Saturday, April 24, 2010

Some Weekend Wins

previous post: Dad Does Dirty

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95 Comments

  1. Dave, Brett, whatever the name I am meant to say is

    Also Josh FTW

  2. Ben, that was it

  3. “JD’s Mum has got it going on, she’s all that Josh wants and he’s waited so loOong!”

  4. That’s my name, don’t wear it out.

  5. These were pretty bad.
    Am I to understand that Rachel was proposed to (and accepted) before her prom?
    It’d be more clear if her spelling and grammar were in check, as Margo pointed out.

  6. I assume the last one is lame only because there is apparently someone out there named Bonnay.

  7. I am also really sad with no friends. boo hoo

  8. I have an increadably small penis to boot

  9. Haha, loving Josh. Little perv. :D

  10. I must be having my period.

  11. So… this girl is now engaged–are we talking high school prom here? Oh my dear sweet jesus. I can see that relationship ending very badly a few years down the road.

    I’m not even going to talk about the spelling. Too busy being horrified with the fact that a girl is getting engaged while still in high school D:

  12. But on another note… Josh is awesome. I would be -his- cougar if he wanted me to ;o

  13. meh…..

    I did laugh at Smithy tho.

  14. @ friend – That’s what I was trying to wrap my head around. But as me with a period pointed out, I have no friends and therefore no understanding of normal behavior.

  15. Rachel is getting married and Margo is an anal biotch. order is restored.

  16. I don’t think Margo was being anal. I think she wanted to congratulate, but due to the possibilities of something being lost in translation, wasn’t sure if she should. So she took the safe route and congratulated Rachel, at the same time pointing out that her bad spelling and grammar could have possibly lead to an error in communication. I.E. Rachel actually has herpes and is not engaged.

    It could’ve been anything, I see.

  17. engaged before prom? i think the dude just wants to get laid and that’s his no fail plan to get some. he’ll leave her right before he goes off to college.

  18. J.D. here.

    Josh is great. He’s an internet friend of mine from NC. I don’t know why my mom accepted his request. There are a lot more instances where he says ridiculous stuff, like him getting his hair cut and wanting me to get it cut to look like his, me being overly in the closet, etc.

  19. Margo FTW

  20. @Sanctuary1

    I too have been my mom’s wingman, but I had to give it up. I just got tired of banging all those dudes’ ugly friends.

  21. @friendofgum: being a cougar has very little to do with what the young man “wants”. They don’t know what they want – it’s our duty to educate them in that matter.
    It’s a community service, really.

  22. I’m trying to figure out Laura’s thought process here…

    “Oh my, some acid just exploded in my face. Ow, that hurts. First stop: Facebook! Then after I tweet about it, post pictures on Flickr, and check on my eBay auctions, perhaps I will go seek medical attention.”

  23. Laura, I know what you’re saying.

    I love my booze, but it doesn’t love me, so after a big night out, to relieve the nausea and potential vomiting, I’ll down some antacids.

    Never works though, and as I lean into the porcelain bowl, out it comes, and as it meets the water, I experience your so-called acid/gaviscon explosion back into the face.

    Gotta love those bile/antacid/toilet water facials.
    I think that’s why I look so young for my age.

  24. yeah word I know what your sayin and I think it’s hot! The best is when you throw up so hard you get chunks in your nasal cavity and then you have no choice but to sort them back up and down your throat and the taste and feeling is so horrible that it makes you throw up all over again :-)

  25. sort should be snort though does it really fuckin matter? The whole paragraph is asinine

  26. I like Josh’s style :cool:

    Rachel isn’t really that bad a speller. Me thinks Margo is jealous and a bitch. Margo if you read this I’d be more than happy to discuss if you are or are not in fact a bitch.

    I like girls that come fast. Saves a lot of time.

  27. I don’t know why, but I got the biggest laugh out of JD’s last comment. For some reason “THIS IS ABSURD” was immensely hilarious to me.

  28. @freakyfox that’s just gross! does that really happen?!?!?

  29. oh and one more thing, wordpervert, I would be more than happy to offer my facial services to you. If you think an antacid/bile facial does wonders wait until you try one of my Sierra Nevada California pizza kitchen uncle eddies vegan chocolate chip cookie facials.

  30. @ monkey…you’ve never gotten vomit in your sinuses? Maybe I’m a freak

  31. @MonkeyCMonkeyDo

    I’m bulimic so I can assure you that it’s true. That’s my patented move to ensure that my stomach’s contents are emptied.

    Sure, it might be gross, but you don’t get a fine, healthy looking body like mine by vomiting out of your ass.

  32. @ freakyfox

    I’ve had rice stuck in my sinuses if it makes you feel better.

  33. thanks grammar hammer that does make me feel better :-)

  34. @ freakyfox

    Do you have pineapple on your pizza, coz I am sure it burns more in your nasal cavity than most other foods I have been able to identify?

  35. hey soup, while I’m sorry you are suffering from bulimia, maybe pot can help, I’m glad you can relate to sinus chunks

  36. hey smithy, I don’t think I’ve ever done pineapple, I’ll have to try it sometime. In fact I’m sitting on some right now that I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with

  37. I think the two acids mix together and make a more potent acid? Lucky my nose is big enough they can usually come out the front way instead of going back down

  38. @freakyfox

    I wouldn’t call it suffering, bulimia is just the accepted term so that’s what I use, but unfortunately it carries a negative connotation. They should call it the Happy Fun Yak Ride. Or maybe the Peristalsis Rebellion, for those youngsters that are always trying to fight the establishment.

  39. I find it interesting that you chose a food item as a name. Really shows just how obsessed you are with food. You can accept my advice with confidence for I am a doctor of psychology with a minor in third world architecture :-)

  40. hey smithy, think I’ll pass. Last time I mixed two acids together I tripped for three days and finally woke up a thousand miles from my starting point

  41. freakyfox, I like the sound of your facial food combo.

    Lots of food groups in there, but they wouldn’t stay in my body long enough if I’d been drinking for me to benefit from their nutrient value.

    I remember when I first started dating my ex husband, he’d take me out to dinner every Friday night, followed by some drinking and dancing.
    Sure enough, the dinner would make a return appearance later that evening.
    He used to get so pissed, complaining about how he’d paid for a dinner that went to waste.

    He’s an accountant, so money matters to the bastard, and I’m sure if he’d had the stomach, he would have got in that toilet bowl and eaten the vomit.

    He’s an accountant, so that should explain everything.

  42. Didn’t mean to repeat myself there in that last line, guess the memories of my ex just got me going.

  43. I think he was just upset because you made it too easy by having done all the vomiting work yourself. He’s an accountant, you know those people like to work everything out with a pencil.

  44. WHAT IS GOING ON

  45. You know Soup, he had a great pencil, he just wasn’t that creative with it.

    No flying this weekend as I said the other day, but now a rushed trip to the airport to pick up my man who has decided to give me a surprise visit this long weekend.

    He’s concerned that I may be lonely and sex starved, you know?

    I will be somewhat lonely soon though, someone very near and dear to me is going to leave me and go live overseas for 2 years…

    My wonderful daughter.

    So please keep me company Soup when the going gets rough mate ok.

  46. @SANCTUARY1! Just sit back and enjoy. It’s easier that way. Also, dont ask about Ben.

  47. @Word

    A daughter? This is new information. I will refrain from making horribly offensive comments regarding a younger version of you. For now.

    You were supposed to be spending time with your friends this weekend. I’m not a fan of the disappearing act relationship people take. Did you approve of the boy’s itinerary?

  48. I’m introducing my friends to the man, big, big step Soup.
    Hoping it all goes well.

    Love you.

  49. Ahhh, that explains it. Good for you.

    Personally, I love that step. My judgment is for shit, so I trust my friends to point out what I’m blind to. Cocks notwithstanding.

    Have fun.

  50. @Sanctuary1

    hahaha you should most deffinantly get Josh to swing by here. He sounds like someone who might enjoy this site. Unless he’s already here and we just don’t know?..

  51. Yeah we both have been reading Lamebook for a while. I usually avoid the comments because of unneeded arguments and such. A friend of ours uploaded this though. Oh, I also showed my mom that we got on here, she laughed.

  52. Definitely with pineapplesalad on this one, when sanc wrote “THIS IS ABSURD.” all I could imagine was the expression that would be on his face, one of those ‘This can’t be happening’ looks. Good laughs.
    And freakyfox, you aren’t the only one who has gotten puke in their nose from vomiting that hard. It’s the worst when you have to snort it back down just to cough it back up. Nasty shit. FYI, apple juice is TERRIBLE before puking, nobody should taste that.
    And yo everyone.

  53. Hmmmmm…
    Josh and Mrs. Kim M. A match made in heaven, despite pleas to the contrary from young “J.d” (who caps the first initial but not the next? Does “J.d.” stand for “James dipshit”?)
    OK, back to Josh and Mrs. Kim. Did anyone see ‘American Pie II’?

  54. ‘Cause I can’t help but be reminded of Finch and Stifler’s mom.

  55. It used to be J.D. but my name got changed due to a joke and when I went to change it back, Facebook said that it had “Too many capitols.” Facebook is lame. Totally not a dipshit :(

  56. Sanctuary1,

    Your name had too many buildings occupied by a state legislature? Are you sure your last sentence is correct?

  57. Yeah, vomiting so hard it comes out the nostrils definitely doesn’t make you a freak. It’s rough though. I’ve had a noseful of cask wine and McChicken before. That was a horrendous spew. My whole body ached afterwards. I showered, brushed my teeth and then slept all day.

  58. lol

  59. Margo definitely is a bitch….Rachel’s spelling/grammar isn’t so poor as to be incomprehensible…unless you’re a fucktard.
    The fact that she’s engaged before prom, is however, disconcerting.

    I sgree, the ‘THIS IS ABSURD’ made me lol.

  60. This Lamebook post is funnier than any comment from me will be

    :’(

    I loved #1 and #3 though.

  61. I’m glad that people have pointed out the Rachel’s spelling isn’t that bad. Her punctuation skills could use a little work, but…eh. I also like that the spelling criticism came from someone who doesn’t use an apostrophe in the word “can’t”.

    I was also much more bothered by the fact that it happened on Saturday right before prom than the fact that Rachel’s spelling skills are slightly under par.

  62. @guinevere: Why does that bother you? Is it the age thing? I don’t know when you guys (ignorantly assuming you’re an American) have prom, so how old would she be?

  63. my experience of American high schools begins and ends with ‘Saved With the Bell’ but i was under the impression less than 18?

  64. ‘Saved by the bell’ ffs.

  65. I’d guess 17. And the going to the park to play catch makes her sound young…

  66. MonkeyCMonkeyDo

    Prom is usually in your senior year of high school (around 17/18 yrs of age).

    @freakyfox/soup : I don’t recall ever having anything go up my nasal passage :o ( But then again, I’ve only thrown up a few times in my lifetime (usually from some type of ailment rather than from drinking).

  67. blame word for the puke talk…she started it

  68. so josh…uhhhhh, is your mom hot?

  69. I mean JD

  70. I can’t get this song out of my head.

    JD can’t you see you’re just not the guy for me. I know it might be wrong but, i’m in love with JD’s mom.

    It’s on a neverending loop. I can feel my measly remaining sanity dripping slowly out my ears. I’m having a Rick Astley moment.

  71. It seems JD was responsible for lighting the fuse of the mombro love explosion. I like how “This is absurd” expresses that he has become powerless to stop it.

  72. Hey guys, Josh in the house.

  73. Get out, Josh.

  74. You’re just mad cause your mom loves me more than you.

  75. What the hell kinda name is Bonnay?!

  76. THIS IS ABSURD

  77. THIS IS ABSURD

  78. Sanctuary, Jush, welcome. Please remain seated for the entire performance. You will be bashed, trashed, beaten, and insulted. Also, judging by the way Soup is looking at you, raped.

    That is why many of us are though, we just like our sex this way.

    I would love a picture of fox sitting on that pineapple.

    It sounds like Aleesha doesn’t come at all.

  79. many of us are here*

  80. Hey HeSaid, if Soup yells out surprise first, it’s just surprise sex… Not rape.

    Btw Josh, I’ll be your Mrs Robinson ;)

  81. Yes this may be true, but we all know Soup. His view on it is there is no fun if they are willing.

  82. My man, Josh, buddy ol’ pal, we need details! Have you hit that shit yet? Has she got it goin’ on? How long has the affair been going on for?

  83. I love how J.D.s mom calls him ‘Joshie’.

  84. Peristalsis Rebellion!

    Soup needed a shout out for that one.

  85. I was engaged at 17, and I think I turned out okay. Then again, my spelling and grammar skills make Rachel look like a chimp who knows sign language, so maybe that’s more of an indicator of future relationship success.

  86. @BritishHobo: Prom happens usually (depending on the school) both junior year and senior year of high school (11th grade and 12th grade–average age 17 and 18, respectively.)

    Also, in my mind, it’s less the age and more the fact that they’re still in high school. Finding the love of your life in high school works for some people. It works a lot less for the greater majority. I was reasonably mature at 17 (when I was a senior), but I was a completely different person from the person I am today. If I’d gotten engaged to someone I fell in love with at that point in my life, it’s pretty likely that relationship would have ended within a year and a half. If it hadn’t, at this point, we would most likely both be completely fucking miserable.

    Some people are lucky and find a person who can change with them at that point (or, they’ve pretty much found who they are by then), and they can stay together forever. Or at least, for a super long time. A lot of people are better off waiting until later.

  87. @RollerGirl: Don’t knock chimps who know sign language. They are very damned cool.

  88. @guinevere I don’t see it as Rollergirl putting down the chimp, but the exact opposite. The chimp is being put on a relatively similar level of intelligence with a human being. One that might not be as smart as… Let’s say, about… Geez, I can’t really think of a number. I can’t decide on how many more stupid people there are in the world then Rachel, it makes me sad to think about.
    Regardless, I highly doubt that, in the context of what was said, the chimp was being knocked in the least.

  89. @guinevere

    I get where you were going with the “don’t compare chimps to that moron” thing, but they actually do have pretty atrocious grammar, owing to the fact that they can usually understand 3-word sequences at most.

  90. I can’t help it, but #3 makes me think of the titles of two fairly recent (within the last 2 years) movies: ‘Rachel getting Married’ and ‘Margo(t) at the Wedding’. I think in this case, we can presume Margo will not be at the wedding.

    Ok, so I may just remove myself from here for rambling on…

  91. i think the most disturbing thing here is engaged before prom? really? waaay too young.

  92. So when are we gonna get an update on the JD’s Mom and Josh epic romance of the decade hmmmm?
    Inquiring minds want to know.

  93. Rosie the Bear…

    “Hey my sweet lesbian girlfriend its time for my body wax. Hopefully we get enough hair to complete the wig we’ve been working on.”

    http://eviltrancetwins.com/

  94. this makes me giggle.

    -Gods investment in you (His son!) was SO great, he could never abandon you!-

  95. Too bad it also made you post.

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