Thursday, September 10, 2009

Sex Offended



Today’s was pretty easy. Cecilia, keep it in the bedroom and off the interwebs.

previous post: Dear God, Make Me a Bird



  1. Too much rape talk is bringing back bad memories of my Uncle Jeb, who would oft bring bagels and cream cheese in the morning. Now, while my family dined on the Kosher-friendly meal, Jeb would come up to my room while I sleep and jump in my bed. The rest is history, as many of you have stated offense to my life history.

  2. I take it your grandparents weren’t huge fans of contraception, AnonisGay.

  3. As an “oldy” I have to ask – has rape changed by definition? This is the second submission where the term is bandied about ffs. Is it a word that’s changed its meaning like “ill”?

  4. I actually kind of like Cecilia… and Joel for sticking up for her.

  5. @STC – Rape is something that is pretty casually joked about these days, ie. “I’d like her to rape me”, etc. Obviously, it wouldn’t really be rape then, but that’s why it’s funny.

    Of course, it’s not funny when it’s actual rape.

  6. Child abuse…..rape……..molestation by dodgy Uncle’s.

    Seems to be the in thing on this site.

  7. I hate it when people stretch out the wrong letter in a word. RAPEEE should be RAAAPE.

  8. Actually, most states have a Romeo law that allows for people within 3 years of each other to avoid just such a situation as this. (High school student with an underclassmen.

    Depending on the state, that’s not statutory.

  9. I agree Stalker. That shit is annoying.

  10. This was smart to post on the internet

  11. nothing says true love quite like a declaration of intent to rape..

  12. Imagine a night of passion being described as “nice”(sic). How insipid…

  13. @STC: niccccceeeee is so much different than “nice”. Although, as others have pointed out, niiiiiice would’ve been proper and an even bigger compliment.

  14. I disagree mcowles – “nice” in any form describes e.g. grandparents, a present, a picture or a cuppa tea. Never ever sex. Maybe they’re doing it wrong if that’s the most descriptive word she can come up with. There again he is only 15…

  15. Wait, so spending 10 years in England makes you a better English speaker? What is it that we speak here in the States? I wonder…

  16. @Kristen, I think he was saying that she moved to England, from a non-English speaking country, and even with that disadvantage (which should give her some leeway with the FB masses), she’s still really well versed in the English language.

    and to STC… if you ever drop your pants and a girl says “niiiiiiice”, you’ll know what I’m referring to. At least I don’t mind it, haha. However, I do agree that other words would be better choices.

  17. errrr if I ever dropped my pants for a girl that would make me a lesbian. Be that as it may I get what you’re saying

  18. Anonisgay, I think I remember you from back in the day

  19. @STC oh… sorry, I don’t know why I thought you were a guy. I’ve seen you post many times through LB (I’ve never seen lamebook abbreviated like this… why is that?).

    If I was a wizard, I would make you a lesbian also. Ok, maybe not.

  20. Dude, that’s just illegal.

  21. That lucky bastard. FHL for having such prudish parents. If he were my kid I’d give him a hi-five every chance I got.

  22. the perfect date : a movie, a FB update and then rape.

    life’s perfect !

  23. Caroline should feel like shit for insulting someone who probably didn’t speak English as a first language.

  24. Caroline got pwned with the ‘girlfriends’ after just laying into Ceclia’s English. I would have loved to see her face fuming at herself for doing that, then punch her in it.
    Rape is funny whatever way you look at it.

  25. This reminds me of the time I was raped at summer camp, and then it was rape, rape, rape, all summer long.

  26. haha ! rape… so funny. haha !

    i just pissed myself laughing…

    rape… pure comedy !


  27. When I was 18, I would have taken poison before I even talked to a 15-year old boy.

    Btw learning a language at 8 is not a big deal. Kids pick up languages in no time, it’s easier the younger you are. 10 years later, no one in the world could tell it’s her second language, so ease up on the back pats

  28. Anon, honey, the joke is officially dead. You can stop beating it. And I mean that in every possible sense.

  29. I like Marc swooping in like the morality hall monitor.

  30. These kids are cute :)

  31. @STC…..How many times have they assumed you were a guy on here so far? Does make me laugh as you are of course female as your delightful posts show.

    p.s takes one to know one.

  32. cecilia’s blur looks hot.

    “Ode to Joel”

    I love you Joel, last night was nice.
    I don’t know why I’m writing this
    because you’re in my bed so I
    could just tell you. Or jump on you.
    I’ll do that anyway. Good bye!
    I have to go rape my boyfriend.
    Which is you… confidence.

    anybody else have a tear in their eye?

  33. (by the way, i noticed i had confidence instead of coincidence before i submitted, but i like this way better)

  34. Every girl I’ve been with has had a secret rape fantasy. It’s not really a guy thing though.

    Also, they should really do something about “statutory rape” as a phrase. It sounds a lot worse than it is.

  35. I agree, Boz. I get raped by my state all the time. It gets confusing.

  36. @Boz, rape fantasies? ORLY? That`s your excuse for raping chicks around uh?

    @AnonisGay —> Is your uncle still alive?

  37. Celia sounds so fucking stupid, lol.

  38. Sixkiller>> “raping chicks around” – has rape really become that casual, synonymous with “messing chicks around”?

  39. @Sixkiller

    How exactly does someone “rape chicks around”? And have you really never come across a girl with a secret rape fantasy? It’s more about trust than about sex, and… oh.

    Sorry, man.

  40. Exactly, Anne (#27)–learning a second language at 8 is only slightly harder than learning a first language at 1. It happens, and fast. Cecelia wasn’t exactly up against insurmountable odds, and at 15 she’s obviously speaking fluent internet moron.

  41. aaah… what is *smdh*?

  42. @Boz: :D

  43. Celia, sweetheart. Lay off the FB, roll over and just tell the kid how you feel, hmm?

  44. Joel sounds more mature than his girlfriends Cecilia.

  45. @Kirsten: I believe you guys speak American. I’d like to quote Eddie Izzard on the topic: “Now, You say ‘erbs’ and we say ‘herbs’…because there’s a fucking h in it!”

  46. Dane Cook ftw.

  47. Its either 18 yr old cecilia or his 32 yr old English teacher

  48. @ Weathergirl >> LMFAO!!! we as Australians also like to keep the letter “h” when pronoucning the word herb lol

    @ the topic of rape >> its not funny in ALL cases, although our generation likes to through the word around really casually its not funny when its performed, raping someone >> (a violent act of non consensual sex) is NOT funny at all :/

    & as a female, i’ve never had a fantasy of being raped. thats fucked

  49. @41 : smdh = shaking my damn head (what is implied is : in disbelief).

  50. i can’t speak for everybody else but i am a female and I was raped by my b/f as a teen…

    hardly something that i enjoyed or would want to happen again… much less fantasize about.

    but well, i’ve been on the internet long enough to know that some people WILL throw all kinds of shits around for shock value and then go “freeeeeeeeeeedom of speeeeeeeeeeeach peoples !!!!” back at you if you take offense.

  51. The sad thing is Cecilia is 18 and writing like she is 12. Guess the averages puts her mental state par to Joels.

  52. Generally when people are afraid of a subject/don’t understand it they treat it with scorn, hence the joking around about rape. It’s not a laughing matter by any means be the victim male or female; and yes, men do get raped as well.

  53. Maybe she meant to write suprise sex instead of rape

  54. I give them 2 weeks.

  55. The age of consent in england is 16, and we don’t have a “Romeo” law…

  56. Actually even in Britain it’s unlikely she’d be prosecuted, as we do have a sort of Romeo and Juliet law, because of the fairly small age difference they would probably let it slide.

    Anyone else think it is TOTALLY, RIDICULOUSLY (almost as ridiculous as my caps lock overusage but hey, I type as I speak…) sexist and insane that a girl under 16 cannot be prosecuted for having sex, but a boy can? So if you had a 15 year old couple and someone somehow found out they were having sex, the lad could be prosecuted but the girl would get away with it! MADNESS!!

  57. Sure its statutory rape in E-merica but over in Limeyville, it sure as hell isn’t! plus this is good for a change, older woman in love with a younger man. We dont hear about this shit that often. Plus the way she acts puts her at 13 or 14 not 18 so its a good match. its hood science MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  58. @Tez

    Well the thing is that it would be a *secret* rape fantasy. So most girls would say what you said.

    Again, it’s about trust and letting someone else make all the decisions.

  59. 2 weeks Jonathan? I think it was a meaningful one-night stand…

  60. @ Kristen

    2nd class English. A lot of Americans just like to talk shit, to be fair. But it’s 2nd class English, either way.

  61. Rape is as funny as death, pain and shitting your pants… ALWAYS, unless it’s happening for real (or to you). If you can fall in love with a guy who’s nailed to a cross, you should be able to laugh at a rape joke. If you don’t know the difference between a real horrible act of rape and a girl talking about her desire for her boyfriend.. then please never utter that you’ll kill someone or kick their ass unless you actually intend on doing so.

    …and make sure to read the label on the Superman costume BEFORE you jump.

  62. I’m suprised no one has mentioned Simon and Garfunkel’s “Cecilia”. The song itself probably stemmed from a similar encounter with some other 18-year-old Cecilia.

    “woah Ceciiiiilia” ♪♪

  63. @ Boz: I was date raped, as well and I agree with Tez: Never fantasized about it before I was raped, and certainly not since then.

    I think that a lot of people confuse bondage fantasies with rape fantasies. Lots of bdsm role-play involves tying people up and “making” them do shit – but the boundaries are agreed upon before play.

    At any rate, I hate it that that word gets thrown around. I’ve noticed that people just don’t act like it’s not a big deal, like, “oh so? You were raped.” I think it’s a product of our culture and the fact that people say things like, “I was raped” when they’re talking about having to pay outrageous rent or something.


  64. I know quite a few chicks with secret rape fantasies… FANTASIES, not desires.

  65. wow forgot to check up on this post today >>> i noticed my spelling error and insist on fixing it

    **throw, not through :S

    @ Boz >>> secret fantasy or not, ive never had a rape one!! nor have i fantasised about raping someone.

    Yes, i get the post, shes not really looking to Rape – (violently attack her boyf)!!! i get the whole post, i just think its inappropriate.

    also, i dont really find death all that funny!! so, no, i dont laugh at rape jokes!

    How is it about trust and letting the other person make all the decisions?? i have every right to say no, as does any male that does not wish to consent to unwanted sex with either a female, or another male that wishes to force him to. >> everyone has the right to make their own decisions, i dont make them for others :S

  66. I agree with Joel. He is fucking her(and she him) and they are happy. who cares what their age/fantasies are?

  67. I’m more offended by the idea that moving to England will improve her english. Or anyone’s. We’re not AS bad as the Americans, but a lot of us still can’t grasp it 100%. Stop sucking England’s arse, America. You fail on your side of the pond, we’ll fail on ours.

  68. Well, Cecilias comment wasn’t that great (and yeah, render unto caesar the things that are caesar’s and keep private things like that in the bedroom) but the other commenters make mountains out of molehills.
    By the way, Joey sounded somehow nice.
    Unfortunately, having sex at his age with a grown-up is illegal to my knowledge.

  69. Vincent Van Gopher

    “…and this is Cecilia, the town rapist. Naughty naughty, no more raping!”

  70. fl law has a 5 year span so long as the younger one is atleast 14. if one person is 18 or over and the other is under so long as they are within 5 yrs of eachother its fine. i think theyre should be a limit on gaps nomatter the age. i had this one couple bitch at me for fucking a 17 yr old when i was 18 (im the female) cuz they didnt beleive me bout the law allowing it meanwhile in theire realtionship she was 42 with 4 kids ranging from 21 to 5 and he was 19…thats bullshit when ur condemning me but ur bf is younger than ur oldest son (who btw is in jail) and ur tryina hurry and make him get u prego before menopause even tho ur already taking care of ur grandaughter…actually hes taking care of the grandaughter plus u and the 3 kids uhave cuz hes a drug dealer with enough income to pay for ur nice ass house and ur what again? oh yeah NUTHING! ur a 42 yr oldbitch who is enrolled inschool but always skips class to suck his dick while ur 5 ur old watches and asks meare mommy and*name* humping again? and i say no theyre just playing. and then he says is that marijuana in the draw and i say no its just tobbacco from*names*’s cigarettes…

    yeah this should so go on one of those TMI posts but the sad thing is this is actually how it played out inreal life 2 yrs and a felony ago…yeah. (yes i am seeing a shrink for this)

  71. You’re seeing a shrink for your tendency to talk too much, I hope.

  72. Isn’t it only statutory rape if the male is older? I know in most places there isn’t an age for boys.

  73. @Hells
    Ofcourse not you moron

  74. i think the best part about this was the ‘BOOYAH!’ at the end…
    *shakes head*
    oh, cecilia!

  75. lmfao. we all know that this couple will break up anyways. High School relationships NEVER last.

  76. An 18yo girl and a 15yo boy. Only an American could post “Statutory Rape” there…

    @Hells – No man, there’s no differentiating based on sex in western countries law systems. As a matter of fact only the US describes voluntary fornication as rape in the case of one being under 18. Freaking prudes.

  77. Yes, consensual rape, an amazing phenomenon in the states. Does anyone remember that hot ass teacher (fem) in California who had an ongoing “relationship” with a scraggly looking 14 year old? She got in so much trouble. She must have been nuts, but if I were single, I’d screw a hot older woman and get a good grade. This country is fucked, sometimes.

  78. @fankou – maybe you didnt notice but theyre british

  79. @ hey dumbass – I think that’s the point fankou was trying to make.

  80. Okay so I know these people.


  81. I bet none of you will believe me but I’m Joel :)
    Yeah we have broken up now but it was a fair few months after this
    Looking back on it now it was kinda dumb of her to say it
    Most of the people commenting are my family though to be honest

  82. HAI JOEL ahaha :)

    I just find it funny that someone posted it on Lamebook.

  83. I think I know Joel. Not surprised.

  84. Yes, but you didn’t break up without Cecilia’s incessant status updates which strewed her emo guts all over the internet. And then her subsequent failed relationship(s).

    I felt it was too boring and repetitive to submit to Lamebook again.

  85. It’s always bothered me that it’s called the “Romeo Law” (or “Romeo and Juliet Law”). Like, shouldn’t the law also state that the couple must also alienate everyone around them and then commit suicide as everyone else just shakes their heads at the couple’s idiocy?

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