Friday, June 4, 2010

Successful Status

previous post: FANtastic Friday

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47 Comments

  1. Ben!

  2. The Flinstones comment made me chuckle a bit.

  3. Brandon just killed Casey’s hippy status.
    I like Brandon.

  4. hootie the blowfish

    I don’t understand why a one-handed hooker would be any busier than a two-handed hooker. If anything, you’d think a two-handed hooker could potentially service up to twice as many clients as a one-handed counterpart.

  5. Greg was sort of asking for it by asking that question and I sort of feel like I have seen that post before on here. I hope Lamebook is not lame today.

  6. @hottie I agree one-handed , two-handed either way they are hookers with the same service goal.

  7. @hootie
    I believe it all comes down to the hooker’s dexterity. But you are correct; a competent two-handed hooker could potentially give twice the amount of handjobs as a one-handed one per given amount of time.

  8. Free handjob night? I think Britney got some peoples hopes up there.

  9. @chicky_monkey
    I believe free handjob night would only be for frequent customers, or members of a special club or as a bundle when purchasing something else.

  10. Ugh. The second one reminds me of my neighbors growing up. They believed and taught their children that evolution was not real because it went against their severe Catholic beliefs. They even told them that the government was responsible for all the “dinosaur fossils” because they were “left wings nuts with no morals” and “the same people that keep breeding all these gays”.

    Absolutely insane.

  11. lamebook’s new low

  12. @ katypants: What is it about Catholics? Yesterday, I heard a radio program where a Catholic priest was telling his congregation that socialists were going to hell because Jesus was a capitalist. He even told parables “supporting” his belief (they were a stretch to say the least). Not surprising they’d blame dinosaur bones on left-wing socialists, too. I have Catholic friends were are normal people, but some of them are whackos.

    No offense if this applies to you, but how can any well-informed, sane person deny evolution outright?

  13. What kind of hooker would give out free handjobs? That’s a slut, not a hooker…

  14. hootie the blowfish

    @Mimi it’s a promotion to increase business, like when 7-11 gives away free slurpees on July 11 (7/11).

  15. @Master – no offense at all. I am far from being a religious person, especially with regards to that. I am all for religion if it helps someone and gives them something further to live for and so on… but it’s people like the one’s we are talking about that are absolutely mind-blowingly insane. What’s scary is that they really believe it too. That the government has traveled the world and make fake dinosaur fossils and deposited deep in the earth and ice just to mess with their religion.

    Needless to say, my parents didn’t allow me to play with their kids once I started coming home asking how someone could breed gays or make dinosaur fossils.

  16. Wait, what? He thinks the only thing that would be different if evolution was a lie would be that everything would be the exact same, only dinosaurs would live a few million year longer?

    What does he think evolution IS? That we evolved from dinosaurs?

  17. tangalangadingdong

    Evolution is just a “theory” right? So it remains to be proven, right? It’s an idea, not a fact. At least that’s what idiots like Kyle (and his parents, no doubt!) think.

    There’s a creationism museum in Kentucky I’d love to visit sometime if I thought I could take the radical emotional shifts — fits of laughter turn to flaming anger. Probably wouldn’t make it through the place without getting into an argument or two.

  18. Brandon is a genius.

  19. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    @tangalangadingdong #17 you do realize evolution IS “just a ‘theory’ ” and also that it really IS “an idea, not a fact” ?

    in my experience in real life, I find that people who argue for evolution are usually as close minded as creationists.

  20. @Master – Jesus was the ultimate socialist. Aside from decrying wealth, you only have to look at the story of the loaves and fishes to see distribution of wealth from the haves to the have-nots in action.

    @tangalang – This is where most people get it wrong. There is a “theory of evolution” much like there’s a “theory of gravity” (and electricity, and quantum mechanics). You can’t deny the existence of gravity (or evolution, or electricity), but you can have an incorrect explanation in support of the facts. Anyone who says “evolution is just a theory” therefore it doesn’t exist can be safely ignored as someone who has no idea what they’re talking about.

  21. People who “argue for evolution” are supported by many scientists over 100′s of years of research. People who argue for creationism are supported by their own beliefs. That is not the same thing.

  22. Thank you gajillion.

    Frill, people. Deity can be still be sought in the origin of the untimate unit of matter, in quirks, electron shells (as in asking athiests why there is something instead of nothing) but not in the origin of species.

  23. *ultimate. I cannot be bothered by such things as proofreading.

  24. Niiice gajillion. Very nice, indeed. You put into words what I wanted, but was too annoyed to form.

  25. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    @ hawkbit, in much the same way, people who said the world was flat were also supported by years of supposedly scientific research. The big problem is that people have this misconception that everyone who is against evolution is a creationist. There are lots of other scientific explanations, but evolution just happens to be the 1 that is most widely accepted.

    Also the reason it’s a theory is because there isn’t conclusive proof. There is a LAW of gravity because there is conclusive proof of that.
    oh and just in case you are wondering, I do agree with evolution (I have studied it in depth) but that doesn’t mean that I completely ignore the fact that it is still a theory.

  26. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    I rarely “indulge” in internet arguments so from now on I will go back to making sexually suggestive comments to Malteaser.
    Where has she been anyway?

  27. @MasterProp

    ‘What is it about catholics?’

    Nothing, actually. They are entitled to their fair share of whackos along with every other group.

    But LOL at Jesus the Capitalist! Time to upgrade the New Testament, I guess. E.g. Jesus beats the money-lenders out of the temple, not physically, but because he offers a better rate….’Let he who wins the raffle cast the first stone’ …’Loaves $6, fish $7. Come and get ‘em…’ ….etc, etc. Maybe Rome needs to know about this guy……

  28. MsBuzzkillington

    Ack, I’m sorry but *properly… right?

    Spell it properly… right?

  29. Just throwing this out there, the Catholic church officially has said since the 50′s that evolution is legitimate science, and even recently have said that creationism should not be taught as science.

    That said, for something to be called a theory in science, that means that it is almost proven, but cannot be fully proven. Evolution can not be fully proven because we can’t go back in time and observe the evolution of organisms, but there’s enough empirical evidence that 99% of scientists know it to be true. That’s why it is not called the hypothesis of evolution and other ideas are thrown around in the scientific community. It is called the theory of evolution because everything discovered supports it and there is no other hypothesis that even comes close.

  30. They could have named the group ‘We are trying to find 1,000,000 people who can’t spell worth shit’…..that group would probably have the same fans.

  31. Come see Jesus, one day only! $20 at the door. He’ll cure your blindness, only $99!

    I am a Christian (though not a Catholic), and see the merits of capitalism, but I don’t see how anyone who’s read the Bible, even just a brief perusal, can get “Jesus the Capitalist” out of it.

    I also don’t see why people have such a hard time believing in creationism *and* evolution. Why couldn’t God have created Neanderthals, who evolved into the beings we are today? If someone doesn’t believe in God, that’s all well and good, to each their own, but they are not mutually exclusive, as the majority of fundamentalists seem to believe.

    That being said, these posts all kinda sucked… I haven’t seen an epic update (or even a “minor legend” update) on here in forever.

  32. tangalangadingdong

    @ gajillion and Hawkbit: Well said!

  33. Thank you thank you thank you Paladin for pointing out what everyone else seemed to over look. I was raised a Catholic, and went to a Catholic school until the eighth grade. I was taught the theory of evolution as sound science in school.
    It isn’t the Catholics that are the creationists out there. Those people usually belong to some spin off radical christian group.

    That is not to say there are not probably at least SOME Catholics that don’t believe in evolution, but there are nutty quackjobs in every religion across the board, and plenty of nuts out there who are atheist as well. Let’s please not generalize.

    And that being said, I will just say one last thing…I renounced the Catholic faith years ago. My commentary has nothing to do with any defensive religious feeling as much as I would like to see some accuracy.

  34. As to the other debate, I agree evolution and faith are not mutually exclusive. To me the complexity of the natural world may very well have been put into motion by an intelligent power of some kind.

  35. @hootie the blowfish – Ahhh, I see… I need to work on my business skills!

  36. @ slippyslappy: I know there are Catholics who are *not* nutty. I even mentioned as much in my post; I have several Catholic friends who are normal. It was just the odd coincidence that katypants had mentioned her weirdo Catholic neighbors, and my comment was regarding a Catholic radio broadcast. That’s why I said that “some fundamentalists” tend to be the ones who completely decry the mention of evolution as heresy, not necessarily Catholics, and not necessarily God-fearing folks (like myself), but those wonky far-far-right-wing types.

    And yes, there are also crazy-assed atheists as well, who are on par, or even surpass fundamentalists in the loco department.

    I love myself some Catholics! Really! I almost married a Catholic guy. Well, that part’s a lie, but we were really tight, fo’ realz. Word.

  37. bahahaha!

    /\
    l
    l

    christian!

    i’m so glad a providential god gave the world facebook.

    oh, and a handy manual on how to live life and herd camels, cure leprosy etc.

    and isn’t it nice how all the stars and pretty planets (the heavens) all rotate around our static earth!

    also, vis-a-vis scripture and evolution being able to live side-by-side. -> did god tell chimp adam in chimp-speak not to eat the apple?
    or actually, shouldn’t that be microbe adam?

    also

  38. @masterprop, hey its ok. I wasn’t directing my comments toward you specifically, I just wanted everyone to realize that creationism isn’t what Catholics are taught.

    fundamentalists of any religion just seems to be a secret code word for nutty crackpots.

  39. To me some group like “we are trying to find 1,000,000 people who don’t believe in evolution” sounds like
    ‘we are trying to find a million people who think scientists are full of shit and their existence on this planet was a waste of my god and mines time,may they burn in hell group”

    Sunday school teachers are the real scholars! Sure, most of them are bored housewives who happen to be available on Sundays…..but intellect doesn’t matter one bit.
    Just bring your listening and obeying skills and you’ll do just fine.

  40. line should be “busier than a 3 handed hooker on free hand job night” – cuz she could give 3 times as many as a one handed hooker, and would still be a freak, but a cool unique one like the chick with three tits in Total Recall. who wants a hand job from a one-armed slut?

  41. @ msbuzzkillington – THANK YOU! I am so glad I am not the only one who noticed that Peter, while obviously quite skilled at spelling swear words, cannot be bothered to differentiate between adverbs and adjectives.

    Even worse, the misspelling was most likely a typo, while Peter’s mistake is probably the result of his own stupidity.

  42. giggles at flinstones. but rest are meh

  43. @katypants “breeding all these gays” that made me laugh. Also a little kid “asking how someone could breed gays” is kind a cute, hehe.

  44. http://notjustatheory.com/
    A “Law” is not the peak of a progression of theory, not in scientific lexicon anyway.

    @25: Scientists knew for millennia (ancient Greeks for one), that the earth was round; it took religious dogma to suppress or confuse this science in order to promote doctrine.

    P.S. Do those people who won’t believe in something unless it’s a law have a Law of Creationism that they follow?

  45. Walter Sobchak

    My initial and main reaction about the one-armed hooker was also that she would be less busy than a two-armed one.

    But I guess if the hookers’ pimps demanded that each hooker had to perform the same number of free hand jobs in the day then the one-armed hooker might have to work through her lunch break and so she would be busier than the other hookers. :(

  46. walter – you have proved that kant was completely wrong with his critique.

  47. Walter Sobchak, I lol at your comment and the sad face, haha :D

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