Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Stated Standards

previous post: Too Much. Period.



  1. Lol, Amazing.

  2. DRUG AND DISEASE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  3. The man knows what he wants!

  4. Woah, this guy thinks of himself as a real catch, clearly! I love the NO GOLD DIGGERS part. You can imagine him telling any woman he meets “you can have all of my cock you want, but I ain’t paying for your dinner, you can eat my cock instead, it’s nutritious and delicious and sperm is non fattening!”

  5. Riding the subway is a hobby?

  6. Hobbies: …ride subway


  8. danfargisfilthypenis

    Haha… the dude posts this on a wall in an apt complex and expects not to get pranked. Love it! Boy, are we specific in what type of woman we want. He doesn’t want whores but it looks like an ad to attract whores…..this must be a joke.

  9. Hm… GORGEOUS FACE! None of them Butter faces!!!!1one1exclamationfuckingmark

  10. I’ve seen this before, hmmm, was it on dlisted? I know I’ve seen this before, its a few months old!

  11. http://dlisted.com/node/39395 Yup, it was dlisted!

  12. And I thought I was the only bloke begging my girlfriend to allow me to wear a condom during sex

  13. Hate to say this but I really didn’t have to look at his race after I saw how his name was pronounced.

  14. vaginalroundhouse

    Women – yes – check
    Age – 25 – check
    Body Type – Curvy in the face so i guess that works – check
    Habits – Gold digger in bed so……check
    Clothing Style – spiked mini skirts – check
    Drugs – I like to pop vitamins and advil – check
    Disease – I had chicken pox, tonsillitis, colds and headaches – fail
    Hooker, Tranny, Real – I am a virtual escort girl with a penis – fail

    Think I still have a chance with this beefcake?

  15. He’s got the handwriting of a 14 year old girl. I call foul.

  16. Malik is a person who annoys me.

  17. Molék – Paranoid Android does not like people who refer to themselves in the third person. Otherwise kudos to you sir for not making my eyes bleed whilst reading your ‘advert’.

    Form a queue ladies, this one’s a keeper. No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs though.

  18. “willing to allow guy to use condoms during sex” WTF?!? I would hope so. Who the hell have you been messin’ around with Malik?

  19. i mean do you have to beg to use a condom with a girl.
    this is totally amazing.

  20. You dont see many guys searching for a “real” woman these days. He sounds like quite the catch. :/

  21. How is this man still single at 40 when he’s obviously got so much going on? Have to admit that if I was a gold-digger a UPS guy wouldn’t be my first target … Like the “condom” part tho’ – can’t have some gold digger trying turn him into a baby daddy!

  22. This photo looks like the exact one off Dlisted’s site- even the glare from the light on the pieces of tape is exactly the same in both photos.

  23. Promisuous?

    And hey, I’m a girl. Yay! Also, I’m Norwegian, is that acceptable? And I have long blonde hair. And I’m a GREAT kisser. SUPER! And not fat. OOH! And I’d totally be open to threesomes or foursomes! Except that I’d probably end up dating one of the girls instead, because Malik sounds like a douche.

    Andddd… Dammit, I’m only 18. Disappointment!


  24. Why in the name of Cunt above does this man think he needs a list (written in the style of an Epileptic, Parkinson sufferer on Speed) to pull the ladies?

    Every full bloodied male knows that all is needed is a tazer, handcuffs and 2-3 doses of rohypnol.

  25. lmao @ mofo … thats how my last boyfriend got me :D

  26. Nationalities – Hispanic? Native American? And a Native American with blone/red hair? OK then.

    Also, i wonder why he likes the Rangers, Mets and Jets – but not the Knicks?

  27. Impressive resume, wonder why nobody’s taken his number?

  28. The only impressive thing about that is the handwriting.

    @darth – I was confused about the nationality/hair color thing too

  29. I am pleased by what I consider an adequate level of detail about the types of vehicles that Malik enjoys.

    Many video game enthusiasts of my acquaintance regularly run afoul of these “gold-diggers”. These grasping harpies seem to come with the territory of sitting around on your asshole parping into the couch all day.

  30. If I hadn’t seen this on dlisted, I would’ve thought it was an ex getting revenge. But, no, that handwriting belongs to a 40 year old man who lives with his mom and wears a fanny pack.

  31. Hm, he’d better not let the dominatrices hear that he doesn’t consider them ‘real.’

  32. Malik where have you been all my life? I’m gutted that I just don’t make the grade. small boobs and dark hair obviously just don’t cut it:-(

  33. Sign. Me. Up.

  34. NOT FAT!!
    Glad he cleared that up.

  35. Paper and pen, the new Match.com.

  36. Alright, so his number ends with -7761…

    This week I am going to spend my time trying every possible combination of numbers I can think of, until I find the first few numbers. Anyone know how many there’s supposed to be? *-*

    *Dreamy sigh* Oh, I am so in love… I need my Malik so bad… *Starts plucking flower petals in a lovestruck daze while singing Dolly Parton’s version of “I will always love you”*

  37. I wish his whole number was posted. I’d be all up in that. I just have to run by the stripper store to pick up my custom-made 6-inch spiked heels.

  38. We still have his full name, Malik Turner. Hello, Facebook…

  39. here is Malik Turner….

    When hearing of her son’s approach to finding love, his mom got angry.
    “What did you do, Malik?” she yelled. “What did you do?”

  40. and here is his number :)

    917 -658-7761

    now girls, not all at once…

  41. Guys, I got it. Let ‘s set this guy up with Kasey! Neither want babies, both are socially retarded, and I’m pretty sure she fits his description…

  42. King of Queens anybody?

  43. #41 itzpapalotl: SO funny! Can I add that both clearly could make the world a better place by taking themselves off the market?

  44. Is there any girl out there, who actually refuses to let the guy wear a condom during sex? I had no idea that it was so tough for guys to talk girls into allowing them to use condoms.

    Dude has amazing hand writing. Not to be sexist, but I have a hard time believing that a dude wrote this.

  45. The fanny pack is what does it for me.

  46. He wears a fanny pack. He just upped the ante.

  47. Love dumptruck dudes who think they deserve super gorgeous non-hookers who will pay for them to eat dinner and have threesomes with them, while being “great” kissers and “real.” his use of quotes makes me think it’s ok if they’re mediocre kissers and made of plastic.

    can the other women in the 3/4somes be hookers? because honestly i don’t see where else he would find participants.

  48. @47
    looks like someone’s had a few runs with the ladies of the night…perhaps a little jealous that you didn’t think of hitting on chics via bullitens in your apartment complex first?

  49. Yes, Jonjones. my jealousy is getting the better of me and not allowing me to think rationally.

    i guess we’ll have to wait and see if his approach works better than mine, which is being female. i like to let them approach and hit on me, then shoot them down.

    either way, i guess i shouldn’t hate the player, i should hate the game.

  50. @43: That is a most definitely

  51. @49
    ah, a female, this throws my analysis. Instead you are clearly jealous that this obviously very eligible bachelor is not interested in your type. I assume you aren’t ‘real’ enough to be his woman. Also, I would guess you don’t regularly dress in a mini-skirt, daisy duke shorts and 6 inch high heels (as I understand that would be extremely painful/impossible to walk around in all day). An obvious mistake, well atleast if you don’t want to end up dating some broke dude posting bullitens with ‘take one’ slips for dates at the bottom. But, who wouldn’t wanna be with someone like that?

  52. Someone needs to introduce Malik to Second Life. That’s about the only place he’ll find a woman that wears daisy dukes & F*ck-Me heels on a daily basis. Added bonus, tho… she’ll be beautifully disproportionate, into 3- & 4- ways, and disease free!

  53. I know, Jon. I know :(

    why can’t I ever find a guy who likes a non-promiscuous, jeans/dress wearing, flat shoed sporting chick? i mean in public anyway, it’s not like i’m NO fun

    it’s hard knowing people like Malik are real and don’t want girls like me :(

  54. i’m kinda the opposite of this guy. i like girls who dress conservatively, have self-respect and good moral values and whatnot.

  55. He has very exquisite handwriting.

  56. Um..I do the same thing…but I don’t like girls with long fingernails.

  57. @bunnyball – thank you! Now I need to get on with the job in hand – trying to convince Malik that he should lower his expectations and date me. I’m even considering letting him wear a condom …. just him though.

  58. dude has same birthday than me…

  59. except for the year

  60. AHAHAHAH I called! bahahahaha! I love my life!

  61. Is there a transcription of your call, courtenay?

  62. @shinsplints
    All foolish mistakes Shinsplints but have no fear, I will give you a 5 step lesson on how to get rich, handsome, succesful bachelors like malik (richness, handsomeness and succesfulness will all be relative…mostly to homeless people) to like you. Step 1: forget any knowledge you have, this will frighten and agitate your average bulliten posting man. Step 2: dress everyday like you’re on your way to work. At the strip club. Step 3: Become a stripper! (this will give you both immediate power over and access to men like malik) Step 4:Surgery and lots of make-up, nothing gets a guy like malik going more then fake women. They’re the only ones real enough for him. Step 5: take a ‘good for one date’ ticket and be prepared to pay for everything. Luckily, with all that new stripper money, this won’t be a problem.

  63. Oh Jon, it seems so obvious now. i just hope that in forgetting all of my knowledge i can still count out enough one dollar bills to pay for our meals. dang it i’m still thinking too much! i guess this will be hard work but if it gets me someone like malik, well shit, no pain no gain right?

  64. I like Malik. He has neat handwriting and fairly good at spelling (considering).

  65. I don’t make the cut at all, It breaks my heart. I’ve always wanted a chubby 40 year old UPS sorter, who lives with his momma and tells me what skank pants to wear and colour my hair should be.

    In momma’s words: “What did you do malik?… What did you do?” LOL

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