Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Vagina Monologues

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previous post: Really???…WoW.

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64 Comments

  1. first

  2. WTF is up with the First shit? on the topic…some people are real cunts.

  3. That first one’s not lame, it’s full of win. But glad it’s on here to enjoy.

  4. Whoa.

  5. I guess Erin and Lisa have their own ‘rewashed cloth pad’ scent. Adorable.

  6. They should make douche and period pads that have the scent of old copper. Yeah, that would be great. “Hmmm, do you have a roll of pennies in your vagina, or did you bleed a week ago and decided to not wash your yatch?”

    I’d buy it!

  7. vaginal douche just give you more chances of getting a yeast infection.

  8. Yay crusty blood pads!

  9. Reusable cloth pads sound gross. What about all of the blood clots? You can’t just throw them in the washer like that, they’d clog up the system. You’d have to scrape them into the garbage first. Then after that, you’d have to wash the butterknife that you used to do the scraping and spray some Lysol/Febreez into the garbage can to get the dead baby (I know it’s not REALLY a dead baby) smell to go away.

    It just seems like such a hassle.

    BTW, has anyone here ever used those “cup” things for their periods? They go around the cervix and “fill” with blood. You take them out at the end of the day and just pour them into the sink, rinse them off, and reinsert them. I saw them on a shelf once, in a Rite Aid and I wondered, for a long while, about them.

  10. Who else thinks Arthur needs to be smacked in the gob for using the word “womyn”?

  11. Mcowles: you don’t leave them in till the end of the day, you empty ~ rinse ~ reapply every few hours, or even more often if you need to. Dunno how comfortable they’d be but some hippy women just swear by them O_o

  12. Summer desperation, love it!, and unfortunately many girls smell of it

  13. mcowles: i tried the “diva cup” and didn’t like it. UNCOMFORTABLE. tried it for several months, in fact. but, i absolutely adore the “instead” cup thingies. i’ve used those for years. the only problem is that they’re hard to find.

    and you actually can leave any of them in all day on lighter days.

  14. I want my vagina to smell like Mexican food and tequila. Maybe my ex-boyfriend would want me back? lol

  15. if we’re talking about food scented vajayjays, why wasn’t a possible chocolate scent mentioned? How many woman would totally go les when they were dieting – or maybe when they weren’t…

  16. i dig on the diva cup. there, i said it. also, the reusable pads sound really gross, and won’t serve any purpose in a vampire or bear invasion emergency.

    go cup.

  17. @bottlecap I agree. He is obviously going for the “I’m sensitive” ploy by spelling “woman” with a “y.” He should get smacked right in his scentes mangina.

  18. first one is not lame, they are nothing short of geniuses

  19. lamebook; visit for shits, giggles, and advice on female sanitary devices

  20. I wish that I had friends like Arthur’s.

  21. @ mccowles: This may be TMI, but you asked. I use reusable cloth pads and it’s not that big of a hassle. All I have to do is rinse it as soon as I take it off, and throw it in the washing machine. They don’t smell funky since you’re not letting it sit around for long. I also put a few drops of teatree oil in the washer with them to keep them fresh. :)

  22. @hollymar: You too? I got tired of filling landfills with used pads and tampons. I use the washable cloth pads and a Lady/Diva Cup. What most people don’t know is the stuff doesn’t smell funky until it exits your body and touches air.

    For those hating on cloth pads, disposable pads tend to be worn for much longer and get much nastier. A hot wash in the washing machine and a touch of teatree oil is healthier for us (no bleached products on your body) and healthier for the planet. YESSSSS.

    Anyway, this shit was hilarious. I especially love the “summer I left for college” bit. And what’s with the pussy spelling it “womyn?” Grow a dick, a brain, and a heart. (Brad Neely, anyone?)

  23. This is so enlightening. Let use also talk about the best way to wipe our asses.

  24. @ ThatsNotPoetry: YES! The first time a friend mentioned them to me I was like ewoooooooo but then I tried them and not only are they cleaner, they’re more comfortable.

    @ Anitalaff: Front to back. :p

  25. if we start spelling it ‘womyn’ we might as well go with ‘womynstrual cycle’ too. how about womynengitis while we’re at it.

  26. @belardi: Don’t forget himpes.

  27. I love every single one of the people in the first entry.

  28. …tampons “don’t smell until they touch the air?” What is that, the feminist version of the tree falling in the forest? These comments are unacceptable. I would bet a million dollars that everyone who advertises how green they are for using what is essentially an old sock as a feminine hygiene product turns around and spends an hour in the shower wasting water and lathering themselves up with gels tested on baby dolphins. A million dollars.

  29. It’s about germs, Kimble. Germs smell. But ONLY if they are introduced to oxygen. Therefore, they must leave your body to smell.

    I didn’t advertise how green I am, I just said they’re comfortable. And it’s not “essentially an old sock”, it’s pretty much the same thing as a disposable pad, only made with cloth instead of a bunch of nasty chemicals.

  30. Pretty sure there’s something wrong with me, because I’m distinctly turned on by women discussing feminine hygiene. The related “products,” biological and otherwise, are still kind of gross, but talking about it…I don’t know. Carry on.

  31. So many men to comment on the vag issues. Like they are all authorities. bah!

  32. Let’s not forget the benefit of a less messy sexy fun time with the Instead Cup or Diva cup. I’m not publicly coming out for or against it here, just pointing out the potential benefits.

    * Diva cup; reusable, but uncomfortable.
    * Instead Cup; hardly noticeable and pretty awesome, but ends up in the landfill (or as a really hard to explain and horrifying chew toy for a digging pet). “No, sweetie, it’s not a hamster hat.”

    @Kimble – Old sock in the hoo-ha; priceless.

    @mcowels – I gagged at little the butter knife bit. Well done with the strong imagery, I say. Well done. **slow clap**

  33. @sillyhead: I may not be an authroity on vag issues but I know I’d rather smell a flowery meadow than a plate of tuna…I mean seeing as I’m in the area and all.

  34. That douche scent thing was epic.

  35. posty mcposterson

    @32 Miss Shegas- The imagery of the hamster hat makes me giggle.

    AND the butter knife bit also made me throw up a little in my mouth. Nice job mcowels!

  36. I once dated a girl whose vagina smelled like chow mein. It was nice.

  37. Jessie’s comment about people thinking they are wandering into a spring meadow when they visit her genitalia reminds me of the old Peter Cook / Dudley Moore sketch about Joan Crawford’s c*nt. That whole thing was gold.

    @SeeBea – I’m not an expert on vaqinal douches, not having bothered with them myself, but I’d much rather *taste* a plate of tuna, or preferably a nice vagina which doesn’t taste like tuna at all, than some weirdarse synthetic concoction. Chanel No 5. (insert expensive perfume of choice) may smell pretty, but it tastes like shit. And if in close range to a woman’s nether regions it’s generally not my nose that’s going to be doing the exploring. Although what you do with your nose is your own business of course ;)

  38. Is this “spittake”
    Anything like bukake?
    Jessie, we should talk.

  39. How do you stick the reusable pads on to your panties? And I’d assume that you wouldn’t want to wash them with your clothes or anything in the washer, and just run them through on their own, so wouldn’t that be wasting water to wash a few strips of cloth, which is also bad for the earth?
    On a different note, I was in jail once and they only give you pads if you are on your period, and I noticed that some of the women would rip out the stuffing in the pad and shove it in their vagina, like a home-made tampon. I was appalled, but I guess you can’t expect much from people in jail, which is kinda a burn on me, I guess.

  40. Tootsie, they usually line the back of them with fleece and then they have snaps that hold them into place. And I usually wash them with towels. It’s really not gross. When you “leak” during your period, do you wash those panties separate from everything or just throw them in the machine? Same idea.

  41. You’ve got a point. Maybe I’ll have to try them. Thanks!

  42. If you’ve ever had a baby and used disposible diapers, disposible pads don’t sound so bad :p I probably won’t buy them but the butterknife scenario didn’t quite scare me off ;)

  43. New Car Smell – by Matthew X. Love the guy. Auntie’s a blast of fresh air too. And I enjoyed Ashraf’s complicated thinking. I wish there were more people like them.

    By the way, has anyone thought of “semyn” yet?

  44. I wonder if lesbian women would be interested in “Dick” scented vaginas…

  45. Big Wiggly Style

    Jake ftw. I loled

  46. My girlfriend’s snatch smells of outer space, this is mainly because it’s a massive black hole.

    Re-usable jam rags whilst good for the environment, are ethically and morally questionable as they are manufactured by tiny little child slaves in Mexican sweatshops.

  47. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    These posts were hilarious. The talk of cups and pads and periods here is making me fairly uncomfortable and I’m a girl. I think they have a forum at menzies.com where you can discuss all this. Ladies, why would you talk about this on a public forum. Aren’t you doing what all the TMIers on FB are doing? Come on, calm down and be quiet.

    Ashraf – thank you for informing us what cunnilingus is. Eating pussy? Well I never… thank goodness we have you. Phew.

  48. I do love that Lamebook have updates with several posts, each update on a different theme like spelling mistakes, stupid groups people have joined, and… vaginas.

  49. @hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    on FB, people have their profile pictures next to their comments. They also go out to dinner or to hang out with people that read their posts. It’s MUCH different here. I have no clue who ANY of you are and I’ll never meet a single one of you… well, probably not, anyway. It makes it a bit easier to talk about normally private things, since it’s more anonymous than it is “public”.

    Also, @Anitalaff

    The first time I read the back of a yeast infection package and I saw it say something about “make sure that until your yeast infection clears up, you wipe front to back” I wondered what people normally do.

    Do women REALLY wipe back to front after … doing #2? It just seems backwards to me.

  50. I use disposable pads and tampons and I love it and would never try anything else unless under force. Reusable doesn’t sound gross to me, it just sounds like a waste of time when I have a million other things to do.

  51. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    @mccowles – granted, it is different but the principal is the same. It’s still public, it’s still the *world *wide *web, and just because there’s no photo next to your comments about reusuable pads doesn’t make it any more appealing to the people that have to read it.

    All that aside, you make me laugh normally. Let’s not menstrual matters get in the way of that :-)

  52. Damn, I had a lot of fun reading this post- some of the comments are hilarious/brilliant… Although the knife scraping scenario… well YUCK!! D’:

  53. 1) That douche conversation was hilarious. I am still wiping the tears, OMG

    2) I know now WAAAAAY too much about some of you, lol. I am a female and by no means a prude but if ya’ll are waiting for me to chime in with details regarding which feminine hygeine products I use for my “yaya” you might as well stop holding your collective breath now. Eewww

  54. i filled my inscription page 15 minutes ago.my life will never be the same again.damn you lamebook

  55. so … what exactly is the scent for easy?

    :-)

  56. OMG I saw those cloth pads before. Sure they’re cute but you can’t show them off. I mean not if you’re wearing it. Well you could but why would you, you sicko? Also, I gotta bring my laundry to a laundromat so I’m not taking dirty pads there! I’m all for the planet but

    As for the other one.. I’ve never tried a douche. What does summer smell like anyway? Flowers and grass?

  57. I forgot to finish that sentence. *but sorry not in public.

    And I was gonna go on to say it’s like the cloth diapers. Wayyy too messy to be doing that. Maybe if I had my own washer and dryer but it’s too gross to take in public.

  58. Hey shampoo, the sequel to your movie is out soon – conditioner!

    The smell down there I reckon is based on your diet intake. I once went down on a girl who tasted like cinnamon, the cookies we’d baked earlier in the morning. To the poster who said someone tasted like chow mein – she had it for lunch? And for all those tuna smells…. well that’s probably it’s usual smell hahaha.

  59. Vagina Monologues for the WIN!

    Well we’re on topic, I would find bacon scented vagina just irresistible.

  60. The best douche fragrance is ‘Country Fresh’

  61. Scented douches were designed for men with ugly girlfriends so they can pretend they’re anywhere else but having sex with a woman who normally smells like vagina.

  62. Also, I’d like to see an ‘Urban Fresh’ fragrance. I feel unrepresented.

  63. txikiwi: that is true, your dietary intake does influence the taste of your respective parts.

    I hear that eating a lot of pineapples makes it taste godly

  64. The pineapple thing is true. Or just Pineapple juice (drink it, don’t douche with it) lol

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