Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Overshares from Down There…

previous post: Healthcare! Beware! (part 2)

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52 Comments

  1. TMI TJ

  2. I <3 Matt

  3. 20 minute hard on….nice

  4. ew.

  5. Marry me, Matt!

  6. i laughed so hard my 2 yr old looked at me like i was crazy!

  7. oh p.s. I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M #6!!! yay!! whoo hooo!

  8. If Tim’s surprised that his wife would kiss his nuts, then I shudder to think how vanilla the rest of their relationship is.

  9. JesusOnADinosaur

    I totally agree with Anna.

  10. worst_episode_ever

    omg the first one is seriously one of the best ones ive seen!! its just fantastic, made my day

  11. Based on TJ’s timeline, he’s already late for class. His cunning plan to get some fine young lass to help him contain the mythic beast within his pants has failed.

    Tune in for later status updates where he brags about wearing sweatpants to the strip club.

  12. TJ’s picture. wtf.

  13. I think you mean TJ’s picture ftw.

  14. Is it just me, or does the thought of kissing balls make you want to vomit a bit. Those sweaty, hairy buggers aren’t something I’d like by my mouth.

  15. TJ looks like he’d like to kiss some nuts.

    @ BritishHobette

    I concur. But then I do find the whole hairy bagpipe area that is the male genitalia a bit gross anyway.

  16. TJ’s face looks like he’s in mid-skeet.

  17. @ spicy: totally.

  18. @BHobette, you don’t have to french them. Just a smooch, like you’d give your grandmother’s cheek. Besides, if you’re giving a blowjob, they’re by your mouth anyway…

  19. Good lord. I hope this is really gross and weird, and that NOBODY DOES THAT in reality, or I will have to puke my guts out.

  20. Hannah, which part? The ball gargling, or the rubbing one out to take care of some stiffness?

  21. @Hannah

    It’s a normal day for a lot of folk! ;)

  22. I’m pretty sure TJ’s picture is of him jacking off…

  23. A word for TJ if by any chance he reads this – find a quiet spot somewhere in school and jerk off. The ladies are never interested in case they “get caught” (ridonculous excuse…) and its so much easier to relive it and not be late. Believe me, I know!

  24. @ Hannah- it’s called teabagging.

    i think the lamest thing about tj’s post is that he didn’t just decide to masturbate in the first place. he wouldn’t have been late to class if he had just wanked it from the get-go.

  25. Penguins_steal_my_underwear

    @BHobette: I agree with Anna. Plus they’re not really that bad as long as the guy showers every now and then lol

  26. I’m not going into gory detail, but I actually don’t mind eating nuts.
    One at a time though, as choking is a potential nut eating hazard.
    I once dated a uniball. His larger nut had been removed, leaving essentially what can only be described as a peanut.
    An easy assignment.

  27. i’ve know tj for several years…and i don’t doubt he’s giving him self a daddle in the picture

  28. Danetta – read Soup’s post (#11); that should shed some light on what TJ’s motives most likely were.

    As for the other one, apparently several of you don’t realize how many women actually enjoy providing that sort of ‘help’. The only problem is that it obviously leads to a full-on suckie suckie session, and nutting with an injured testicle can be highly excruciating. Tim probably should have just hobbled to the kitchen and grabbed the ol’ ice pack.

  29. Wordpervert – ahahahaha. Your post made me smile.

    Hannah – how old are you, twelve?

  30. This whole post is a subtle teabagger reference. Thumbs up this time, lamebook

  31. Men obsessing over their wangs. Tell us something new.

  32. @ Hannah – seriously????

  33. All this talk makes me realize I haven’t had a BJ in ages, let alone a ball sucking one, the best kind! FFS Lamebook, way to ruin my buzz.

  34. Matt is brilliant.

  35. @Tim (30) – How are your balls? I realize you’re probably not the guy in the post up top, but I’d still like to know.

  36. lol

  37. TJ seems oh so sexually liberated… or an attention whore.

  38. TJ has a vagina.

  39. @wordpervert (26)

    LMFAO…ditto. I’m glad that one’s over with…it’s just not the same, even if it is easier. :/

  40. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    When I was training to be a chef my two best friends used to get bored in theory class. They used to get a semi and then have a contest to see how long they could hold it like that – no more, no less. I must point out that I’m a girl so couldn’t participate, but was very jealous that they had something like that to pass the time.

  41. haha soo yeah. im tj. i would have jacked off but the stupid teachers are strict as fuck for attendence. plus ive already missed time before and i didnt want to miss even more. i wasnt late tho.
    @soup. nvr been to a strip club. nvr will. and if i do who cares what i wear?
    @Fanny-anne. actually girls obssess over ‘wangs’ more then guys. the whole ‘size does matter’ thing? not true. and no im not saying that cuz i have a small dick(i dont btw -rolls eyes-,the pleasure area of a girls vag is near the opening. so its actually better to have a small dick. =)

  42. @Kreeaytor

    I’ve been to a strip club and it DOES matter what you wear.

    Tip #1: Don’t wear shorts. They keep those places freezing. Plus, you feel horribly awkward with some woman grinding on you and you’re in shorts. I don’t know why, but it’s true (at least for me).

    Tip #2: Don’t wear sweats. You don’t want to look like an unemployed slob, when a naked, talcum powder infused woman is dancing for you. Trust me, the better you look, the more likely they are to “treat you” to some extra attention.

    Tip #3: If a stripper is named “Juicy”, walk away from the dance floor before she locks eyes with you.

    btw, it’s not “better to have a small dick”. It is true that the first 4 inches of a woman’s vagina have most of the nerve endings, but it’s not like an average/bigger penis doesn’t hit that area as well as a 4 incher does.

  43. @mcowles
    tip #3 is PRICELESS.

  44. @dawnstar

    If living through the carnage that resulted that night has enlightened even one dawnstar, then it was not for naught. Although, as soon as I invent a time machine, I’m e-mailing my past self with my list of tips, haha.

  45. brilliance.

  46. @Kreeaytor

    You never did address the timing issue. You reference late being an issue, but never reconcile that with the timing of your posts.

    Strip clubs would care what you wear because a creepy guy that will post about his uncontrollable tumescence on facebook is the same type of guy who will wear sweats or (as mcowles pointed out) shorts, generally with no underwear, so they can be “closer” to the girls. Or boys. I’m not here to judge, only educate.

  47. Why did none of tj’s friends make good jokes? That’s the tragedy here…

    And why, Tim? It’s not even a funny story. ‘Haha I meant the ball on my left and my wife thought I meant the ball on her left so she kissed both and presumably hilarity ensued’

  48. oh, and @mccowles, you forgot the most important rule (that I learnt yesterday) – Don’t chew gum. You will get evicted (according to huge signs posted at the entry).

  49. I’ve never understood why any guy over the age of 12 or 13 is so worried about having a woody in public. It happens. Hell, adolescent boys get hard when the wind blows. Most people aren’t staring at your crotch, and if they notice a bulge, most of them won’t think twice and just don’t care. I’m especially unconvinced that TJ is truly worried about sporting wood in public. Anyone so eager to share his rigidity with his entire Facebook friends list is going to wave his boner like a banner. I’m going with “attention whore.”

  50. @Piranhafem(ale)– Yes it happens; but maybe this will make you understand: To ‘any guy over 12 or 13′, the raging boner is so obvious to himself that it must be obvious to anyone else in the world unless concealed like a ninja through stealthy tactics. The irony is that falling out of your low-cut top also happens, but chances are you would care a hell of a lot more as a chick with your tit flopping about in public than a dude with a hard on in class. At the same time, it’s kinda funny so thanks for being Lame Louise at the dude’s blatantly over shared status updates

  51. Bajingo – that was very nicely explained. I never thought of it like that.

  52. oh come on TJ, Just use the “belt tuck method”.

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