Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Picture Perfect Pregnancies

previous post: Grandposts

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57 Comments

  1. There are no words…

  2. Now everyone, like I said in the previous post, I have high expectations. Now don’t disappoint me…

  3. Dammit! What a waste of delicious amniotic fluid!

  4. That’s a good start, sideshow. Please continue…

  5. That frog looks like it has an inflamed bunghole.

  6. It’s not inflamed. It’s a Ms. Piggie’s butt plug.

  7. That chick’s gonna be pissed when she realizes that was permanent marker.

  8. Ahahahahahaha…

    I’m feeling better already.

  9. Photo 1 of 58: Wind breaking in crowded elevator.

  10. fuck you alanis!

    i took you to see toy story 3 eight times! cinema tickets don’t come cheap you know!
    i took you to burger king, and would you just eat a whopper like everyone else? NO! it had to be an aberdeen angus, but i bought you one, because i thought you were going to put out! i paid all your blockbuster overdue fines, AND i bought you a new soda stream, for THIS!?!?! all those times you told me you ‘weren’t in the mood’…. and you told me you weren’t seeing anyone else! fucking bitch! >:-(

  11. This Charming Man

    Agree with Sideshow, good for the skin and all natural. Can make a nice soup too.

  12. @Alord
    alanis sounds like a raging prudish bitch. question- why didn’t you just play “put out or get out” with her?

  13. I have to say, Miss Piggy has what appears to be a pretty decent rack.

    Just an observation.

  14. And one of the ugliest skirts? I’ve ever seen in my life.

    Just an observation.

  15. the frog is pretty fit though… she looks like a goer….

  16. I have to admit, if the first one is not staged, it’s a little funny.

    But the frog belly? Holy gods, are you REALLY putting that obscene little cartoon into a baby book?
    Maybe it would fit better in a bby book…

  17. Sorta looks like that frog is crowning…

  18. This Charming Man

    Frogs legs amniotic fluid soup is amazing. Difficult to find in a restaurant though.

  19. Miss She, the first one isn’t staged, silly. All pregnant women in the throes of labour mark a territory with the ritual spilling of their birth waters. This particular one is claiming ownership of that parking space, and there ain’t no one gonna take it from her while she’s busy bearing down elsewhere.

  20. Nothing like a little amniotic fluid to get me going in the evening. Yum, yum!

  21. word, speaking of Miss. Piggy’s rack… I haven’t seen any decent side boob in quite some time, I am very disappointed.

  22. I know, ee! It’s been too long. How the hell are we supposed to get off on pics like these? – although I am loving that rack…

  23. You know, we’re good at getting our selves off, but these? Nope. I agree with the rack, impressive! Now if the shirt was just a little higher.

  24. Yes, aaalllll the waaaay, now, Miss Piggy, come on… off, off, off!

  25. ee, I’ve been studying Crystal’s picture (as one does), and I’m thinking that watermark doesn’t look too fresh. I would expect recently released birth waters on the ground to look much wetter than that.

    I think that’s some other labouring woman’s birth water mark.

    Crystal is a sham.

  26. You know how when you look at clouds and let your imagination go you see things? A bunny, a dog, etc. Well, her watermark looks like a bird to me. I’m thinking I’m going to get another glass of wine and see what it morphs into.

  27. it would be quite funny if crystal’s grimacing look of anguish was actually that she’d just been stung by a wasp.

    and if she were not pregnant, just fat.

    and there just so happened to be a wet patch on the floor at her feet.

    i’d like to entertain the possibility of this scenario, because if true, it posits the existence of a super-evil and super-funny being (the guy/gal who took/found the photo, decided to apply that tag-line to it and then post it for the whole world to see).

  28. The frog looks like it has a small pen15, one big ball, and well miss piggy attacked him with her plug.

  29. ee, it looks like a stingray to me. Isn’t it funny how we all see the same thing in a different way?

    To one person, she’s a pregnant woman with breaking waters, and to alord, she’s an overweight woman that’s just been stung by a wasp.

    I love the creative workings of the human mind.

  30. alord, why are you still bothering with that other thread? I don’t get it. What an absolute waste of your energy. There will be no winners there, so let it go, brother. But I will say I enjoyed that nostalgic trip into the Jerry Springer archives.

    Jerry!, Jerry!, Jerry!

  31. Is that frog’s clit pierced?

  32. wordy – i was basically building up the whole time to that one video! :-D

    and @31 – i can tell you (thanks to a previous lamebook discussion) that that is in actual fact a suitcase piercing that kermette’s packing. google it if you’re not too faint-hearted/haven’t just eaten.

  33. Well you took your sweet time getting to it, alord, but it was worth it in the end.

  34. I think it now looks like a turkey. Great, now I’m hungry.

    word, so very true. I didn’t even notice that she may/may not be pregnant. All I saw was the beautiful watermark and I let my mind wander. Sex…oops, sorry I let my mind wonder again.

  35. First time I saw this post I sat there for a good few minutes wondering what the problem was with the third picture. Did she get the date wrong? Was there a spelling mistake?

    Pretty much gave up at a loss, and it’s only when I came here through Twitter (the dude who runs Lamebook as an iPhone, the gadget whore), thinking it was a new post that it hit me in the face like a ton of… pregnant lady.

    I blame the heat. Or the lack of sleep. Or whatever.

    Why a frog?

  36. ee, the more I look at that mark, the more unimpressed with it I am. It just isn’t Jackson Pollack enough for me. I expect more bang for my water breaking buck.

    Hobes, why a frog?, why that fugly skirt?, why not just show us your tits, and get it over with already?

    Miss Piggy can’t give us the answers to these questions, so you’re better off taking a cold shower and having 40 winks, buddy.

  37. My guess is the chick in the first pic is actually pissed that she spilled her vodka. The stung by a wasp theory could also be the case.

    That frog looks like it has has some severely deformed crotch going on. And it looks like its smokin something…just saying…

  38. Hottest frog porn I’ve seen since the September ’79 issue of Amphibian Ass.

  39. Oh yeah teo, gotta love that amphibian porn!

    Oh yeah, ribit, ribit, oh yeah!

  40. Okay, to all the boys out there.. 1st pic, she is pregnant, but not full term so she is not giving birth. That is also not what things look like when your “water breaks”.. In fact, now hold your lunch, when your “water” breaks it is actually kind of gruesome looking and more of a rapid leak of blood and amniotic fluid, as opposed to a gush of water.. I think the directors of movies are mostly male, so it’s easy to see why there is this common misconception!

  41. Chewbacca shagger

    I had a friend who’s water broke at the shopping center. I had to ask what it looked like and she said it was clear, like water. It got weird after that.
    God, i love pregnant womens.

  42. This Charming Man

    BritishHobo, perhaps frog lady is suggesting that sperm resembles tadpoles, swimming away. As the tadpoles develop, they eventually turn into a frog, while the little white swimmers will turn into a baby, possibly due on 18th June.

    Or maybe she just likes frogs.

  43. why dat frog has a brain?

  44. Hmm, it appears my grandson has somehow logged into my lamebook account with my XBox 360. I think he meant to say “Why the fuck is that frog holding a brain?”

  45. Am I the only one to notice the true fail in the frog pic? Two different colours for the wall in the background.. now that is one big interior design fail.

  46. tamika – is this first hand knowledge? I’ve had 3 kids (I’m a whore, I know…), and my water broke with 2 of them. The first time I was in bed (with white sheets no less), and it looked more like a healthy piss than the ungodly mixture you’re referring to. The second time was very much the same, except I was sitting at my desk at work when it happened (sorry janitorial staff). If it looked like what you’re describing, wouldn’t we say our “amniotic fluid and placenta smoothie” broke rather than our “water”? Just sayin’…

  47. Unborn babies drink amniotic fluid. Then they pee. Then they drink some more.

    The fluid is constantly circulating in the baby bag and is replaced about every 3 hours.

    Unborn babies don’t poo. But after they are born they let a nasty months-old one go. It’s like a black sludge.

    That’s what I’ve read anyway.

  48. So many things wrong, so little time.

    Number one is not her water breaking in the hospital parking lot. Really, think about it?
    1. Would she not have been dropped off at the front door? By God, if my husband-baby daddy-trailer park king-lesbian-daddy replacement made me walk from the parking lot to the hospital while I was in labor someone would get shot. A lot of someone’s.
    2. The spot is pretty obviously dry at this point. If her water had just broke I would expect some “glisten” off the water.
    3. Obviously, the “OMG, WTF” face is staged. Water breaks so fast no one would have the time to fish out their camera and snap a damn picture.
    4. Finally, she isn’t holding any bags to carry in herself, which is what I would expect for a lady whose SO is making her walk from the parking lot of a hospital to the said hospital to birth a child that is very obviously on its way down that slippery water slide of a vagina.

    Just sayin . . .

  49. To everyone questioning the authenticity of Pic #1, it’s real. She is on my friends list (although I didn’t submit the pic) and she for real made her hubby stop and take the picture. She’s full term, she’s laughing (not WTFing) and if the comments were posted too, you’d see that it was a real shot.

  50. Well then I just feel bad for your friend. Suggest to your friend to smack her husband in the face for PARKING and not dropping her off. Jeez.

  51. The parking lot at this hospital is about 10 feet from the door… it’s really not that big of a deal.

  52. Wow, y’all I was in labor and walked to the door and then, walk to the doctors office, where he checked me, said I was indeed in labor and then had me walk over to the hospital side and go up the elevator and then walk to the admitting desk on the labor ward. Geeze, not everyone in labor is crowning or needs to be wheeled in. And, further more…Amniotic fluid is clear/barely pink. Not whatever the other person described. Hence calling it “water”.

  53. I do agree with the amniotic fluid thing . . . If you got goo flowing out something is all kinds of wrong.

    I was just pointing out that the consideration would have been nice and expected, not a necessity. But definitely something to take up with hubby.

    But this post has become boring and to argumentative rather than fun in a nit-picky sorta way . . . Moving on.

  54. Even if your water has broken, chances are you still have HOURS of labouring to endure. A walk across the parking lot isnt going to cause the baby to fall outta your vag. Just sayin

  55. The first one…that’s golden right there. Like golden shower golden.
    The second one…well at first I thought it was rather cute, you know harmless. So I was squinting REALLY close to the screen to see what was so lamebook-worthy about it…and then I realised…I feel kinda dirty now.

  56. @snake eyezzz

    Dude, you know it’s not pee, right? So it’s not like a golden shower.

  57. @HokieFan

    Amniotic fluid is composed of baby piss by that stage of pregnancy, so technically it is a golden shower … just the pedo kind. ;)

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