Tuesday, November 9, 2010


previous post: Quick Wins



  1. Bummer.

  2. What a waste of tramadol.

    Take a few yourself along with a bottle of Tanqueray and it’s like ‘What dog?”

  3. Dustin, you’re an idiot.

  4. Eva, you’re an idiot.

  5. 2 tramadol shouldn’t kill a dog… sedated it maybe. xD

  6. What is tramadol?

  7. Eva is my hero. fucking yappy dogs who don’t shut up deserve death by poison.

  8. I hope Josef wasn’t planning on having sex with any of his Facebook friends anytime soon. Actually, probably ever.

  9. Tramadol is a synthetic pain reliever

  10. Thank you mustachepants! (ps: best name ever haha)

  11. still can’t figure out why people post stuff about having herpes and warts on facebook. do they not know that shit is forever, and now all of your friends know and will probably tell people you try to hook up with in the future?

    and now anytime i meet someone named Josef, i shall wonder…

  12. That’s BS bumpit and anyone who agrees with him/her.

    The dog should not be punished because the owner doesn’t know how to train it. It’s a dog, it doesn’t know it’s annoying to bark, unless someone trains it not to.

    You should slip a few of those tramadols into the owners hot dogs.

  13. @Shinsplints

    I’m hoping it’s some form of PSA so that they can feel like they don’t have to individually contact the people on their friends list who they may have slept with. I’m guessing they are just stupid though.

  14. Eva, thanks for the idea. Now I know what to do with my cat when she meows incessantly to come in and out literally every five minutes.

    Dustin, I want to pour hot wax onto you.
    Josef, don’t be silly, wrap your willy.

  15. @3
    or perhaps you are the idiot for thinking he is the idiot when he was in fact being ironic in his idiocy..unless you were being ironic in your idiocy making me the idiot…although this begs the question whether or not I am being ironic right now….not even I am sure.

  16. MsBuzz, why would I slip tranquilizers to the owners? Then they’re not there to throttle the dog and I’m left having to do it. All that sedating the owners does it make them even more immune to the dog’s annoying yapping. Use some imagination, give them stimulants and then lock the dog in a box under their bed so that its incessant barking makes their nerves jangle as much as mine do.

  17. @Aries,

    Interesting, I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe he is just being polite and saving time by telling everyone at once. I like to believe that people are still kind sometimes.

  18. oh and, i just shout at the neighbor’s dogs and tell them they’re bad. if that fails, COLD WATER

    my neighbors yelled at my dog to shut up the other day and she came right inside and laid down for a couple of hours.

  19. Cap’n Eva , i luv her. All barking dogs should be sent to dogs’ heaven. Fuck those bastards. Why am i writing this at 2 am? Because the dog barks :(

  20. .. it’s the owner’s fault. Train the fucking thing.

  21. I love reading the lamebook posts, but not anyone’s comments. Most of you commenters suck big time.

  22. @MsBuzzkillington You really live up to your handle.

  23. Training your dog to NOT annoy your neighbors? Haha that’s funny.

    I’ve got my dog trained to open the latch on the gate and to do his business on my neighbor’s lawn. I’m trying to get Abe to go right under the window so my neighbor can’t see him because Abe’s been caught a couple times and attacked with a garden hose.

  24. How DO you train a dog to stop barking? I know when training it to not do something, when it does do the unwanted behaviour, give it a swat and a firm voice immediately so it registers in the dog’s brain that it was bad. Does it work with barking, though?

    My dog barks way too much in the house and I keep smacking her around afterwards, she doesn’t seem to get it. Any ideas on a new approach before someone spouts abuse?

    (google just gives me the same method I’ve BEEN doing.)

  25. Tramadol is usually prescribed for dogs anyways..dumb ass

  26. Keeping a dog quiet is easy – duct tape.

    I have also been trying to get my dog to bark whenever my neighbor is in his backyard. That’s a difficult thing to teach a dog if he doesn’t just do it naturally. I might get another dog.

  27. Yes it’s strange that dogs can save peoples’ lives, find drugs, sit and roll over.. but they can’t be quiet at night and not shit on the grass :O

  28. I’ve thought several times about buying a bark collar and putting it on my neighbor’s dog. Do you think they would be upset or would they thank me? I also wonder how they can sleep with their dog barking all night if I can’t. I want whatever sedatives they’re taking to be able to sleep through it!

  29. I think it would be a good idea to put a brown triangle (little bit like in nazi germany), or s-g like that on the collar of people who don’t pick up their dogs’ shit.

  30. Wow. She’s an idiot. :/ I hope she gets her ass kicked if she DID kill that dog. Why would you kill a dog because of something they naturally do?

  31. I don’t think her intention was to kill it, just knock it out for a bit.

  32. Ivy, if you get the bark collar, turn up the shock all the way, teach it a damn good lesson.

  33. interesting that people are concerned about the dog, and that no concern was expressed about the dude who was raped.

  34. I never know how people with dogs who bark constantly can stand it.

  35. Doesn’t sound like he’s serious.

  36. So some of you actually think Dustin’s serious? I mean, yeah, we’ve seen some really stupid people on Lamebook, but c’mon, Dustin’s obviously joking.

    Also, Eva FTW. Stupid noisy dogs.

  37. Zoned #25, vets prescribe Tramadol to dogs? And I always thought the saying, “it’s a dog’s life” was a negative one. So untrue. Lucky dogs. Hi, by the way.

  38. Hey hey wordy! Yeah it’s s common drug in America atleast. My dog got it for awhile :)

  39. What a lucky pooch! It’s a good thing my dog has never been prescribed Tramadol as I’d take it and she’d miss out. Nah.

  40. I remember when my neighbors dog wouldnt stop barking…I just hopped the fence and cut its head off though…its wasnt as subtle,but got the job done =)

  41. @keona – searching google for dog training has led you to “smacking her around afterwards”? I think you’re looking at the wrong sites. Jesus Christ. Please stop.

  42. I didn’t know dogs were given tramadol either. I’ve only ever had it after surgery and I can’t say I enjoyed it – it made me feel awful but was a good pain-killer. Morphine is more relaxing, especially if you’re given antihistamine as well (for the morphine itch).

  43. 1. Abuse to animals isn’t funny, so I hope that dog is okay.
    2. That phrase wasn’t clever even 20 years ago.
    3. You weren’t raped. Just admit you didn’t wrap your junk and enjoy your warts.

  44. I liked Dustins joke. It’s actually funny and not some stupid far-fetched pun. Yet people on this site don’t seem to get it

  45. no you’re wrong dustin is a stupid poopoohead he thinks that if there was no electricity we could watch television but he is silly because if there was no electricity we couldn’t watch television because television needs electricity to work you are all stupid

  46. @vincent

    Wow, a stupid poopoohead eh? You sound about six. I guess that does excuse your inability to form proper sentences though.

  47. Comment 46 made me cry, because it was stupid.

    Titties make it all better!

  48. Wallace.


  49. you are wrong i am not six i am seven years old and three quarters when i grow up i want to write big clever sentences like you but mummy say i have to eat my vegetables

  50. I remember the last time I caught a dose of the old genital warts, quite by coincidence I picked them up off my neighbours dog.

    The dog wasn’t even a great fuck to be honest, she was a little ruff.

  51. Keona has diarrhea. I know because we are on the same cycle, and I have it as well.

  52. @vincent
    I didn’t write any big, clever sentences. I just put a capital letter at the beginning of the sentence and a full stop at the end. If you think that is particularly clever it explains a lot.

  53. vaginalroundhouse

    Couple things I’ve done to a neighbor’s dog to get it to shut up.

    1) Smear peanut butter on the fence or nearby area at night where the dog usually walks. Skunks love peanut butter and will smell it and find it. Dog comes up to skunk and bark at it, skunk sprays it, dog shuts up.

    2) Put hot pepper seeds in some food and gave it to the dog, all that dog would ever do is just open his mouth with it’s tongue sticking out licking the side of it’s face.

    I love boobs.

  54. vaginalroundhouse needs to stop commenting until it can learn the difference between “its” and “it’s”.

  55. Keona – it’s very hard to train out hundreds of years of breeding. Dogs bark naturally, they bark for hunting, they bark for herding, they bark for guarding. It used to be a desirable trait in a dog, when they were used for work. Now they’re family pets, but they still have this genetic need to “work”, therefore they bark.

    Ever hear a beagle when it sees a cat/rabbit/fucking leaf blow by? They don’t SHUT THE FUCK UP.

    The only way is a hot dog stuffed with tramadol. Peace out, barking fucker.

  56. It is NOT difficult to train your dog to shut the hell up, and if you can’t do it, you shouldn’t be a dog owner, because you’re too damn lazy. Watch The Dog Whisperer, for christ’s sake, he can train a dog to stop barking in a 5 minute session.

  57. Well yeah, because when the camera’s pointed the other way, he feeds the dog a hot dog laced with tramadol.

  58. Sure, you can train a dog to shut the hell up, if it’s within arm’s reach and you’re holding a hammer.

    But you let the fucker outside when you’re not next to it? It will do what it’s bred to do. Bark. If you’re not there to correct the bad behavior, why would it go against nature?

    Dogs bark. The end.

  59. Honestly, the best way to get a dog to stop barking is an ultrasonic transmitter. All it takes is putting it up in a tree and checking the batteries every few months and there’s no way to end up getting yourself in trouble with it because it doesn’t actually do damage to the dog, just annoys it.

    I’ve taken mine with me everywhere I’ve gone and never had neighbourhood dogs bark past night two or three after I’ve set it up. Thing works like a charm, is legal, and doesn’t require me to get myself out of bed in the middle of the night to do something physical.

    I have two dogs and, on the rare occasion that they bark when they’re outside (which is normally because one of the neighbour’s dogs is trying to attack them through the fence), they only get one or maybe two barks out before they’re inside. While it’s not possible to train a dog 100% not to bark, it is definitely possible to train your dogs to only bark in extreme circumstances and to not just leave them to bark. A dog that is barking constantly for more than a minute or two is poorly trained, under exercised and not being cared for by its owner. I have hounds myself, which are considered to be among the worst barkers and yet they rarely bark and never for longer than the time it takes me to get to the back door and bring them in. Simple as that. Being responsible and on top of things negates 99% of the annoyance of a dog’s natural barking instincts. Which, by the way, do NOT explain the dogs that yap their heads off for minutes or even hours at a time: the instinct is to bark only long enough to communicate, not to sit there and be a huge barking target for predators/warning for prey.

  60. @59 I love you. Ditto everything you’ve said. My neighbors dogs bark like mad. They’re confined to a 10×10 porch area almost 24 hours a day, one is a lab mix that is never (NEVER!) exercised. They see how well behaved my dog is and asked me to help them train their dogs, I told them step one is to exercise the dogs – there is a vast, vast, vast difference in behaviour between a bored, unexercised dog and a tired dog. It only takes one day to see the difference. And it’s free. Takes 30-60 minutes of your time. But people would rather pay money than exercise or take time out of the day to exercise their dog.

    Anyway, that said, those ultrasonic things are a good 2nd step when the dogs aren’t yours and there is nothing you can do. HOWEVER – Those things on TV though are a bunch of junk – the “dog remote”, “As Seen On TV” things? You can’t just point those at a dog that is about to attack you and have it run away. Those things are a lawsuit in the making. Go to Home Depot, down the pet aisle next to the electric collars, find the device that looks like a little tiny bird house decoration, buy that, hang it outside within the recommended location to the overly-barking dogs.

  61. Watersinger – props.

    I have two dogs that I also call in as soon as the start to bark. They quickly learn that outside time is over if they act afool. I don’t want them to bark not only because it’s annoying as fuck to me, and my neighbors. But, I know that there are fucking morons like Eva who would poison an animal to get it to shut up.

    By the way, a double human sized dose of tramadol would probably do more than just sedate a medium sized dog.

    idiot. I hope Eva’s karma is swift.

  62. vaginalroundhouse

    Pedantrix needs to stop being a grammar Nazi and learn to use capitalization when starting a sentence.

  63. I wish I had neighbors who threw drugs over my fence.

    vincent can do lowbrow humor, too. I really like that guy.

    Imamofo, your debauchery knows no limits. Love it.

    vaginalroundhouse #62, your name begins with a lower case letter. Pedantrix is correct.

  64. vaginalroundhouse

    Correction, always start a sentence with a capital letter regardless if the name is in lowercase. Show me some respect and capitalize my name.

  65. No.

  66. vaginalroundhouse


  67. I think you want a hyphen after “Correction” and not a comma.
    See, we can all do this grammar elitist shit.

  68. Yeah, Eva’s a childish bosh. Surprised she didn’t just suck off the dog. That’d make me stop barking.

    Good advice, Mr. Water. I kinda want to get one of those ultrasonic transmitters. Is taking one to a zoo like bringing a laser pen to a drive in?

  69. I have two yappy dogs & also bring them in once they start their evening barking binges. I love them dearly, but I almost soiled myself after Eva’s post. Funniest thing I’ve read all day.

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