Thursday, February 11, 2010

Short Stories from the South

previous post: Morning Quickies



  1. I’m curious about the sexualities and genders of Christa and Jordan

  2. Your all a bunch of skank biscuits.

  3. Couple of them read like Facebook rape to me.

  4. @Tidy – The Kp one definitely is

  5. Seeing as Christa’s a girls name and Jordan has a vagina I took it to mean they were both girls freezit4.

  6. Girls are so gross.

  7. @Tidy: yeah I agree.

    The last girl is hilarious, I really hope it’s not fb rape.

  8. @stanselmdoc yes, most of us are, but not all…

    As for the girls above- yuck!

  9. I don’t understand why girls think it’s cute or sexy to share stories like this sometimes. I’m not a prude, but for fuck’s sake, really? Cucumbers and grey pubes?

    At least people will know now to stay far away from these queens of class.

  10. I’m wondering about Jordan’s gud gud. Myabe I should stop over thinking, but having it “pryed (pried)”, what is it? A Freaking bear trap?

  11. These girls are an embarrassment to us all. Why do they feel the need to share this info with everyone!?

  12. And then Kp used it in a salad the next day.
    Cucumber is a very versatile vegetable.

  13. Part of me hopes someone else was on their computer and typed the statuses above.

  14. Any gals need help? I got my pry bar

  15. kp was definitely facebook raped, and i think (well hope) Jordan was at the gyno lol

  16. ahh, that’s what FB rape is- learned something new today. :)

  17. um eenerbl, I too was struck by the choice of the term “pried” yikes.

  18. Tessanna dear,
    What you experienced is known as a Poo-fart. What you want to aim for is a poo-ghost; this is like a fart, but without a sound and may appear to manifest several feet away from the originator.

    The others are either TMI or FBrape…

  19. I’m with slimjayz. I’m lovin’ vaginas that are so snug that they need to be pried open, and I’m offering my services to bust them open wherever the need arises… apart from in Tessanna’s case. She can keep over-achieving in the farting/pooing arena by herself.

  20. I like Jessica. She makes it sound not so disgusting.

  21. @ Blue Smarties -I thought that was called a shart

  22. Why why why why WHY???

    Do people have ANY decency anymore?? I think most of these sickos say this shit just to get on lamebook! The human race has failed.

  23. …the fuck?

    This is just… weird… and kind of wrong. And it makes me fear for our futures.

    Who the hell blows someone based on their being ‘Team Jacob’?
    Fucking Twilight.

  24. @slimjayz and Merure, it’s so nice of you to offer up your services, just don’t forget your crowbar and defiantly some lube!

  25. @ chicky-monkey: Ooh, I like that! Never heard that before. It’s short and dirty. Kinda like the marks in Tessanna’s grundies…

  26. I think all these females should be denied the priviege of procreating: ie: they should be sterilized so their idiocy doesn’t further desecrate the human race. Oh, and Christa needs her jaw wired shut

  27. ^ gotta love creepy misogyny

  28. lostintranslation

    Oh for fuck’s sake! I don’t usually get annoyed by things I read on this site, but these women (assuming that not all of the above were facebook rape) are an embarrassment to our gender. When will people learn that nobody — I repeat: NOBODY — wants to know about your period, yeast infection, or GYN visit, or your bodily excretions, be they gaseous, solid, liquid, or any combination of the aforementioned??!!!!

  29. I came to Lamebook to see the occasional funny response, situation, etc… The deluge of idiots that are captured and the complete lack of depth of these individuals is…is…simply depressing.

  30. Other than Jessica, these are all obvious FB rapes!

  31. Wait…. So did the cucumber bleed?

  32. @eenerbl just to confirm, is “gud gud” something people actually say these days or is it an inside joke to lamebook based upon a previous posting?

  33. AAHHHH!!! AAAHHH!! My Eyes! My Eyes!

  34. @audrey I think it has less to do with wanting to appear cute than just spewing out whatever comes to mind. Or…you know. Facebook-hacking.

    Also, Jessica’s status is one of the more polite menstruation-related posts I’ve seen.

  35. @ eenerbl

    Lube? Just spit on that shit

  36. people are fucking retarted. I can’t believe people post status updates about their visit to the gynocologist.

  37. My status update during my prostate exam

    middle aged white guy exploring my rectum… Didnt even buy me dinner first

  38. I know Tessanna..
    @Mercure — your comment made me LOL too much!

  39. If I had an tinkleflower downstairs, not only would I provide up to the minute status updates, but I’d take a picture and use it as my profile photo.

  40. Dear Lamebook,

    Thank you for ruining Vaginas for me.

  41. @slimjayz: I’m really glad I don’t need any prying.

  42. @blah mcblah: “gud, gud”, “good, good” = Vagina. Discussed on previous post.

  43. @Limpdiesel

    God ruined vaginas… now it’s up to us men to pry them open and rub bleeding cucumbers all over them.

  44. While TMI, Jessica’s was kind of funny.

  45. If the girl is in an English lesson, don’t you think she would be able to spell EMBARRASSMENT and ACHIEVEMENT? Also, have correct grammar.

  46. LMAO @ wordpervert and the versatile cucumber
    and @ Soup LMAO tinkleflower? Loving it!

    I think the only one of these that is FB rape is Kp. NO ONE, no matter how unfortunate in the brain department, would post that. The rest i can believe in their stupidity…

  47. Margaret: Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.
    God: Yo, sup?
    M: Ok, good, I’m glad I got your attention. I got my first period today, and I …
    G: Whoa, whoa, whoa, tmi lil’ lady.
    M: But God, I have some questions.
    G: *Sigh*, Fine…. what do you want to know?
    M: Well, for one, why am I bleeding? Did I do something bad?
    G: Yes, next question.
    M: Ummm, what did I do wrong?
    G: All women are evil, that’s all, nothing you can do about it… next question.
    M: Ok, What do I do with my panties? I’m embarrassed and don’t want my dad to find out.
    G: Give them to the dog, he’ll eat ‘em, problem solved. Anything else? I’m at Ghandi’s birthday party and he’s about to open his presents.
    M: Well, ummm, there was an earthquake in Haiti the other day… why did you let that happen? So many people died.
    G: Ummm, yeah… sorry about that. Ya see, I was out back installing these solar panels on my deck and I took my eye off the world for just a few seconds and BAM, earthquake. Tell Haiti I’m sorry. Crap, I gotta go, they’re picking teams for Taboo and I don’t want to get stuck on Freud’s team, all of his clues involve his mom’s vagina… it’s super creepy.

  48. Is there any situation that Judy Blume hasn’t prepared us for?

  49. I really hope neither Anica nor Tessanna were fraped. It’s hilarious knowing there are people like this walking around (as long as they’re not on my fb friends list).

    Also mcowles, can I have some of whatever you have for breakfast?

  50. What is Jessica talking about? She “let” her reproductive parts do their job? She stopped taking the pill? I’m lost.

  51. mcowles, marry me.

    …not weird.

  52. mcowles is forming a line BritishHobo! Best laugh of my day!

  53. @ Mcowles. Man you crack me up, I was about to spit.

  54. @ dracula: I’m a woman, these “ladies” just make me embarassed to be in the same gender as them.

  55. I liked the last one best, but only because she misspelled a word after being in english class.

  56. mcowles WIN, no need to add anything more. The end.

  57. Okay seriously, these posts along with probably close to every other post on here, are most likely pranks. My friends take people’s cell phones all the time and change their status to something stupid. That or people leave their FB profile logged in and people can mess around with it. The Lamebook posts are still funny but there’s no need for people to get all rude about what people say on their statuses. It’s most likely all just in good fun. :)

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