Monday, May 10, 2010

Portraits of Parenthood

previous post: Awesome Aftermath

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85 Comments

  1. Whoa!

  2. Uhh did 1st get that tattoo during pregnancy? I thought you weren’t supposed to. You can get tshirts for shit like that.

    And what is #2 wearing a blue garbage bag?

  3. Spicy Boughner

    That last one was featured on Awkward Family Photos about a week ago.

    Are those claw or stretch marks in the first photo? Gross…

  4. It’s John Malkovich in the last pic.

  5. Hahahaha…thunder-dome.

    I hope, for humanity’s sake, that #1 is another fake preggo-belly tattoo. But I REALLY hope, for my own sick, twisted pleasure that it”s for real.

    #2…meh

    #3: his head matches her belly. And wtf is she wearing? Are they going for the pregnant mermaid look?

  6. #1. WTF? On another note, Beyond Thunder dome was an awesome movie! Gotta love some flick with Mel, and Tina (with a faux hawk!)

    #2. Does nothing for me, other then the thrill of a chick on a revenge warpath.

    #3. Where the hell do you get a getup like that?

  7. Thunderdome-one hell of a nickname for the prego belly, but not such a good tattoo for the prego belly
    can’t wait to see what it looks like after d-day

  8. you shouldn’t even get tattoos when you’re pregnant, or even breastfeeding. idiots.

  9. and by idiots i mean the woman who got the tat, plus the tattoo “artist” for even consenting to do this. not any of you lovelies.

  10. Chances are, the tattoo is fake. I really dont think someone would consent that.

  11. wtf? How is it not obvious to everyone it’s just marker?

  12. ok, we get it;you’re pregnant….but we don’t want to see your hideous stretch marks even if you didnt have a disturbing tattoo.

    and the binbags…BINBAGS…deffo the funniest part of this photo.

  13. Where ARE the last couple? It looks awful. Also, I’m pretty sure she’s not wearing bin bags, it’s just a certain type of shiny fabric.

  14. MonkeyCMonkeyDo

    THOSE are stretch marks?!?!? Good grief! I thought they were additions to the tattoo… like flames or something! I need to get my eyes checked!

  15. that mermaid appears to be wearing the left-over shells of my last mussel dinner.

  16. last one looks like mom is on roofies or something. awkward indeed.

  17. That mermaid appears to be a dugong.

  18. JesusOnADinosaur

    Oh, my eyes. I wish I could un-see that first picture.

  19. CommentsAtLarge

    Now, by the rules of Thunderdome, two men enter and one man leaves. Which one of these men is the baby-daddy I wonder?

  20. Those pictures are totally not disturbing at any level.

  21. @kadamony

    I thought it was obvious that it was marker as well. It’s a tad bit transparent.

  22. Leave the stretch marks alone and grow up.

  23. butterflysandsocks

    #3 Really doesn’t look like great water for swimming even if one isn’t pregnant…

  24. How is babby formed? How is babby formed?

  25. # one made my eyes bleed.

  26. Sorry Tellmelies, but #1 is indeed fake (I know her). Kadamony and Hailstorm, yep, it’s just a sharpie.

  27. don’t sharpies have all sorts of harmful chemicals and therefore aren’t supposed to be used on skin? let’s hope the baby doesn’t have 3 arms.

  28. Perhaps sm. Though to be honest, I don’t know if the ‘sharpie’ brand was used. Regardless, they now now have a healthy 1 year old. Just two arms and two legs :)

  29. Whoa double now :)

  30. If she’s going to be standing in a toxic waste dump while pregnant like that, she really ought to be wearing the entire hazmat suit, not just the bottom part.

  31. MachineGun Monica

    How do Mermaids even get pregnant…where’s the hole???

  32. Depending on the state, tattoo artists legally can’t even give a pregnant woman a tattoo. On the consent form there is an “Are you currently pregnant” portion, and if the customer checks “Yes” the tattoo artist isn’t legally allowed to proceed. Yes, I had this discussion with my tattoo artist when I had my last tattoo and asked what would happen if I checked the wrong box.

    of course, that’s still neither here nor there since it’s not a real tattoo.

  33. OMG! This is soo funny! So fat like at McDonalds. ROFL!
    Did those guys also do http://www.McSerevd.com ?

  34. “Thunder Dome” is gonna look pretty dumb once the “dome” part of her belly has receded post baby.

    Unfortunately it will be a sad, saggy, stretched mess afterwards.
    So in order to make it work, she WILL have to get “Beyond” put above it.

  35. And Rodo, I agree, that guy does look like he’s being John Malkovich.

  36. So she’s supposed to be some sort of mermaid goddess and they conceived the baby in that poo-water? How beautiful.

  37. Clearly Thomas didn’t beat Lacie enough, otherwise she wouldn’t be such a bitch

  38. Paranoid Android

    I’m calling Michael Stipe for pic 3, truly, everybody does hurt ……… sometimes.

  39. @31- i always imagined mermaids as having a cloaca. no?

  40. Paranoid, I’m not so sure that Mikey likes the ladies.

  41. How nice of some of you to “ew’ at stretch marks. I’ve got some bad news for those of you that may end up having children: you’re going to get some. Ladies, you may be lucky, or smart enough to look after your skin. Men, your ladies are going to look like streaky bacon. Sorry.

    Also, it’s pretty obvious it is NOT a tattoo.

  42. Girlpants, yes it really does come down to skin type, and the luck or the unluck of genetics. I know some girls who rubbed all sorts of shit on their stomachs, didn’t gain much weight, and still got them.

    I did nothing, and am mark free.

    Except for my “Beyond Thunder Dome” tatt.

  43. Paranoid Android

    word – Poetic license, I’m pretty sure John Malkovich would not:-

    a) Have boffed a mermaid wannabe.
    b) Be holidaying in such a shit-heap.

  44. Beautiful. Lol. eh..

    God’s investment(His Son) in you was SO great, He could never abandon you!
    “Seek me and you will find me, if you seek me with all your heart!” Jer.29:13

  45. Paranoid, I’ll pay that, and would love to chat to you some more, but I have to go away now, and read my Bible.

  46. lamebook haiku, ahem..:

    Stretch marking the thunderdome
    Shit night baby made
    Plastic bikini mangrove

    That’s all folks..

  47. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    I’ll give the first one a round of applause for having a sense of humour – we always take the piss out of pregnant people for taking themselves too seriously, and she’s clearly a giggle. Well done, lady! (And rhythmvic has been having a real giggle at all the up-in-arms comments about tattooing/using a magic marker(!!) on a pregnant person. Far more lame than the picture, people.

    The third one – this is what happens when you have $5 to spend in Mood and then Tim Gunn tells you the challenge is Swamp Chic…

  48. lol the first one is so fucking tacky.

    And why do preggo’s think everyone wants to see their gross stretchmarks..?

  49. Thanks Lamebook. I was having a little butchers here while eating my lunch. Now my eyes are bleeding and I’ve lost my appetite…

    Urgh!

  50. I don’t know why people are so arrogant (read: Mermaid Monstrosity) to think that people give a shit that they’re pregnant. No one wants to see your stupid belly and least of all, nasty stretch marks. All we want to see is the cute baby, preferably clean and in some cute outfit that we bought you. Take all the pics you want but keep them at home for your own eyes only. And suck it to all those who say we can’t call stretch marks gross. After 9 months I looked like a beaten zebra. It was gross. I accepted it. I don’t want to be reminded of it. I didn’t take pictures. Best decision ever. AAAaaand I’m done. Whew!

  51. Look- if you love your stretchmarks or whatever go take a 1000 pictures of them and post them all over your home, what we’re saying is, it’s LAME to post them on fb because NO-ONE else wants to see them. Fact. Nor the pictures of you giving birth or your half eaten placenta. Thanks.

  52. Yeah stretch marks = gross

    it doesn’t matter if it’s a fact of pregnant life, it’s gross.
    most stuff involving pregnancy are gross, a lot of women poo themselves while giving birth, i don’t want to see pictures of that either
    something doesn’t stop being gross just because it happened to you

  53. Yeah, no one likes stretch marks. I look at mine and think “ew, stretch marks”, and I only have a couple. I don’t think it’s weird or immature for anyone to say “I don’t want to see a random stranger’s gross stretch marks.”

  54. stretch markssss – put them away!

    one of the few things that can stop me mid-stroke (death and secret penes and i’ll still finish the job before i skedaddle).

  55. I always say: “you need a license to drive but anyone can have a kid.”

  56. It’s not lame for somebody to post photos of their pregnant bellies on facebook, whether they have stretch marks or whatever else. The thing that is actually lame is lamebook posting these. The other thing that is lame is for people to complain about somebody posting their stretchmark photos on facebook. Who the hell are you to decide who can post what on facebook? Maybe that person has mostly their family as facebook friends and her sisters or mother might be very curious to see how many stretchmarks she has. You idiots.

  57. I guess the point is… the intended audience of the people who post those photos is their own friends, not us, not strangers.

    Lamebook’s audience are strangers to them.

    So if your complaint is “I don’t want to see a stranger’s stretch marks” then blame lamebook, not the person who was never trying to show YOU that photo in the first place.

  58. @Walter, couldn’t have said it better myself.

  59. Incase you didn’t understand the actual point = I don’t want to see ANYONE’S stretchmarks/or placentas or giving birth photos and I wouldn’t want people to see mine either. Oversharing.

  60. Ah yes, obviously the stretch mark belly ladies have private profiles with only friends that love to see that stuff.

    So how is it getting to lamebook?

    Obviously someone in the mix doesn’t like that crap either and submits it OR they have public pics so anyone can see it. The point is, anything gross or weird that gets posted is just BEGGING to get made fun of. Sorry prego bitches (and those who defend them) Thems the breaks, you take the good with the bad. And yeah, they can post what they want but I can say what I want too.

    And just a note, family and friends only ask to see belly shots because they want to see how fat and stretched a woman got. They may be all “I want to see that baby bump!” But they are really thinking “Oh my god! I want to see how fat she is!”

  61. TylerDurdenUMD

    I’m glad there’s some others here who agree with me. This whole trend of women having to photograph every…single…fucking…second of their pregnancy is beyond ridiculous. Just be pregnant. Take care of the kid growing inside you and have it. Don’t show us every stretch mark, don’t tell us how if some of us choose not to breed it’s “wrong”.

    And for the love of god no more placenta jerky pictures.

  62. Amen, Walter. I want to see my friends’ pregnant bellies, it’s some of my favorite photos, and I want to see them often. Every day if they feel like sharing. The whole “NO ONE wants to see it” is so blind and closeminded. If you don’t want to look, don’t, and if you’re so pissed that your friend is excited about a pregnancy, then you’re not much of a friend.

  63. I hate it when people feel the need to post their “bumps” on facebook. If people are that interested they’d come and see you to look at it in person. It’s nasty when someone clogs up your newsfeed with pictures. Also the justification that family want to see when they are not within a reasonable distance is lame, thats what emails are for.

    Most of us are only interested in the resulting child. Then by all means post loads of pictures of your baby, but keep the “bump” under wraps.

  64. The person who submitted the first picture did so not because of the stretch marks, but because he thought the fake thunder dome tattoo was funny (bordering on lame I suppose). April’s profile is set to private. Don’t assume people share your overreaction (imo)to stretch marks. My slender husband has stretch marks. What’s the big deal? Thanks hitmewithyourrhythmvic, I agree – though I guess I’m biased :)

    SharkBait, sounds like you’ve been traumatized by a pregnant woman. As a woman, I have never wanted to see a “baby bump” to mock the friend’s weight. And I’ve never popped out a kid myself. Maybe that’s why you do it, but don’t assume we all do.

    Maybe I’m desensitized because of my job (forensics). Eating your placenta, afterbirth pics in the kiddie pool, woman with crap dripping down her pants – now that’s disgusting! But stretch marks? meh

  65. Theda…whoah there, don’t take it so personal! I don’t care why or how the first pic was submitted, and I’m not picking on just her. I just generally don’t like stretch marks. And yes, I’ve been traumatized by a pregnant woman…ME! lol Lighten up! so some of us hate belly shots, some of us love them. Whatever! it’s lamebook! we all just say whatever.

    So many uptight upity people on here. Geez

  66. SharkBait: I guess I should have added more smiley faces :) You sounded a little ‘upity’ in #60 yourself. I apologize if that’s how I came off. Granted, people are going to make fun of the pictures. That’s what the site’s for, even if I happen to know one of them (it’s weird – wait till it happens to you). :) I was just offering an explanation as to why this particular pic was sent in, as people (including you) were stating her friends think the pic is gross (maybe some of them do, but not the submitter in this case). I think pics like #3 are incredibly lame and, in general, I think belly shots on the internet can be a little weird. I mainly just don’t get the stretch mark thing. Why is it so gross?

  67. @theda bara. we all know why it was submitted, we’re not retarts. I think 3 is lame is without any visible stretchmarks…do you understand??? This is not limited to stretch marks.
    However, whilst going to the toilet also may be ‘perfectly natural’ and im sure even your ‘slender husband’ does it, neither I nor his facebook friends (I’m hoping) want to see pictures of it.

  68. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
    I think the lamest of all is when people know the person in the posts and feel like they should talk about it like anyone cares. I hope I used enough smiley faces! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
    P.S. Nantaise, I like your style!

  69. Tigerlillies244

    Theda Bara, in post #66 you say the person who submitted the pic does not think it’s gross. Well they submitted it to Lamebook, so they obviously realize why it’s funny and lame and that would be the giant red stretch marks. So in all likelihood, they DO find it gross. And on that note – did YOU submit it? Because that’s what it seems like. Nobody cares that you ‘know’ her. Having stretch marks when pregnant is just a part of life for about 60% of women. However, posting pics of your giant, bright red stretch marks on Facebook is SUPER lame and totally gross. Having them, not your fault. Displaying them to the world with no inhibition, lame and gross. Are we clear?

  70. All I have to say its fucking LOL at Sharkbait’s last post with the smiley faces and ‘Swamp Chic’. All of these are lame and retarded and are on Lamebook for us to make fun of them as they should be :D

  71. Yikes. You guys can be intense. I was only trying to be friendly (and a little sarcastic). Who knew stretch marks would incite such heated arguments. Yep, I agreed that 3 is lame (even 1 is lame, but in my opinion, not because of the stretch marks). I don’t want to look at feces, placentas, or any other ‘perfectly natural’ acts like those. I guess I don’t put stretch marks (or scars, etc) in that same category. You do. That’s great.

    Thanks everyone! I now know it is NOT ok to admit you know the person. I’ll keep that in mind. I never said the pictures shouldn’t be mocked. Mock away. That’s why I’m here.

  72. It’s fine kids, the woman in #3 is fucking ugly anyway. Poor kid.

  73. Like I say in every preggers post ever, enough. Just stop someof us… and this goes out to people I actually know too, don’t care about every friggin minute of your pregnancy. Every post, pic and comment should not be all about baby, whether its your first or not.

  74. eww! And why is she banging that old bald guy? WTF? He must be rich.

  75. Disdain, once someone on my friend’s list announces they’re knocked up, I just block their announcements. They might get pissy if I don’t answer “Well did you see what I posted???” but it’s not hard to come up with a cover lie.

  76. I don’t get all the animosity towards pregnancy photos and/or updates. I love checking up on my pregnant friends and family and love to share my pregnancies with them.

    If you don’t like it, get over it. It’s important to some of us and I don’t give a crap if my “friends” don’t care. There’s this little button on my facebook profile that says,”Remove from Friends.” Problem solved. They’ll never have to see another stretchmark or breastfeeding pic from me again.

  77. ksmith, you are disgusting

  78. Awe. You hurt my feelings, Shipoopi.

    Bwahahaha.

  79. yeah, i figured you would be devastated

  80. Oh, the ol’ pregnancy divide strikes again.

    I think what she was trying to suggest with the Thunder-Dome “tattoo” is that she got DP’d and is waiting for the One to leave.

  81. Walter Sobchak

    Yeah, you guys have convinced me. I mean the pregnancy updates are way too frequent and unimportant. I only want to read about things that actually affect my friends’ lives – I want more farmville updates and horrorscopes. And I want to know what level they are up to in mafia wars…

  82. Exactly Walter. Sheesh. Who would ever want to see a pregnant belly?? Just bring on more drunken party photos. I always love to see people so drunk that they piss themselves.

  83. Especially when those drunken party bitches are pregnant. :D

  84. Why are you people saying “eww stretch marks”!? It’s a natural process. Doesn’t matter if it’s due to child- bearing, or weight loss/ gain!! EVERYBODY has stretch marks. Don’t believe me? Go look at yourselves in the mirror! Quit bashing a woman with stretch marks. Either all of you are still in middle school or are so sheltered that you believe every damn picture out of a magazine! GROW UP!

  85. I agree with sasha…and the thunderdome tattoo compliments the stretch marks perfectly…all of you grow up… :P

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