Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Phowned

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14 Comments

  1. Meh-diocre

  2. That is true, the more fancy the cookie the more gay you are. I once had a gay experience with cookies. I was at a bar and it was suppose to be ladies night and when my homeboys and I we didn’t see many ladies. It was all dudes. So I said “fuck it, I’m just going to get a beer and talk sports.” After downing a few thousand beers and my muscles started to explode through my under armour I started to chat it up with some of the blokes. I tried talking with them about football, hockey, and baseball the most manly sports but they wanted to talk about was Roman Greco wrestling. I figure “yeah wrestling is pretty manly, I would not want to mess with one.” Then the conversation became strange because he started talking about puffing Peter. I figure this was some move in wrestling that was invented in the 21st century so I went along with. Things got even more weird when he started talking about cocks and balls. I figure there were probably some accidents while wrestling, in those strange positions where your face is in his junk or butthole. He invited me and my homeboys to his place to show me some moves. My homeboys bailed out so I figure “alright I get a one on one lessons” but when I arrived at his place there were his “roommates” who were all men. They had a tarp and some oils all ready for the lessons. I figure no ones want to some brush burns from all the skin rubbing against each other so we use oil. The tarp was for cleaning up an easy chore. So he tells me to get into my underwear, good point because I don’t want my clothes covered in oil, my clothing cost a whopping $50 from Old Navy. I’m in my jockey boxer briefs which to my surprise was presented with a lot of applause from our audience, my opponent as well. So he gets my down on all fours and behind me and tells me this is the “referee’s position” then he proceeds to take off my boxer briefs. I figure this is just a strategy to help pysch out the opponent. I wasn’t falling for this so I reach behind and tear off his black tong with a heart on the front. We’re both naked and trying to one up each other. He then pounces on me and starts to rub his finger near my bunghole. He says this is just to warm things up, meaning he is about to try and pin me. I resist and get my two fingers in his butthole, the crowd goes wild with their champagne coolies spraying all around us. As he tries to put 3 fingers in my butt I proceed to one up him once again. I take my cock and just before I stick it in there, I notice the white macadamia cookies on the cooling racks and screamed, “OMG you guys are faggots” and I proceed to run out the door but instead I had 3 fingers in my butt, tripped on his legs and knocked myself out. The next thing I know I wake up in a bed with a pink feather boa around me with my opponent serving me mimosas garnished with a strawberry on a sugar rimmed champagne flute and pancakes with a smile.

  3. I never thought i would stoop to this level, however you sir ^^^ have earned a tl;dr.

  4. So i thought that was pretty darn amusing and decided to show my girlfriend (i pasted and copied on skype) after a few minutes…this was her reply…

    “hahahaa LMAO its funny as, as if they only realised when they saw the cookies!! haaaaaaa”

    Oh how i do love her.

  5. The first one would have been funnier if I hadn’t seen it already on http://wrongnumbertexts.com/.

  6. http://wrongnumbertexts.com/post/6182674767/sorry-definitely-not-treyshon

  7. I was going to say, “someone doesn’t know how to take a screenshot.” But then I realized it’s someone taking a photo of a computer screen. Which does qualify it as lame, I guess.

  8. Those are the best kind of cookies.

    And yeah, vaginalroundhouse, you get the award of my first ever tl;dr. I will probably read it in a few minutes, though. After I finish eating this orange, of course.

  9. Just read it, and I had a literal LOL when I read the cookies part.

  10. I figure you guys could use a nice read during a boring day at work or in the classroom.

  11. good story varoho.

  12. Ha, if only lamebook was as funny as Mr Vag R.H’s story. Good effort Haha

  13. I too once had a gay experience with cookies. Oatmeal cookies, to my dismay, are very abrasive.

  14. i cant believe this!! me and my sister just got two i-pads for $42.77 each and a $50 amazon card for $9. the stores want to keep this a secret and they dont tell you. go here BIDGETSdotCOM

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