Monday, November 15, 2010

Parental Uncontrolled

previous post: Dining Way Out

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52 Comments

  1. Thanks for the bitch advice mom. And Tamara, please don’t share your kids nasty habits with the entire internet. They (and no one else) will ever thank you for that.

  2. I thought it was her dog or something. Huh. Betty sounds like a bitch, hilarious.

    Is lamebook lamer, or har it just become harder to make me laugh? Maybe it’s lost its shock factor after… A year?

  3. Wrong again Blonde, I regularly email Tamara to thank her for sharing. Every Single Day in fact. Betty, you are wise beyond words, eye for an eye I say. If a woman slaps you in a playful way, you backhand her to show her you won’t stand for such nonsense, it worked in the 20′s; why not now right?

  4. Why not now? Er, because she can call the cops now.

  5. Uuugh, Jonjones, always here to ruin my claims. Next time you email her could you give her a message from me? “Eeeeewwwwww.” That’s all. Thanks buddy.

  6. You fool idontknow, clearly you have failed to understand the concept delivered by the wise and ancient betty. This isn’t about the law, It’s about principle.

  7. Also, blonde I told her as such. She told me to tell you another story about human feces but as a Gentleman and a scholar I promptly agreed to tell it. Her child ate more feces. the end.

  8. She sounds like a classy lady. I’m glad you two keep n contact.

  9. OBVIOUSLY I meant *in.

  10. Soooo, Grandma never liked your girlfriend Colton…just so you know.

  11. Dax? Colton? … sound like they’re from the Wild West. If not out and out horse names.

  12. awww i thought i was an adult until betty said they don’t play like that.

    sigh.

    now what?

  13. Blonde, I much preferred keep n contact, I thought for a moment that maybe some of these lamebook icons had rubbed off on you.

    Shinsplints, don’t worry, I heard you’re following my advice. Strippers with men making minimum wage and living with their mommas need not worry about such things. Espescially because worrying will cut down on those sweet, sweet stripper years…they go by too fast. How are the six inch heels and daisy duke shorts working out? I assume by now you are a respected part of the community?

  14. Gram got it right. Nibbling, the occasional knaw, but pinching?! Can’t be doing with that.

  15. oh definitely, jon. nobody thinks i’m crazy when i go outside in 50 degree weather and 25mph winds in my miniskirt and glittery heels. i would say i Monroe the world on the daily but she wore panties, as i recall.

    not sure how much money i’ve made so far though, seeing as i always have to pay for my boyfriend’s dates and am constantly buying new shoes. they should really make heels with industrial grade steel.

  16. Oh shinsplints, if only I was middle-aged, making minimum wage and still living with my mom, then maybe we could make this work. Unfortunately I’m just not good enough and not sure I ever will be to get such a woman. Although watch out, once it gets below zero you need to start wearing winter clothes, this means a tight sweater that goes down to just above your belly button and spandex pants. This will also mean you will have to keep a brisk pace to avoid frostbite and death, that will keep you looking fantastic for the christmas months: the busiest stripper months of them all. And don’t worry about money, that is thinking- remember thinking is your enemy now, any form of it will frighten and even enrage the ideal man.

  17. ooo, great suggestions for winter wear, i was thinking more along the lines of a short coat with nothing underneath it and thigh high leather boots but i’m liking the sound of spandex pants and walking fast while wearing them. hopefully i don’t have to wait too long for them to rip when (if?) i sit down. i have an idea. get old, fast. move back in with your mom, and get a job at Taco Bell. you need to move quickly because like you said, stripper years go by fast, and when i’m 25 i’ll be looking like i’m 45!

  18. hahahaha SHINSPLINTS!!!
    thank you!

  19. YES! I will definitely do that, I guess disney fairy tales do come true! On that note, I will need you to cry during intercourse. That won’t be a problem right? Oh, it really is a fairy tale after all!

    And yes, you’ll need to rip the spandex in multiple places prior to wearing them. This will stop the more violent strippers from engaging in fights with you, as they will think you just got out of deadly combat with some feral jungle cat. And yes, you are right, the sweater will need to have nothing under it of course, no need to stay to warm now right? Then you wouldn’t have to constantly move to avoid frostbite.

  20. Uber-Username-Man strikes again.

  21. Woah, that’s odd I didn’t write anything about Uber-username-man…but it has my name on it so obviously I must’ve written it.

  22. Say uber-username-man Does this mean that I am Lamer than the lamebook posts as you claimed to impersonate such people? It’s always been my dream to out-lame them. Unfortunately it appears you’ve already out-lamed me with this whole Uber-username-man bit…2nd again! Damn you!

  23. Say why do I bother writing anything down?

    I did not mention anything about who wins and who loses, did I? No I did not.
    People often complain about other peoples grammar in English but what is more important is reading and listening, which you lack in large amounts. please read the other post again and think about the argument you just made.

  24. Shinsplints, another option for winter wear is what a woman in my county sports: Biiiiiiig pink fur coat, short tight booty shorts barely visible under the coat, and flip flops. She has the legs of a 20 yr old and the face of a 40 year old.

  25. What arguments? I was merely commenting on how you bested me again! Damn you uber-username-man! Now, you’ve clearly defeated me in Lamebook, ridiculed my grammar (a fate we all know is worse then death) and claimed I lack reading and listening ability (I would comment that since I read all of this I’m not listening to anything, but that would be trivial and childish) and you say I lack these in LARGE amounts? How dare you sir! And By the way, I wasn’t listening to anything since we are speaking via writing through the internet! Ha-Ha! Also, what I find interesting is that you start out with the I…and then move to the you…are you saying from my perspective that you ‘uber-username-man’ lack in large amounts and that you should re-read the post again…or that I should? Am I supposed to be writing this message to myself or to you? Why do I refer to myself as You?

    It’s clear though you are the best lamebook-ee, I’m no match for you, your flames are the best of them all sweet troll. Now I must go into exile from lamebook and my name must be used as an insult in accordance with the codes…right?

    Oh wait no, I don’t really give a fuck and I refuse to re-read your post on the same grounds.

  26. REAL JONJONES:
    @24
    See Shinsplints, Blondebimbo has it all figured out already, her entire county is already prepared to find their own malik out there. Although I’m not sure about the big fur coat, I like the idea of constant movement to avoid death…nothing will keep you in shape like the threat of death.

  27. Also, I apologize for the immense argument I just had with myself….Not sure what I was thinking…In fact, I don’t remember writing about half of those comments down at all.

  28. where the hell did the interesting witty commenters go?

  29. Too bad “Gramma” was so busy whoring it up in her younger days that she never took the time to LEARN HOW TO SPELL HER FUCKING NAME!

  30. Haha, oh Walter…way to call out poor, poor Gramma…all she wants is a little fun in her life.

  31. Fuck off els – you’re stuck with us. And who are you to talk? You gave yourself a serial number instead of coming up with a FUCKING SCREEN NAME!

  32. If you washed the pooped-out raisins before you ate them again, they probably wouldn’t taste too bad! ;-)

  33. rockinghorsefly, yummy. Thank you for that.

    And a bunch of name duplication fun and frivolity on the Lamebook today… yep, more of that is just what this place needs. Carry on, you crazy funsters.

  34. Oh Walter you crack me up.
    Though els would have been better off attempting to become one of those said “interesting witty commenters” as opposed to becoming more of a complainer than even I.
    And speaking of screen names I really like rockinghorsefly. Solid choice. Alice in Wonderland (Through the Looking Glass) is/are spectacular.

  35. Give it up blondebimbo. I’m married.

  36. They all say that at first. Give me time.

  37. Dax already likes buttplay and Seth likes poleplay. (And they probably both like Nickelback.)

    Give ‘em ten years and they’ll be anally raping strippers to death.

    (If Dax likes ‘em wrinkled, he may go for the Bettys of the world. Some adults DO play like that, gram.)

  38. I’m assuming Dax is short for Daxter. Now, why that sort of spelling is not nearly as bad as others…it still bothers me. I keep seeing Dexter.

    @els, the prude police came about and now we have these…people..

    Finally, I’m going to just imagine the grams in these as all Betty White clones. Because she’s that badass of a gram. She’d surely give them a Golden Shower with her girl.

  39. Oh, but we still have you, Keona.

  40. Thanks for the compliment Blondebimbo!
    Wordpervert – Just a heads-up – probably best if you stick to eating your own washed, pooped-out raisins. Other people’s might pose an infection risk.

  41. WTF is Betty talking about? Is Tiffiny Colton’s girlfriend or what?

  42. Fucking bravo lamebook, now we have some twat who is copying other people’s usernames, I thought this had been cleared up with all the Wordgate fiasco.

    This site is dying a slow painful death.

    Love, as always
    P.A.

    P.S I am aware that I am Frodo and that I have a rectangular expanse of water.

  43. I’m too old for you.

  44. I still remember with fondness my half dressed Grandma undulating and gyrating about a Pole in the centre of the room.

    His name was Jan Kopowski.

  45. actually Walter, you were one of the witty ones I’d been missing….good morning to you too.

    I’m not witty…and I’m interesting. Thats why I come here, to live vicariously.

  46. Well…we’ll always have Lamebook then…unless this whole law suit works in Facebook’s favor.

  47. I’m so confused by the whole Colton/Betty/Tamara exchange.
    Dax, they still _look_ like grapes.

  48. Sasha, you’re welcome :)

    and Jon, i might be persuaded to cry during intercourse, if i’m not completely dead inside when we do it. i think i <4 you.

    blondebimbo, sounds like the women of your country are really on the ball with dressing for winter. i'm still learning but give me time and i will rival them with my coats, spandex, and warding death off.

  49. Oh excelent, now if we can just get blonde into the mix then we might really have something here. Because I don’t know if you remember but one of the requirements of malik’s women was that they be real and allow threesomes and even foursomes…christ we may even need a fourth If I am to live up to that man.

  50. I think jonjones is messing with us

  51. Are you referring to my remarks or my name being hijacked?…I am messing with you in neither one.

  52. i’m sure i can round up some friends from the strip club and see which one draws the short straw to be the 4th!

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