Thursday, October 22, 2009

Rockin’ in the U.JOSE


previous post: Garrett’s Barin’ It



  1. He just forgot about his mom being on there?

  2. Umm… a girl saying you broke her genitals is NOT a compliment. NOT AT ALL.

  3. i really doubt she meant it as a compliment

  4. @ Scott

    Yeah, I was wondering that, too. I mean I guess somebody who is classless enough to tell everybody that he “broke it” when he was with a girl isn’t the brightest bulb to begin with.

  5. the biggest compliment he has ever received is in fact the only compliment he has ever received. AND it’s not even a compliment. let’s face it, when the girl said “broke it”, she was actually talking about the non-pleasurable pain she experienced. also, he so wanted his mum to see. also, billy is jealous.

  6. Now that I think about it, I cannot think of a single situation where a guy knew what he was doing and I told him he “broke it”.

  7. i wonder how his mom reminded herself. we dont see her message here

  8. Guessing, seeing as how his last status is from a text, that a awkward conversation may have preceded the last update

  9. The biggest compliment I ever got was “I was really into you two years ago”.

  10. Petestandingalone

    The mom/dad being on Facebook scenario is getting very stale. Bryan’s comment, while not particularly original, is a lot funnier than the mom thing.

  11. @Petestandingalone

    I agree, that’s why i dropped that stfu parents blog pretty fucking quick. I liked this one though. I don’t think the mom is the punchline, it’s over all just lame.

  12. Petestandingalone


    Yeah true. Jose clearly being an all-round douche-nozzle is the entertaining part I guess. I can’t imagine any sober woman sitting still long enough to let him defile her.

  13. @Petestandingalone, I like your name. Do you like mine?

  14. Petestandingalone

    Lol. I refuse to get baited into becoming Boz 2.0.

  15. I’m thinking it makes him feel like his dick is huge and powerful. Even if a girl isn’t having fun at all, guys love to feel like they’re big and powerful. So even though the girl had an awful time and never wants to sleep with him again, he can walk out feeling okay.

    Guys are weird.

  16. Stop taking Extenze for the love of god!!

  17. The Campfire Headphase

    Jose probably doesn’t realize it, but in posting this comment he put himself on the sex-blacklist of every girl he’s friends with on facebook.

    But he shouldn’t feel too bad about it, since I’m guessing he already was on all of theirs even before this comment.

  18. Are you kidding? Asshole guys like this have an innate ability to be themselves (assholes) around all girls and still nail them.

  19. The Campfire Headphase


    Fair enough, I’ve seen plenty of girls inexplicably choose to hook up with douchebags, but it’s not his douchiness that would blacklist him; it’s his clear misunderstanding of what constitutes good sex for women that will be the red flag. I’m a girl and the phrase “I broke it” made me cross my legs and cringe.

  20. I can promise you, some girl somewhere is getting turned on just reading that.

  21. some girl somewhere

    No, fake Boz, I promise you you’re wrong about that.

  22. Protip: good sex doesn’t BREAK anything.

    This reminds me of the various times I’ve asked guys if they think they’re good in bed. Their standard answer is a proud “I’ve had no complaints!” My standard REPLY is “Well, women are taught to be polite” *shrug*.

  23. There are several other more acceptable ways of making your mom proud than breaking a vagina.

  24. Exactly the reason I refuse to accept my Mum’s friend request.

  25. I love how he says “Biggest compliment I ever received?” as though someone actually ASKED him

  26. “I Think You Broke It” – next week on TLC’s gripping new series, “things douchebags, who can’t get laid but have some odd habit of pretending to any moron that will listen that they’re Ron Fucking Jeremy, say”.

  27. I wonder how he actually did that. But then again, probably not.

  28. It’s about time someone acknowledged that he was a dumb-ass for putting TMI on Facebook. I feel satisfied.

  29. My dad broke my hymen for me,then ate it and also pays child support….for our kids we had together.

  30. @southernbelle – I think you missed out “Dear Penthouse, I’ve never told anyone this before, but…” at the start.

  31. I used to be confused about sex when I played my guitar but suddenly I am cured. I am, however, now confused about how to re-string my guitar.

  32. I wonder how he could confuse a girl wincing in pain with one that just had a great time. That being said I think the girl was the strange one and he just ran with it.

  33. “Oh my god, you BROKE IT!”
    “Hell yeah, I’m good, aren’t I?”

  34. *LOL**LOL* & *LOL*…since when did ‘breaking it’ ever mean a good thing? Jose you funny boy. Maybe you should go it alone until you know what you’re doing. If she was smiling from ear-to-ear afterwards and couldn’t get rid of the smile for the next couple of days THAT would have been a compliment.

  35. Double-X Chromosomes

    “I’ll stop breaking ‘em when they start making ‘em better”???

    Seriously, what is wrong with this dude? Jose, imagine someone saying that while breaking YOUR genitals.

  36. I really can’t imagine this guy ever having consensual sex, under any circumstances.

  37. ““I’ll stop breaking ‘em when they start making ‘em better”???Seriously, what is wrong with this dude? Jose, imagine someone saying that while breaking YOUR genitals. ” But that was the best part.

  38. @Vincent

    Well it was the part with the most fail at any rate…

  39. It was the part that made me realize, that he was the one that got broken genitals, and he’s using that “best compliment part”, to feel better with his non-good quality dick.

  40. Well it all depends doesn’t it? I mean, if a girl is writhing around your bed in a state of permanent orgasm and moaning pleasantly that ‘ooh I think you broke it’ the I would say this was a win and a compliment. Alternatively, if said girl is writhing around your bed in agony with blood everywhere and cursing ‘I think you fucking broke me you tosser’ then not so much.

  41. The question is how could they be mistaken.

  42. *Stiffens*

  43. “Hey maw, I slipped her a crippler”

  44. You can also break strings when you are tuning a guitar….just thought i’d point that out.

  45. She probably meant the condom. Teenage pregnancy here we come!

  46. She probably did mean the condom. But if she did mean her ‘genitals’, then I doubt it was a compliment. Being ‘rocked’ raw, and having trouble sitting down and walking is NOT a good thing. Have you seen the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie hooks up with the guy that used to be on Mad TV and he drills her like a jack rabbit on speed? I bet that’s this guy.

  47. There is never a time that me saying that someone “broke it” is complimentary to their performance in bed.

  48. I wouldn’t mind breaking me off a piece of that poontang!

  49. You’re a disgrace for all the Jose’s out there, pendejo!

  50. what a tool.

  51. Re: Count Blah #22

    What else do you expect someone to say when you ask that question? Should they brag about being awesome? “I’ve had no complaints” is just them trying to be polite, it’s not an invitation to degrade them.

  52. I think he’s just a misinformed idiot.
    You can’t break a females genitals like a banjo string (and is probably very unlikely to tear open even with the largest penis and smallest vagina (I’m talking legal ages, not like a 2yo, that might be possible)
    However a bloke can snap what is known as his ‘banjo string’ or frenulum which is the bit of skin which attaches the foreskin to the head, and it is in no way pleasent. Take my word, the blood rushes out of you very fast, and it is a bitch to heal, no to mention the pain…

  53. hmm

    i got that like every time from my ex

    i never felt good about that

    big dicks break small vags

  54. I’ve joked with my BF who has a Giant cock about him “Breaking me” after a great lovemaking session… I can’t see a girl claiming her boyfriend broke her and it being bad… I it were the case you would say “stop that, it hurts” and get him to stop…

  55. This guy ment ‘complain’ not compliment! That would make sense…

  56. you mean complaint?

  57. I’m pretty sure she meant the condom…. not her genitalia… how the hell would you ‘break’ a female’s genitals?? His status just gets stupider and stupider as I read it!

  58. This offends me as a guitarist and a lover. You don’t break a string from rocking hard, you break it from being needlessly heavy handed. Broken string = mistake. Broken vagina = careless lover.

  59. My gf has told me i “broke” her…but more in regards to a minor ph imbalance between my sexual fluids and hers. it only happens when we don’t wear a condom.

    tl;dr – it’s not you its her body chemistry.

  60. Or she could have meant her virginty >.>

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