7: Thank god I wasn’t the first person to say it. Misspellings are crap Lamebook posts at the best of times, but like that time the girl who had survived a disaster her friends died in and was wishing she died, there’s some posts where it’s pretty fucking lame of Lamebook to try make us laugh at ‘em.
Though I do have to wonder even more about the person that thought ‘oh, that girl’s dad’s murderer’s trial ended in a hung jury and she’s pretty ron up about i… OH! FUCK! SHE PUT WOMB RATHER THAN WOMB! TO LAMEBOOK I GO!’
My cock pot also consists of one meat and two veggies.
12 hung jurors can wreak havoc on a female’s reproductive system.
Danielle is stuck between a rock and a hard place and a rock.
Vernon has a lot to live up to, well, no, no he doesn’t……
We all want a “Haire” yard boy to kill our snacks, provided that he knows how to “ride the mower” and does some occasional gardening work.
“Okay, I want to move. Or hire a yard boy. Everytime I mow [the lawn] I kill snakes and do not know it until I pass the body [later]. Now that the grass is short, guess what? I saw two snakes! I am NOT going to push mow the grass – I want my rider back! The push mower is too slow to kill the fucking snakes. I HATE SNAKES! “
Sondra’s post gives me visions of an evil property developer dressing up in an all black outfit and dropping Twinkies & bags of Doritos on peoples’ lawns in the middle of the night in an attempt to force the residents out of their homes so he can build a new shopping mall. Yes, I have an active imagination.
what is sondra going on about? I love snacks….all kinds of snacks. Cheetos, Pretzels, dried fruit, pudding cups, Twinkies….whats not to like about snacks. And what has any of this got to do with mowing the grass? Is this a metaphore for smoking the weed? Kids these days
Whoever posted Shawntiah’s update is a massive cock. These “typo” things in general are terrible, most of the comments here are incredibly condescending. Who gives a fuck if someone can’t spell? Get a fucking life.
I am always one to laugh at spelling mistakes. It makes me feel educated and superior, and also gives me another excuse to damn humanity. But even I can’t laugh at Shawntiah’s mistake. I can’t find anything funny in that post at all. Not cool, man. Not cool.
If anybody sees Dan Fargis could you ask him a question for me? I want to know what he thinks will happen to me when I die. Will Jesus and I go around killing demons and dragons and shit? And if we kill them all after like a thousand years then what do we do for the next millions of years. If we are just going to be rolling in meadows and flowers and shit I’ll probably get bored after like 40 minutes. Fuck, Dan, what is life? Also, will I have my penis back? And if I have to wait like 30 years for my Agnes to join me, will that go by like in an instant? That would be nice. Otherwise, will there be like some temporary alternate female companionship? 30 years can be a long time for a man with a workin penis, you know Dan?
@ee I would much rather have the box after the gift wrap is long gone. Opening a new one is always so delicate. Then you have the people you would like to reuse the wrapping. I would much rather just tear into a box that is used to being ripped open and taped back together.
@ word and to whom else it may concern: I had to change my name to defective user. Apparently somebody thought that it would be funny to pass around a link from a post about a year ago. The one where I put my personal information out there so word and a few others could friend request me. I contacted Lamebook and they said they would delete the link and that I should change my username so I wouldn’t provoke whoever did it to follow me until they got anymore information.
eenerbl, I am horrified at the thought of hosting company for two weeks. After two days I’m ready to bludgeon the visitors into unconsciousness with dead snacks just to get a few hours of solitude.
defectiveuser has the right idea, who wants to spend all that time removing the bow, gift wrap, and tape on a box (not to mention removing the packing materials) when you could just find a open, easily accessible box and dive right in? That wasn’t about sex, by the way. I’m just really impatient to find out what my gifts are on Christmas morning.
To keep the confusion down I am “the 23 year old ex heroin junkie who sucked dick for cheeseburgers.” I really cant give anymore info than that. Go back a few days and read the comments and you will understand.
That isn’t a bad deal. Zoned, you bring back many a memories.
Word, I have gotten about 300 friend request on Facebook in the last week. I messaged one of them trying to figure it out. Apparently I am on a website that uses Lamebook as a piggyback. They zoomed in on my info and promoted “that everybody friend request this dumbass” I guess the many lawyers that lamebook has made them take it down.
OK, so I’m new here so I don’t get this. Sondra says every time she mows, she kills “snacks”. Then in her last sentence, she says her push mower is too slow to kill the “snacks”, so if they’re not dead, you didn’t kill them.
Making fun of people for spelling mistakes can be fun but it’s low hanging fruit on the Internet funny tree.
Welcome, petetee! I think Sondra’s dilemma is that her power mower kills snacks and she doesn’t want to have to deal with dead snacks on her lawn. However, using a push mower that isn’t powerful enough to kill the snacks results in live snacks all over the lawn, which is also unacceptable. What she really needs is either to haire a lawn boy to take care of the snacks for her, or to find some other way of getting rid of the snacks that does not involve lawn care. I would suggest setting loose a couple of snakes in the garden to eat the snacks.
P.S. welcome too to lulz – if Sondra is always this entertaining, let’s get some more submissions from her on here!
Perhaps, there’s nothing worse than dead cupcakes on your lawn. She might get ants or something. I also wonder how she could look at “haire” and say “well that’s how you spell hire”, but I shouldn’t make fun. I have a facebook friend that spells like Sondra, and I hid her updates because it feels like my brain is going to leak out of my ear when I read them. It’s a better solution than deleting her and causing stupid person drama.
Good call on the status hiding. I did the same thing with a poster of short, vague, pay-attention-to-me-please status updates such as “is very confused”, “had the worst day ever”, and “is excited”. Unfortunately, part of my brain did leak out of my ear before I did this, but fortunately it was just the part that used to control my ability to pretend to enjoy romantic comedies and sparkly vampire movies in order to impress women. Not a huge loss since I look nothing like Robert Pattinson or that other guy who can’t keep his shirt on.
It’s easy. Just pour twenty or so bottles of honey into a bathtub, then add a few containers of glitter as well as some finely crushed glass if it’s a special occasion like a first date or your grandmother’s 90th birthday party. Even if I’m going to be fully clothed, I still like to get the glitter all over to avoid unsightly sparkle lines. I wish I could stop thinking, but snacks have occupied my mind and just won’t get out.
My penis is semi-retired. But it was a farmer of sorts. Mostly happily unsuccessful in raising any crops to maturity though. First it didn’t have any seeds. After those became available there was still a lack of any suitable soil. Then when some soil became available the seeds always seemed to be blocked by a latex membrane. Then the soil had undergone some chemical treatment which prevents seeds from being established. Then that program was cancelled but seeds were only allowed to be planted during the winter seasons when they shouldn’t have grown. Then there was some unplanned crop developmental success (or failure, depending on how you look at it). Now he’s semi-retired.
Anyway, it sounds like the idea of a workin penis is quite novel to you. Has yours *never* worked? That’s a shame.
Coming from a french background when I was a child, there was a snake in the backyard and my french canadian mother ran around the house screaming for my(very english) father:
Shnack Shnack!!! Help! Shnack!! come get Shnack!!!
@68/ee It is in reference to this post, i’ve decided to follow the trend being set by everyone else… After having finally figured out how to actually -set- a link for your name. >.>
@121/ee Right back atcha.
Also… Does anybody else see the freaking dinasaur on the screen across from post 125? Or am I just tripping mad balls.
@150/teo My grandmothers 90th just passed recently, forgot the memo about sparkling that shit up.
On another note… Did anybody else think up ‘trouser snacks’ as well? Or was I the only one? Meh, tomorrows… Nope, it’s today now, but, there shall be new posts soon enough. Need sleeeep, and BritishHobo, that is like shit rolled up in a burrito and force-fed down your throat.