Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The POORposal

previous post: PhotoSTOP!

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98 Comments

  1. smokecrack0fuckchickens

    Steeever!

  2. yes. yes i will.

  3. I wanted to be first…

  4. This Charming Man

    Did Gordon actually sit down and think, ‘I know, I’ll write a poem (poorly written in parts) to my girlfriend over Facebook asking her to marry me. That way, all my family and friends will know I’ve asked her. There’s no way that this can be a bad plan. I’m so romantic.’

    Good God, chivalry is truly dead.

  5. That was beautiful. Wow… I’m touched.
    Seriously though, why did he think this was a good idea?

  6. well fuck, alordslums beat me to it.

  7. Wow… What a monumentally huge dumb ass….

    I hope “Raegan” is a very understanding woman with very low standards who will “understand” and accept Gordon’s many deficiencies. These kind of women are few and far between. Trust me, I know.

  8. By the way, great message Gordon is sending to his potential wife – I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but not so much that I’m willing to turn off my computer for five minutes to ask in person.

  9. did anyone else have problems logging into LB last week?
    I think someone was trying to jack my account info or something.

  10. HAHAHA .. that is all.

  11. It would have better if he sent her a fucking email! At least she would be able to see it first!!

  12. good grief I hate these turds who profess their love on their girls facebook wall to try and be romantic as if they are the first fucking couple to be in love…puke. I hope she said “no”. Actually I hope she said “no you fucking loser”…..on his wall and then “defriends” him. what a bitch…oh and shitty poem

  13. Wow. Romance fail. I find it almost impossible that someone that clueless could maintain a relationship up until the point where a marriage proposal could happen.

  14. he should have told her using their matching iPhone 4′s. All the cool kids are telling each other important shit like this via that medium.

    Remember to look like a smut cunt when you are doing it though

  15. arrggh!

    *smug cunt

  16. dukeguy,

    SOMEone’s been reading the timewaster letters…. ;-)

  17. What. The. Fuck!

    People really do this?

    I hope she says no, this guy has no fucking balls!

  18. This Charming Man

    Wonder if they’ll have the ceremony using Skype?

  19. To be fair, he’s probably no older than 15 and his relationship with Raegan up to this point has consisted of sitting two rows behind her in Spanish class last semester. I once had a similar relationship with the first girl in my class to have boobs.

  20. It seems as though he panics there at the end, as though he really didn’t get that there was anything wrong with this and just then started to get a clue!

  21. As a lover of language I have to say that this poem is first rate. Definitely Hallmark standard. My personal favourite lines include, ‘I knew you’re the one where my heart will grow’, and ‘The one who give love’, and ‘will please you take my hand’. Gordon is bravely pushing the boundaries of syntax, grammar and semantics here. It’s Raegan that I’m worried about though. She was at work on a SUNDAY?!

  22. @alordslums – indeed, but please don’t start that back up..that’s why I had to disappear from here last time

  23. language_lover, I’m a bit disappointed that you didn’t point out the brilliant rhyming of the third stanza.

  24. @teo:

    See, see what I mean! His brilliance is so great that it even eludes me at times. ME, an official lover of language!

  25. i couldnt even be bothered to read gordon’s masterpiece. i just liked his two consecutive posts, really defined his two personalities.

  26. I would just like to state that the only “Raegan” to show up in a Facebook search is for a poet named Raegan Butcher.

    Which gives us a few scenarios. First and most likely is that Gordon doesn’t know how to spell his potential wife’s name. Second is that Raegan said no and deleted her Facebook page out of humiliation. Third and least entertaining is that she isn’t part of the public search.

  27. @lamebookpro – Really? WTF is wrong with you? Did mommy not kiss you enough as a kid?

    Seriously, get over yourself. You’re not funny or edgy, just a disgusting prick who thinks putting others down is hilarious. Get your head out of your ass, please.

    Anyway, I personally think it’s kind of cute. Stupid, but absolutely adorable and sweet. And I honestly hope things turn out well for the both of them. (:

  28. duke, i must say i don’t know what you’re talking about, and i also don’t think we’ve had the pleasure…. but top marks for the blog! (max clifford on speed here)

    and l_l – i’ll take your irony with sprinkles. and a shot of caramel. skinny, decaf. with soy (hold the soy).

  29. also, duke, you could write to these guys:

    http://www.bunzl.com/bunzl/business/our_market_sectors/cleaning_safety/

    tell them you’re having a huge chili con carne cook-off, followed by an attempt at the world record for biggest ever scat party. tell them you need industrial cleaning products, the sheer volume and number of which can’t be catered for by the retail sector, nor wholesalers, but only by europe’s biggest hygiene product suppliers themselves.

    just a thought… :-/

  30. @iloveyoink – i think mommy kissed me too much. and in the wrong places. You’re a 40 yr old divorced woman that loves twilight aren’t you?

  31. @Douchetastic -Don’t be daft. There are shitload of Raegans in FB. You just don’t know how to use the search properly :)

  32. @lamebookpro – Fuck, how’d you know?

  33. @alord:

    Ironic, moi?! That comment was written using the serious voice inside me head. You know, my serious voice, the one I use when I order coffee – a grande iced americano with an extra shot and a DASH of SKIMMED milk. I then eyeball the barista to make sure that they don’t try to slip any of that full fat poison into my nectar, because I am convinced that there is a conspiracy amongst employees of Starbarks/Costa/Nero whereby they are all trying to make me FAT. I eyeball the fat baristas especially hard. Paranoid, moi?!

  34. @ iloveyoink – because you described that pathetic poem as “Stupid, but absolutely adorable and sweet”. You also like holding hands on the beach, cosmos and “feel good” romantic comedies

  35. oh you’re not FAT are you l_l? i hope not. i really had the feeling we could’ve gone on for a thousand and one nights with this badinage. i read into it that you’re fat.

    i guess that’s the wonderful thing about lamebook – it doesn’t matter if you’re fat. fat people can pretend they’re slim, if they want to; slim people can imagine that people who are actually fat are slim and attractive, should they so wish.

    just tell me you’re not fat. scheherezade can’t be fat, or rimsky-korsakov wouldn’t've bothered.

  36. Nothing is more disturbing than when someone tells you, “I can never let you go.” Seems less of a “declaration of love,” and more of an “intent to stalk and possibly murder.”

  37. Ok, fine, I was being ironic. But the fat conspiracy thing is absolutely true! I’m not fat at all, and have a morbid fear of ever becoming so. I’m also a control freak, so I get anxious when other people make my coffee. Err, right, I should probably go to bed before I over-divulge my crazy!

  38. @lamebook – I’m also obese and smell vaguely of cat piss. :D

  39. well, glad we cleared that up language_lover. and remember, ‘every evening we’re one day poorer.’ !

    smell ya later, holmes!

  40. dietpillpyramidscheme

    I’m so fat that the only wash I get is when my cats piss on me. I also have a small family of marsupials living in my rolls.

    I’m a few leafy greens away from supporting a small Eco-system.

  41. I am one of the marsupials living in diet’s folds. There are at least 20 of us in here so I wouldn’t say we’re a “small” family. But we have lots of hiding places so I do understand how he could think that.

  42. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Team Sobchak.

  43. Walter’s the man.

  44. Chinchillazilla

    If someone plans to propose to me via a poem, it had better be at least four hundred times better than this poem.

  45. dietpillpyramidscheme

    Hey, stop that.. it tickles..

  46. But these mushrooms are yummy!

  47. WoW, this guy is obviously trying to be vaguely romantic, but fails enormously, wouldn’t be surprised if he shops at Walmart as well

  48. dietpillpyramidscheme

    Be sure to water the veggie patch under my upper-left backtit. I think I left a box of pizza there…

  49. Gordon, I love a man who’s so completely devoid of shame – now get down on all fours, bitch.

  50. Did anyone else notice that Gordon has two different pictures.

  51. WHAT WOULD IT MATTER IF I COPIED SOME STUPID POEM FOR HER TO READ WHEN SHE COMES HOME FROM HER SHIFT AT WALMART?

    poor Gordon, but it’s survival of the fittest, dude.

  52. PeanutButtercup

    I was going to say something, but word pretty much said it all.

  53. dietpillpyramidscheme

    Hey, Word, pumped for the new season of Review, starting tomorrow night? I know I am!

    “Just what *would* it be like to kill Kyle Sanderlans?” – Cut to shot of Myles with a sniper rifle…

  54. diet, indeed I am.

    And what I would do to Kyle Sandilands given the opportunity… No sniper rifle for me. It’d be up close and personal.

  55. word, I say you and I gang up on Gordon and take out his pansy ass. What do you say? You get him on the ground and I’ll kick the shit out of him. All in the name of bad poetry and a lame proposal!

  56. ee, I was thinking more along the lines of dog collars and cat o’ nine tails for this pussy, but yeah, an ass-kicking could work.

  57. For the appetiser.

  58. Excellent choice my friend!

  59. Your logic is outstanding as always. I’m digging the cat o’nine. Let’s get to it!

  60. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    My mind is filled with a Word / ee threesome right now. I need another beer.

  61. And I think I need another drink as well Dukey!

  62. Mine’s in hand, lovers. Cheers!

  63. Cheers to you as well. It’s always nice to tip one back with ya word.

  64. Among other things!

  65. ee, I know you have great binding skills, so you’re in charge of that, and I’m sure you’re suitably attired in black, as am I. Now let’s get to work on Gordy.

  66. You want to flak the front while I flank the back? It seems to fitting. You’ve always been the dominant one. I’m more of a submissive. You game?

  67. Absofuckinglutely, but I want to take the rear on this occasion. It’s in need of a word workout.

  68. Awww fuck, guess I’m screwed in this one huh? I guess I’ll appease you and take the front. You do what you gotta do to that rear.

  69. And a perverted one at that.

  70. The front will be good for you, ee. You get to see his responsiveness in all its glory, and I’ll have you film it for our viewing pleasure later.

  71. Again with that eager, and tenacious planning…that by the way, I oh so love about you. It’s a shame Gordy can’t enjoy it more. Poor, poor pathetic man that he is.

  72. By the way, where did Dukey go with his beer? He’s missing out. Those smooth buns and all!

  73. Gordon ain’t no man, it’d be more like an all girl’s thing, but that’s all good by me. Girlfriend, watcha say?

  74. I think I see Dukey over there in the shadows, hey Dukey? I see you.

  75. Like you have to ask twice? When have I ever denied you word? I’m all for screwing Gordy and leaving him to wallow in his own misery while you and I kick it up a notch. I’m in!

  76. Dukey?! Stop hiding. It doesn’t fit your character!

  77. Hmmm, banging Gordy would definitely be a lesbian experience of epic proportions.

  78. He’s over here with me. He’s looking for pizza.

  79. Dukey’s fallen asleep at the computer in a drunken stupor more than once. He’s great.

  80. That it would word!

    Walter, sharing is caring! It’s morally wrong to lure one in with hot melted cheese and moth watering toppings.

  81. Walt, that’s exactly what I feel like. Pizza and beer – if there’s a better combo of the legal kind, then I don’t know about it.

  82. It’s like he’s one with us word. Alcohol consumption and all!

    *mouth

    Wow, my fingers used to be so nimble. What the hell is going on? I’m blaming stress. God I need a piece of ass! That will fix it!

  83. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t hide the pizza in here. Marsupials are lactose and tolerant.

  84. Lies Walter, lies!

  85. But I’m in no shape to drive and go get it. It’d have to be the delivery boy.

  86. Nevah!!!

  87. I bet you’d delver well word.

    And with that I’m off.

    word, till next time! Much love!

    Walter, keep that pizza warm and don’t forget to share!

  88. I just remembered, Gordon’s my bitch. Gordon, you hearin’ me?, and make it double pepperoni.

  89. Night ee. I can’t see the screen much now, anyway. Gordon!!!!!

  90. This is isn’t REALLY that much more public than going down on bended knee in a public place like a restaurant or in front of the Eiffel tower, or on screen at a sports game or something. Just people they know will see it and not randomers.

    If he’s proposing I’d assume he knows Raegan pretty well and knows that a surprise FB post might be just the kind of public informal-type gesture she would love. and I also assume that most couples have at least vaguely discussed getting married at some point before anyone makes an official proposal, even if the time and manner its done in is a complete surprise, so she has likely led him to believe that she wants to marry him.

    This is not lame or even that funny. This is LB’s un-lamest post ever.

  91. Maybe he’s just shy. My boyfriend was so shy I had to propose to myself. It’s ok, it was really funny. Now I have an amusing story instead of a romantic one and that suits us just fine :)

  92. yeeeesh.

    Shy is one thing. A letter could be fine for someone who is shy… definitely more romantic that a facebook wall post. But if he really is shy… then this is even more retarded: if she was to turn him down on facebook then all their friends and family would know about it too!

    Maybe it’s just a cheapskate way of getting out of having to present her with a ring…

  93. Word, ee, I love u.
    that just made my day.

    And the post, seriously? All i could think of was; WTF

  94. dietpillpyramidscheme

    In conclusion: Kyle Sandelans is a tool.
    Myles Barlow is a (fictional) hero.

  95. Im sorry Hex-Kitten, but you assume too much on this losers part.

    It is Lame, it is funny because the loser does not realise how lame he is.

    And guess what! His family and friends saw it, said it was stupid and so do we randomers!

  96. 91.: Why should it btw be the man who proposes?

    This proposal was the geeky way to do it. I bet they’re both in IT, Raegan was probably at the google or fb HQ for some major problem that needed her expertees on a Sunday.

    And she said yes.

  97. I actually like this..

    He has the balls to do it on FB where it is almost public, and he definitely has it in his mind that her answer could be ‘NO’!

  98. I dunno, I think he’s just Rickrolling her.

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