As a child of 12 or 13 I had the most amazing ability to suck air into my bowels by loosening my sphincter(no gay jokes please… nm i forgot who I’m talking to. have at it) and ripping the most incredibly long and loud farts. My 20 year old brother was jealous and at the same time proud of this talent.
He was so proud that he bragged about it our surfer bros one day in the locker room on the pier. The didn’t believe him for one moment. Of course I was not about to blow the house down in front of that crowd. I knew I would either be verbally beaten to death or named their king. Being 12 or 13 (still can’t remember), I was sure that it would be the latter.
Well the peer pressure started to mount. Capitulated by the biggest douche in the group until I could no longer resist. Being in the locker room we were, of course, naked. I bent my naked ass over, sucked in a big ass breath, held it for a minute to build up the pressure and LETTER RIP!
Much to my surprise I felt a small, pebble sized, turd fly from my rectal launch tube at high velocity. It flew across the room and ended it’s journey with a loud smack. Being faced in the opposite direction I assumed that it had hit the wall across the room. I turned to face the raucous laughter that was filling the locker room preparing to take a bow for my feat. Only to find that they were not laughing at my accomplishment but rather that the unfortunate loud mouth punk who was standing there with a small turd stuck directly between his eyes.
After what he deemed was a deserved pummeling, I was forever known to the group as Ass Canon.
@helpimalive those types of typos (like mixing up mp3dr and order) are common when using the t3 function on a cell phone that doesn’t have a qwerty keyboard. A lot of times the program will plug in the wrong word, and many people hit send without proofing.
I second sideshow having his username as Ass Cannon from now on – awesome story
Come on, Lamebook. That guy’s point was that he doesn’t care how smart your honor student kid is, his brainless jock marine son could kick their ass. He doesn’t give a shit about spelling mistakes, he’ll just punch you in the face. He’s awesome. Right?
@ Charlotte sometimes. Catherine came via mail order. It took me three items to persuade the courier that I had ordered a Charlotte and not a catherine. Seriously, how hard is it to deliver a package?!