Thursday, April 8, 2010

Portrait of a D-Bag

previous post: A Little Extra Info

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139 Comments

  1. power stance baby!

  2. Oh my God that “art” is epic.

  3. more like power douche. why do people take pictures of themselves in bathroom?

  4. …Motion City Soundtrack changed this kid’s life forever? Fuck, I can only imagine his quality of living BEFORE he found them.

  5. Huh, so that’s art? I would have never guessed… douchebag.

  6. Well, at least we couldn’t see the urinal in this particular potty Power Stance photo.

  7. As I was viewing this “piece of art”, I though to myself, what else would I rather do? Why do I spend so much time on the internet? What do I really want to do today? How many photos of complete assclowns have I viewed on Lamebook and how is this helping my life?

  8. GODDAMMIT WHY

  9. DOUCHEBAGS FOREVER!

  10. Didn’t read the last one, feeling lazy.

    What kind of name is Wulf? Does he think he’s some kind of superhero with the powerstance? “I am… WULFMAN!!”

    Nice Mika tribute, the first one. I’m particularly enjoying the location. I wonder if he has a girlfrind cause man, I’m turned on.

    <3

  11. But guys, he’s so good at photo editing. The floating camera, the way he made motion city soundtrack look like a tattoo, and actually managing to edit out a hickey on his forehead – he must have used photoshop and everything!

    Do you think he tried to make his pecks look more defined in photoshop too? Or is it just that he has an odd concaved chest?

  12. Any guy that stands in a toilet like that, with hair like that, proclaiming he’s an “Urban Goth”, and is named Wulf to boot, HAS to someone worth knowing.

  13. The first guy definitely repulses me…The last guy..just wow…

  14. As for the first photo – do any girls actually find it attractive when a man acts this way? :|

  15. first one needs a fucking kick in the face.

    And lol

  16. POWER STANCE Y’ALL

  17. Photoshop abuse!

  18. Dr. Azizted-Homicide

    #1. halfway out of the closet like mario lopez.

    #2. looks like he’s just goofing around & caption reflects that. he gets a pass.

    #3. dude used papyrus. he’s lucky he’s not getting burned alive.

  19. The gnarled lip in #1 is kinda creeping me out. And so are the bracelets.

    #2 would be creepy if he wasn’t trying so hard to be exactly that.

  20. Its the fucking Beatles

    What. A. Bunch. Of. Twats. That is all.

  21. At first glance, I thought that was Michael Bolton in the last pic.

    I know I’ve mentioned him of late a few times, but it’s because he’s the stuff of my musical nightmares.

  22. Papyrus font! Love! Peace! Happyness! Motion City Sountrack! Camera! Eagle Scout!

  23. @amtrak4lovers – no. HELL no. the bracelets alone are enough to put me right off!

    am I the only person who thinks he’s photoshopped out braces? those teeth are awfully shiny…

    Thanks, lamebook. you made my day with this :D

  24. Its the fucking Beatles

    Oh. And the Great One that is Malteser has spoken. Wise words. Wise words indeed. *Nods sagely*

  25. I couldn’t get past the first one. That guy caused my vagina to slam audibly shut, dry up, and blow away in the breeze of the circulated air.

  26. How do you get a hickey on your forehead?

  27. @ dcrearview

    it’s because you are who you are when you are alone, and that happens usually in the bathroom…

    funny how he carries out his stance in a bathroom, and then calls it a powerstance. did he notice the lameness there atleast?

  28. I don’t think it’s vaginas that first guy is after…but I laughed audibly at Miss Shegas’ comment!

  29. Its the fucking Beatles

    Apologies oh great one. I keep fucking your name up. One day I shall duly shit my brains through my arse as compensation for this travesty. I did of course mean Malteaser. That is all.

  30. Why would a person have a hickey on one’s forehead?

    tl;dr version of Kyle’s: “I have misplaced my testicles and I cannot find them.”

  31. I love that Kyle said getting a hickey on his forehead made him realize that “it’s the little things in life that are always the best.”

  32. businessofmisery

    also, i looked up New Millennium Studies and it’s the dumbest sounding class ever. seriously, y’all. POWERSTANCE.

  33. I’m gonna go ahead and guess that the first guy is a flamer. The second one is meh, it’s a silly “goth” highschooler. The third is a complete douchebag, I hope he failed the assignment. If the simple things, such as hickeys on the forehead(?), are what his life is all about then I hope he never, ever under any circumstance breeds.

  34. @Miss Shegas
    I feel sorry you had to go through that. It must be terribly uncomfortable.

  35. Yesterday we had somebody quoting James Blunt, today Mika. Is this a subtle way for people to come out without actually saying they’re coming out?

  36. and he spelt happiness wrong.

  37. Miss Shegas, we can’t have that happening to you now, can we?

    Call me later and I’ll sort you out.

  38. maybe the first guy thought “I look so fucking cool standing at this urinal!!” then had to turn around and capture the moment?

  39. Ah damnit, I just realized my sister goes to the same school as Kyle… god damn patchouli smellin trust-fund hipsters. Also Chicago was made for the meat-packing industry and the Irish mafia NOT Kyle and his ilk.

  40. CommentsAtLarge

    Poor Miss Shegas, her good-good is gone-gone.

    If that last one is art, Picasso is doing somersaults in his grave.

  41. CommentsAtLarge

    @Stam
    Don’t forget the Italian Mafia, of course most of the meat packing industry was their front…

  42. Nuff and Wordpervert, thanks for the well wishes. Your compassion has inspired me to create a line of vagina get well cards. I shall promote them on facebook.

  43. lolololol COLUMBIA COLLEGE CHICAGO! young photo majors give it such a bad rep..

  44. Yeah, nobody has heard of Motion City Soundtrack. This dude is hardcore, representin the underground. Good thing he told us about the hickey he edited out otherwise we’d never know that he’s a player too. And a hickey on his forehead no less.

    Just…wow

  45. Hey Comments, you don’t think the last pic is arty?
    You’re not feeling Picasso’s boobs on the forehead work in it?
    I am.

  46. Kyle’s work has surrealist classic written all over it.

  47. #1 – The guy has too much sugar in his tank.

    #2 – [Beo]Wulf’s power stance isn’t impressive, not with those thunder thighs.

    #3 – Must have photoshopped Chiclets over his teeth.

  48. Is that first guy Robert Pattison?

  49. That is quite a powerful stance. I feel intimidated just looking at it.

    I wanna know why art-boy got a hickey on his fod in the first place O_o

  50. To the first guy, whom I will call Jamie.

    Dear Jamie,

    You do attract me, more than you could know. The cold sore on your mouth would give me extra friction on my turgid member, so please skip the Blistex until after I’m done with you.

    You also repulse me, with your queasy smile…. and the way you look like David, from the 1980′s tv show Roseanne. I had a crush on him during my high school years, and the feelings confused me and repulsed me and turned me on… just like you do.

    Are you too dirty? Kinda…. Too flirty? No such thing!

    Do you like what I like? Well, if it’s watching reruns of Hey Dude and Gargoyles, while cuddling under a Carebears blanket and having sex during commercials, then hell yeah you do!

    Love and Snugs,

    mcowles

  51. That is a pretty WIDE “power stance” for an airport bathroom…

  52. 1. The most pathetic human ever, you are a fucking tool.
    2. Fuck…absolutely pathetic, you goth rock tim burton loving douche.
    3. This, from a technical point of view, is the shittest attempt at digital art ever. This doesnt even have an edge of the douchebagette photos we see saying “hey im fuckin hot lay off bitches!” – technically it is an abortion of a peice. I traditional collage, scanned, would have been so much better – think sex pistols artwork. The screening process for his course must have been
    “do you eat glue”?
    NO
    “Do you eat paint?”
    NO
    “Ever thought of eating paint?”
    NO
    “Would you make an arm cast if you were asked to sculpt from plaster of paris”
    NO
    “Welcome to the course – don’t eat the crayons or computer mice you retard, and cut your fucking hair you Hanson throwback twat”

  53. Ahaha.

    I had to take New Millennium Studies. In Kyle’s defense the class is based around “meaningful” narcissism, basically. You have to constantly pull this douche bag shit out of your ass in order to pass. It’s a joke.

  54. plus the thrid guy has his canvas on his forehead – receding hairline soul dude hang on tool. And I know there are typos – I’m typing fast and drinking beer grammar nazis

  55. so you fucks have a course in douchbaggery is what your saying? how man credits does that require? oh my god…it’s comparable with david beckham studies….what happened to studying literature, fine arts, science…

  56. 1. The second one, definitely
    2. Wow no words
    3. My son’s birthday is October 3rd. Oh and you’re an idiot.

  57. I prefered religious studies – at least you could contradict teachers with scientific fact. Just wish back then I was old enough to throw a few kiddie fiddler jokes in the mix.

  58. oh and one last point / rant – despite the fact #3 was part of his course – don’t be such a dumbass and put it on facebook. Highly commended for the submitter of that one.

  59. NMS = toolbag course, breeding social network parasitic profile photos.

  60. Am I too FLIRTHY?

  61. mc, that’s hot, can I join in with you and Jamie?

  62. CommentsAtLarge

    @word

    He’s one big boob, so that’s a step in the right direction. He’s not a good candidate for forehead-boobs though; he would have photoshopped those out with the hickey.

  63. So YOU’RE Ben.

    Sorry, but I’ve never taken much notice of you before, and now I see why.

  64. Carrot Top’s name is Kyle?
    Oh, wait. No.
    I guess he’s just got that scary-ugly look about him.

  65. I can still see the third guys’ hickey. Edit FAIL.

  66. Hung up on ‘queasy smile’… is that not a symptom of nausea? Oh wait …maybe I get it now.

  67. Someone needs to tell the kid in the second picture that THAT is not Goth. At all. Metalhead, yes; Goth, HELL NO. We wash regularly (look at his HAIR), have much better style, ‘Power Stance baby’ would be the LAST words you would hear coming out of a Goth’s mouth, and we most certainly DO NOT take pictures of ourselves in public toilets.

    However, it is necessary to recognise that there are stupid people all over the world, so something like this was inevitable.

  68. Beg pardon, I have made an error. However, ‘Power Stance y’all’ is even more unacceptable than ‘Power Stance baby’.

    I miss the days of Proper English…

  69. Mrs Sin, but I still reckon he’s worth knowing.

  70. If only for his name.
    I don’t have enough friends called Wulf.

  71. I was unaware that certain phrases and actions were forbidden by the goth culture. Man, it sure is hard being unique enough to fit in with the crowd.

  72. I really want to see the rest of the ‘urban goth’ album. are goths allowed to call themselves goths? he looks so dtf tim burton in that stance.

  73. I had something witty to say (like seriously, how in the HELL do you get a hickey on your forehead? I’m thinking vacuum cleaner mishap, not passionate night of lust) and then I realized… Ben is back!

    HI BEN!

  74. Thank you Malteaser for sharing your thoughts. This is the most I’ve seen you say in months of reading this site!

  75. #3 “you mean the world to someone”…Are you sure you do?

  76. JacksSmirkingRevenge

    One of the best posts I’ve seen in a while. Thank you lamebook for the laugh!

  77. MALTEASER SAID WORDS!

    Hellooo people. Long time stalker. First time poster. Love your show.

    Signed up because Malteaser has totally messed with my understanding of the way the world works. If everything implodes in on itself, I’m blaming him. Her? It.

  78. Its the fucking Beatles

    Ben. Don’t you ever shut the fuck up?

  79. We’re getting closer to finally being able to form some kind of picture of malteaser in our brains. So far:

    Hobbies:
    laughing out loud.
    fucking kicking people on the face.

    I love him.
    This isn’t sarcasm, btw. malteaser is a role model for us all. He/she never says anything that isn’t worth saying. Unlike me.
    Now.

  80. *in. though I presume on would hurt just as much.

  81. AHA! “Must not be smellier than this to be Goth”. Is that how it wprls? Cleaner than metal and punk, dirtier than emo and vampire (or is the order different.. I don’t know, cos I’m not cool enough to know about labels)?

    Ah, where would we be without all of the creatively named boxes we insist on putting people in to (or ostricizing them from).

  82. wprls = works (clumsy fingers)

  83. I am never leaving the house again unless I can describe my appearance as ‘Urban Goth’ – clearly the greatest label of all time.

  84. something about wulf… are we sure wulf is a he? in spite of the name, i think there are breasts and childbearing hips….

  85. the only thing that scares me more than POWER STANCE is a transgender wearing a hard as nails Jack the Pumpkin King tshirt. so fear inspiring

  86. Damn this urban goth douche. Now I can’t get fucking “Buffalo Stance” out of my head.

    MAKE IT GO AWAYYYYY! I shall have to dig it out with a spoon if the drinking doesn’t do the trick soon.

  87. Sadly, it appears as though D-bag number one DOES like what I like. Not as sadly, it also appears as though he doesn’t realize the song is essentially about being an asshole who pretends to be someone else just to be popular.

  88. Shit. I actually like Motion City Soundtrack.

  89. So is there a “rural goth”? Like country goth farmers?

  90. I hope Motion City Soundtrack becomes the next big thing and ruins this guy’s life.

  91. …The country goth play is extremely annoying. I’m picturing Paula Dean with massive amounts of black eyeliner and lank black tresses.

    That guy vaguely reminds me of Carrot Top, so I’m sufficiently petrified.

    I do believe Douche #1 was aiming for that Edward Cullen look. I’m not a fan, but Twilight is a plague and I’ve stumbled into quite a few of those life-size atrocities in Borders.

  92. Also, Its the fucking Beatles is the best username ever.

  93. of all the fail in dbag Kyle’s “art” – the fake white teeth has got to be the worst! Hilariously awful.

  94. as a graphic designer, i have to comment on the last one.

    papyrus font= FAIL!

    and if that is what people call “art” nowadays, then i must be making freaking masterpieces.

  95. @Wednesday – Im sure after all the people on here read that and look them up, they will. Also, I will have to disagree. Mario and Dreddy is the best username ever.

    That is all.

    xo

  96. OMG he “edited out the hickey for this piece of art”?!?!?

    GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG!

  97. The symbology and creativity in Kyle’s art astounds me! I mean, the perfectly chosen photo, the insert of a camera picture, cleverly positioned to indicate the fact he’s always ‘behind the camera’, the text bringing out his emotional frame of mind and the photoshop tattoo showing his dedication to this band no one’s heard of. Not since Pollock have I seen such vivd emotional expression. Someone please alert MoMA!

  98. It really bothers me that the last guy likes Motion City Soundtrack. I like them, they’re actually good, and that douchebag had to go and be a fan as well.

    I do, however, hate Papyrus. So maybe that’s what makes the difference between someone with intelligence and this idiot.

  99. @Miss Shegas
    Very poetic way to describe such personal experience :)
    Fun read – Kudos for that one!

    I won’t single out either one of the 3, they made to this place for a reason. What amazes me tho, that such people really, truly and deeply believe, that they are desirable, cool or artistically talented. That’s just beyond sad….
    I wish to meet them in person, I would dedicate my life trying to burst their bubbles….

  100. The first one obviously is a homosexual, otherwise he wouldn’t quote a Mika song.

    The last one obviously thinks he is alot deeper than he is. Motion City Soundtrack are really meaningful? I thought they just wrote catchy pop/punk songs about the future freaking them out and how everything was alright.

  101. Is this the famous Ben? He must have some serious self esteem issues to be ragging on his own photo like that. I guess our worse critics really are ourselves, huh?

    BTW, all of these pictures make my vagina get up and run away. I hate guys who want talk like they want to boink their own reflections. ICK. *shudders*

  102. I have an extra “want” somewhere in there. I hope it didn’t destroy my point. Just in case, here it is: I hate douchebags.

  103. o.O

  104. oh geeeez. Art kid goes to my school…

  105. the essay sounds super douchey because the project was to make a piece of “art” (how vague) and write a rationale. i don’t know why he posted his rantionale as his caption, but that’s just me being annoyed.

  106. Dude… what the fuck? Why did artdouche have a hickey on his forehead? On his FOREHEAD? God, that just makes it even douchier.

  107. I just have to say that the comments I read here at Lamebook are much more amusing and witty than most of the content. Y’all make me smile and brighten my day. Thank you. :)

  108. I instantly defriend anybody who takes pictures of themselves. Like how fucking narcissistic can you get? And you know those aren’t the only ones they take, the ones we get to see are just the lesser of 500 evils.

  109. p.s. I bet the Mika douche at the top could teach me a lesson or two on taking cock up the ass.

  110. I am too distracted by the last one’s pigeon chest to read all them words underneath. The smallest pecs I have ever seen.

  111. #1~ this make my vagina implode upon itself, then create a massive swirling vortex of Hell itself, releasing damned souls upon the Earth..
    #2 lame, he/ she got a swift kick in whatever genital applies to them after their friends/ random people in public who recognized them saw this.
    #3, please see 1. add to that Jesus coming back and smiting me in the worst way possible, thus righting the world once again.

    Soup, BritishHobo, word, mcowles, and slimjayz, <3 ya'll. (I'm one of the intelligent Southerners, we can get away with ya'll) your comments are always the most epic. you could probably find the cure for cancer in one of those, someday.

  112. makes**

  113. Power stance guy is obviously fucking around. I thought it was pretty funny.

    3rd guy (Brandon Boyd wannabe) is like so many people I know, and I want to set them all on fire.

  114. @Its the fucking Beatles – comments…it’s a comments section you dumb prick

  115. #1. Wow… just wow… what a fugly narcissist douche… and come on… lip curling?… that’s not sexy.

    #2. Power stance dude gets a win in my book. Keep on rocking in the bathrooms dude, I salute you.

    #3. God… what a cheeseball, slapping around shit in photoshop is NOT art. It’s AT MOST a collage… and a very crappy one, and yeah collage CAN be art… but not when a 3rd grader can do better.

  116. you guys are mean. these dudes seem like outstanding citizens!

  117. Its the fucking Beatles

    Ben. There is making comments and there’s talking utter shite. And you sir, definitely fall into the second catergory. Now go and grow a pair you tool.

  118. Motion City Soundtrack dude looks like Malachi from children of the corn.

  119. D-bag #4: Ben

  120. The first one spelled nightmare wrong…

  121. Thanks Keona :D I wish I could use y’all without sounding like a wannabe American :(

  122. @Keona: Intelligent Southerners know it’s y’all, not ya’ll.
    Here’s a quick grammar lesson for you:
    In layman’s terms, when you take something out, you put an apostrophe in. For instance, do not becomes don’t.
    Do not –> donot –> don t –> don’t.
    It is –> itis –> it s –> it’s.
    Therefore…
    You all –> youall –> y all –> y’all.

    …I love you. But please spell y’all correctly. Otherwise, the troll awakens. Thank you for your time.

  123. Oh, and before you comment on my username I’m just using one from BugMeNot because I don’t have a WordPress account.

  124. @BritishHobo: you’re welcome.
    @Retard: lol, I don’t judge based on something like a username. it was getting late and there was bound to be a screw up or two) I think I’m doing pretty well after being out of HS for awhile, I have friends that absolutely kill grammar. if they don’t keep up proper pronunciations/ spellings/ etc, they will continue to forget.
    …I love you, too.

  125. Is that a kodama from Princess Mononoke on Wulf’s shirt? Sure looks like one!

  126. @Gwydda: I think it’s Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas.

    Also out of all the bands you could choose from Motion City Soundtrack changed your life? Dang son, how do you keep it so real?

  127. You’re typing it wrong.

    “As I was creating this piece of shart”

  128. I have been checking lamebook on a daily basis for sometime now and it still ceases to amaze me how many people take their profile pictures in public washrooms. Do these people not have homes?

  129. Do I attract you? No.
    No I repulse you with me queasy smile? Yes.
    Am I too dirty? Am I too flirty? Yes and yes.
    Do I like what you like? I like women, so the answer is probably no.

  130. Hahah I definitely go to the same school as the last guy…Columbia College Chicago. I didn’t have to take that class b/c I was a transfer, but I’ve heard its the dumbest class on the face of the earth. In our defense, a lot of the art produced by the students is actually really amazing. Sadly, this is obviously not an example of such.

  131. kyle is special, from his underdeveloped pecs to his enormous head and the strange pink parrot he keeps upon his little shoulder.
    he says he has photoshopped his hickey out but look, it is still there, right below the first ‘o’ in ‘someone’.
    sweet

  132. The third guy obviously got the hickey from doing 69 with some other dude, the other guys clean shaven balls working as a plunger to his forehead.

  133. just so you guys know #3 slapped it together NMS is a bs class so this really reflect nothing on who he is…
    he’s amazing…he’s one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet
    and i know this is meant to be funny so w/e
    he’s not a player by all means
    he’s not a douche
    he’s actually a really good photographer
    he spelled happiness wrong on purpose
    so maybe you guys should get to know someone before you judge them <3

  134. what about this person? http://snipurl.com/xxashleyxx/?id=20505

  135. holy shit i cannot stop laughing at the POWER STANCE, Y’ALL

    hahahahahaaaaaaaa!!!

  136. lol………the art peice…

    -Gods investment in you (His son!) was SO great, he could never abandon you!-

  137. I am seriously hoping that as I continue to read my way through dozens of LB pages, that God will liquidate her assets so I don’t have to see that notice, bad spelling, and lame comments under each and every entry.

  138. Back when I was a wee lad, Wendy’s had Happy meal toys for Mighty Mouse that were the characters with suction cup bases. Around 7th grade i was going through some stuff as i cleaned my room and found one and stuck it on my forehead and forgot about it. I got to hear Vacuum cleaner jokes for the next week and a half.

  139. Omg…that looks my stepbrother…

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