Thursday, April 28, 2011

Picturesque Parents

previous post: Busted!



  1. littleredcorvette

    I am so glad we’re cutting down on Planned Parenthood and abortions. I truly look forward to seeing more of this in the world.

  2. Seconded.

  3. Im guesssing the thing the first bird claims she still has is some kind of STI. As for the handcuffs? Social services is needing a call!

  4. First one = I still would.
    Handcuffing your daughter to a chair to get her to eat though, you wouldn’t find that in a parenting handbook.

  5. ifitwerentformyhorse

    The first 2…Whatever I’m not offended. That last one is fucked up though. Who does that???

  6. oh god – bring on the hypocrisy brigade re: the last image

    Surely handcuff give you the same restraint as putting a baby in a high chair or stroller (buggy – for the UK readers..sorry to pander to the yanks).

    But it’s handcuffs – away with the parents – go get them to Gitmo ASAP!

  7. #1 Ok I agree, you still got it. But really, does your little one need to see everything you got??

    DukeGuy, seriously handcuffing is ok? Might be ok for me … not for my baby!

  8. Kids often don’t want to sit and eat, the answer is to keep showing them what to do, sit down and eat meals with them, etc. Not handcuff them to a chair!!

    It’s one step away from throwing them in a cage with a bowl on the floor.

    To be fair to #1, she has still got it.. but get your kid out of the photo! And why are these photos always taken in the toilet?

  9. Stever?

  10. ifitwerentformyhorse

    Because the toilet looks classy.

    And noooo a highchair is not the same thing as handcuffing!

  11. ifitwerentformyhorse – explain why?

  12. Duct tape is the real way to go anyway. As it is, that kid can just move around with the chair.

  13. I call it Duke Tape wandr – but yes, I agree that kids has far too much lateral movement available.

  14. omfg #1 your baby looks like it’s ready to crawl back up in there WTF

  15. ifitwerentformyhorse

    @DukeGuy – It’s not obvious enough that you need an explanation? You don’t need a key to get a kid out of a high chair or stroller, they’re reasonably comfortable, and they aren’t used to restrict criminals.

  16. My handcuffs are reasonnably comfortable too, but they do have a bit of padding.

  17. ifitwerentformyhorse

    I got stuck in real handcuffs once (oh the jokes my friends play on one another) and they were QUITE uncomfortable. Not to mention they made me panic for a sec…Like, what if I have to tie my shoe and my life depends on it?

  18. DukeGuy, a child that age doesn’t need a high chair. Infants and young toddlers are put in high chairs for their protection (so they don’t fall out and smash their heads on the floor, you see). When a child is too old for a high chair, restraint is not the tool you want. sensiblehero is right–you teach the child what to do. You don’t forcibly restrain him unless it’s for protection (like in a car seat, for instance). They don’t learn from that. If you have to resort to that, you’ve failed as a parent by not having the patience required to teach him how to do things.

  19. On another note, girlfriend in #2 has some serious muffin top.

    And on yet a third note, immediately after the picture in #1 was taken, that child passed out from the strong stank of fish.

  20. ifitwerentformyhorse

    lametothemin clearly has met more children than I have and did a better job of explaining why you shouldn’t handcuff kids. But there shouldn’t even be an explanation needed, jesus…

  21. ifitwerentformyhorse

    Oh hey i just noticed the empty toilet paper roll in the background of the first pic.

  22. CommentsAtLarge

    If by “it”, you were referring to your offspring being witness to the precursor to the creation of it’s sibling, then I’m sure you do have it.

    And the only thing that could make #3 worse is if they were the padded cuffs wandr was talking about and mom just grabbed them from the bedroom when needed at meal time.

  23. seem like I’d better stop handcuffing my kids, my bad

  24. People that say “you shouldn’t handcuff your kids” or “if you have to resort to that you’ve failed as a parent” might be wrong. You don’t really know who this child is, and some of the troubled children that I’ve met wouldn’t even be controllable with the help of handcuffs. I’m not saying that you should handcuff your kids, it seems quite cruel, but I wouldn’t say you definitely shouldn’t handcuff your kids.

  25. ifitwerentformyhorse

    There are always other methods. And if a kid really was that uncontrollable, I’d imagine they’d hurt their wrists while thrashing around (or whatever) if they were handcuffed.

  26. ifitwerentformyhorse

    Holy mother of… I just noticed that giant muffin top.

  27. 1angrychick2cups

    @Duketape, really?? You call it Duketape?? I mean, I agree it’s a wonderfull child restraint system and comes in a sizzling aray of colors to make the child feel like they’re having a good time, but don’t change the name. Some people have no respect!!

    (read sarcastically)
    (also DukeTape, sounds too close to DookyTape and that confuses and scares me)

  28. 1angrychick2cups

    All the parents in those pics are trashy and should be ashamed of themselves.

  29. Comments – Unfortunately, that’s likely exactly what it is. Minus the padding or faux pink feathers

    I’d always wondered what a “muffin top” was, but had never dared ask. I learn something new every day, and look to lamebook for it

  30. I too handcuff children, because why waste time when they can do your work for you?

  31. ifitwerentformyhorse

    It’s not a crime to be trashy, 1angrychick2cups. It is a crime to handcuffs kids though. I think.

  32. The last picture pissed me off.

  33. If they were my friends (which would never happen because I will never be friends with these sort of people) if would definitely report the to child protective services, they should all have their kids taken away from them.

  34. The kid in the first one would probably need handcuffing to it clawing it’s eyes out after that faceful.

  35. @oatmealandi: I agree! The last one is definitely abuse and if I were on the friend list he/she would have been reported as soon as I saw it.
    The first two are just trashy.

  36. @1angrychick2cups – I call it Duke Tape because it’s tape, and it’s mine. I don’t know what DuckyTape is.

    I’ve removed the handcuffs from my kids and now they’ve burnt the house down. Thanks a bunch lamebook posters – you’ve ruined my fucking life

  37. CommentsAtLarge

    Wandr in my little world, those are going to remain the metal toy-type of handcuffs… safe, warm place… safe, warm place… (rocking back and forth)

  38. I’m not completely sure of the law, but doesn’t someone have a legal obligation to report child abuse? If so, Lamebook should report this. They’ve got the information on this “mother”.

  39. Pulling a duckface in pictures should be illegal.

    Bad top choice, Shaunte. Bad.

    The last one is conjuring up some very disturbing thoughts. I’m going to pretend I didn’t see it.

  40. 5amn, there are some kids out there with serious behavior problems, but while handcuffing might be a means of controlling them in the short term, I’d doubt it’s an effective means of fixing the problem. Anyway, this kid just won’t sit down. I’ve never known a little kid who was gung ho to sit still.

    Not like I have an experience with any of this. When I have kids I might beat them sideways if they look at me funny. I don’t take no shit.

  41. To be honest, I’m more concerned that she misspelled “Te amo.” For shame, Mama Butt.

  42. @jacqbone: They should at least have the info of the person who submitted it. Sifting through all the Nikkis on here would take forever. It’s not as easy as finding that one girl back in March bragging about taking care of her baby and being on drugs at the same time.

  43. Expecting any little kid to sit still for very long is unreasonable. I’m all for using a harness in public if needed (for their safety from other people). But she’s not in public, she’s at home. If this girl can’t sit still for a reasonable amount of time to eat dinner, just work with her on it. Set a timer and let her get up from dinner if she’s full after the timer goes off. Or pick up her plate when everyone else is done, if she didn’t sit there to eat she has to wait until snacktime. Or there are a few other ways to deal with it.

    There is no excuse for handcuffing a kid to a chair. Unless they commited a crime and even then that’s up to the police officer and social worker.

  44. “Ti amo” is not misspelled…in Italian.

  45. Handcuffs for bad parents!

  46. @moronmagnet ~ If Lamebook blurred out Nikki’s last name then they could possibly find her that way. Of course, that wouldn’t be helpful if her last name is Jones or Smith. But, yes, they could get Nikki’s contact info from the submiitter.

  47. Yeah you know or it could have been a joke, but probably not because everything on the internet is true.

  48. It doesn’t matter if it was a “joke”. Those parents who duct taped their baby to the wall during a party and took pics did it as a “joke” too. Child abuse is not funny.

  49. Oh get over it. A little handcuffing never hurt anyone. Honestly I’d be more concerned about the lives of the other two children.

  50. ifitwerentformyhorse

    @cassisia – I take it you have a lot of experience being handcuffed.

  51. Yes, “ti amo” is Italian. You can check by googling, it’s quicker than writing a comment :-P

  52. hootie the blowfish

    Why did the mother have those handcuffs? They look pretty legit.

  53. ifitwerentformyhorse

    @hootie – You can buy real handcuffs at certain stores. Or get them from someone who worked as a security guard. Not that I would know. Cough cough.

  54. ifitwerentformyhorse

    She may have spelled “ti amo” right, but she misspelled “may be”. And “but”, but I think that was on purpose.

  55. Ehem.. Maybe her parent’s are in for BDSM.

  56. Who’s got two middle fingers and wants some KIX? This Guy!

  57. thataintwhaturdaddysaid

    If that kids a true rebel, handcuffing her to a half pound chair isn’t exactly going to solve the problem.

  58. Hey, they finally used a pic I submitted almost a year ago! Woooo!!!

  59. Stupid people raising stupid children…god we are blessed.

  60. mariesthename

    I know I am horribly late to this, but…
    Those are toy handcuffs, I have a pair just like them. They have safety latches, so they do not require a key- the safety latch is actually visible in the picture. It’s entirely possible the little girl handcuffed herself to the chair, and she could easily uncuff herself as well.

  61. In response to pic #2… I guess Kix really ISN’T mother approved.

    Damn, I can’t believe nobody made that joke. Sheesh.

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