Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Spread the Love

previous post: Classy Occasions

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80 Comments

  1. Why does Stephanie need to take a semester off for herpes? Also ben.

  2. Sean – Nothing like finding out about permanent venereal disease via Facebook status updates. Shoulda wrapped that rascal.

  3. Also – James made me laugh. We have a winner.

  4. Haha, thankyou Christina for being brilliant. Poor Sean. Ah well, live and learn.

  5. Reiterating the question: WHY do people have their enemies on Facebook? Lol! Christina, you just made my LIFE. But agreed, nice attempt to cover it! (And yes, that teacher should still get fired!!)

  6. You may think I’m a bad person for laughing at these people, but I could careless.

  7. @Xepher:
    You could care less, or you could careless? Because one would make you like Stephanie, while the other would make you…well, like Stephanie, I guess.

  8. could be careless*
    Man, nothing ruins a joke like a typo. Especially when mocking someone’s grammar.

  9. Not to mention that it’s “couldn’t care less.”

  10. These are horrible. What’s wrong with people?

  11. So you actually do care enough that given the chance you could care less?

    @ slippyslappy

    It would take to long to get into so to sum up what would be a very tiresome convo… everything. They sure do like to share.

  12. no – americans inexplicably all say ‘could care less’. even though empirically that makes no sense; if they ‘could care less’, then there is a modicum of sensitivity about the issue at least. whatever. i don’t want to start a transatlantic debate going (trolls’ve trolled that one about on pretty much every english language site on the internet since time began). but for the record, i’m english, and if anyone on here wants to see a photo of my perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth that i’ve never worn a brace on, hit me up!

    oh, and lol @ melissa. christina is the singing detective!

  13. I’m American and I never say ‘could care less’ because it’s incorrect. That’s just for the record. We don’t ALL use bad grammar.

  14. There are few things which all Americans do, slums, and turning phrases incorrectly is not one of them. However, I think you could make the argument that most, if not all Americans get really annoyed when preople from other countries make generalizations about us that make us seem like we can’t speak English.

  15. I’m American and people using that phrase incorrectly is one of my pet peeves.

    Lol @ Nathan.
    I will never understand the need for so many people to share such personal things one facebook (other than for our entertainment). Attention? Lack of a filter?

  16. LOL @ Sean!

    Uh ohhhh…

  17. dietpillpyramidscheme

    See, if condom companies were clever, and Lamebook had played their cards right, imagine the effectiveness of having ads for condoms around this post…

    Nothing quite says “Our product is valid” like above..

  18. oh, alisa. you only think you had it “once”.

    herpes, the gift that keeps on giving.

  19. Is it just me, or does Christina’s comment look shopped? I asked because there are little white spots within some of the letters like the background wasn’t filled in properly in mspaint or something!

  20. The whole thing is shopped. Look at the boldness of the print compared to the rest. Lamebook’s pathetic attempt at being funnier than these damn Snorgtees. I have got to get a few of those.

    I know all of them look different in a way. But that’s because of the different ways people sent them in. You can always tell by the bold lettering. Or should I say the lack of.

  21. Does anyone remember not too long ago, when someone came here with supposed proof that Lamebook had edited a submission and completely changed its meaning? I was pretty disappointed that it seemed nothing ever came of it, unless I just missed that.

  22. Why, oh why would you post that shit on Facebook?

    “Hey, I have herpes, Valtrex is my new best friend. Just thought EVERYONE should know!”

    Idiots!

  23. I also can’t believe I registered for this site just because I wanted to bring that up and was surprised no one else already had.

  24. The whole Melissa one looks photoshopped

  25. I wonder what the answer to Sean’s question was…

  26. The herpesvirus family is large and includes chicken pox and the virus that causes mononucleosis. The teacher in the first submission was trying to keep mono from spreading through the entire student body by (gasp!) educating her students.

  27. I’m sick of hearing about herpes. It seems at least 1 in 8 people on facebook has it.

    Where are all the status updates about syphilis, and the clap?
    Doesn’t anyone get these any more?

    I miss the good old days.

  28. When penicillin fixed everything.

  29. themilkmans_son

    The fact that somebody once had herpes is usually a good sign that she “puts out” – once that’s cleared up or once she returns in the 2nd semester I am the first in line…

  30. Poor Herpes now has the bad rap of being the town whore, everyone wants or has it. Except for me… and maybe the rest of the on here. Maybe.

  31. I collect Std’s , it is a very rewarding hobby

  32. lol

  33. Photo-shopped. Lame

  34. OMG @ Bulldog in #14!!! That’s so awesome, an American having a cry about how they hate when people generalise about them and their culture! Boo hoo, that must suck. For the most part I don’t think the majority of the world thinks you guys have bad grammar….I think it’s more that you’re pretentious, ignorant and fat!

  35. What the fuck is wrong with people?

  36. Well, I mean, all that’s true. I just don’t want people think that all of us aren’t well spoken. lol… glad I could help you feel superior.

  37. Hey Bulldog! Don’t mind jackulahaha. Maybe daddy didn’t hug him enough. In the meantime, I can make you feel superior ;) you at your desk?

  38. As a matter of fact, I am. Why aren’t you on it? :)

  39. Well, I have quite a bit to do then. Probably book plane tickets… at the very least fill the car up… tell H.R. I’ll be out for the remainder of the day, and perhaps tomorrow too, depending on how you stack up… but i’ll be there. Get your riding crop ready.

  40. Oh, it’s ready, but if you’re making the trip, what kind of host would I be if I didn’t have more than just that planned for you?

  41. You have tricks up your sleeve, ey? ;)

  42. Let’s just say you’ll be entertained while you’re here, and sore for the trip back. :)

  43. Hmmmm, it seems you know how I like it… this could be the beginning of a beautiful (and slightly painful, entirely pleasurable) relationship.

  44. oh, I agree, I’m getting choked up just thinking about it. Not as choked up as you’ll be later, mind you.

  45. The excitement is killing me… no marks though. Questions can’t be raised… I don’t know if I am protected by Title VII for sexual escapes on work hours.

  46. I really do need to contact my Congressional delegation about that very issue. We shall overcome, and whatnot.

    Still, it’s not a problem, I don’t leave marks. At least, not any that don’t fade after about 25 minutes or so. ;)

  47. We should create a FB group for this most serious issue that is upon us (similar to how I will be upon you).

    Our goal? Protection for our jobs if we feel the need for sexual release and/or escapades whilst on work hours as long as they are figured into either two 15 minute sessions, or on a lunch break (allowing one hour).

    I mean, it’s not great… but it’s a start.

  48. “Where are all the status updates about syphilis, and the clap?
    Doesn’t anyone get these any more?

    I miss the good old days.”

    Hahaha.

  49. I bet this is how the founding fathers felt when they were authoring the Constitution. Except I’m pretty sure they didn’t have erections.

  50. …I bet they did. Bunch of dirty old Americans

    There are few things sexier than signing important documents… while tied up and gagged. Just sayin’.

  51. Being tied up and gagged makes a lot of things sexier. Still, there’s something about putting you in a powdered wig and making sure you’re properly restrained and gagged that does sound like a lot of fun. Constitutional Congress style!

  52. ooohhhhh… I like that. Powdered wig and restraints… Can I have a gavel too?!? I don’t know what I’d do with it off the top of my head… but I am sure we could come up with something.

  53. We can make rulings with it, of course. Besides, if you get tired of holding it, there are plenty of places we can put it.

  54. Truer words have never been spoken… or typed.

    And while were at it… I want a bustier too. I think it will really complete the look.

  55. The bustier is undoubtedly one of history’s sexiest inventions. I get to lace it up for you, though. ;)

  56. Deal.

    I like it tight. Like, reaally tight. Can you handle that?

  57. Oh, I like it tight, too. And, I’ll apply plenty of pressure, tight enough to really test the strength of the laces, and your ability to withstand it.

  58. I hope you’re east coast because I don’t know how much longer I can wait… and I don’t feel like driving cross country.

  59. East Coast, Dirty South. :)

  60. Hmmm… still a drive… I’m a “New Englandah” myself… not as warm as down south… but we know how to stay warm ;)

  61. btw I do NOT have that terrible Bawstin accent. Just sayin’.

  62. You don’t pahk your cah in Hah-vahd yahd? Luckily, I don’t have much suh-thern twang to my accent.

    I hear New England’s very nice… things tend to get a little steamy and sweaty down here in the summertime. ;)

  63. Well Melissa, sometimes life sucks when you’re a dirty, dirty girl.

  64. Uggghhhhh ::cringe:: I hate that accent. Fran Drescher comes to mind and makes me want to poke myself in the eye.

    I like a little of the Southern accent, it’s sweet. Unfortunately too many guests on the Jerry Springer show kind of ruined the thicker Southern accents… but hey.

    I’ve been down South quite a bit, was born in Georgia as a matter of fact. And I CAN attest to the steamy sweaty deliciousness that *is* the South. Mmmmhmmm.

  65. You could argue that people who post statuses like these are actually the most evolved, since they are doing a service to their communities by letting everyone else know to watch out for them.

  66. There are many types of southern accent. There’s the trailer park accent, which you’ve heard on Jerry Springer. There’s also the more aristocratic old-south accent which is actually fairly awesome. There’s a really awesome accent that you find with people from the South Carolina or Georgia coast that I really like, if I could choose, I’d go for that one. I’ve got a very slight accent that really only people from outside the south seem to pick up on, it’s pretty neutral.

    And I’m a proud Georgian myself, by the end of a long, hot day down here, even the glasses of sweet tea are sweating. ;)

  67. No kidding. Small world. Robins Air Force base was home for a while and then we ended up moving a lot for obvious reasons. I did always love it there though. I still go back time to time, usually only as a stop over though. I would like to go back for a few days. People in Georgia are so freakin’ nice it’s ridiculous. Real southern hosipitality. Haven’t had one in bed yet though… I’m left to wonder.

  68. Good ol’ Warner Robins. I’ve been through there quite a few times. We southerners tend to be hospitable at all times, most especially in bed. ;)

  69. Figured as much. Dammit. I don’t think my real life bf would be real pleased if I tried to calmly explain that I needed to try one for myself. You know, just to prove the theory?

    Maybe I’ll try and hunt down some Southern porn. That might do the trick. Come to think of it… I don’t think I’ve ever seen one when either/any person has a southern accent.

    Oh boy. I have a mission. Unless you’ve got one handy. :)

  70. They say it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.

    You know, now that you mention it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen southern porn. This kinda amazes me, you’d think that there would be some bustling Atlanta suburb just turning it out, but I can’t think of any. Maybe I need to start making it. The first one will be about a northern visitor on summer vacation, just trying to see everything there is to do in the south. Sort of a “Katy Does Atlanta” type deal. All I need is to find the female lead…

  71. Right?? I have been really trying to think of a time that I watched one and noticed that… I really don’t think that I have. Amazing. It’s probably because I would guess 90% of mainstream porn comes from California from girls who figure they’ll just do it for some cash while trying to “make it big” “acting”. LOL

    …now where on god’s green earth are you going to find a sex hungry northern girl to visit the south and take the lead… Hmmm… ;)

  72. It does make sense. The thought of some porn girl in California trying to do a southern accent makes my stomach hurt… it’s bad enough when established actresses try to pull one off. Ugh….

    If I can cast you, I’ll even give you the profits off the first movie. I have a feeling it will be worth it just to lace you up in that bustier and then go to town on you, near some notable southern landmark. ;)

  73. Watch it, Bulldog. They are “actresses” and for you to refer to them as “some porn girl” will certainly get you killed. I don’t think they, as a breed, are all that stable. Regardless, the thought of a badly attempted Southern accent in a porn does make me giggle. I don’t even think I could enjoy it.

    And how sweet, I would hope to get some form of payment for our first porno. And don’t worry, as always, I will *earn* my money ;) …and I think that since we both know Warner Robins, our first scene should be on the wing of a jet, an F-22 Raptor, if you don’t mind.

  74. Hey, I would never disparage porn stars, Katy. I love them. But, while many of them have fine acting talents, they’ve been working on *other* skills, so I don’t want them attempting any tough accents.

    I would love to put you down on all fours on the wing of an F-22… I think you’d make excellent target practice. ;)

  75. Well, thank you :) I do believe I make excellent target practice, among many other things. Things that will keep you up at night…

    Where should the next scene be? I think that you should have some artistic input into this… and when I say input I mean… well… hmmmmmmmm

  76. How about somewhere on the coast? Maybe Tybee Island, with the surf and a very phallic lighthouse behind you? You can wear an old Civil War-era dress with the bustier, and I can capture you. ;)

  77. Well played, Christina. And herpes is rampant thanks to people like Stephanie.

    People really love to talk about their disease-ravaged genitals on Facebook.

  78. JesusOnADinosaur

    The second one looks photoshopped to me…

  79. Remember when people used to say that reading the comments here was funnier than reading the posts? Feels like a long time ago now, doesn’t it?

  80. however rare that a post appears on this site with the normal spelling of my name, I continue to discover a new reason to dislike being Mellissa. I love seeing spell check tell me I’m wrong every time I spell it. oh well, at least I don’t have Herpes. props to that Mel for admitting her problem. she essentially went through all four stages of grief in one go.

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