Friday, July 29, 2011

The Work Fridge

previous post: Sensitive Subjects

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32 Comments

  1. First off.. YAY CUPCAKES WIN! Second off, eww.. who jerks off on their own pizza?! What if they weren’t eaten by a hungry fat troll at the office? Would he have eaten his own jizz? From #3 on his list, I’m going with Yes!

  2. This belongs on passive-aggressive.com…

  3. Oh, and if this is a respectable corporate office.. that makes it even funnier. Who TF writes that on a WORK fridge?! ::chuckle::

  4. Regardless of someone eating his frozen pizzas, ejaculating on food that someone else is going to eat is disgusting and unsafe. There were other ways to deal with this situation. I think the person who wrote this note is unprofessional and deserves to be fired.

  5. @spankipie

    yup, sure is. and full of win.

  6. @spankipie, sure let the person who’s actually doing something wrong stay with the company. It doesn’t matter if it’s unsafe, a person can do whatever they want to their own food. Not his fault their are inconsiderate assholes working at his company.

  7. there*

  8. And if eating ejaculate was really so unsafe, a lot of women would stop doing it….

  9. What is unsafe is eating food that you have no idea from where it came, if is it clean, if it is fresh, if it has it been ejaculated on…

  10. Way to steal posts from passiveagressive.

  11. lighten up. this is HILARIOUS. I’d be pissed if people from work stole from me, and I bet after this note… it stopped. :) ps. ever think he could have been joking? and not actually ejaculated on the pizza? calm the heck down…

  12. I think this is funny too. Labiusmaximus is right, it’s his food, he can do what he wants to it.

    Did you guys hear about the guy not long ago who was charged with rape and put on the sex offender’s registry (I believe) because he jerked off in a co-worker’s water and she drank it? Yes, it’s disgusting. Yes, he should be fired and have some court-ordered councelling or something, but a sex offender? Really?? The woman was going on about how she felt like she had been raped, that he may as well have physically raped her… uh, dare you to say that to a woman who’s ACTUALLY been raped.

    Anyway, funny post.

  13. yourmothersayshi

    shouldn’t have been eating his pizzas. maybe he likes jizz toppings. not his fault someone ate his shit.

  14. I’m with the ones saying its the thief’s problem. When my husband had some food stolen he didn’t go to quite that extreme. He would just bring in 3 identical frozen items in one bag, and he stuck a sign on the bag that said “I pissed in one of these, and only I can tell which one.”

  15. Lol, she actually felt raped…what an ass. She’s prolly 400lbs and wishes somebody would. ;P

    Reminds me of another story. Some guy from Illinois or Kentucky was at a club and a woman paid another woman $100 to take him in the bathroom and give him a blowjob and spit the semen into a container and give it to her. So the woman did it. Well, the woman who paid for the semen took it home and froze it. Then later on sometime she took a turkey baster and squirted the semen in her vagina and got pregnant. Then took his ass to court for child support and fucking won!!! Talk about getting raped!! :)

  16. Counseling? If someone ejaculated into my water, I would shatter his kneecaps and while he’s busy rolling around in agony, I’d put on some cleats and stomp the hell out of his junk. Hell no. People are sex offenders for pissing in public, aren’t they?

  17. You fuck with a man’s pizza, you suffer the consequences.

  18. Spankipie ate the pizza

  19. @labiusmaximus – Urban legend. You can’t freeze sperm in your own freezer at home.
    Also, re: the original post, I think the guy is bluffing.

  20. @TipDipTease You are an idiot. First of all, he didn’t jizz on someone else’s food. He jazzed on his own food that he never intended to eat to punish someone who stole from him. If other person didn’t steal the pizza, then no problems. Second, NO, people ARE NOT “sex offenders for peeing in public”, they get charged for simple disorderly conduct. You are as dumb as they come.

  21. I have to say that jizzing in someone’s water, while a far cry from rape, is pretty fucking sick. I would not be happy to drink the jizz of any of my male co-workers. They are all repugnant. The new CEO is kind of sexy, though.

    Absolutely, penisbelenis. No way can jizz be kept in a home freezer and remain viable. It is nowhere near cold enough. And I agree with you that this dude is probably bluffing about putting extra topping on his pizzas.

  22. @Cardinal74 they were talking about another related story not the one about the picture above.

    & ‘person’ instead of ‘people’, really? kind of a fail on your last line dont u think? :D

  23. It is true that freezing sperm in your kitchen freezer has little effect on their lifespan. I discovered this myself after I received a microscope for Christmas when I was in second grade.

    And you can confirm this yourself if you want to. Just masturbate onto a couple slides and stick one in the freezer for a few hours. Then compare the slides under the microscope. You will see that the only difference is that some of the cold sperm will be wearing knitted caps with Chicago Bears logos on them.

  24. Wrong Cardinal. While it may not be true for all states, in some states you get added to the sex registry if someone sees you taking a leak in public. South Carolina is one such state. Most cops won’t charge you with that and will give you a nuisance ticket, but it does happen.

  25. U know, he may have not actually jizzed on the pizza but rather sprinkled his dick cheese on it… Jizz is more of a ‘dipping sauce’ than a ‘topping’. Just a thought.

  26. How could there be a load of jizz in a glass of water and that bitch not see it?

    You have to hellbent on revenge to let enough dick cheese build up to put some on four slices of pizza.

  27. drchalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    I don’t think he actually did anything to the pizzas. What would be the point? Imagine you bring in some food to work; where is the logic in making it inedible so no one steals it? Then you can’t eat it either.

  28. @drchalkwitheringlicktacklefeff I don’t think the point was to make it inedible so they don’t steal it, otherwise he would of put it up BEFORE they stole the pizza, he just wanted revenge and to make them feel sick and deter them next time… I am pretty sure that the thief wouldn’t go back again…

  29. comparethemeerkat

    Did you know that dick cheese comes our of your bellend, and isn’t a collection of piss and spunk that is going mouldy…

  30. My dick cheese is actually a fantastic complement to pizza. It’s like an aged Swiss that adds a necessary complexity to a familiar dish.

    People think I shove a tube of crackers in my pants to make it look like I have a huge rod, but I just like to be prepared for my easy cheese.

  31. vaginalroundhouse

    We have a guy in my office that lurks around for free food. He’s quite fat and has an annoying nerd laugh.

  32. at first I thought this was extreme passive aggression until I got to #4. :)

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