Monday, July 26, 2010

The Ex-List

previous post: Wins to Start the Week



  1. smokecrack0fuckchickens


  2. smokecrack0fuckchickens

    Bacon is the healthiest part of a cow FTW

  3. I don’t think anyone on Scott’s friend list is going to date him after this.

  4. An ex of mine once wanted holes drilled in the ceiling to hang some stuff. So she stood on a table and started drilling. She wasn’t wearing safety goggles or clothes. Buck naked she was. I wanted to stop her, but I just couldn’t stop watching. Ah memories.

  5. Bahahahaha. Bahahahahahahahahahahaha.

  6. I’d still tapp Kelly

  7. So if she moves in with a guy named Scott she must not really hate the first Scott? That makes no sense.

  8. I used to be good at maths unitil they started adding the alphabet to it.

  9. This would be so much funnier if Scott wasn’t such an immense retard himself and had any grasp of how to use the English language effectively i.e. if you didn’t [laugh] then your prolly in the list. Pass me the eye bleach, please.

  10. Scott is a jerk.

  11. I asume the lameness here is Scott boring me to death.

  12. * assume, even

  13. In the “essence” of privacy, Scott? I believe you mean “absence.” As in your absence of intelligence, class, and humor.

  14. The stupidest thing I’ve ever seen anyone’s ex do is keep track of all the dumb things his former partner did in a misguided attempt to make himself feel superior. Then, to compound the stupidity, he shared that list with all of his friends and thus guaranteed he would never get another date again.

    I can just imagine this guy sitting back with a smug look of self-satisfaction thinking about how awesome he is while everyone who reads this note talks about what a douche he is behind his back.

  15. I think there needs to be a fan page for bacon being the healthiest part of a cow.

  16. Apparently Scott is so lame, his girlfriend felt the need to sleep with a random bagger boy instead. Go figure.

  17. Scott is a turd.

  18. Scott is a douche-nozzle, and Kelly has to be pretty stupid to not understand that simple equation, seriously, WTF.

  19. Scott is an ass. He stuck with this Jenae (seriously?) chick even after all of the crap she did to him. And keeping a list like this makes him so pathetic.

    But, I still laughed at idiotic Kelly’s message. No wonder these people dated one another.

  20. Usually the person who makes the biggest effort to insult the other person is the one with the largest issues.
    Wonder what Scott’s hiding.
    Perhaps the fact that he can’t get over Kelly which is why he’s keeping tabs on which cologne she’s buying her new boyfriend and spent an evening rehashing stories about her.

  21. I have a feeling someone’s not really over the break-up(s) yet…

  22. I don’t think it’s crazy to argue about the direction of spin on the toilet paper roll. It should ALWAYS be an overspin, not an underspin i.e. pull from the top away from the wall, not underneath (if that makes sense).

  23. I’vegot to ask.

    What’s a “bagger boy”?

  24. I’m all for revenge on cheating exes but this is a little much. @GrahamDunk – you are so right, no one will risk their reps with this Douchebag.

  25. I’ve got ^^^^

  26. Growl3th, I’m guessing a bagger boy is a spotty teenager that puts your groceries in a bag at the Walmart.

  27. Growl3th, it’s the person who packs your groceries in bags at the supermarket as you check out.

  28. I can’t believe no one has mentioned “#3.”
    He clearly doesn’t care about privacy (or the essence of it), so why no name? Does he not know his ex-girlfriend’s name?
    Scott 2′s name is ironic, apparently. Does that mean his name is not really Scott? I have so many questions. Like why do you know what cologne Kelly buys her boyfriend? What makes you think people want to read about your bitter rant about your girlfriends’ shortcomings?

    Mostly though, if you thought they were so dumb, why did you date them?

  29. dietpillpyramidscheme

    I was amused by Scott, and it’s his reputation he’s ruining, for my entertainment.

    Go Scott!

  30. Scott FTW. It’s a bit deuchey that he included names and he comes off as bitter on some of them, but I love reading about how dumb other people are.

    Plus, I think stupidity should be exposed whenever possible. People remain ignorant when no one brings up how stupid the world is.

  31. @Samuel: I agree. Clean TP should not be touching the walls of the bathroom. Maybe it’s some weird quirk I (and you, apparently) have, it shouldn’t happen. TP *away* from the wall, always.

    That being said, this Scott douche sounds like the biggest dick in the world, and I don’t even think he realizes that posting this list makes him look like a sad little prick. I mean, really? Who wastes their time writing something like this up?

    And WTF does “in the essence of privacy” mean? Dumbass. He’s the kind of guy that, if I saw this post, I would immediately delete him (from FB and IRL, if possible). After I gave him a good thumping, that is.

  32. Samuel, I completely agree with you about the toilet paper thing.

  33. I’m pretty sure I went to high school with some of these idiots. And I’m not even kidding. Lake Superior College and UMD are both in Duluth, MN where I grew up.

  34. and also, looks like someone’s got a case of “so not over the exes” even though they have clearly moved on.

  35. Clearly Scott is currently seeing Nicole, or hoping to be able to date her, since she was the only woman to whom Scott showed any respect, but my guess Nicole is going to delete Scott from her friends list, now that she’s seen how he slags his ex’s.

  36. Somebody’s post reminded me of my ex-housemate. She is the nastiest bitch I’ve ever met, in all seriousness I think she’s pure evil. Anyway, when we lived together, she was with a guy called Felix. Then they broke up (or rather when distance was an issue he couldn’t be bothered to put up with her shit because he wasn’t getting sex any more) and she started going out with a guy that looked spookily like him. Anyway, she introduced this new boyfriend to a mutual friend of ours as “Felix 2″. In front of the new boyfriend. Fucking cow. I don’t know whose post reminded me of that, but the douche-y-ness of her equals that of Scott. They should get together, then she can call him Felix 3.

  37. If I were Scott, I wouldn’t want to advertise the fact that I was stupid enough to date these barely functioning individuals.

  38. “Stupidest” things Scott has done: posting this whole list on facebook so the whole world can see what an idiot he is for dating dumb girls. Not to mention, thinking any one cares.

  39. Oh, @Ivy, you just beat me to it.

  40. haha @ “barely functioning individuals”.

  41. All of them (Scott, Kelly, Jenae (Who named their kid the way Forrest Gump says Jenny?)) . . . Lost my first point.

    Oh yea, they all need to be sterilized as to not contaminate the gene pool any further.

    Still funny to read, though.

  42. It figures that a bunch of women would comment on this post stating how much of a “jerk” the guy is… Stop and think about this for one moment: Scott’s girlfriend (at the time) cheated on him with a friggen bag boy! He wanted revenge (which is normal) however poorly executed it may have been.

  43. Dawn of the Dan

    “Who named their kid the way Forrest Gump says Jenny?”


  44. Heh. Duluth, MN FTW!

    OK, so UMD isn’t the greatest college, but saying Lake Superior College is bigger and better = major LOLZ

  45. Kelly actually came close to a profound biological observation here. Many mammals do have a bone, the baculum, which supports the erection; humans, unfortunately for her, do not. Lagomorphs (such as rabbits) also lack the baculum.

  46. Scott has “classy’ written all over him. And by “classy” I mean tiny dick, no conversational skills, an inability to know discretion, cruelty, self-infatuation and obliviousness. And did I mention the small dick part? Like a McNugget, only smaller.

    Thanks for providing this list, Scott. Instead of listing details on your hated exes, you’ve provided a primer on why no woman should bother with you.

  47. @eusadnama – my thought exactly when I saw the name Jenae! I knew that couldn’t bode well for her.

  48. morninghasbroken

    This would probably be “halarious” if Scott knew how to spell. But then again, no.

  49. @jpizzle I know, right? I went to UMD, and at least graduating from there you can just say “University of Minnesota” and no one asks which campus. Lake Superior College is a second-rate community college, no matter how you try to paint it.

  50. CommentsAtLarge

    Judging by the length of this post, Scott spends his share of time on the interwebs. That’s probably a good thing since, after blasting his ex’s like that, he’ll be spending the remainders of his “date nights” in front of said computer with a bottle of lotion – the only date that he’ll be able to get.

  51. I think it’s especially sad that you can tell, more or less how old these girls are and when he dated them. Kelly was obviously a high school girlfriend….probably dumped his ass when she went off to Lake Superior, and Jenae obviously his drunk much college aged girlfriend.

    Some of these were funny, but exposing stuff like Kelly cutting herself because she had suicidal ideations at one point? Extremely low in my opinion.

  52. So is the funny part the fact that Scott has only had 2 girlfriends?????????????

  53. Math not Kelly’s strong point. Neither English.

  54. My favourites were “could not figure out how to make salt water”
    and thought “color guard was a sport”… made better that she insists she was good at it, “sport or not”.
    Pretending you’re suicidal just for attention by making papercuts on your wrists is pathetic.

    @vassago77379: nah, nah, give him some credit… he lists a mysterious #3 up there too… though I guess it was hard to think up a name for his hand.

  55. What does this say about Scott? Any takers? Anyone?

  56. Wow… anybody who was thinking about dating this guy is reeeeallly going to re-think that!

  57. Well, now I feel like a douche for laughing, cause you’ve all professed what a dick head he is.. If it weren’t for the ‘ex’ part, you’d all be laughing too!

    I do wonder, though, why it was posted at 10am in the morning. He got up and decided to write a montage of his ex’s dumber moments, which he could write reasonably quickly because he thinks about it all the time? OR he staid up all night writing this?

  58. I laughed had at this, and I’m guessing there are a lot of females here. Guys would laugh, sure he’s a complete douche but the women he dated are border-line retarded.This isn’t you, why be so butthurt over this?

    I mean for the love of god she doesn’t even know x+2=4, x=2, that is so simple it is beyond my understanding that a person with average intelligence would not know that. This Scott guy will have a hell of a time finding another girl though. I mean he pretty much sealed his dating fate by being so tactless as to post that on FB. All in all it is funny, but everyone espeacially Kelly is stupid in this situation.

    And Scott if you ever read this, ever heard of the phrase “the kettle calling the pot black”? Difference: They’re (they are), their (possessive, shows ownership), there (a place), your (possessive, shows ownership), you’re (you are), etc.
    Proper grammar is a sign of intelligence.

  59. @champ
    *hard (had)
    *laugh; (needs a semi-colon, not a comma)
    *you; (needs a semi-colon, not a comma)
    *God, (capitalized, proper noun. Also improper grammatical structure of entire sentence.)
    *especially (not espeacially)
    *frequent misuse of commas throughout post
    Please, don

  60. (cont.) don’t make posts about “the kettle calling the pot black;” when you are chiding others for improper grammar and can’t seem to grasp the concept on your own. I would never ridicule someone for improper grammar in such an informal setting, but you seem to be willing to attack others based on their casual language in communications that weren’t even meant for you to see. Users of Facebook and Lamebook aren’t writing papers or formal reports, so relax a bit and don’t take such matters so personally. However, if as you claim, proper grammar is a sign of intelligence, then you obviously are of the lowest life form.

  61. lols at simo’s rant.

  62. This is just sad. The few funny parts he could just put in his quotes. Like the bacon thing. But most of it is just stupid, what’s the point? Also, color guard is a sport, and the fact that he didn’t care about his girlfriend’s interests kind of says something.

  63. First, what the fuck is color guard? It sounds like some sort of disco deodorant..
    ..and Simo there is no call for semi-colons in that first par of Champ’s post so let’s all just calm down on the hating eh folks

  64. color guard is for all the girls who couldnt be cheerleaders or dancers.

  65. color guard is a sport. it’s more difficult than cheerleading.
    and 90% percent of guard girls are dancers, being that they take dance classes… oh and dance on the field.

  66. oh,okay,yeah youre right,im totally wrong…i must be thinking of something thinking of the group of uncoordinated,not so good looking,kinda weird,sometimes chubby girls that wear weird, tacky spandex,shiny,color block outfits that throw flags in the air and do lame dances on the field with the band during football games,ect.,sometimes theres a gay kid thrown in the mix.what’s that called?

  67. dancingislife68

    Please stop stereotyping. The color guard girls you described are nothing like the guard girls at my school (including me).
    1)Every girl on our team is really coordinated. You wouldn’t make the team if you weren’t. I have been taking dance for 12 years, so I am definitely coordinated.
    2)Not so good looking? How rude is that? LOL. We have gorgeous girls!
    3)Kinda weird? Again, rude. We aren’t weird by any means.
    4)Because of how much we work (7:30 AM to 4:30 PM everyday in the summer starting in July till school starts and 3 hours everyday after school), all of our girls are like stick thin.
    5)Our outfits are actually cute!
    6)Throw flags in the air? Really? I’d like to see you try to do the hard tosses we do and catch it! It is a ton of work and takes lots of practice!
    7)We have pretty cool dances, thanks to having a famous choreographer.

    Yeah, that’s just my school, but still…We work super hard, and don’t need people saying things like that (:

  68. oh,okay,i did’nt realize people took it that seriously..i guess i live in a shitty city,well,i know i live in shitty city.but know our color guard teams are all sub-par,fcking aye.

    wait,wait,wait,i hope to jesus you’re in high school,because how the hell can anyone take over the age of 17 take things like color guard and cheer leading so seriously?i mean,i guess whatever floats your boat..but it’s like beauty pageants..what the hell is the point..?

  69. Nothing more awesome than seeing a Lamebook post from your town.

  70. sexclamationpoint56

    whats awesome is that in that last one she pretty much admits that she got her boyfriend the same cologne so he could smell the same and when he found out, he got pissed and got rid of it lol

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