Monday, March 1, 2010

Too Much for Monday

previous post: Terrible Type

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53 Comments

  1. Re: Sid.

    I love it when that happens. Love love love. But I would never ever post it on a social networking site.

  2. What’s wrong with the first one? Seriously, whoever’s heart started racing when they read that and then excitedly reached for PrtSc needs a kick in the fork.

    Katie, assuming you are not the one dishing it out, the only pointer you need about anal is not to let anyone who doesn’t know EXACTLY what they’re doing the fuck NEAR that thing.

  3. Just on a website mocking a social networking site then, mistermessy? ;-)

  4. Totally.

  5. I didn’t know The Discovery Channel had programming like that. You learn something new every day.

  6. Don’t see how the first one was TMI.

    I really hope Katie can find a better resource on anal sex.

  7. It’s funny how crazy excited Christine is about Katie coming over.

  8. The first one’s fine – no reason for it to be on here.
    Kimbelie’s made me laugh
    Sid’s may be TMI, but it’s funny

  9. Oh, and Vaita’s? That sounds like the worst party ever, but I have to admit I am slightly curious as to how they are going to make them

  10. “Just in case you are wondering.” LOL
    Though it’s disgusting, it’s actually funny.

  11. haha kims was a win ‘fisting’

  12. I still don’t get why people post status updates about their crap.

  13. my good god above :O

  14. Sid? What Sid?

  15. Marie needs to visit the doctor.

  16. Sid’s is a Ron White quote.

    “Ever take a crap so big that your pants fit better? I’m hoping that happens to me later tonight, ’cause these babies don’t fit anymore. I’m hoping I’m one big turd away from backing into an old wardrobe.”

  17. My fiancee was watching that dinosaur penis programme last night. She told me how they explained that dinosaurs sometimes had penises up to twelve feet in length.

    Fucking Discovery Channel. Does it always set people up for disappointment like that?

  18. kamaukamaukamau

    That atomic sauce was apparently worth it to Sid.

  19. Hobo – don’t worry, they may have massive penises, but I bet you’d beat them for personality. And that’s what’s important. Honest.

  20. ew.

  21. I’m so disappointed that Kimberlie’s was a typo. I was going try and start a group. I’m getting a little bored with my bother’s reenactment of the 1968 Olympics.

  22. Note to self: Keep 3 year old son AWAY from Discovery Channel. I don’t think I have it in me to explain why Mr T-rex is hurting Mrs T-rex..

  23. Eh, males of our species may not have 12 ft penes, but they invented Corvettes and Monster Trucks to make up for it.

    Is Vanita’s next workshop how to make your own reusable toilet paper? For fuck’s sake, some things are just meant to be disposable.

  24. *penis

  25. The first one’s lame because she’s doing an “I know, I know, I’m so kerrrrazy going out to a bar this far gone”. Only a Victorian gent would be fussed about a pregnant woman at a bar.

    Wait, don’t tell me… she also had a small beer or two? *faints*

    What a snooze.

  26. Note to self: Watch more Discovery Channel.

  27. To gingivitis: they will probably be making them out of fabric. Usually layers of cotton and/or fleece. They might even include a waterproof layer, and some ‘wings’ with a press stud, if they’re good at sewing.

    To Miss Shegas (and I’m assuming from your name that you are female): those conveniently disposable tampons increase your risk of toxic shock syndrome, and exposure to carcinogenic dioxins. Or if you favour towels/pads, they float around the oceans or sit in landfill indefinitely – that’s if you don’t flush them and cause a plumber’s nightmare blockage. Also, just because sanitary products are white doesn’t mean they have been sterilised. Would you buy a pair of socks and shove them straight up your good-good? Of course not, you don’t know who’s touched them, whether they’ve dropped them on the floor… same principle.

    So a nice soft fabric pad that you can wash in your own home (exactly the same theory as a washable diaper/nappy) is often the cheapest, greenest, healthiest choice. Sure, call me a tree-hugging hippy if you like, but next time you’re on the rag, just think about what you’re putting in direct contact with your most intimate areas. Do you really know where it’s been?

    (Apologies for the preachy, taking-it-all-too-seriously attitude of this post. Let the chorus of “Ewww” and mockery recommence.)

  28. whole lot of losing going on there

  29. @Alas

    Who are these women that are just finding random tampons and shoving them up their cooter? I need to wrap my dick in cotton and hang around your neighborhood.

  30. @Geezmom
    Agreed, no reason for the first to be on here.
    And @ #25 person
    It’s a cultural stigma. If you see a woman in a bar with an obvious pregnant belly, what are you going to think? She was probably just making it clear to her friends (if any saw her) that she wasn’t there to drink.
    I felt weird buying my brother-in-law wine for his birthday when I was 5 months pregnant. ._.

  31. Vanita, if I attend this event, I’m gonna need a graphic demonstration of how these beauties actually work, so bring your pre loved ones and some soap.

  32. @lawbarb – Penes is a correct latin plural of penis, and acceptable English language plural as well.

    Lest you doubt: http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/penes
    Way to add to the lame, though.

  33. Alas are you Ben’s wife/girlfriend/mother?

  34. @ ALAS again:

    “Also, just because sanitary products are white doesn’t mean they have been sterilised. Would you buy a pair of socks and shove them straight up your good-good? Of course not, you don’t know who’s touched them, whether they’ve dropped them on the floor”

    I think your vajayjay can handle unsterilised goods sometimes; you don’t know who has touched or dropped (haha) a guys penis which has (probably) been “straight up your good-good” and you’re still alive right? Why the fuss?

  35. I know enough eco-conscious women who consider alternatives to disposable pads and tampons that I don’t really see why Vanita’s post would be considered Lamebook-worthy. I have no issue with using the disposable stuff, but I’ve encountered lots of people who have used menstrual cups and the like. They’re not necessarily out sewing their own, but still, I wouldn’t read Vanita’s post and think, “Hur hur, LAMEBOOK.”

  36. MsBuzzkillington

    I think the first one is pretty lame. Its more so the fact that she doesn’t seem to care at all… she’s just like I am pregnant and drinking.. yeah!! and I don’t care about it! Yeah!!

  37. @Soup – Today sir, you are an Awesome.

    @Alas – You seem to have mistaken me for someone who a) completely unaware of this utterly new and striking concept, and b) gives a two shits about hearing it again here. I default to hippy on most of the stuff I put in or on my precious temple, but HYGIENE rules!!!!

    Isn’t it a bit weird to immediately assume women who don’t like your preferred method of red tide abatement are shoving random crap up the hoo-ha? Sounds like a bit of a personal fixation.

    There are responsibly made disposable pads, too. Furthermore, I rebut your “greener” claim thusly; either you have a stinking mound of blood and womb-debris covered fabric piling up as you gather enough to do a proper and efficient full load of wash, or you waste water doing small daily wash loads of this re-usable pad, inefficiently using coal energy to heat the water, run the machine for multiple small loads, and adding soap and additional waste to the water treatment system. What about how the fabric is manufactured and treated?

    See, there’s no magic bullet solution to anything. Every solution has side effects and consequences, and I grow impatient with myopic, “perfect” pseudo-solutions foisted with great self righteous volume upon the masses, without examining the “minor” side effect details as well.

  38. MsBuzzkill, she doesn’t actually say she’s drinking.
    That’s your assumption.
    By the way, while not advocated, a glass of wine at the END of a pregnancy would be no problem.

  39. The things people will post these days. Sad really…

  40. T-Rex may have a gigantic penis, but his arms are too short and useless to stroke it. Not sure that’s a fair tradeoff. Although if it’s 12 feet long, autofellatio may be an option. A very toothy option.

  41. If I was Kimberlie’s brother I’d love to fist her judging by her fb pic. (go on look her up – it’ll take 30 secs)

  42. My friends use the reusable tampon alternative ‘diva cup’ it is not for me, but reusable pads is surely a similar concept to reusable nappies, except only a pain in the arse once a month

  43. @MsBuzzKill
    As wordpervert says, it doesn’t say she’s drinking. I actually read it as she wasn’t, which is why she was saying she WASN’T uncomfortable.
    Some people feel uncomfortable being in a bar type setting and not being able to drink. A pregnant woman would probably feel even weirder, as it’s obvious she’s in a place not exactly the norm for her ‘state’.
    And yes, drinking a glass of wine in the second and third trimesters is just fine. My doctor encourages it, actually, as a way to destress, and cause less harm to the baby than stressing out would. But I’ve only had 1 glass of wine (on Christmas) since finding out I was pregnant.

  44. @dilysin – not sure that “pain in the ARSE” is the most appropriate term for this subject…

  45. I don’t think it’s Vanita’s choice of making reuseable pads that’s at issue here. I think it’s her choice of RSVPing to an event that shows up in her friend’s feed and forces them to think of her- and her using that product- that deserves the Lamebook submission. Because seriously, who wants that picture in their head??

  46. lol

  47. @MsBuzzkillington Jeez, it’s FINE to have a drink or two when you’re pregnant. All these comments suggesting the contrary are way more lame than the post.

  48. i love taking a pregnant friend to the bar with me. GOTTA HAVE THAT DD!

  49. Sigh. This feels a lot like talking to an empty room because of lamebook’s habit of posting nothing all weekend then 15 new items in the space of a day, but in case any of those questions above actually expected an answer…

    @Soup – sure, there are public toilets in town that have useful holes cut in the cubicle walls for ease of access. I’ll draw a map and tell you the password.

    I didn’t mean to imply that I know people who will pick a tampon up off the floor and use it. I was referring to standard tampons that are sold in cardboard boxes, in wrappers – they’re not sterile. They just look white. They could have been anywhere.

    @Tante – I absolutely agree, we shouldn’t try and make our lives completely sterile, and as the old saying goes “you’ll eat a peck of dirt before you die”. Just… not all at once. And maybe not in prolonged absorbent contact with your good-good.

    @Miss Shegas – I genuinely apologise for my assumption that you were completely unaware of alternatives. I misread your short reply as a knee-jerk reaction, especially as it compared sanitary products to toilet paper. I find the image of a “full washload” of fabric pads just as nauseating as you do, let me assure you, but to go into the actual details of how I manage my laundry and menses here would seem… lamebook-worthy. Suffice it to say my eco-conscience is clear, my washing machine has a green halo, and I don’t feel particularly fixated on anything. Thanks though.

  50. I can’t imagine why anyone would give a shit (let alone two shits!) about Vanita’s post. The only thing I thought was funny was that her name makes me think of the word “vagina,” making it a bit silly sounding in context. Otherwise, “OMG A WOMAN MENSTRUATING!! OMG NOWAI!! OMG NOT USING KOTEX OR TAMPAX LOLOL CALL THE LOLPOLICE HER UTERUS IS SHEDDING ITS LINING LAWL” must have been going through the submitter’s (and poster’s) head.

    Way to go, Sid.

    And I hope Ashley is enjoying herself… Another one that isn’t really funny.

  51. julieb123…are you retarded? that is disgusting to reuse a tampon or pad, I don’t want to know what the hell you do during your period but all I can say is I would never eat your pussy.

  52. @noonecares123: Yes, but you ooze such class that I’m sure the ladies are lining up to suck your dick.

    @Alas: Let’s not forget the fact that pads and tampons get such a pretty white sheen to them because of bleach and other toxins, or that tampons hang onto bacteria that the self-cleansing vagina is trying to rid itself of. Yeah, that’s way hotter than a Diva Cup.

  53. Thank you @fackyew for pointing that out! I loved that status :)

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