Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Date Ended Prematurely


previous post: Winter Wankerland



  1. Not lame. Funny. But not lame.

  2. It was her fault, she was rubbing his butt.

    And it made him jizz in his pants…

  3. Hm… when he came in his pants, did he, like, cum in his pants? or come in his pants, as in, only his pants? No shirt, no shoes, sort of thing?

  4. I’m pretty sure she means cum. And yeah, it’s not lame at all.

  5. I wonder if those three things all happened at once?

  6. bet it’s highly exaggerated

  7. Why did he just ‘cum’ in his pants? What was she doing? Or was he just sitting there eating, and blew his load cuz the meal was so good?
    I know I’ve almost done that.

  8. I hope he didn’t wheeze all over her.

  9. Isn’t it funny how if it was the other way round a bloke would be BOASTING he made his date breathless and cum in her pants without actually touching her ;)

    Some women are never satisfied.

  10. Three things the guy could have done to get a second date:

    1-Spill something nicer on her dress. Perhaps a whipped cream to go along with the design.

    2-Don’t go around in your pants. This chick obviously loves those who don’t “come in pants”. A mankini is recommended for this part.

    3-When having an asthma attack don’t say “I’m having an asthma attack”, instead use the more friendly version of “Hey, there’s no air in here. I’m gonna go outside for a minute and come back.” Also making sure when he comes back he doesn’t come back in pants cause that would ruin the whole thing.

  11. It could have been worse. What if he came on her dress and spilled the cranapple down his own pants, and idunno, maybe a seizure instead of an asthma attack?

  12. @3 she’s obviously not talking about cum, she’s just making a fashion statement right there I’d say!

  13. What a bitch, I love clumsy asthmatic men who may or may not only wear pants.

  14. I have this mental image of Steve Urkel…

  15. @13

    Oh, oh god… Can’t get the image out of my head now…

  16. @13 That’s pretty gross…

  17. All I can picture is the jizz in my pants video:

  18. Personally, I’m inclined to believe that she expects her dates to show up pantsless so as to choose the pants for them. Certainly sounds reasonable to me. I know I don’t want my dates to come in their own pants – have you seen what some men pick out?! geesh.

  19. Ah, a kilt lover eh?

  20. These comments are WAY funnier than the actual post.

  21. agreed lol

  22. sounds like she went out with a jewish guy

  23. JDPower’s comment FTW!

  24. I think you’re off mistaphill. If he was Jewish, he was circumcised, and thus had less sensitivity. I’m guessing he was a bigot, as their hateful nature keeps them from attracting the opposite sex.

  25. @21 bwahahahaha subtle

  26. Match made in heaven

  27. not on topic, but funny >

  28. I always thought ‘come’ was the proper spelling for it?

    I feel bad for the poor guy lol… an asthma attack and ‘cumming’ in his pants is ridiculous for one date and also I laughed so hard at liketotallycool #10 lmao!

  29. @10; don’t leave out kilt. kilts are nice. underwear is optional.

  30. @28 – me too. I think the u version is more modern or bastardised

  31. she is a shallow bitch by my opinion unless by come in his pants he actually came in like boxers, but i guess by pants it wasnt a tuxedo and therefore not good enough for her

  32. never heard of cranapple

  33. @thorny264 – “CAME!!” AKA “Jizzed”. Please see “Jizz in my pants” by the Lonely Island for more info.

  34. Fuck…some women just bitch about everything. He could have spilled a drink on his pants and cum on her dress. Would she have preferred that?


    Did you see the sign that reads “The funniest and lamest of facebook” at the top?


  36. @ vansh

    i tempted to say no one is that stupid to put that in there status but the whole of lamebook disproves that

    but im still gonna stick to my idea

  37. I think she should have taken that as a compliment anyway . . .

  38. Last week, I saw a film. As I recall, it was a horror film.

  39. These are all vicious lies!

    It wasn’t Cranapple it was Bannaberry juice, also I spilt my seed into a napkin not on my pants, I’m not a fucking animal for fuck sake. And lastly I wasn’t having a fucking asthma attack I was trying to breathe heavily and seductively into her ear.

    Last time I take Slutty McBitch out for dinner I can tell you.

  40. @pb: Walked outside into the rain. Checked my phone and saw you rang…

  41. Lol.. may be he was trying to get rid of her…!

  42. Hahaha, we’ve all been there, right guys? Right..? Guys…?

  43. That’s what happens when women date 13 year old boys. How does she know he came in his pants anyway? Did he sit there moaning?

  44. @SeeBea
    that made me giggle.

  45. What, all at the same time?

  46. hilarious giggles

  47. Antarctic Circle

    @ SeeBea

    She must have figured it out when she sat down next to him, their thighs touched, he gave a little whimpering noise and a spot appeared on his pants in the genital region, slowly growing bigger.

    Not that I know what it looks like, of course.

  48. @Antartic Circle Of COURSE!

    #9 @ JD comment FTW!!
    I once had a guy who claimed he was so good he made me babble. They will brag about ANYTHING!!

    My response? If I’m TALKING afterwards, then you didn’t DO it right.

  49. She was probably such a bitch he did whatever it took to get out of there.

  50. He should have cum on her face instead

  51. He was fucked once he ordered cranapple anyway.

  52. @Neaonjack hahahaha genius

  53. *Neonjack.

    Compliment fail.

  54. Fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap…….

  55. I feel sorry for the dude. It was probably his first date. Maybe it’s a nerdy type without dating experience. He must have been a bit nervous.

  56. Maybe he was into auto-asphyxiation and that was his intention to sponk in his kex.

  57. Poor dude. I feel bad for him. We women can be so rough on guys (geeks). She should be taking all three (spilling drink, spilling seed, and asthma attack) as a compliment, not publicly ridiculing the guy!

    It means he is awkward, shy, and yes Jackie, probably a virgin, and oh yeah, thinks you are seriously HOT.

  58. Poor guy.

  59. “don’t think its gunna work out”?
    Yeah, because I’m sure he totally MEANT to spill the juice on her dress. And he jizzed INTENTIONALLY as some piggish form of a display of manhood, right? How crude. And then that asthma attack? Well, only TOTAL JERKS have asthma, right? I mean, lyke, oh my god, if he can’t even breathe right he must be a TOTAL LOSER! God would never give asthma to a COOL guy.

    Superficial bitch.

  60. @NeenerNeener: Really? Let’s assume for a minute that you are a girl. I sincerely doubt that you would just LOVE a guy who, albeit accidentally, spills drinks on you and randomly cums in his pants (I’ll excuse the asthma attack, as I, too, have asthma and he can’t control it). The dude was obviously a nerd. You can’t fault her for not being a nerd lover.

    I loled at the OP ’cause it reminded me of the nerd from Robot Chicken on a date.

  61. I only come in my birthday suit.

  62. @ Well, no, I wouldn’t love having my hypothetical dress stained, but I wouldn’t hold it against the poor guy. Accidents happen to everyone. If I accidentally spilled something on someone, it certainly wouldn’t mean I was an awful person who someone should never date. It would mean that I accidentally knocked something over.
    Cumming in his pants would be extremely awkward, but also, we don’t know the situation that caused it. If they went somewhere and were dryhumping, yeah, can’t really blame him if he got a little excited, and that wouldn’t be totally uncalled for. If it were completely random, yeah, awkward as hell, but it doesn’t mean he could really control it, I mean, unless he was fapping under the table at dinner or something. If he was, then yeah, weirdo.
    All the things she listed as “faults” against him weren’t things he did intentionally. All things are awkward and unpleasant, but not a reason to not give the poor guy a chance. Automatically ruling a guy out because he was awkward (or “nerd,” I guess) is, yeah, being a superficial bitch.
    But hey, I don’t think anyone really expects to find a deep, long-term relationship on a blind date anyway, so her attitude isn’t surprising.

  63. I fail at copy/pasting. @Vlamenni*

  64. @Vlamenni & NeenerNeener
    I think she should be able to forgive him, I once threw up on a girls shoes while she was still in them and they were totally ruined. She has forgiven me. I’d say that is a much worse situation when you’ve only known someone for 2 days.

  65. i think i went out with that guy, too.

  66. i think i am that guy

  67. I agree with OP. I would never date a guy again if he jizzed in his pants!! Obviously very very bad in bed which equals bad times for me.. Selfish? Possibly, but why does he have all the fun??

  68. I tried a blind date once. We both kept running into walls. We agreed the blindfolds were too much.

  69. Sounds like the beginning of a new Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie.

  70. It wouldn’t be half as funny without the cranapple part.


  72. @7 Kal
    Ahahahaaa :D Me, too.

  73. Dayum!! You gotta be a straight up bama to Jizz in your pants AND have an asthma attack.. “Where’s my inhaler AHHHHHHHHH!!!! OOps, want another Cranapple juice baby?”. GTFOH. Lmao

  74. My son had asthma as a child. It’s a serious and frightening disease, not a scene from a sitcom. If you’re interested in experiencing what it is like, tie a plastic bag over your head and punch a pinhole in it where your mouth is.

    The image she paints of the data as a whole is funny, though!

  75. *date

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