Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Twilight Saga: Let’s Get Real

previous post: Picturesque Wins



  1. inb4 stever

  2. inb4 inb4

  3. damn…

  4. i appreciate that colleen took great care to not write the word “hell” but can freely call someone a stupid slut.

  5. Dawn of the Dan

    Heheh. I like “Team Decent Literature.” I might use that.

  6. Twilight is “literature” like Justin Bieber is a “musician” … No matter how many tweens keep telling me it’s true, I refuse to accept it.

  7. I give Colleen props for going to so much trouble not to say “hell”. I’m sure that’s admirable in some way…right?

  8. ben is such an asshat

  9. dirtylittlepretty

    the only thing worse than pop crap is posting about pop crap.
    *slams door*

  10. That jacket is very meta.

  11. first one, is a lie… his handing over of his man hood to his “lady” friend is what he calls getiing some… “I am totaly this girls lil bitch” is prolly printed on the front of the jacket, i mean why try and pretend.

  12. I fear for Colleen’s soul.
    If you are reading this, Colleen, Hell is spelled just like that.
    You will now burn in hell because you read this.

    That’s a fact because Jesus told me so.

  13. What annoys me more than the people who love Twilight are the people that hate it. I read the book, I know it sucks. But no one forces me to see the movie, read the sequels, or buy the merchandise. Colleen is as annoying as the screaming fans.

  14. Meh. The book sucks but I’m pretty sure she’s a willing participant when they have sex. And I’d hardly call sleeping with some dude after you’re married to him slutty. Just sayin’. If you’re going to hate Colleen, at least know what you’re hating.

  15. It’s so tragic that the youth of this country have been brainwashed by the liberal Hollywood media into thinking that Twilight is “entertaining”. There’s absolutely nothing entertaining about it. Too bad Hollywood is too busy turning our children into oversexed sinners who think it’s “cool” to dabble in and fantasize about witchery and vampirism. If kids spent half as much time reading the Bible as they do Twilight, perhaps they’d have a chance to succeed in life. Unfortunately, the liberal agenda is to destroy the faith of American citizens and have them suck off the teat of the tax-paying Christians in this country.

  16. One Fargis is worth a thousand yoinks.

  17. I’m down with Team Decent Literature!

  18. glitterandtrauma

    Oh Dan your back! We have missed your positive outlook on life! Have you been out teaching the world how they can save themselves from eternal damnation by living a sexless, drinkless and drugless life. Oooh I’m envious, it sounds like so much fun!

  19. glitterandtrauma

    Before someone corrects me I will do it myself *you’re.

  20. Ash...Housewares


    A couple of points of interest in your tangental argument there sparky…

    A) A lot of movies suck these days…and for so many reasons…we all agree on that. However, as a former “oversexed sinner” myself I can say to you that you have my condolences you didn’t get any during those years…I can really see how that stunted your emotional growth and ability for free thought.

    B) Success in life and reading the bible are mutually exclusive. I’ve seen enough purely evil people do rather well for themselves.

    C) Your final point is just a big bowl of wrong. Most “Christians” I know won’t even let you touch their teats…let alone suck off them, and they certainly don’t pay taxes (or at least their share)

  21. MsBuzzkillington

    Colleen needs to work on her insults a bit. I mean… calling someone a human dater isn’t that mean.

    Also I really really really hate “FTW” That needs to stop soon.

  22. CommentsAtLarge

    @ G&T

    I think he was on an extended hiatus of looking at “sinful” images and pleasuring himself… then loathing and hurling damnations at himself in the mirror.

  23. glitterandtrauma

    @commentsatlarge that sounds likely. Then he probably got off on the ‘self-punishment.’ and had to punish himself again for it, it’s a vicious circle.

  24. I agree with Brah. The Twilight haters are worse than the lovers. None of them have even read the book. Of course all the screaming fans are annoying, but that’s still not a reason to hate them, at least they are going crazy over a book and not something more dangerous.

    And I also agree that that guy’s girlfriend probably made the jacket for him – which is kind of crap for them both, because it means he is only with her cos he is her Edward-replacement…actually having a boyfriend who is on Team Edward would be cause for alarm bells, right???

  25. CommentsAtLarge

    @ G&T

    I can see it now: “You’re a sinner! A flithy sinner!! A dirty filthy little sinner! Ooh yeah such a dirty little sinner… WAIT!! BAH! Now I have to start over…”

  26. lol most twilight haters i know (me included) read one page in to the book and that’s all we needed to realize it was shit.

  27. Dan: you are vaguely amusing…but it is outweighed by your creepiness.

    Colleen’s comment amuses me….lets-all-be-hyphen-happy


  28. PeanutButtercup

    @sarahhha sure they are crap, but sooooooooooooooo funny at the same time! Plus, there are benefits to knowing your enemy :)

    Also, generic joke about necrophilia and bestiality…

  29. getting laid is a sin. egro twilight… is a sin

  30. lol

  31. Old people aren’t human now?

  32. @silfurkex

    what gave you the impression that they were?

  33. Too true, twilight is shit, I mean some bits aren’t bad but the way that it’s become a film for teenage girls to swoon over sits it firmly in the shit category…

    An interesting blog about our planet:

  34. @dan_fargis *cocks shotgun, points at own face, pulls trigger*

  35. Quick question, it sounds like something you guys would know. I really want a t-shirt that says “And then Buffy staked Edward. The end.” I know it’s out there somewhere, does anyone know who makes that shirt? If not, I suppose I could get it made by somebody for $10(my school’s comm. tech. lab makes some pretty good t-shirts. :P ).

  36. Okay, the guy’s coat is just trying too hard. “I’m totally only seeing this movie because it gets me sex. Seriously guys!”

    While I can sympathize that Colleen hates Twilight, that doesn’t make her any less annoying. Also, since abstinence is a pretty huge theme of the books/movies and Bella remains a virgin until marriage, calling her a slut just shows Colleen to be a catty bitch.

    @dan_fargis – The author of Twilight is Mormon. I don’t think that qualifies as “liberal”.

  37. Actually, she tries to have sex with Edward before marrying.

    Oh, and she’s going for two different guys and makes out with her best friend while already engaged.

  38. I much prefer “Team Heterosexual Male.”

    The only rule for this team is you can’t be in this team and any Twilight associated team at the same time.

  39. Wow, yes, all you illiterate people are of course right, the Twilight books suck. Not because it sold 75 000 000 copies, got onto the New York Times’ best seller list or was translated into 37 languages, but because you people who have never read a book yourselves (and Mamma refuses to read Twilight to you because its longer than 10 pages and stupidity is afterall hereditary) deemed yourselves the deciders of what makes good literature. Oh yes, and there are those who TRIED reading it but could not get past the first page. I understand, it must be very frustrating and make you want to give up if you have to use a dictionary that often. Twilight was afterall written for teenagers and as such is a very difficult read for someone who is still at the level of a 7 year old. It is also apparent that most the comments made here was based on the movies. If you could read and have in fact read the books you would know the difference between what the movies are able to tell you and what really happens.

    @ dan_pargis People do not “get laid” in Twilight. Edward and Bella consumates their marriage, it is however never described, only implied, therefore does not qualify as porn. FIY they were both virgins up to that point. If you don’t read any books in which people “get laid”, it must be safe to assume that you don’t read the Bible either as quite a few people “get laid” in it.

  40. Hey landi, guess what, the Twilight books are horrible. Not only does the author have a 6th grader’s writing skills, but the story itself is ridiculous. Basically the vampire is possesive, stalkerish, and insecure; THE PERFECT MAN BY ALL MEANS! I mean just add some extremely cheesy lines and voila! He’s flawless! The leading lady is absolutely useless and all she does is mope around and obsess over her vampire bf, while everybody else fixes everything for her. That’s basically what the story is. It makes me a little depressed that teenagers(and some idiotic non-teenagers) read this crap and think of it as “good literature”. Makes me a little sad.

    Worst of all it gives a completely erroneous idea of what love is about and what one should look for in a partner.

    The reason why I judge this crap book so harshly is because I have actually read quality books. Books that involve much more than some daft girl not knowing whether she wants to fuck a vampire or a werewolf. Books written for a truly literate audience and by authors who do not underestimate my intelligence and reading comprehension.

    Thank you.

  41. @ lpycb42

    Thank you for your well thought out response. I am glad to see someone commenting here has actually read the books before deciding that they do not like them. I am also not the biggest fan of teenage literature (not since I’ve been 16) and am mostly a fan of the horror/thriller genre (Dean Koonts and Steven King especially)but will mostly read anything just for the love of reading. As you have not commented here before my comment was obviously not directed at you, but at those who have not read the books but feel they are entitled to hate it purely on the fact that it has a big fan base. I found it a good source of light entertainment. To each his own.

    I do have to question if you have read all the books in the series as you would then know that there was never a question as to who Bella wanted to “fuck” as you so eloquently put it.

    Thank you also.

  42. One can only take so much cheese before vomiting, landi. I judge those books based on what I read. I don’t need to finish all four of them to realize what a waste of space/time they are. You could get through them, good for you. I couldn’t. Each book severely stimulated my gagging reflex.

    Whether you enjoy them or not doesn’t make them a quality read.

    Thank you, again.

  43. I like twi-menthol lights better.

  44. @ lpycb42

    I agree. The opposite is also true: Whether you enjoy them or not doesn’t make them a crappy read.

    At the risk of repeating myself: 75 000 000 copies and worlwide bestseller. Those are the facts. Your comments are merely unsubstantiated rants and simply your own oppinions. From the facts it would seem that the broader reading community out there disagrees with you.

    P.S. You should get that gagging thing checked out. It might be motion sickness, so next time you try to read switch the vibration setting on your La-Z-Boy off. It could also be that your vision is bad and you need glasses. Some Google sites mention tumors, but don’t freak out, its probably one of the first two.

  45. I registered myself only to reply to this, ha.

    landi, the bible is the best-selling book around the world every year. After knowing that, in my humble opinion the quantity of copies sold says nothing about the quality and the seriousness of the book itself and its readers. But then again, it’s just my opinion.

    I like your thinking, lpycb42.

  46. I registered myself only to reply to this…oh snap seems like I am not the first…faye is it?

    Wow faye I’m impressed, playing the religion card – you have balls and using words like “in my humble” opinion is even more daring. Well in my humble opinion the fact that you took 5 minutes out of your obviously pointless life to register in order to reply to a thread that is about the Twilight saga illustrates the vicious circle you now find yourself in.

    If you think Twilighters are fanatical dem Christians REALLY going to surprise you. Let’s pretend that you have a few brain cells stil lingering in your brain shall we…

    As Landi said: each one to his own… therefore you either like Twilight or you don’t. Take for instance a classic like Charles Dicken’s “Great Expectations” – a literary masterpiece by anyone’s standards – yet doesn’t it also tell a love story about a hapless and mopey Finn obsessed with a cold-hearted and vampirish Estella. Snap same story, just written by a literary genius and not by a contemporary writer like Stephanie Meyer.

    I think all of us should just calm the fuck down and own up to the fact that we are all quite fanatical about the Twilight-saga whether we like it or not. Let’s call it Team Twilight and Team I-don’t-like-Twilight – yet we are all spending the same amount of time either dissing or defending Twilight. Oh snap… what a conundrum.

    I suggest we follow faye’s example and change the subject to the Bible. We all might learn something…like respect and oh I don’t know… that mocking God might not be such a good idea… He might smite you. Nice knowing you faye…I hear Limbo is quite nice this time of year. Peace. Go Team Jasper :)

  47. I like your thinking, 999tanas.

    Everyone here is obviously fanatical about Twilight, ha.
    And yeah, good idea faye, insinuating christians and the bible are not “quality” or to be taken “seriously”. Good luck with that can of worms. Can you feel the lightning coming yet?

    Team Twilight FOREVA!!!

  48. Ha landi, by your logic, Fords are superior to Ferraris since they sell ten thousand times the number of cars in a year. If contemporary pop culture has any lesson to teach it’s that “popular” is certainly not synonymous with “good”; and there are a million examples other than Twilight, in the literary world as well as all other forms of media. Twilight was purpose-written to market slop to arguably the highest spending demographic, tween/teenage girls. Just because a million idiots, or 75 million idiots, are entertained by garbage, doesn’t make it any less garbage.

  49. I’m not christian nor a Twilight fan. And it doesn’t matter if I like Twilight or not, or if landi like it or not, or if you like or not. The only point I was going to with the comment about the bible (that I used just for an example as I could’ve used another best-seller, don’t know why you put religion into this) is exactly what fuctriteup wrote about: you can’t base your opinion of something on its popularity. Period.

    What, because the bible is the best-selling book it means that the opinion of christian people is better than any other? Again, I’m not saying anything about religion or this Twilight thing, I’m just saying that popularity isn’t a solid point to establish something is good or not: that 75 000 000 copies of the book have been sold just means that: 75 000 000 people bought that book. For someone who complains about the unsubstantial opinions, I don’t see much substance in that.

  50. PS: I was replying to 999natas. And by the way, you should read more about catolicism if you want to “teach a lesson” or something, and maybe know a little more about me: 1) I am baptized, therefore I can’t go to limbo; 2) Limbo is not in the official doctrines of the catholic church. Just saying :)

  51. Ha fuctriteup, you just illistrated a good point, the point being that you are incapable of logic thinking or of using adequate examples to make a good point(even if by your own admission there is a million examples). So what you are saying is that Twilight sold so many copies becuase its dirt cheap? If I am to understand you correctly people would still buy a Ford even if they have unlimited financial resources. I think not.

    That explains why millions of people in South Africa live in tin shacks, because mansions are just sooooo unpopular. No you idiot, its because they can’t afford a mansion. Just like most people can’t afford a Ferrari, but Ford is just a litle bit cheaper. That was a bit of sarcasm, but I suspect you didn’t catch that.

    I await your ‘intelligent’ response with bated breath as people like you can’t help but proving yourselves over and over again.

    @ faye
    I am not catholic, and as such did not realise catholicism and christianity where mutually exclusive. Pardon me for being under the misapprehension that catholics also believe in Christ. So you are catholic but not christian, right?

    I was not saying that I find Twilight good because it sold 75 000 000 copies, I like it because I like it. I was saying that all you people dissing it don’t have a leg to stand on as
    1) you did not read the books, but hate it purely becuase its popular, and oh its soooo uncool to like anything popular
    2) the broader reading community disagrees with you as it actually sold 75 000 000 copies.

    Oh yes, and the fact that “75 000 000″ is in fact a fact means that it is substantiated. I have yet to see you backing up anything you say with hard facts so you are in fact the one with unsubstantiated opinions. Is that enough in facts for you? Oh, and the bible and christians being not qaulity and not serious is in fact not a fact, just your unsubstansiated opinion.

  52. @fuctriteup…I assume you are a guy, hence using the example of car sales in a debate about books. But in the interest of apples versus brocolli, let’s entertain your car theory for a moment.
    a) While some people would consider a Ford a non-car (myself included), millions upon millions of people consider it a suitable mode of transport to get from point A to point B. The same can be said for cars in the same price-category, but once again it is about preferance.
    b) A Ferrari is by no means exclusive considering that every filthy rich, pencil-dick, arrogant asshole (look I’m generalizing – oh snap) drives one.
    c) I’m guessing that you don’t drive a Ferrari, but really want to.

    So therefore I am guessing you are in fact desperate to read the Twilight books, but you can either not afford it or you are afraid that people might think you are a filthy rich, pencil-dick, arrogant asshole. Am I getting warm??

    @Faye…this is starting to get old. I don’t have kids, but here I find myself trying to explain something so simple to someone with the mentality of a 2-year-old.

    Honey…a baptism is not a one-way ticket to heaven, but you hold on to that dream very very tightly. I think that you had a major lapse in judgement when you brought the Bible into this debate in the first place, because it is not hard to guess what reaction it would provoke. I am extremely grateful that you didn’t mention the Koran or the Torah, because Christian are quite mellow in comparison when it comes to mocking their religion.

    So you say that you are Catholic, so I am assuming you read the bible? Or if you have experienced a change of direction since your youth and you are now a non-believer, can you really use your baptism as a defence seeing as you don’t believe that the bible is to be taken seriously?? You just don’t make any sense. Oh and suggesting that we are suggesting that just because millions of people read the Bible that everyone should believe what it says, now that is just plain idiotic. Once again let me remind you that you brought the Bible into this discussion. I am sure that any other religious person would not just sit back and listen to your idiotic ranting about things you clearly know nothing about.

    Haven’t you ever heard that when in company there are certain topics you avoid, because religion is personal. I believe that everyone has the right to express themselves provided that you actually know what you are talking about and that you open your tiny tiny tiny little brain to other people’s views.

    I see we have gone of course again. Not my fault I assure you.
    I suggest you remove your Twilight books from that hiding place under your bed and own up to the fact that you are a closet Twilighter just beggin to come out. Why else would you take the time to diss something with such passion?

  53. Oh wow, this is quite the pissing match! Too funny.

    @landi: If there’s anyone that seems to have a need to prove themselves, it’s you. Why else would you write a novella-sized response to a 7 line comment? Whatever hun, clearly this need of yours to feel intellectually superior to someone you’ve never met in a Lamebook forum on fucking Twilight of all things is all you have in your life, and for that you have my condolences. You can have this one, I really don’t care that much. Pet one of your 14 cats for me, would you? Or better yet, go get laid, if you can find a guy willing to go near that polar ice cap box of yours. Clearly you need it.

    @999natas: Test drove a Ferrari once, wasn’t my style. I’m more of a classic muscle kind of guy. We can agree on one point, they are pretty douchy and so are the guidos that have hardons for them. I have no need to wave my good fortune in other people’s faces, my daily driver is a 7 year old Ford Ranger. I save the 1969 Yenko Camaro 427 for Sunday drives with the wife and kids. Anyway, I hope that since you clearly have such a hate on for people of means that one day you can escape your miserable lower-middle class existence and make something of yourself. Start by putting the teenage fantasy books down and use the time to learn some kind of skill that doesn’t involve selling shoes or bras to Twilight’s target demographic.

    Twilight on losers.

  54. @fuctriteup… Thank you for telling me a little bit about yourself, though I think I fell asleep halfway through it. I would return the favour, but things are so hectic here at the shoe store I just can’t find the time. Interesting parallel between lower-midddle class and an obviously booming bussiness…shucks you sure are smart…err…not.

  55. I was baptized, went 12 years to a roman catholic school, read the bible, and now I “change direction”, as 999natas said. Guess landi didn’t catch that. All that thing about catholicism and christianity is kinda out of line. I’m not going to respond things about religion because, as I said before, it’s not a matter of that. I could’ve used as an example of a best-seller the American Spelling Book or dictionaries, and as you can see nowadays, spelling and orthography leaves a lot to be desired in a lot of young and old people. I just cleared the thing about baptism because landi keeps assuming things, such as I know nothing about christian catholic religion, or that I never read any Twilight book… you can read them and like them or not like them, right? Either way you have some background knowledge when discussing with others.

    “Why else would you take the time to diss something with such passion?” — I’m not gonna lie: it’s just funny the way you (plural) react. You wrote 4 paragraphs about religion and almost anything about Twilight, just because it’s a matter of taste and you can like it or not. Which it’s true, but then again, I never say a thing about the saga! I was ranting about taking popularity as a point to imply that zillions of readers are “wright” and a small part is “wrong” with their thinking. Tell that to Galileo or Copernicus, ha (yes, I’m exaggerating).

  56. old people aren’t human now?

  57. @ fuctriteup
    Thanks for “letting” me have this one. Ran out of clever car/book comparisons so soon? My 14 cats are well petted and very happy, thanks for caring. They are a bit underfed though, the shoe store doesn’t pay so great, but what can I say, I just looooove feet. Thats how I fell in love with my husband, he has the most gorgeous feet and he indulges my fetish.

    @ faye
    OK, so if a shitload of people deciding to spend their hard earned money on a book does not substantiate the validity of that book, what in your opinion does? Maybe the reviews given by the critics? Or are those who hate it simply because its popular the ones who are “wright” (maybe you meant “right” and maybe a dictionary would be a good investment)? So J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the rings”, J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series, Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code”, numerous Steven King and Charles Dickens books (to name but a few), who were all best sellers in their time, are not to be judged on the fact that they were best sellers but by the rantings of those who did not like it?

    Any books with a fictiuos nature that made it onto the best seller lists were deemed good enough by the majority of those who read to spend money on. Of course with any book there will be those who do not like it. Is the opinion of those few (if they have in fact read the book) more valid than the majority and even the opinions of the critics whose job it is to decide what makes good literature?

    I used fiction books as examples as self-help books for instance are bought for self-improvement and fiction books are purely for the pleasure of reading (Twilight is afterall fiction). So now the comparison is apples to apples and not apples to the earth being flat or Ferraris or the Bible. And yes, people don’t buy the Bible purely for the pleasure of reading so that comparison is also not valid. So what in your opinion proves the validity of a fiction book?

  58. @landi

    1) The Da Vinci Code was a piece of shit. Comparing a piece of shit to another piece of shit doesn’t make them both good. And I like Stephen King, but he describes himself as the Big Mac of the literary world, so your comparison there isn’t valid to your point. Harry Potter is also not literature; it’s an easy read and it’s entertaining, but I wouldn’t call it an exceptionally well-written series.

    Also, it’s STEPHEN King, perhaps you should invest in a dictionary or borrow Faye’s. See also “fictitious,” “after all,” “apostrophe” and “comma.” For bonus points, see “grammar.”

    2) What is popular is just popular–that doesn’t give it any sort of inherent quality. The masses are not any sort of judge of great literature; in fact, if you talk to the masses, most of them can’t name any literature beyond Jane Austen and Charles Dickens. Sometimes what is popular and what is high quality coincide, but often, they don’t–Danielle Steele is also a bestseller, so is James Patterson, so is Sue Grafton, none of these writers is a literary genius.

    Being a best-seller doesn’t make a book “literature.” Any real literary critic would gouge out their eyeballs and take a hydrochloric acid dip before calling the Twilight series “literature.” Please, provide me a link to a real literary critic who has called Twilight literature? I know that you don’t have one, because such a link does not exist. Who is qualified to make this distinction? People who study literature and books. Not Joe Schmoe on the street buying Twilight books because, hurr, they like the sparkly vampirez hurrrrrrrr TEEM EDWRAD FOREVR!!!!!!1!

    The “validity of a fiction book”–Jesus, where do I start? Your questions are all over the map here. Look, you can enjoy any book that you want, but enjoyment and quality are not the same thing. Enjoyment is based on a feeling, and quality is based on objective reasoning. I can enjoy reading Sookie Stackhouse novels, but I objectively know that they are not literature. On the other hand, I can enjoy reading books by Javier Marías and know that they are literature. I can look at the style of writing, the depth of the characters, the way the book is structured, the imagery, the themes, the message, the originality, the probable social commentary, the careful crafting of different scenes–so many things that I can look at to “prove” the “validity” of a book. And I can enjoy a poorly-written-but-fun book without having to defend it as great literature.

    Twilight, of course, is poorly-written and the opposite of fun, but we won’t go into that.

  59. I have a friend that described Twilight very accurately. It exemplifies the teenage escapism that most teenage girls write during middle school. Unfortunately (or fortunately) Stephenie Meyers never decided to develop her writing to professional levels and instead of keeping her writings on amateur sites, she decided to publish the piece of crap known as the Twilight saga.

    And before I receive criticism from those who defend the books, I have read the books and while I was still young and naive and writing such escapism(before “Twihards” existed) I enjoyed it, at least while I was reading it. Twihards don’t piss me off because they enjoy Twilight (unless they’re middle age women, that just scares me…) They piss me off because most of them didn’t bother reading until they decided to make the movies (Not to mention the insanity surrounding their fanaticism). Much like Harry Potter “fans” who didn’t bother reading the books until the movies started coming out. For those young crazy tweens who enjoy Twilight, they will eventually come to their senses, much as I did, and mature to the point they recognize the books as crap.

    If not, well we all have our opinions and I’ll leave at that. You can guess my own opinion.

  60. what i am trying to figure out is why does @dan_fargis constantly has the need to bring up Liberals in EVERY post he has written. every single post i have read by him mentions bashing of the Democrats, when it literally has nothing to do with politics in a status. what the hell?

    and personally, i have not read the books, nor seen the movies, but what i have heard is that the books are actually decent, not that i would know, never bothered to read something Justin Bieber fans are super excited about. not really my style, just sayin’.

  61. @sasha

    I love books. I bought the first three Twilight books as a three for one deal at a second hand store (before I heard any of the hype) and I could only get through the first and a quarter way through the second. I threw them in the garbage. I normally donate used books to the library if I can’t re-sell them, but these ones? No. Just.. no.

  62. Being myself: It gets me laid.

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