Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Shares that Scare

previous post: Color Me Bad

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49 Comments

  1. Darn it, wrong hole… ohh well hope she don’t notice (whistles)

  2. Very sleep deprived and sick.

    1: Epic

    2: Silly whore biscuit, slut bag, slag.. ho..yeah
    3: Thanks, anagram for Misslowkey, I’ll remember that. I’m actually due now, although my provider of sex is sadly on the west coast. =( I guess some toys aughta loosen up the ol’ meat racks for that horrid painful metal instrument…*shudders and cries*

    #4 What are you, swiss cheese?

  3. Keona, where are you going for your pap tests? Metal? They went out with the ark, and any Doctor still using them should be struck-off. Plastic and disposable, always, girlfriend.

  4. I’m gonna make the assumption that if you comment something like “My cherry needs poppin’” then your cherry has already been popped.

  5. =( Live in the Southern US. I had no idea plastic was available.

  6. Hmmm, what can I say? I know. I love Australia.

  7. I’m pretty sure I saw #1 in an email. Trevor is not funny.

  8. Thanks for the heads up though, word. Even if it is late to find out, I’ll ask my OBGYN about it when I go in. If I don’t, I fear I will kick them in the face one day as a reflex to pain down south.

  9. 1. sounds like it was copied.
    2. why share this? i didn’t know it was possible to be slutty and geeky at the same time.
    3. should you have sex with a douche to be extra safe?
    4. i think she is still passed out and the boyfriend posted this on her account.

  10. I’m with Keona, I’ve only seen metal. I probably won’t ask though, I try to get in and out as fast as I can.
    Rosie, if you’re a girl at University and you have to try to get laid, you’re doing it wrong.
    …at least I didn’t have to try :-D

  11. Often times, when I read these posts, I make the careless mistake of skipping over the person’s name, usually thinking that isn’t really relevant to the post. Naturally, I did this for the last post here and assumed it was a guy, and thought nothing of it. Now, looking back and finding out that Jemma is a GIRL… it’s just… awkward.

  12. @muepsilon Don’t knock it ’til you try it. ;-)

  13. Oh I’m not knocking it! Quite the contrary! I just didn’t think it sounded like something a girl would say. I’ve never heard a girl use the phrase “got lucky.” I’ve only ever heard guys say it.

  14. @ladyrisk

    You ladies still have to try to get us guys into bed – and by try I mean looking at us and asking if we wanna. I never said you had to try hard…

  15. someone should tell mrslowkeyfabulous that those are all the things you’re NOT supposed to do before a pap because it could mess with the test results. always hate having to go without sex two days before the OBGYN….there is nothing pleasant about visiting the lady doctor :(

  16. If ever I have great grandkids in the distant future, and I was rambling on about my youth, this is how I’d start an October 2010 story: “Well kids, I remember Pointing Out The Obvious Week ’10 … there were all these stupid people that had to point out the joke. A wise man named Dukey Smoothy buns pointed out their errors but they were too stupid to understand, you see stupid is incurable…”

  17. Mrslowkeyfabulous’s doctor is trying to make more money off her by making her come back when her pap results are skewed due to her activities, and then seeing her again to treat the raging yeast infections and other disorders caused by douching and feminine deodorant.

  18. Right Trevor, right. ‘Cause you know EVERYONE listens to their iPod in the restaurant.

  19. @Douchetastic – indeed. It’s amazing people still think that women need to douche or that it’s even remotely okay to do so.

    I don’t know why you feel the need to share that lovely bit of information, Rosie, but your hymen has probably already worn away over time. http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/my_corona_the_anatomy_formerly_known_as_the_hymen_the_myths_that_surround_it

    People, educate yourself about sex and your own damn genitals. For fuck’s sake.

  20. First one is a rip off from a comic/cartoon featuring an elderly woman, I’ve seen it on a greeting card as well as an email meme.

  21. @mcsqueeky, THANKYOU. It never ceases to amaze me how many ladies know nothing about their vaginas. Douching is unnecessary, ridiculous and HARMFUL. Can you say “hello yeast infection!”

    As for feminine deodorants, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m really sensitive to perfumes, especially in that area. But even so, feminine deodorants are also completely unnecessary. I don’t use them and my vagina smells great.

  22. Number one is a very old joke. It was funny the first couple times, but not now.

    Also, I am sure plenty of people listen to their Ipod in Starbucks. Maybe he should have said he was in Starbucks.

  23. The vagina, like the eye, is a self-cleaning organ.

  24. @comments we need to ask? too much like hard work. i find “the look” quite as effective

  25. @comments we need to ask? too much like hard work. i find “the look” quite as effective. you guys are too easy ;-)

  26. I have nothing to offer but a few cuss words:-

    FUCKWANKARSECUNTCOCK

    Note to lamebook:- You can use that title for any of your future submissions.

  27. @Wordpervert, Are you very big down under?

  28. I just signed up to say I know Jemma and she is truly outrageous.

  29. @Walter Sobchak
    Truly, truly, truly outrageous?

  30. Seen the first one on FML.
    FML meets Lamebook.
    FML

  31. No one else is the same.

  32. The first one is old internet.

    The second-to-last one is stupid. You aren’t supposed to put ANYTHING up there before a pap, otherwise your cells could expand and look cancerous. I learned this the hard way. Thanks, cancer scare at 17.

  33. I second # 32

    I read it many years back in RD.

  34. Pretty sure it’s already on bash.org, but then again everything in the world was already on bash.org.

  35. How does Jemma’s hole number make a difference in how many times she got lucky in one night? It is still limited to three at a time (or five, I guess). But she can do an arbitrary number sequentially. It is the difference between parallel and series so to speak.
    Guys on the other hand are limited to basically one at a time. I mean you can have other girls present, and I suppose you could have oral sharing, but…

  36. @mad2physicist If she utilizes all holes, she can get 3x more ass than the average skanky slut.

  37. mad2physicist,

    i hate to put everyone off their lunch, but you’re forgetting one key factor: a hole can theoretically be ‘utilised’ by more than one member at once….

  38. Maybe Jemma was into a little D.V.D.A. action. She sounds like fun as long as you wear a raincoat!

  39. Um… that’s a very odd question, Pedantic, and coming from you… I’m surprised. Dirty boy.

  40. alordslums, she could also get more by just using multiple guys in one hole. My point is, the number of holes doesn’t seem as relevant.
    I’m thinking I read it wrong though. Her point is not that the number of holes was what allowed her to get lucky multiple times (although it does sound like that’s her claim); her point is that she enjoys having stuff in all her holes (not necessarily at the same time, though it sounds like she wouldn’t object).

  41. @curlybap

    The look does indeed work as a substitute – however there are a subset of us guys who don’t pick up on the subtle visual cues and need to be bashed over the head with the meaning to understand. I was hedging the bet for them.

    I’m not easy, I’m cooperative ;)

  42. Orrrr maybe Jemma is a lesbian. That would explain the multiple holes.

  43. something similar but not as embarrassing as trevor’s happened to me before:

    I walked into a 7-11 and was amazed at their awesome selection of music (Desmond Dekker, old school ska/reggae). I made a point to bring it up with the cashier, she just gave me a weird look. It was then I noticed that my headphones around my neck were the source…

  44. Comments and Curlybab, I didn’t realize my wife was interested in me until the second time she kissed me. The first time, I assumed it was a mistake. Also she was lying on top of me at the time. She said this should have tipped me off.
    Anyway, suffice it to say that sometimes, explicit statements of intent are necessary for certain guys like me.

    MyJob, admitting to liking ska and reggae does sound embarrassing.

  45. mad2, I just registered to say that ska and reggae are definitely the most repulsive types of music in the universe, and I dunno why anyone likes ‘em. Especially Bob Marley’s early work like “Pyaka” and “One of Coffee”, and Gregory Isaacs…particularly “Night Nurse”. OH and let’s not forget Peter Tosh and Third World. Ew. I shudder to think what would have happened to the state of music if Lady Gaga haden’t come on the scene.

    :)

  46. Junebug, music would have done just fine without Gaga, with the likes of Black Sabbath, Trent Reznor, Marilyn Manson, Apocalypse Díldos, Skinny Puppy, Disturbed, Cubanate… and Amy MacDonald.
    Frankly I am not a fan of Gaga. Not only is her music sub-par, but she is, in essence, the facade of an huge corporation.

  47. *hadn’t

  48. madsies I was being a tad bit sarcastic though.

  49. For those wondering yes #1 has been doing the rounds for a long time now.

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