Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sick Snaps (Warning: Gross)

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194 Comments

  1. MonkeyCMonkeyDo

    * phew * my brain is numb from reading all this!

  2. Hahaha. Debates about parenthood and what benefits babies most amuse me greatly. Eating placentas, breastfeeding – there seems to be a multitude of rules and/or ‘helpful suggestions’ that new mothers should follow otherwise they are exposed to guilt and ridicule.

    I’m one of those ‘evil’ mothers who chose formula feeding at various stages of my children’s lives. I breastfed my first son until he was about 4 months old when he suddenly and most unexpectedly grew a tooth. He bit me. I said ‘Eff that!’ and he went straight on the bottle.

    I bottle fed my newborn twins from about three weeks of age. I did so because I had a 6 year old, a toddler still in nappies, newborn twins, a partner who worked interstate and I was freaking TIRED. You know a great cure for post partum depression? SLEEP! I had a home visit from a nurse who started to berate me for bottle feeding and I made the helpful suggestion that instead of making me feel guilty, perhaps she could do a load of my laundry or prepare me something for dinner while I had a little nap. Not surprisingly, she was unprepared to do so, and neither were my family and friends.

    Oh and by the way, to further confirm that I am an evil mother, I also used to dip their pacifiers in honey, put them to sleep on their bellies and let them scream for ages until I felt ready to deal with them. Also, they all attended long day care from an early age while I selfishly went back to work. Additionally, the night before I used to put them all to sleep in clothes they would be wearing to day care the next morning. 😀

    At the moment, my very happy and healthy sons are playing together nicely. The sound of their laughter is starting to bug me though so I may have to lock them in the cupboard for awhile. 😀

    If anyone else would like more hints on how to be a horribly selfish and evil mother, hit me up.

  3. well, having read all the comments, all I have to say is that I totally thought that the placenta jerky was just dried mushroom…

  4. Yes I think eating placenta is disgusting.
    Its a free world so you can do what you please, eat your placenta or put it where you like. If it feels like it helps you then good for you. Please don’t tell me that because I don’t agree with you that I’m wrong.
    ‘thought to’ ‘may help’ ‘believed to’ ………. not overwhelming evidence.
    If you are so concerned about taking tablets try a good diet.
    Lilac as for your breast feeding Nazi attitude, while I agree breastfeeding is best in an ideal world, it is not always possible for women to do. I know plenty of children fed on formula who are perfectly healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.
    Your comment on donated breast milk WTF??????????????????
    I’m done.

    To everyone else have a great day : )

  5. Not sure how any of you got that women who dont/arent able to breastfeed or have natural births are “evil” or “lesser mothers”. I never said it nor implied it, nor do I believe it to be true.

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – E. Roosevelt

  6. Bastard, copy and paste honey. Copy and paste. I wouldn’t waste my time typing all that out for here ;O)

  7. @sanity_fair: I would totally be your bff just from that comment.

  8. YorkshirebornNBread

    ratfish: FTW

  9. I call bullshit on anyone who claims their *whatever age* child has NEVER been sick a day in their life. BULL FUCKING SHIT. Every fucking Formula feeding woman says that shit! If that shit WAS true, then my kids doctor would be OUT OF BUSINESS (because she wasnt very supportive of breastfeeding, most of her patients are formula fed) So yea.. BULLLL SHIT.

    #2 I hate women who knowingly make shitty decisions (and I am NOT talking of formula feeding exclusively here, there are TONS of shitty decisions parents make… like for example Putting SODA in a kids bottle) and then act all proud of it like they are just the BEES KNEES. “Yea I absue and neglect my little rugrats, but since they dont know any better they love me anyways!!!!” Yea, trust me, if your kids experienced what a REAL parent was like for awhile, they wouldn’t want to go back.

  10. Good read… regular participants never fail to entertain.

    As for the Pro Cannibalism group, I think WIKI summarize it best. I quote:

    The reasons for cannibalism include the following:

    * As sanctioned by a cultural norm
    * By necessity in extreme situations of famine
    * Caused by insanity or social deviancy

    Good day all 🙂

  11. Jayde’s never met any punctuation apparently.

  12. @wendy46121: I formula fed my kids. I tried to b.f and it/I didnt work out. I have zero regrets. My kids have been sick. My son has had the stomach flu so bad once I thought I had to bust out diapers. He was pretty much sick his entire first year of school. Being around all those other germy kids, didnt help. And Im sure not all of them were breast fed. Ive seen breastfed kids and some of em are as dumb as toast. It doesnt make smarter more special babies. Neither does formula. And if feeding my kids from a bottle makes me a shitty Mom than so be it. I could care less what anyone thinks. Im writing this now bc Im bored more than a need prove a point.

  13. I just had to say that I love your name Bucky. Dead Milkmen rule. C:

  14. Me: Of course breastmilk doesnt mean children will be exmept from ever being sick or a gaurantee they will be brillant like Einstein. But it does mean they will most certainly be sick LESS then if they had not been nursed, their IQ will be higher, they will recover faster from an illness, be less likely to develop diabetes, better jaw development, etc.

    So those children who were breastfed and dumb as toast, just imagine if their mother had NOT breastfed them LMAO. Breastmilk doesnt cure inherited “stupid genes” from parents unfortunately ;O)

  15. Dear cali4niachef:

    You are why I am glad I chose not to breed. I understand why most people post on Lamebook. It’s often funny, it passes time, even the most compassionate might need a laugh at someone else’s expense (especially when it’s merited). But why are you here? Why are you even looking at these posts? Isn’t there some kind of law or moral obligation that prevents placenta encapsulating, ex-military, child rearing, long time Christians such as you from even looking at sites such as this? Shouldn’t you be spending less time here and more time raising your spirited/high need child? Or is that how placenta encapsulation proselytizing happens, by trolling weird sites for mention of placentas?

  16. I prefer breastfed babies. They’re used to the fleshy texture of a real nipple, so the transition to my penis is much smoother.

  17. So, if you are breastfed, you become Wolverine. And if you’re not, you become Samuel Jackson in Unbreakable…

    GODDAMMIT MOM! I wanna be fuckin Wolverine!

  18. I think the fact, that cali4niachef wrote approx. 20 comments to defend “placenta” theory, is quite self explanatory. The “desperation to reinforce a point” is relative to ” the feeling of insecurity about it”.

  19. AnonymousBastard

    God damn it Soup

  20. This subject is much like any typical opinion. All opinions will, in fact, be considers nothing more or nothing less. Thus, you will have those who agree and those who disagree.

    As for me, I find devouring a placenta to be utterly repulsive. Then again, I find eating broccoli repulsive as well. Sure, they may have medical benefits, but hell, no thanks. Researching about either of them will never win me over. Unless you get a million dollars for it.

    To me, eating a placenta should be on Fear Factor along with the cow’s testicles. That’s just my opinion. Not stating it as a fact.

    If anyone happens to remember that plane that crashed YEARS ago in some mountains and that the people resulting in cannibilism of the dead…Yeah, I can understand why. But, still fucking repulsive and disgusting. Goldmember ate his dried up skin, that’s disgusting as well.

    Just like I love sushi and a lot of people say: ‘ew, gross!’ Do I try to win them over and post a bunch of medical benefits and all that stuff? No. Because they think its gross and let them. Who the fuck cares?

    6 billion people in the world and we are never going to think alike.

    While many of these all-natural mothers (Note: I said many, not all) are so die-hard on these ‘natural’ medicines and what not… a lot of times you’ll see them refusing medical treatment that could in fact save a child’s life. Yet, they are so stubborn in their beliefs that they rather trust someone who reads ancient/old medical heebiejeebie shit from back in the day.

    And if you’d like to use animals as an example to help support eating a placenta then do not most animals kill and eat their own young that show signs of sickness and/or mental disorders? Does not the runt often die do to neglect? Technically, we are animals, yet to refer our behavior as animalistic is more of an insult than something to boast about.

    If we were to revert to our instincts, then it would be total anarchy. Rape, murder, survival of the fittest, etc. would become dominant.

    Then, back to the animals, let’s take dogs in example. I train dogs and I come across tons of them. Like humans, they all have different personalities. And almost all dogs are breast-er-teat? fed. Yet, I see one sibling smart as a whip and the other dumber than a rock.

    As with my daughter, she’s almost two now and has been formula-fed. When she was in daycare for a short time, they bumped her up to children older than her due to her intelligence and social skills. She has been sick, stomach flu and cold here and there, but all children get sick of course.

    And I’m glad she was, because it gives a chance for the father to experience that bonding between his baby. While breast-feeding may have its advantages, just as with everything, it also has its disadvantages.

    If the mother has an infection/sick, they pass that on to their child. As with one girl who commented earlier, the child can sometimes view the mother as only a food source. Etc, etc.

    Not bashing breast-feeding, if you do it, then I do not disapprove. But, just know, that every ‘scientific’ studies are not always accurate.

    Some say 1 out of 4 people have mental/social disorders, but they don’t know for a fact. Guestimating. Have they studied every single person in the nation? No. Just a handful here and there.

    So, if a person finds this disgusting, oh the fuck well. If not, new friend for you.

    As for me and most people, I find it utterly repulsive. Just is. Eating something that came out of your nether regions? Even if cleaned? Give me a mad-cow diseased burger, as long as I don’t fucking know, I don’t care.

    And if I see a McPlacenta, I might change my mind if it becomes that popular. Maybe with some bbq sauce on it. Chopped onions…sauteed mushrooms…now we’re talking.

  21. why are people writing novels in their comments? too much scroll-y for front page-y.

  22. @nightmare As for me and most people, I find it utterly repulsive. Just is. Eating something that came out of your nether regions?

    Well, eating the second most depressing thing that came out of my wife’s vagina during delivery might be a little much, I don’t think you’re considering all the implications of your statement.

    If my wife reads this and stops swallowing I WILL KILL YOU!

  23. Correction: Anything redish that comes from nether regions. White creamy substances is good for the teeth…hair…face…helps improve…perkiness…

    There. Have I redeemed myself? 😀

  24. I can’t believe there has been such an argument over this nonsense. I thought that LB was a place where lame/sick/disturbing/silly/stupid pictures were posted, we all get a giggle out of it and say how lame/sick/disturbing…it is and move on.

    FWIW, I have had 3 children and eaten ZERO batches of placenta jerkey. I did bite off my big left toe once for a protein defeciency.

  25. No, seriously. Google cali4niachef. Why in the world would anyone use on LB the same ID they use for MANY other things online, including their doula website? I hope you raise your kids to have more discretion than that.

  26. @cali and wendy

    My mother fed my two sisters and I formula and, none of us have low IQ’s or were really ever sick. Babies get sick, bottle fed or breast fed. Also my neice and two nephews were all bottle fed, guess what? They’re very smart children. So, why don’t you oh, I don’t know, come down from your high horses?

    Oh, and eating placenta is disgusting. I’ll take some vitamins over eating something that came out of my vag. Thanks though.

  27. All this talk about choice.

    I chose not to join facebook.

    It was the right decision.

  28. My god, and here I was thinking Lamebook was for amusing facebook posts! Somehow i’ve unwittingly stumbled onto some sort of pregnancy forum.

  29. Wow….. In my personal opinion, there is no such thing as a right way or wrong way to give birth/raise kids/feed kids, etc. As Siirenias said, it’s all about choice and I don’t think any choice is the right or wrong one – it’s the right one for each individual. I will not be relating a personal story here, simply because it is personal (and right) to me.

    I will, however, point out that the world is filled with individuals – those who were breastfed, those who ate their placenta’s, those who opted for formula, those who chose ceasarians and those who did none of the afore mentioned and opted for something else. In all these cases (or most), the child turned out perfectly fine. Just look around you at the individuals you associate with everyday – they were all raised differently and yet I am sure they are quite, quite normal/fine/happy etc.

    Over and out.

    Wow….

  30. @ nenc : For sure. It seems like eating placenta is a very strong issue for you…. and just saying that is fucking creepy guys

  31. wow… ok 180 posts… glad i only read as far as throwingtofu’s post at 18.
    jerky placenta sounds like some dance they’d teach in maternity classes pre- baby!

  32. Ben I’ve always used this screen name. I have nothing to hide :O)

    I find it rather fascinating that you took the effort to do some “research” on me LOL

  33. Thank you Soup for that comment at 167. Thank you.

    Mmm, Placenta Jerky.

  34. The cure to a woman’s post-partum isn’t eating the leftover goop from her future booger eater, it’s a pair of Irish Sunglasses and getting her ass back in the kitchen.

  35. Say…nobody has yet said what this stuff actually tastes like.

  36. Shipoopi, Sensible Madness, TurkeyVulture, pedore, etc… I just want to give you guys big shiny trophies. Seriously, thank you for being voices of reason here. You guys are awesome <3

  37. @cali
    “But it does mean they will most certainly be sick LESS then if they had not been nursed, their IQ will be higher, they will recover faster from an illness, be less likely to develop diabetes, better jaw development, etc.”

    I don’t know if this has already been addressed, but I’m a very healthy individual. In fact, I’ve never had the flu. If I’ve ever had a cold, it was so long ago that I don’t remember. I’ve never been so sick that I’ve had to call out of either school or work.

    My I.Q. is 147. I got a 98 on my ASVAB. I’ve always been in ‘advanced’ or ‘honors’ classes (by ‘always’ I mean ‘since the fourth grade’).

    My jaw, as far as I know, has developed just fine. I also do not have, nor show no signs of, diabetes.

    Of course, you’ll probably just come along and say that I’m an exception (or that I could have been so much more!), or something, but I was formula fed from the time I was an infant.

  38. *nor show ANY signs of

    Dangit.

  39. lol

  40. cali4niachef – like Jessi, I was formula fed and show no signs of diabetes, jaw problems, etc. In fact, aside from the IQ one (for which evidence is spurious at best), I’ve never heard of any of the other ‘evils’ of breastfeeding. I’d ask for a cite (especially for the jaw one – WTF?), but I doubt you could provide anything other than your own website.

    and wendy46121 – if all the other kids are at the doctors because they were horribly abused by being breastfed and are therefore sick all the time, then what are your little angels doing there?

  41. Nothing could have prepared me for this. No, not even “Warning, gross”

  42. intolerable to bs

    seriously, if i hear one more person pull the whole “breast-feeding nazi” shit, im going to go ape shit! i breast fed for 6 months. my son started biting and that was the end. there is NOTHING wrong with formula! the most important part of breast-feeding is actually the clear stuff (sorry, didnt get a medical degree, just a regular MOM here) that has the important antibodies that help give the baby the immunities they need!! Miss Holistic Freak, you backpeddled when you were talking about bottle-feeding, maybe you should throughly re-read your comments before making yourself look any more stupid. how can you go from calling formula “crap in a can” to now saying how you “sympathize because you too formula feed your child”. just go away, do what you do peacefully instead of coming here where people come to LAUGH, pack up the soap box and be gone!!

    Nothing angers me more than people that make moms feel inadequate for not being able to breast feed. sometimes, things happen that make it to where it cant be done. i volunteer with mothers, and let me tell you, it hurts them bad enough to not have the chance to have that opportunity. the last thing moms, especially new moms that may already be facing post partum (and if anyone suggests eating a placenta, i swear!!!) is to have the damn breast feeding nazi on their ass. and to the one that says get a donor, yeah, thats something a bonding mother wants. people need to worry about their own business, get out of everyone else’s and worry about parenting their own. if you want to eat your whatever whatever, FINE, i dont want to hear it. you want to breast feed until your child is 7 and asking for a side of oreos, YUCK, and please stay at home, but FINE, if you have a harsh word because someone couldnt breast feed and she got some formula, SHUT UP!! its none of your damn business anyway!!!!~

  43. Polynesian’s (well… Native Hawi’ians) save the placenta and plant it in a ceremony. Can’t say I’ve heard of a religion that calls for eating it.

  44. ryennocerousrex

    There’s no ‘okina when you write the word “Hawaiian” considering “Hawaiian” isn’t a Hawaiian word.

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