Monday, June 21, 2010

Picture These Parents

previous post: Frito not Layed

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56 Comments

  1. Not exactly golden, are they.

  2. rockinghorsefly

    Classy. With a capital ‘C’.

  3. http://www.fmylife.com/kids/11198427

    same guy? i know i’d be able to identify with my unborn child more if it had a lucky strike on the go.

  4. In Jamie’s defense, the other side of her stomach has a tattoo of Hitler bending Krusty the Klown over a wrapped up present that says “Merry Christmas” on it.

    The front of her stomach has launch codes for 3 different missile silos in the United States. Granted, you can only see them if you spritz her stomach with a fine mist of urine and lemon juice, but she didn’t want to take the chance.

  5. Charlie Incognito

    #1) Damien as in “The Omen”, no doubt.

    #2) Was she sent a photo, or was she sent some spawn?

    #3) Gross. Is that a flower in it’s hair?

  6. releasethehounds

    disturbing

  7. huss

  8. they’re all just awful, nothing like a good guilt trip like in #2

  9. Pretty sure in the first one you can see some pretty little ‘pot’ plants growing in the background….

  10. When I turned 21, my mom told me that she gave up a girl for adoption a couple of years before me. She then said “so make sure you take it slow, to avoid accidentally sleeping with your sister.”

    Little did she know, I had found my sister on facebook 2 years earlier and we had been sleeping together since day 1!

  11. Paranoid Android

    A sobering thought for you:- For every one of these pictures that we see, there are thousands more like minded people out there who have not yet figured how to turn a computer on.

    It keeps me awake at night to think of the offspring these people will contaminate the world with.

    Well, that’s my excuse for part-time alcoholism.

  12. I’m lost for words to describe the whore in the last picture. Just sick.

    mcowles, did you know the girl you were shagging was your sister?

  13. @poustis

    I found my sister on facebook. We were both in the “If I found a long lost sibling via facebook, I’d be ok having sex with him/her.” fan group thing.

    Is that irony or a coincidence to find her there?

  14. BTW, You all complain when a pregnant woman puts a cigarette in her mouth… you complain when she puts it in her belly button. Where IS she allowed to put it? Have you ever tried to draw a legible nose directly above a vagina? It’s not easy!

  15. @mcowles

    As long as it was not a shock for either of you when you found out, I say good for you.

    Irony? Coincidence? Fate! :)

  16. krasivaya_devushka

    This is really disturbing.

  17. i love malteaser too

    In pic #2, the complete greeting was, “Be a good mommy and don’t get too drunk. We don’t have place for any more siblings in this cramped crib”.

  18. wait a minute…that’s a female in the last picture?

  19. I feel I’m REALLY missing something in the first and second pictures, and you’re all going to point out what and I’m gonna kick myself, and that’ll probably hurt. So I’m gonna predict what the lameness is supposed to be, UTTERLY missing the INCREDIBLY obvious point that’s staring me in the face.

    1:
    She tagged her baby? That’s not that lame. I think that’s kinda sweet (shutup -_-).
    Some kind of maths bollocks I can’t be bothered to work out like her predicted labour date being too late/early?
    She’s naked? Eh.
    2:
    Fuck it, I don’t even care.

    Come on guys. Make me feel stupid.

  20. 3 just seems to be someone having a bit of fun. I mean, so long as she’s not smoking the thing, no harm done…?

  21. Blah. Except maybe for the possible double entendre of #2.

  22. LMAO mcowles… you’re terrible. I love it.

    As to that first picture… WHY in godsfreakinname would you get that tattoo? Horrible.

  23. @BH

    I assumed the lameness of the first post was the huge pot leaf on the side of her stomach (hence my poor attempt at tattoo humor “up there”).

    As for the second, I saw it as a “win” (not really, but meh) of the mother, telling her daughter not to get drunk and have unprotected sex on her 21st birthday.

    The third? I wouldn’t post it on lamebook, but I see nothing wrong with it… everyone freaks out with anything preggo/cigarette related though.

  24. @britishhobo, could be the giant pot leaf tattooed to her side for #1

  25. oh, whoops… #2… the 21 year old already has two kids.

    I’m an idiot… I guess it’s lame/funny because of the guilt trip the “grandmother” is playing on this 21 year old mom? I don’t know. I didn’t enjoy that one from the beginning.

  26. I actually kinda guessed that was a pot leaf but refrained from putting it in case I showed up my complete and utter ignorance about drugs in general… and came off looking stupider :D

    mcowles, the second one confuses me, because there’s so many different ways it can be taken. Who wrote it? Who was it written to? Who are the kids? First time I read it I figured one of the kids was the recipient, and the writer was the mom, and it was just a little joke. But it could be anything.

    I dunno. Maybe I’m just absurdly slow today.

  27. i love malteaser too

    @ BH: The person who wrote the note was probably the same one who put a fake tattoo on the baby’s head.

  28. @ilmt, is that not a plaster? That’s what I thought it was.

  29. Fake tattoo on the baby’s head? Is that not a bandaid?

    I still think the 2nd one was a photo from mother to her daughter, reminding her daughter that she has two babies at home that need a safe and healthy mother and to not drink and drive or fall off a wall, while drunk, or anything like that.

  30. @BH

    plaster, if that’s the non-american way of saying “bandage” or “adhesive medical strip”, then I’m moving to your neighborhood.

    Plaster plaster plaster plaster. It’s cute, that’s all I’m saying. Sorry for posting so much today, I’ll stop.

  31. i love malteaser too

    The crib looks at some distance from the wall, so I guessed it could not have been the plaster. Plus, if the mother was barely 20 when she gave birth to that poor thing, I can imagine her saying, “Oooo, look how cute he looks with this speed racer tattoo and everything on his forehead” :|
    @mc: Or it could be a joint note from her two exes who fathered the children.

  32. @ilmt

    Wow, it took me so long to realize that “joint note” was in reference to the second picture, instead of the first.

  33. i love malteaser too

    oh wait, I just realized my post #26 and #30 represent inconsistent logic. Shame on me.

  34. AnonymousBastard

    She shouldn’t be that big at 17 weeks but then again I look like I’m 45 weeks pregnant with twins so who am I to judge.

  35. #1 does nothing for me.

    #2 the first thought through my head was that the father sent the kids over to the mom on her 21st birthday to try and spoil it for her so she can’t (shouldn’t) drink excessively because of more important responsibilities, and he hates the chick. I would laugh more if it were that.

    #3 so what? It’s a sad attemp at humor.

  36. Aye mc, plaster is the British band-aid :) I kinda prefer band-aid, to be honest :P

  37. i love malteaser too

    BH: Thanks for clarifying that now and making me look slow. MC, I am with you in the slowness today.

  38. Ah, I see what you meant now. The wall plaster? It’s okay, seems like we’re all having a slow day today. I’m blaming the heat.

  39. ooooooh ! so #1 is a GANJA LEAF ???

    damn… i thought it was a maple leaf !!!

    geeweez !

  40. i love malteaser too

    OK, so how come no one is commenting on the third boob hanging from the armpit in the first pic?

  41. cuz you are the only one seeing it ?

  42. oh come on, that’s just a little arm fat!

  43. Plaster is also used in Canada :P

  44. The last one is just funny – no babies were harmed in the making of that picture. It’s a slightly trashier version of painting up the tummy as a pumpkin for Halloween.

    Jamie, the pot leaf chick is just a disgusting mess, and that is fat sticking out front, not baby. Baby doesn’t FLOP over your waist band.

    I’m all for tattoos, and could give a hoot about people smoking out, but a pot leaf on the side (that is only just begun, which suggests this was *gasp!* a “surprise” pregnancy), just doesn’t scream mom of the year.

  45. 1. Nothing wrong with it. But I can see why the uptight losers here get so upset over it. “A pot leaf, omgz!A mom with a tattoo that is not a butterfly? That is wrong!”

    2. Everyone who was celebrating the 21st birthday got drunk and had a parent telling them not to do it much. besides of course some of the uptight losers here, they just had orange juice on their birthday

    3. It is funny. Some morons just don’t see the difference between having a lit up cigarette in the mouth and this

  46. Wondering why IVB even bothers to read the comments…

  47. #1 must have shat out quite a few already if she’s that big at 17 weeks. I’m 16 weeks and going swimming with a friend who doesn’t know I’m pregnant and still won’t notice.

  48. IVB FTW

  49. The brightly coloured band-aid on the forehead is funny. Actually band-aids of any colour on the forehead are amusing to me. A kid can get away with it because, well, it’s a kid, but the loser meter goes off the charts when an adult is wearing one.

    Call me mean, but when some guy is talking to you, and he has a big band-aid in the middle of his forehead, it kind of kills the mood.

  50. Prego is a sauce.

  51. @IVB I have dabbled in pot smoking and have many respectable friends and associates who have done a lot more than dabble in it. That being said, my problem with #1 is not the fact that she has a “tattoo that is not a butterfly”, it is the sheer magnitude of trashiness manifest in a human’s brain that would ever, ever think “YES! ENORMOUS WEED TATTOO ON MY SIDE!! THIS IS A GOOD IDEA!!”

    Also, yeah, WOW, gut alert. Although every woman carries differently, a 17-week-old fetus is generally around 5 inches long top to bottom. Meaning you are looking a little chunky, but should not be cradling a bulbous belly and pretending it’s a baby. That’s a gut. Which is all well and good, but why all the shirtless “prego” shots from gut-tacular women? It’s a shame.

    All three of these women are an embarrassment to motherhood and womankind in general.

  52. i don’t understand why everyone things the txt in #2 was sent by the lamebooker’s mom?

    it says “be a good mommy, and don’t get too drunk.”

    it doesn’t say anything at all about who it’s from.

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  54. @jooser

    preggo can be if you believe in all the ‘eat your afterbirth’ garbage

  55. @seledoux: Not necessarily, with my first I’d agree with you, but a woman’s body knows what to do with the second and at 14wks I was ready to flatten the next person who mentioned “not long to go now!” to me lol. I wasn’t huge either; 52kg before both of my babies and I never made it over 70 even at the later stages. And as far as “cradling a bulbous belly and pretending it’s a baby. That’s a gut.” goes, that’s a touch harsh isn’t it? Gut or not, if a woman’s pregnant she’s pregnant. It doesn’t require speech marks.

  56. “a woman’s body” doesn’t always “know what to do”. Many women use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever the hell they want & gain 50 pounds. Gaining 50lbs for an 8lb baby is ridiculous. And how much you wanna bet stoner mama up there is fat off of cheetos and jalapeno poppers because man… they’re just so good… and my mouth is dry, let’s go to 711 and grab a slurpee… and a hot dog… or 3…and some doritos, omg i love doritos… and lookit this king size snickers omg it’s cute!!! isn’t that funny? it’s huge!…you know what’s good with snickers? orange juice, i’ma get some orange juice too…

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