Monday, September 7, 2009

The Internet Always Remenerbers



As history tells us, drinking copious amounts of alcohol plus transferring information from one to another never turns out well…most of the time. The same holds true for status updates. Hannah, cut your losses and fill the void with a pepperoni pizza.

previous post: *A Wee Bit Lame*



  1. This is what happens when you lock someone in a padded room with a computer.

  2. what…the fuck. hopefully she’ll remenerber this when she’s sombwr.

  3. Drink away your sorrows, dear Hannah.

  4. I bet she was completely sober when she wrote this.
    One of my pet peeves; people who play up to being drunk, so you had the ability to turn on your computer, type the web address in, and REALISE you’re typing shit (several times), but too drunk to write the bit that is in the public realm.
    Blatantly one of these people that constantly tells her mates how crazy drunk she was, and updates Facebook while she’s out saying ‘what a good time’ she’s having. Prick.

  5. with Busta on this one – and then submits it herself? yawwwwn

  6. There srsly should be a Breathalyzer (TM) app on your laptop whereby when you try to type and post shit under the influence, your keyboard locks up.

  7. I agree with Busta.

  8. No, this is in fact how people type when drunk (from personal experience, although not on facebook).

    It’s easy to get to websites when plastered – just select the appropriate bookmark.

  9. I second commenter. This is indeed how people type when they are drunk. I was chatting someone while drunk and was amazed to see what I’d typed the next morning.

  10. I commend this girl for at least being drunk while she typed this. I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt that she doesn’t type like this while she’s sober unlike all of the other idiots that get put on this site.

    The most lame thing about this post is that she is sitting at a computer typing all of it. If you are going to be that drunk at least send updates from your phone!

  11. I hate being drink too, Hannah.

  12. She probably finally had to stop typing because she puked on the keyboard.

  13. I don’t see the problem, she’s just typing in Welsh!!!!

  14. I’m kinda in a rut, I’m not sure if she was faking it or she was really drunk… If she was really drunk, i can see why her friends didn’t want to bring her to the party… i mean friends or not, if one of my friends was this drunk, I would drop them off at home and go without them. Plus it sounds like they took her out before anyways.
    And for the writing while drunk.
    I’ve been loaded and have never wrote this bad, i’m usually trying to fix my mistakes so no one notices that I was drunk, just me maybe.

  15. this is why they left your ass at home, retard

  16. I’ve been on the internet whilst drunk before, not gonna lie, but I never type like that because I make sure I don’t. I might take longer to type what I want to say but I still type coherently because I make the effort to. Even so, I don’t make many mistakes anyway, certainly not that many. Anyone who types like this is either so drunk that they should be unconscious, or playing it up.

  17. SirB: In a rut means you’re stuck doing the same-old, same-old. I think you meant you’re on the fence.
    I gotta say that this, feasibly, could be authentic. A few years ago I used to drink wine and take Ambien, then stay up posting on MySpace! (All pathetic, I know.) I remember being aware that I couldn’t type, but that didn’t stop me from doing it!

  18. I just feel really sorry for her.

  19. Ed- Its not Welsh, I’m Welsh and I can’t understand that. That’s pre-chav-english she is typing.

  20. Nah: haha yeah your right, i’m on the fence.

  21. i would have left her ass too.

  22. I’ve seen people typing like this when they were drunk. Also, she wouldn’t have to type in the webpage address if she had it bookmarked.

    Maybe she’s just a messy drunk.

  23. Way to miss the joke, Jason (#19).

  24. @23 – lol some people just don’t get irony. But hey, he’s Welsh – he should know lol

  25. i wouldn’t leave her at home because she’s drunk, but i would because she’s such a downer.

  26. My eyes bleed just reading her posts.

  27. I call bullshit, fake. She shouldn’t have tried so hard. Embarrassing.

  28. o hannah, what a palindromic dumb bitch.

    (yes, i did just make palindromic a word).

  29. Typing whilst drink is soooo hard! >.<

  30. Palindromic was already a word. No points for originality here.

  31. She almost got Coherent right.
    Clearly not drunk enough there.

  32. Minus all the anger in there it kind of looks like my Twitter timeline at times.

  33. She needs some attention.

  34. This broad needs to look into the Gmail “Mail Goggles” app.

  35. I don’t know for sure if she submitted it herself, while sober, but I do notice that it’s submitted two minutes after it’s typed up. About how long it would take to snapshot it, save it, go to, etc etc.

  36. Wait, I take that back. Lol.

  37. Wait,back up the short bus,was this the same Hannah who was happy to go back to school because she could spell D-U-M-B-A-S-S?!
    I spend too much time here by the fuck…

  38. With hulks and busta on this one..I call bullshit

  39. she says why cant i fucking type (in her drunken tribe language of course) when ur drunk it all makes sense so her making sense of her senselessness just shows how much sense she has not to be senseless so NOT DRUNK…JUST BULL…Im yawning…..NNNNEEEEEXXSSSSSTTTT!!!!

  40. HAHA! Yes!
    My life is now complete my submission was posted.
    And no this is not Hannah.

  41. She circled back to the computer every 10 minutes just to update her Facebook status, proving that, indeed, she does not have any friends.

  42. Good friends would have taken away the computer and left her with crayons and paper…

  43. @29 – mexicola:
    Yes, I can logically comprehend why typing whilst simulatenously holding and sipping from a glass or bottle might be quite taxing. I don’t recommend it.

    @all the morons who claim they can’t type in a remotely intelligent or understandable way when drunk:
    Typing whilst physically inebriated is a different matter. Unless you are a few sips off the point of being paralytic it is actually quite simple to type in a relatively coherent fashion. It just means that you have to choose between your dignity, or appearing to be wasted. It’s not a case of “is she THAT drunk that she can’t type?”, it’s more a case of “is she THAT drunk that she feels like she has to make certain everyone knows it and in doing so looks like a dick by typing like a blind person?”
    The key to typing when drunk kids, is take your time. When you’re drunk you don’t suddenly lose all ability to go back and erase mistakes you make. When I have been drunk in the past, I’ve sometimes (sadly enough) come online once I’m home. I’ve spoken to people on chat, they’ve asked me what I’ve been doing, and I’ll tell them I’m drunk, but they won’t believe me because I’m not typing like a complete retard. Because of idiots like Hannah, you have to spell like a dyslexic 3 year old for it to be believable that you have actually had a few drinks. Unless Hannah genuinely has the IQ of a 3 year old, she’s playing this up big time.

  44. Wish she would have drunk dialed me. I would have let her party with me.

  45. @43, ok we can tell you have never been totally wasted. Stop the cyber RAs!!

  46. Weeh huve OvErrp 33m ddiferant driinsk to chews frum a t ahhl ov r fhully ssstocked barss an pelnty of rplacement frendz.

    Tell ‘em the Pepper sent you

  47. @Sixkiller
    ok so we can tell you’re one of the Hannahs of the world. Sucks for you.

    ps. even if I hadn’t been drunk before, which you would know isn’t true if you had the ability to read properly, there would be nothing wrong with that anyway; you’re pretty pathetic for trying to use that as an insult.

  48. @Lamebookers

    Remind me to never get into car with you.

  49. This is pretty much the best thing I’ve ever seen.

  50. @Lamebookers, dude you are Lame!

    You must be one of the fat married stay at home vegan dads…


  51. You needed to be dropped off, Hannah. You were going to embarrass everyone at the party.

  52. @Sixkiller

    You’ve pretty much contradicted yourself by calling me an overweight vegan – seeing as vegans don’t eat meat or dairy, both of which are huge contributors to weight gain – vegans are generally actually underweight. Silly boy

  53. @Lamebookers

    You forgot another flaw in his statement: married.
    vegans are usually gay.

  54. @Hannah Call me, I’ll do you, unless u puke on me…

  55. I agree with Lamebookers. I know from personal experience that typing with correct spelling and grammar is pretty easy when drunk…..up to a limit! That limit being, if your so drunk that you can barely type at all, then its doubtfull you’d be intrested in typing anything in the first place.
    The real danger of typing stuff on the internet when drunk is this: The mind becomes uninhibited, so words flow from your fingertips easily…. Surprised at your own dexterity and mental clarity, you drunkenly reason that you cant be that drunk at all, but what you end up typing is something really regrettable….regrettable not because it looks like you’ve typed whilst drunk ! Oh no ! Regrettable because it looks like you weren’t drunk at all !!! (Its not a nice feeling believe me!) So in my opinion, this Hannah girl is just milking it to cover her arse and ease the guilt she knows she’ll have when she wakes up.

  56. MannequinSkywalker

    I hate friends like that!!!12Q

  57. errr… no wonder they left her at home! An embarrassment

  58. Just imagine if they DID bring her to the party when she’s in that condition xD

  59. @ …

    That’s how geeky 14 y/o’s get laid bud…

  60. And I thought you were my freirwyn…

  61. @Gina, this isn’t a welsh kid we’re talking about.
    It’s a drunk kid that finds drinking a good way to not go to a party.

  62. No way can she blame alcohol alone for that atrocity. I’ve been so hammered I couldn’t see straight and don’t even remember most of the night, but from my message history I can see that I was typing just as coherently as before, when I was sober. This cunt is just a piece of shit who probably types in ebonics anyway.

  63. @derp

    Boy, it seems you have no idea how drunk a human being can be. Not that it’s anything to brag about, but I can tell you from experience, that when you drink several days with not much sleep or food and start loosing days, your typing starts to be very un-coherent.

  64. …incoherent ;0)

  65. fake

  66. yeah there’s no way that that’s real, I agree with @freddan a few letters wrong here and there, but that just seems too played up.

  67. Total BS. I’ve been completely wasted online before. I’m talking drank multiple bottles of wine or most of a fifth of Jim Beam drunk and I’ve never come even close to typing this horribly. The occasional missed letter, or doubling up on letter, sure. But this is just ridiculous.

  68. So, an attempt at translation…:

    Post One:
    “Pretty much, I’m drunk as fuck and I hate everyone.”

    Post Two:
    “How can people who call themselves my “friends” just drop me off and then go to some party without me!!!! I HATE them. *What I believe is random frustration key pressing goes here.*”

    Post Three:
    “*Jargon* hate people who say they’re my friend and then go to parties without me because they think they’re better than me!! *More random frustrated key pressing here* Fuck, I hate them so much and what’s with my inability to form coherent sentences? I hate being drunk!!!”

    Post Four:
    “Whatever. I don’t need friends! I’m fine on my own. I fucking hate those people anyways.Fuck them! Fuck them so much. OMG why can’t I fucking type? When I’m sober again, hopefully I’ll remember this and never talk to them again because they suck!”

    Post Five:
    “*Jargon* *jargon* am I drunk. I can’t believe this shit. People who call themselves my “friends” get me drunk and then go to their party without me! WOW! How fucking retarded are you? YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME SO SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE I KNOW BETTER. FUCK YOU!”

    Besides the ‘jargon’ parts, I believe I got that right. The only way that this can be possible is if it was updated from a mobile phone, but it doesn’t say that.

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