Friday, July 16, 2010

The Terrible Type

previous post: Picture Perfect Parents

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169 Comments

  1. I don’t even understand what Sondra’s trying to say!

  2. You good for nothing snack in the grass… wait…

    Yeah, I had to read Sondra’s status again before it made sense.

  3. I read it again, and it still doesn’t make sense…..wtf?

  4. she has snakes and her mower is too slow to kill them.

  5. OOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!

    Thanks for clearing that up……I need to invest in a Stupid -> English dictionary.

  6. Is it possible for Shawntiah to know what a hung jury is without knowing how to spell “wound”..?

  7. Regardless of the mistake, I think the real lame is the person who submitted Shawntiah’s post.
    Her father was murdered but LOLOLOL she said “womb” instead of “wound”.

    Twats.

  8. 7: Thank god I wasn’t the first person to say it. Misspellings are crap Lamebook posts at the best of times, but like that time the girl who had survived a disaster her friends died in and was wishing she died, there’s some posts where it’s pretty fucking lame of Lamebook to try make us laugh at ‘em.

    Though I do have to wonder even more about the person that thought ‘oh, that girl’s dad’s murderer’s trial ended in a hung jury and she’s pretty ron up about i… OH! FUCK! SHE PUT WOMB RATHER THAN WOMB! TO LAMEBOOK I GO!’

  9. I couldn’t get past her name. Shawntiah? Cultural, maybe? Probably Asian.

  10. lol “Asian”

  11. *torn up. Damn it.

  12. Snacks on the Plane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Why is Vernon’s even posted? what is supposed to be funny?

  14. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Lol@ Grahamdunk

  15. prof, that one didn’t even process in my brain. Looking back ayt it I guess the sheer HILARITY of him adding an e o nthe end of corps.

  16. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    And this trend of me being able to clearly understand people like yoink, frednordie and Shondra is beginning to disturb me.

  17. dan_fargis_is_a_f_a_g

    Sondra’s an Nicole’s made me laugh, but the others were lame.

    @historyprof: Really? Corpse instead of Corps? Rather appropriate these days, I’d say.

  18. I am so sick of these motherf*cking snacks on my motherf*cking lawn.

  19. Good of the man to continue his family’s long line of becoming a full-fledged marine corpse. I’d be doing a ton of thinking, too.

  20. It seems to me like the people with the strangest names are the stupidest. There truly seems to be a pattern

  21. @20 its all in the genes. Stupidity breeds stupidity

  22. MsBuzzkillington

    Snacks make people fat. I hate them too.

  23. I always get the feeling that whenever I post about dan fargis, he never gets to read it so as a preemptive strike. Dan. Shut the fuck up, nobody wants to hear your sanctimonious bullshit.

  24. My cock pot also consists of one meat and two veggies.
    12 hung jurors can wreak havoc on a female’s reproductive system.
    Danielle is stuck between a rock and a hard place and a rock.
    Vernon has a lot to live up to, well, no, no he doesn’t……
    We all want a “Haire” yard boy to kill our snacks, provided that he knows how to “ride the mower” and does some occasional gardening work.

  25. prunellafarkitt

    McShortman… love it! LMFAO!

  26. cuterthanapenis

    sondra makes my brain hurt, not as bad as yoink but still pretty bad

  27. Sondra is a monster. I mean, who hates snacks? I love snacks. I had to fast for 6 hours yesterday and I would have killed for a snack.

  28. prunellafarkitt

    Actually I would like to know where Sondra lives that she has snacks just lazing about on her grass? Maybe she has some really cool snack ground cover type plant thingy????

  29. My attempt:

    “Okay, I want to move. Or hire a yard boy. Everytime I mow [the lawn] I kill snakes and do not know it until I pass the body [later]. Now that the grass is short, guess what? I saw two snakes! I am NOT going to push mow the grass – I want my rider back! The push mower is too slow to kill the fucking snakes. I HATE SNAKES! :(

  30. Sondra’s post gives me visions of an evil property developer dressing up in an all black outfit and dropping Twinkies & bags of Doritos on peoples’ lawns in the middle of the night in an attempt to force the residents out of their homes so he can build a new shopping mall. Yes, I have an active imagination.

  31. Why the hell does she hate free snacks on her lawn? I mean seriously. It’s FREE. And they’re SNACKS. FREE SNACKS. Why the fuck is she complaining?

    Fucking snack murderer…

    And I agree that #2 is just awful. Her dad was killed, cut her some slack. I bite my thumb at thee, submitter.

  32. teo – you are consistently very, very funny. i take my hat off to you.

    (hopefully that doesn’t sound like a curse, coming from my addled fingers).

  33. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Anybody here?

  34. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    cool, hey alord.

  35. oi oi dukey, what’s up?

    no fargises to chastise, nor yoinks to encourage… it feels like we’re the last two guys in the bar before closing time, wobbling on our barstools and vaguely, hazily, wondering where the bathroom is….

  36. “chastise your fargis” is the best euphemism for masturbation I’ve ever heard.

  37. I’m going to chastise my fargis right now. Wait, does that euphemism work for girls?

  38. I don’t see why not! fargis chastising is appropriate for both of the three genders.

  39. in flagrante delicto!

    however, in fairness, ‘fargis’ is one of the murkiest collections of consonants and vowels i’ve ever heard. it’s almost a deliberate provocation!

  40. Frankenstein Girl

    I seriously love you Hobo.

  41. @alordslums Fargis is almost as murky as anything from the Welsh language. Vowels? Who needs ‘em.

  42. what is sondra going on about? I love snacks….all kinds of snacks. Cheetos, Pretzels, dried fruit, pudding cups, Twinkies….whats not to like about snacks. And what has any of this got to do with mowing the grass? Is this a metaphore for smoking the weed? Kids these days

  43. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    sorry guys I passed out for a couple of hours, someone just woke me up. Just let me grab another drink and see what you said.

  44. Wow, Shawntiah dared to make a typo after she was horrendously upset that her Dad was murdered.

    Fu<k you, Lamebook, and fu<k the person who submitted that. How pathetic to try and get a cheap laugh out of someone's misery. You fail terribly.

    I echo #7: TWATS

  45. Whoever posted Shawntiah’s update is a massive cock. These “typo” things in general are terrible, most of the comments here are incredibly condescending. Who gives a fuck if someone can’t spell? Get a fucking life.

  46. Sondra’s as mad as a cut snack.

  47. And yes, it’s me, and I’m blue – but everyone already knows that.

  48. I am always one to laugh at spelling mistakes. It makes me feel educated and superior, and also gives me another excuse to damn humanity. But even I can’t laugh at Shawntiah’s mistake. I can’t find anything funny in that post at all. Not cool, man. Not cool.

  49. I think we are all familiar with Cocky Soup.

  50. Just checking my color…

    You look smokin’ in blue word.

  51. If anybody sees Dan Fargis could you ask him a question for me? I want to know what he thinks will happen to me when I die. Will Jesus and I go around killing demons and dragons and shit? And if we kill them all after like a thousand years then what do we do for the next millions of years. If we are just going to be rolling in meadows and flowers and shit I’ll probably get bored after like 40 minutes. Fuck, Dan, what is life? Also, will I have my penis back? And if I have to wait like 30 years for my Agnes to join me, will that go by like in an instant? That would be nice. Otherwise, will there be like some temporary alternate female companionship? 30 years can be a long time for a man with a workin penis, you know Dan?

  52. dirtylittlepretty

    @Hobo-thanks for clearing that up…i was about to UD the term ‘ron up’ as i was thinking it was some euro slang that I wasn’t privy to.

  53. Where does your penis work Walter? Like in an office or something..

  54. I feel bad for the second one…not so funny..

  55. Public school janitor maybe, they make good coin.

  56. “Penis Sobchak.. a grade 3 kid puked in the hallway, could get your mop and that magical green, awesome smelling sawdust that you have and clean it up”

    OK…I’ll fuck off now…I’ve been drinking since noon yesterday…my apologies.

  57. @mass noone fuckin cares stop tryin to be funny and fuck off

  58. Why has lamebook started posting lame videos on their facebook account?
    Anyone else noticed this :|

  59. .. you seem to care and that’s all that matters.

  60. Morning word, care for a snack?
    Morning señor smoothy buns.

  61. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Morning to you nuff too, care for a “breakfast of champions”? I’m already having one and it’s a fine saturday in t-dot.

  62. What do ya know, every time Mr.ee mows I kill some snacks too! Fucking snacks! (Love you Chips Ahoy!)

    Alright, I’m off to throw something in the cockpot for dinner, any suggestions?

  63. word, I’m loving the link!

  64. I hate lawn snacks too. That’s why I raise mongooses, mongeese, mongii, ferrets.

  65. anonisgayisgay, yikes!, that’s some link.

    nuff, if you’re offering, then yes.

    ee, a suggestion for dinner? It has to be Soup.

  66. lmao @ Soup for dinner.
    Though, it’s getting pretty close to BBQ (almost wrote BBW) time.

  67. word, I think you’re spot on! Just as long as it cooks in my cockpot just right!

  68. nuff, is the snack attack a ode to this post, or has it been there for a while? I’m been absent the past few days, so I’m a little behind I fear.

  69. I love you ee and word, you never cease to make me laugh. Oxycontin+comment section=hours wasted ;)

  70. ee, I’m sure it will be delicious.

  71. I love how I have started a trend in here. Next thing you know everybody will be changing their username also.

  72. Zoned, you’re the second person in the last few days who’s mentioned the joys of the oxycontin/comments combo…

    Hit me up?

  73. Not sure word, I’m a little picky with what I put in my cockpot. Ya know, you have to slow cook it, get the temp just right. Don’t want to make my soup to salty!

    This is wine fueled, so I’m not to be held accountable from this point on out.

  74. Hey word! I’ve been jonesing for ya! It’s been too long!

  75. ee, I get it – you’re as picky with what you put in your cockpot, as you are with what you put in your cockpit. No worries, baby.

  76. speaking of cockpots, I seen a shirt the other day that said I may of lost my virginity but at least I still have the box it came in.

  77. Yeah, where you been? It can be a lonely place round here without you.

  78. Why is it when you two get together I always feel the need to chastise the fargis?

  79. word—if I lived down under I’d bring ya some ;)

  80. I was just going to post a great recipe for bean soup, but then realized that you’re all actually talking about vaginas. That would’ve been embarrassing.

  81. defective, so true! So very true, it’s always nice to have the box, the gift wrap may be gone, but that’s alright.

    word, I’ve been trapped with two weeks of company visiting, they are currently on my porch enjoying their last night. All is well though, I have my wine in hand taking a little breather.

  82. Teo, you never fail to make me laugh. Speaking of soup, where the hell is he? I haven’t seen him since he broke off our engagement!

  83. @ee I would much rather have the box after the gift wrap is long gone. Opening a new one is always so delicate. Then you have the people you would like to reuse the wrapping. I would much rather just tear into a box that is used to being ripped open and taped back together.

  84. Zoned, I remember you said the going rate for one of your concoctions was 30 bucks, so I’ll hold you to that if you ever get down here.

    teo, we weren’t, but then we were.

    ee, get rid of them as soon as you can. I need you back on board.

  85. defective, alright I need to be filled in. Is this a name change?

    Also, you are right again. That’s why you can’t wait too long before you let someone open the box, you don’t want them to tear anything.

    teo, me talking about the good, good? I would never!

    word…tomorrow darling, tomorrow.

    Gotta get back to the festivities, but I’ll reconnect soon.

  86. @ word and to whom else it may concern: I had to change my name to defective user. Apparently somebody thought that it would be funny to pass around a link from a post about a year ago. The one where I put my personal information out there so word and a few others could friend request me. I contacted Lamebook and they said they would delete the link and that I should change my username so I wouldn’t provoke whoever did it to follow me until they got anymore information.

  87. word, loving the link :D

  88. eenerbl, I am horrified at the thought of hosting company for two weeks. After two days I’m ready to bludgeon the visitors into unconsciousness with dead snacks just to get a few hours of solitude.

    defectiveuser has the right idea, who wants to spend all that time removing the bow, gift wrap, and tape on a box (not to mention removing the packing materials) when you could just find a open, easily accessible box and dive right in? That wasn’t about sex, by the way. I’m just really impatient to find out what my gifts are on Christmas morning.

  89. Always knew that guy was a man of taste ;)

  90. To keep the confusion down I am “the 23 year old ex heroin junkie who sucked dick for cheeseburgers.” I really cant give anymore info than that. Go back a few days and read the comments and you will understand.

  91. Yeah word that is hilarious.

  92. @ teo…Well mine was about sex. I’m not going to deny it. I have been very deprived as of late and it is showing everywhere.

  93. I don’t get it, what is a todome? Oh, it’s japanese for ‘finishing blow’. That makes sense.

  94. Hobes, thanks, buddy. It’s just a statement of fact, that’s all.

    Oh matey!, I know who you are now. Fuck me, you should have said something earlier.

  95. teo, funny, as always.

  96. I was waiting to see if anybody noticed.

  97. defective, all that shit has been happening to you?

  98. word–60mg for 30 bucks! I’ll hook you up :)

  99. Bargain, Zoned.

  100. That isn’t a bad deal. Zoned, you bring back many a memories.

    Word, I have gotten about 300 friend request on Facebook in the last week. I messaged one of them trying to figure it out. Apparently I am on a website that uses Lamebook as a piggyback. They zoomed in on my info and promoted “that everybody friend request this dumbass” I guess the many lawyers that lamebook has made them take it down.

  101. Wow, mate.

  102. Man, people are stupid.

    Shit, now they’re going to find me.

  103. I’m coming for ya, Hobes.

  104. yikes, defectiveuser – so Lamebook for stalkers does exist.

  105. Speaking of coming and getting someone…Mel Gibson audio…

    Gets pretty graphic. Just scroll down and press play on their picture. That bitch is evil. people dont get that mad for no reason. Not to mention she is WAY to calm.

    http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/exclusive-new-audio-mel-gibson-admits-hitting-oksana-threatens-kill-her-listen-it

  106. No doubt about it, teo.

  107. teo, yes it does! Due to why my link is down!

  108. Apparently their is teo.

  109. What a bonkers world this is…

  110. Yeah ee…That is why I put up one of my favorite websites instead.

  111. Lots of asshatitude going around these days!

  112. Thats because they give haterade away for free now.

  113. I was told to change my username so I wouldn’t be harassed in here. I loved that name. So many good times with it….

  114. defect, I can’t look at the vid my country location, so I’ll take your word for it.

  115. And defect, a change can be good thing, in anything, so let it go. A Fresh start for you.

  116. Hey, I’m wearing blue, and it ain’t usually my colour.

  117. That guy is bat shit insane. Wow.

  118. I have actually gotten to like this name. A fresh start it is. I’m going to show Zoned what bat shit crazy is. Right after my enema bong.

    @teo: thanks for getting me lost on you tube. I started watching South Park parodies of Lady GaGa.

  119. I must say Word, you do look stunning in blue.

  120. Thanks defect, it’s growing on me. Anyway all, have a great evening – I’m now enjoying some beer and Beck. Cheers, boys.

  121. defective, word looks stunning in anything.

    I’m off, too much wine, too much fun.

    nuff, soup if you’re out there, much love.

  122. Well I tank you ladies for letting me help with your cockpots.

    DEfective….OUT!

  123. thank*

  124. Defective, I thank you for your use. I can always use another cockpot, or cockpit…what have you! ee is finally going to bed. Night!

  125. Chinchillazilla

    Corn snacks are the best kind of snacks.

  126. re snacks, i’ve got one thing to say:

    nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels.

  127. @alordslums: A Perez Hilton quote?

    …I am very ashamed that I know this reference.

  128. it was ‘la moss’ as far as i know.

    but she probably never tried a deep-fried twinkie….

  129. I beg to differ on that one alord.

  130. Sondra makes me fear the future…I thought my friends had some interesting grammar, but she definitely wins.

  131. Krazy Eyez Killa

    Being skinny will never feel as good as being ripped. Mmmmmm protein!

  132. by skinny i just meant not fat. :-l

  133. lamebook made me sign up

    you’re all lame

  134. You’re Lamebook’s bitch.

  135. @ blagytxdezhm

    Actually, if you had just clicked the lamebook logo in the top left hand corner of the page, it takes you to the posts. You didn’t have to sign up, except to make that comment.

  136. Lamebook is keeping their pimp hand strong I see.

  137. Hahahahaha my friend is the one that submitted Sondra’s post… you should see her other ones… they seriously all are like that.

  138. Trust me..i totally know the feeling..i run over granola bars all the time,occasionally il hit a twinkie

  139. Went for a hike today and got bitten by at least three musketeers. Fucking snacks strike again.

  140. OK, so I’m new here so I don’t get this. Sondra says every time she mows, she kills “snacks”. Then in her last sentence, she says her push mower is too slow to kill the “snacks”, so if they’re not dead, you didn’t kill them.

    Making fun of people for spelling mistakes can be fun but it’s low hanging fruit on the Internet funny tree.

  141. Welcome, petetee! I think Sondra’s dilemma is that her power mower kills snacks and she doesn’t want to have to deal with dead snacks on her lawn. However, using a push mower that isn’t powerful enough to kill the snacks results in live snacks all over the lawn, which is also unacceptable. What she really needs is either to haire a lawn boy to take care of the snacks for her, or to find some other way of getting rid of the snacks that does not involve lawn care. I would suggest setting loose a couple of snakes in the garden to eat the snacks.

    P.S. welcome too to lulz – if Sondra is always this entertaining, let’s get some more submissions from her on here!

  142. Perhaps, there’s nothing worse than dead cupcakes on your lawn. She might get ants or something. I also wonder how she could look at “haire” and say “well that’s how you spell hire”, but I shouldn’t make fun. I have a facebook friend that spells like Sondra, and I hid her updates because it feels like my brain is going to leak out of my ear when I read them. It’s a better solution than deleting her and causing stupid person drama.

  143. Good call on the status hiding. I did the same thing with a poster of short, vague, pay-attention-to-me-please status updates such as “is very confused”, “had the worst day ever”, and “is excited”. Unfortunately, part of my brain did leak out of my ear before I did this, but fortunately it was just the part that used to control my ability to pretend to enjoy romantic comedies and sparkly vampire movies in order to impress women. Not a huge loss since I look nothing like Robert Pattinson or that other guy who can’t keep his shirt on.

  144. Wait, teo? You mean you’re not sparkly? Fuck me! All this wasted effort, hoping, praying I could get a glimpse at your glitter, then this. Fuck that!

  145. Guys, if only you knew how many times I’ve sent some of her stuff in. Lamebook would rather make fun of people who had a father die than a girl who has terrible grammar.

  146. I hate snacks, Jacques! I HATE ‘EM!

    Snacks…why did it have to be snacks?

  147. Don’t worry eenerbl – I bathe in a mixture of glitter & honey every day, but I just can’t get that Pattinson facial expression down. I think it’s because I spend too much time thinking.

  148. Stop thinking, problem solved. I’m still disappointed though, but your link made me giggle, so I’m ok.

  149. Wait, you said honey? Like honey where? All over? With the glitter? Whoa my mind is reeling with the possibilities! How did I miss that?

  150. It’s easy. Just pour twenty or so bottles of honey into a bathtub, then add a few containers of glitter as well as some finely crushed glass if it’s a special occasion like a first date or your grandmother’s 90th birthday party. Even if I’m going to be fully clothed, I still like to get the glitter all over to avoid unsightly sparkle lines. I wish I could stop thinking, but snacks have occupied my mind and just won’t get out.

  151. lol! That was a great detailed description! Kudos to you, I’m glad you’ve avoided those pesky sparkle lines. I’d rather avoid my grandma’s 90th birthday however.

    Snacks can do that, as I’ve mentioned earlier my downfall is chips ahoy. So good, so chewy, but no sparkles I fear.

  152. Yes, Chips Ahoy are pretty awesome. I, however, prefer Double Stuf Oreos since they have lots of frosting and also a name that sounds like a sex act that would make Dan Fargis’ eyeballs melt.

    Off to bed now – I’d stay up later but it takes me at least half an hour to cover myself in plastic wrap to keep the residual glitter out of my bed sheets.

  153. Oh, and congratulations on being free of your company (assuming they actually left)!

  154. Oh, they left. I’ve had two and a half weeks of family visiting! When they left I attempted to came myself, I’m half way there. I have my wine, and my sanity is slowly coming home.

  155. Enjoy your double stuffed by the way, I’m off myself.

  156. •calm

    Yeap that’s right, I did not come just to clarify! Well maybe I will later, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes. (no pun intended)

  157. @mass (53),

    My penis is semi-retired. But it was a farmer of sorts. Mostly happily unsuccessful in raising any crops to maturity though. First it didn’t have any seeds. After those became available there was still a lack of any suitable soil. Then when some soil became available the seeds always seemed to be blocked by a latex membrane. Then the soil had undergone some chemical treatment which prevents seeds from being established. Then that program was cancelled but seeds were only allowed to be planted during the winter seasons when they shouldn’t have grown. Then there was some unplanned crop developmental success (or failure, depending on how you look at it). Now he’s semi-retired.

    Anyway, it sounds like the idea of a workin penis is quite novel to you. Has yours *never* worked? That’s a shame. :(

  158. I have no doubt that mass’s equipment is in excellent working order.

  159. Well it might do with some career guidance counseling anyway. I hope mass doesn’t think it’s ok to take it to a primary school and then try to put it to work! Think of the poor children!!

  160. Sitting in a crappy airport hotel in Manchester, flight to Florida delayed by an entire 24 hours. You’d better amuse me, Lamebook, cos the airline sure ain’t.

  161. Sondra’s post to me is a definite WIN.

    Coming from a french background when I was a child, there was a snake in the backyard and my french canadian mother ran around the house screaming for my(very english) father:
    Shnack Shnack!!! Help! Shnack!! come get Shnack!!!

  162. @68/ee It is in reference to this post, i’ve decided to follow the trend being set by everyone else… After having finally figured out how to actually -set- a link for your name. >.>
    @121/ee Right back atcha.

    Also… Does anybody else see the freaking dinasaur on the screen across from post 125? Or am I just tripping mad balls.

    @150/teo My grandmothers 90th just passed recently, forgot the memo about sparkling that shit up.

    On another note… Did anybody else think up ‘trouser snacks’ as well? Or was I the only one? Meh, tomorrows… Nope, it’s today now, but, there shall be new posts soon enough. Need sleeeep, and BritishHobo, that is like shit rolled up in a burrito and force-fed down your throat.

  163. nuff, I think that’s what they’re serving downstairs.

  164. @walter 157 … no, mine has never worked … always functioned though lol. Your farm analogy was a hilarious.

    @hobo .. I’ve never really ‘spoken’ to you but boy do I feel bad for you being in an airport for 24 hours. All the best in Fla.

    Ok how about some new posts there Lamebook.

  165. Damn u lamebook for not supplying an update while I’m at work..what am I supposed to do all day?

    I think you need to get some European admin people in to update for your international audience living in different timezones.
    I’ll do it for 50grand plus free sweets – just give us the nod.

  166. nuff, yup there’s a dinosaur. What’s that all about?

    British, I’m giving you an early welcome to my lovely state. Remember to use your sunblock, it’s hot here! Hope you enjoy your visit!

  167. I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING LAWN!

  168. because Samuel L Jackson does not like cake and chips lying around in his yard… especially if these foods are having sex with his mother at the time, or possibly any mother.

  169. I admit that I laughed at the second one, though ONLY for the typo, NOT the subject matter. And Danielle’s had me almost in stitches. :-D

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