Friday, July 30, 2010

Parent Traps

previous post: More Wonderful One-Liners

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84 Comments

  1. Let us Pray

  2. Damn. Cute kid, white trash mama.

  3. See what I did there? I kept my cool, regulated my breathing and didn’t give in to the pangs of ribena induced excitement on realising that I just so happened to be the first person that commented on a website post. I deserve cookies.

  4. I’m seeing Inception today. I don’t have a cock, but I’d better hang on to my crotch just to be safe. I need it.

  5. glitterandtrauma

    I don’t think he meant actually blow his cock off, the way i’m reading it especially with the ‘gay’ comment after, he simply came in his pants at the sight of leonardo di caprio (yes I am aware I’ve spelt his name probably hideously wrong but I really cannot be arsed to look it up as it’s not of that much interest to me).

    Yeah I kinda don’t get the second one. Whats she on about with bubbles? Though he is cute.

  6. What is she referring to her baby farting in the bath tub? I don’t get it.

  7. Leo makes me come in my pants – not because I find him physically attractive, but because I think he’s become a truly great actor. He just keeps getting better and better, that boy.

  8. This child future will soon be destroyed.

  9. CommentsAtLarge

    @word

    Since you don’t have you, I’d be happy to lend you the use of mine. Blowing it off, however, is not one of the approved activities during said loan period.

  10. CommentsAtLarge

    *since you don’t have one

    Gotta stop drinking at lunch…

  11. Comments, that’s very thoughtful, but if I was going to use yours I’d want you attached to it. I want the full Comments experience.

    And drinking at lunch is a good thing.

  12. Inception was good, but not that good… keep it to yourself, wackjob.

  13. Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Geez, if Dakota feels the need to make such a warning on Facebook, maybe she needs new friends.

  14. I always preferred Sega Genesis

  15. MsBuzzkillington

    Chet took things to a whole new level.

    Inception had an interesting idea, but the movie itself was soo slow and boring.

  16. You’re killing my buzz for the movie, Ms.

  17. Enjoy your movie night word!

    Comments, have a drink for me. I’m a little under the weather and can’t indulge.

    I haven’t watched a movie in a long time that has had that effect on my hypothetical cock. I may have to watch this flick. I’m guessing I should wait for a midnight movie so I’ll be alone, just in case any urges arise.

  18. I will, ee. as for movies doing their thing for me down below, I have to say it was Leo’s last one that got me going. Shutter Island, baby. Fuck yes.

    Oh, and that porn one I watched last night.

  19. Oh, I didn’t know I could include those. I retract my statement.

  20. Whoa Dakota, chill out! if that’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you see your kid, you’ve got bigger problems chick.

    Word, you’ll like it, Inception was awesome, but yes, loong. the fact time matters so much in the actual movie makes you you so much more aware of it. let us know what you think :)

  21. CommentsAtLarge

    @word

    Oh no, it would be attached – I couldn’t earn my “I had my world rocked by wordyperv” t-shirt otherwise :)

    @ee

    Feel better my dear, but until then, consider me raising a glass for you this weekend.

  22. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    I have to admit I laughed at the kitchen joke, I didn’t see that one coming.

    It’s finally beer o’clock and we have a holiday on Monday in Canada.
    @Comments, Word said all I had to say to you.

  23. even though its just another kitchen joke it wasn’t bad at all.
    Dakota on the other hand needs to take a valium or something. Down girl, down!

  24. Inception was good, but a bit too long for my taste. Kick-ass visuals, loved the scene of Paris folding up on itself. Leo is good, but the real star is Joseph Gordon Levitt, who is kind of like Shia LeBoeuf but with talent, acting skills, and talent. He would also put a bullet in you and your family if you don’t go see Inception.

    Why no blurring of Chet’s profile pic?

  25. God help Sean’s “mum” indeed.

    Corinthians 6:9

    Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind

    Of course Sean would fit in great in America where we seemingly want to allow anyone to marry anything they want. I wouldn’t be surprised if the liberals in this country start pushing to allow adults to marry children or or their siblings.

    I take solace in knowing that Obama will go down as one of the 2-3 worst Presidents in history (next to FDR and Clinton) and that Sarah Palin and/or Haley Barbour will save this country from the Marxist abyss Obama and his fascist anti-business, anti-gun, anti-rich, anti-family, anti-white cronies have pushed us into.

    I would be surprised if Obama even gets 40% of the vote in 2012. The blacks and young voters won’t come out for him and the independents have realized what a fraud he is. Sure the lib’s hate Sarah, but in REAL America (outside of New England and California) she has extremely high popularity ratings. Some people apparently still value faith, intelligence and competence.

  26. Huh huh, he said 69, Beavis. Huh huh. I’m going to go chastise my fargis repeatedly while watching the newest Katy Perry video – at least I can hang out with Bristol Palin in the VIP room of hell when I get there.

  27. You spelled “I’m a fucking pervert with a big boner for Jesus” wrong, Mr. Fargis.

    This quote was brought to you today by the show True Blood, and the letters F and U.

  28. Thanks Comments. :)

  29. Oh shit Fargis, I have fornicated. Guess I’m going to hell. At least I won’t be alone, plus I heard there’s no sex, drugs or alcohol in heaven. See, it all worked out!

  30. As far as concept and effects go, Inception would be hard to top. Both are mind-blowing (and a bit crotch-blowing as well, yes, Sean). It met my expectations, but unlike Shutter Island, did not exceed them.

    Shutter Island remains my fave film this year with one of the bests twists I’ve ever seen. Nolan is good, but Scorsese…

    prettybubs, you’re right about being aware of time. That was freaky! And Tom Hardy is gorgeous.

  31. “the water coming out look liek bubbles to lol”

    Another trailer park laureate learns how to use the interwebs.

  32. And Chet is full of shit. He probably never even had a wife; either that or he changed his FB language to Dutch or Afrikaans or whatever language “Like” translates to “Vind ik leuk” in, posted that rubbish, screen-printed, submitted, and then deleted.

    Wow, and I thought MY Friday night was lame…

  33. OMG Dakota, what kinda’ Mom says stuff like that?

  34. dan fargis youre fuckin boring noone reads ur shit apart from you and ur mum who then masturbate over them then eat it all up

  35. wannabeemofagsshoulddie

    @anonisgayisgay if he is so boring and only him and his mother read it, then you must be his mother. to be able to deduce he is boring, you must have read it, rendering your point redundant. G’night.

  36. @Dan_fargis…
    You do a pretty impressive job as lamebook’s resident religious troll, especially considering how many people take you seriously.
    But please stop trying to be the right-wing nut job troll as well. Your efforts so far have been transparently obvious.
    If you won’t stop, can you at least practice your republican English – you know, random capitalization, frequent misspellings and extra and/or no punctuation?

  37. comfortablydumb

    I don’t fucking believe it!

  38. I hope Chet’s last name is Ubetcha.

  39. Not meaning to pick at what was a good film, but was the conceptualisation really that outlandish? I mean has anyone ever had a dream anywhere near as coherent as the ones that you saw in Inception?

    Don’t know about you but my dreams tend to consists of swirly mindfuck, barely coherent dialogue, falling, and a rabbit in a suit that goes “diddy doink!”

    Weirder things crash through my dreams than freight trains every half a second. (and that rabbit is a lot more scary than it sounds. Seriously that thing has had a hold on me since I was 5.)

  40. Chet is obviously an inexperienced young fellow who has never been under the influence of true love from a wonderful woman. If he ever had been he wouldn’t trivialize the most wonderful state a man could possibly find himself in.

    Not only do I know where the kitchen is, every once in a while I will go out of my way to fill the sink with water and put some dishes in there to get them soaking. Then Agnes has an easier time with the washing. Take note young chaps!!

  41. Of course Chet doesn’t have a wife, never had and probably never will. He just reads sickipedia.org and is a cunt.

  42. Walter, it’s all about the little things!

  43. Re: the first one- Nothing annoys me more than seeing Sickipedia jokes being used on Facebook. Get your own.

  44. @wannabeemofagsshoulddie actually i didnt read it cus it was too long and boring, so fuuuuuck you youre clearly a 15 year old wannabe who is like omg megadeth rulz1!!!

  45. Nothing annoys me more than seeing a Sickipedia joke.

    Or anonisgayisgay.

  46. Sarah Palin is as intelligent as a domestic turkey with Down syndrome.

  47. @word I agree with you, Inception was amazing. Leo was good, always a great actor, although I felt that with him playing the main character, it seemed to be shadowing Shutter Island, except a bit better for the people who like a slightly less violent movie. Joseph was brilliant!

    On other terms, I seriously laughed on the first one, even though I’m sure it was fake. Unless he lives in a super huge bigger than in other house on the planet mansion. Last one was…

  48. greenstrings, your comment about rabbits in dreams made me think immediately of Donnie Darko. Now that’s one hell of a freaky movie.

    spring1roll, yes, Joseph was great. His scenes in the hotel were some of the best.

    The first post is amusing even if fake. Way to segue into a kitchen joke, Chet!

  49. What the Fargis!

    I can always count on you to brighten my day, keep up the trollin’.

  50. First I was going to just comment. Then, by the time I read half of the comments, I forgot what I was going to say.

    Then I got lost on ee’s link. Thanks for the new website ee!

    Enjoy all the definitions guys….I know I did.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bulgarian%20Slap

  51. Oh…I also forgot to mention something about me and ADD.

  52. Dude, Where’s My Kitchen?

  53. Someone really needs to fix this entry – someone who was actually around for the whole “Ben” thing.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ben

  54. dietpillpyramidscheme

    anonisgayisgay is an enormous tool.

    You have yet to contribute anything even vaguely funny, whilst criticising posters who are.
    Then again, maybe we have different ideas of funny.

  55. @dietpillpyramidscheme

    Don’t feed the trolls.

  56. Failures had me interested in finding out what my name meant and here were just a few of the answers:

    1.A guy/boy that cant get a girl into bed.

    2.hairy, hangy; unusual, disfigured sack that hangs precariously from a male penis. usually accumulate sweat and the smell of human feces.

    3.fucking sexy, used as a sex toy, will fuck a nigga up, fuck’em soon cuz they tend to get penal fractures lots, will knock you the fuck out( That fracture is actually true. )

    4.N. The act of gaining the attention of a large social group to tell a joke/pun/something funny and failing to even gain a pity laugh. (I swear I am not making this up)

    5.literal meaning: Cunt, word originatd in the midlands cerca 1765. Where Mancunian scum and slaves who donned the streets were referred to as such.

    Like I said…that was just a few.

  57. great use of the word ‘segue’, word.

    on that note, anonisgayisgayisgay.

    and so is llcoolj.

  58. Errrm…don’t want to burst his apparent “funny” bubble or anything but Chet completely stole that joke from Sickipedia.
    To anyone thinking that he was ACTUALLY being serious…

  59. man these comments are almost as fucked up as those posts..

  60. defectiveuser, my surch turned up the results ‘Harry Potter’ and ‘crap’.

    Hmm.

  61. search. I’m not an idiot, honestly.

  62. did anyone else notice that fargis is a rearrangement of ‘Sir Fag’?

    i’m not a fan of using that word, but maybe the whole religious bullshit ranting is to try and distract us from this lovely little truth.

    just sayin’.

  63. @word
    Donnie Darko was a fucking awesome movie.
    Also, got my first taste of an Aussie chick this weekend and if all you girls (or at least most) are as good as that, I am so buying a one way plane ticket.

  64. believe me nuff, we are!

  65. alordslums youre such a bumlick “omg wordpervert great use of that word! can you use some more unconventional words so i can suck your ass some more? cus my band is shit and i always make shit jokes about llcoolj!!!” fag

  66. every time you open your mouth to comment, *anonisgayisgay*, i re-calibrate my estimate of your age.

    recently, it’s gone a bit like this:

    21 – 17 – 14 – 11 – 8.

    i’m at 8 at the moment. which kind of makes it a bit wrong that you’re my bitch, doesn’t it? i hope the fbi aren’t bugging this site out. if worst comes to worst, you can help me mix some concrete down in my basement tomorrow.

  67. Paranoid Android

    Can I just Michael Schumacher is an humungous cock. Just sayin’.

    …and anonisgayisgay is gay and smells. Don’t fuck with the Yorkshire mafia son, you’ll find a flat cap in your bed.

  68. Paranoid Android

    ‘…..just SAY Michael etc……’

    I’m such a fucking retart.

  69. I disagree Wordpervert!!!! Shutter Island was the shittest movie I have ever seen!!! Admittedly I watched it two days ago when I was particularly high on painkillers, and am still on pain killers, which is probably affecting my judgement some what, but the only thing that would have made that movie any better was if they just cut to the chase and said “and then he woke up!” because that’s pretty much what they did anyway, but it wouldn’t have left me going “….there’s going to be a sequel right? And he’s going to unveil the conspiracy then, right?” And holy crap I need to lay off the pain killers cause I can’t even remember what the post is about, just something about Inception and wordpervert saying that she liked Shutter Island. Oh, and a lot of “you’re gay” “no YOU’RE gay!” and such which my mind doesn’t care about at the moment. Okay, I’ll go back to my corner now….

  70. alordslums how am i youre bitch? cus i insult u all the time cus youre a massive unfunny faggot that makes me youre bitch. i see, youve never had a girlfriend, thats ok man there will come a point in your life where you stop bein in a shit band and stop bein a pussy and get the courage to not blow your load when a girl brushes past you in public areas. fag

  71. anonisgayisgay, you strike me as the type of person who honestly believes that your sole purpose in life is to piss off as many people as possible before you hang yourself, which I hope you eventually do as a favor to us all. You are a disgrace to society, and as far as internet trolls go, quite possibly one of the dumbest people I’ve ever heard of. Do you even proofread the things you type on here? Are you aware of the inconsistancies of half of things you said in your last comment? You imply that alordslums has never had a girlfriend, but I can assure you, that with an attitude like yours, that you certainly don’t deserve one. At least not one that isn’t related, or dead.

  72. “inconsistancies” – lolz!

    As much as it pains me to see incorrect spelling, I’m not normally one to take the piss out of the lexically challenged, because it is a horrendously pretentious act of intellectual snobbery. HOWEVER, when you’re having a go at someone for being dumb it does help to refer to a dictionary! Pot, kettle, &c. &c.

  73. My apologies. As an avid spelling/grammar/punctuation nazi myself, I feel it is my place to apologize for the ONE spelling error I had in my comment. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me for this horrendous act. How will I ever live it down? Clearly I am now classified as ‘retarded’ because I missed one vowel in a five-syllable word. Sadface.

  74. However, if you’re not only poking at the misspelling of the word, but you feel it was not used in the correct context, perhaps you should read what he said again. The inconsistencies I was referring to were his blatant disregard for what the word ‘fag’ means. He first calls alordslums a fag. Then he comments on him ‘never having a girlfriend.’ Though this doesn’t necessarily mean that he is straight, it is further implied when he points out that alordslums blows his load when a girl walks by him, thus proving his true sexual orientation. He then calls him a fag again. And yes, I am aware that I used apostrophes instead of quotations. That’s how I do things. And yes, I am aware that I began not one, but two sentences with the word ‘and.’

  75. The thing is, you’re clearly a perfectly competent speller, which means that that teeny tiny oversight in a word of five syllables – no less! – was probably a typo. Which begs the question:

    “Do you even proofread the things you type on here?”

    Sorry, I’m being a bitch (it’s not even my time of the month!), but it was too irresistible. Friends…? :)

  76. You most certainly have a point, IF he was using “fag” in the literal sense. However, I think it was more just a general insult, which, whilst we’re on the subject, is one of my absolute pet hates. Worse than a pet hate, actually, way worse. There seems to be a trend among kids nowadays, in Britain anywayz, to use the word “gay” as a derogatory term for EVERYTHING. Whilst they don’t literally mean to say “That [inanimate object] is homosexual”, I find the use of “gay” in that context absolutely abhorrent, as it has ridiculously sky-high negative connotations. Whilst offence may not be expressly intended, the subtext is, quite frankly, homophobic. I’m not gay, and I know I sound as if I’m talking from atop my moral high ground, but I had to vent that because it doesn’t half make my blood boil.

  77. I just used “whilst” three times in one paragraph. We’re all fallible!

  78. You’re right. I usually proofread my things. It was a typo, and I somehow missed it. Friends. :) <3

  79. hahahahaha language lover thanks for ownin that douchebag, what a faggot

  80. FINALLY, anonisgayisgay, you’re aware of my existence!! All that attention you’ve been smothering alordslums with has sent me flying into a jealous rage, so that I had no choice but to say something so provocative that it would absolutely incense you. Your droll and piquant put-downs over the past few weeks have had me frothing at the gash for you. Perhaps if your lord and master is willing to share, we could grab a cup of coffee some time…

  81. pretty sure we shouldn’t get on the wrong side of dakota…

  82. I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t. I’m retiring my vendetta against dan_fargis. I’ve been at this for hours, and I’m only just beginning to see the sheer volume of crap he’s posted on here.
    I still think you’re a total jerk, and even though I’m not going to say anything (because I have too much to do, I don’t have time to shoot down everything you say, despite how easy it is – you’re shameful).
    Goodbye Lamebook. I’m disappointed in you for allowing him to even be on webpages that are related to ones that allow him to enter any kind of text, or the incredible drivel that seems to pass for text with him.

  83. @dan_fargis. Dude. Not cool. I bet you get all your political views from FOX news. That’s a bad thing by the way.

  84. /End thread!

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