internet taken seriously.
Put simply, after this ridiculous excuse for a status update Barbara could post a status update theorising Proust and it just could not be taken seriously.