Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Oil Derek

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103 Comments

  1. Stever!

  2. i’m surprise derek could spell his name right. i mean literally every single word was misspelled.

  3. I demand the immediate betrothal of Derek and Chantelle!

  4. Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Carpay deum indeed! Those Spaniards sure have a way with words.

  5. Derek has definitely convinced me that drugs are the right way to go. In fact, I’m off to buy some right now.

  6. suckmebeautiful

    Ah f*ck, where’s JoeAckney’s insight on Derek’s post? I bet he’ll have some mighty fine points to get across here.

  7. “carpay deum. thats spanish for liv ur life”

    I just died inside.

  8. Mario and Dreddy

    Derek’s heart is in the right place, but I don’t know if the international narcotics union wants him to play mouthpiece.

  9. So this is what we’re doing now? If you morons would take a second to get past the horrific spelling and burnt out reasoning you would see derek is a modern day Jacques Derrida. The fact that you clowns can’t get past the surface to see this glowing beacon of enlightenment is the definition of irony.

    None of that was serious.

  10. JoeAckney needs to put his insight on this post!

    I second Miss Shegas’s motion.

  11. Oh lord! Derek, I’m all for legalization of certain things, but I think it would be best if you abstain from taking any more drugs! Clearly the effect has not be a positive one!

  12. I second Libbyt on that…
    Stupid illiterates…

  13. this sounds fake. Hmmm…I don’t know… it’s too much to think that a guy like Derek’s ever heard of “Carpe Diem” or the oil spill. He doesn’t sound stupid, he sounds like a smart guy trying to dumb down for attention

  14. Oh, jdub, you just gave me a geekgasm. Well done, sir or ma’am. Well done.

  15. I sincerely hope that JoeAckney comes to comment in Derek’s defense =)

  16. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    “i no this gettin long n u prolly tired a reading”
    no, Derek, I think you’re tired of livin

  17. for name-checking a philosopher? then surely JoeAcne gave you a triple earlier with his socratic ramblings?

    i know, i know, it was just a joke.

    i agree completely with post 13 – exactly what i was thinking before i was even half-way through. now that’s the kind of deconstruction I’M talkin’ ’bout!

  18. Jonny_Obnoxious

    Actually, he seems like a smart guy with no education. I’m with Mario and Dreddy, he’s got the right ideas, but he’s certainly not the first choice for spokesperson.

    Derek, put the blunt down, take yourself to Community College and learn to better express yourself.

    Trust me, I know.

  19. sorry, my comment was referencing no.14

  20. “u no what they say n i try to liv by it… carpay deum. thats spanish for liv ur life. im out.”

    BEST THING I’VE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

  21. @ Lulz
    That was my favorite part too!

  22. my favorite part: “n we talk for like 3 hours about the oil spill with all the oil that spillt and like how things is made n shit”

    Derek be trippin.

  23. suckmebeautiful

    My personal fave was

    “but like i no so many people that do drug n they cool as fuck”
    One might even say a poetic masterpiece.

  24. He almost had me convinced until the “it not good 4 ur brain” part. Not the most compelling argument I’ve ever read.

  25. waitingfortheday

    I agree with him plus i don’t mind is somwone fkcing wrights like thees and makes the point
    (hehe)

  26. u no what they say n i try to liv by it….kay serah serah…thats Chinese for “Someone put a bullet in this kids head and put us all out of our misery”

  27. Carpay deum?

    Oh Kaptin, my kaptin!!

  28. Oh, good god. Derek, you need to go to college and pay attention! Put the bong down for a few hours. For real. I agree with what he says (to an extent), just not how he says it.

    That’s a paragraph of run-on sentences. The brain cells kick in over drive with the whole “carpay deum is Spanish” finale! The icing on Derke’s munchies cake.

  29. this makes me want to go like by sum pot and have conversashuns with my frends about like how things is made…liv ur life.

  30. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

  31. God I hope he is friends with a teacher or his parents… Please if there is a LameBook God we will see a reply to this lol

  32. come on guys… this is obviously not real.

  33. Can you imagine how many more idiots like this there would be if “drugs” were to become legal? Idiocracy to the fullest extent is what I see happening.

  34. Wow! I hope this was sattire. Otherwise, my Latin teacher from high school may glare in his derekshun!

  35. My theory of “Lamebook post with a dumb person will definitely lead to someone mentioning the movie Idiocracy” is going strong.

    Thank you btchyalien for continuing this predictable trend.

  36. Just think, this guy will probably reproduce one day; scary thought isn’t it?

  37. if he’s actually a middle-class high school comedian with enough time and the creativity and wherewithal to do a funny spoof of a stoner, then i think the gene pool isn’t in danger.

  38. “carpay deum. thats spanish for liv ur life. im out.” I think that I’m in love with Derek.

  39. he should reproduce, he knows how to make people take a joke seriously, obviously.

  40. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been Derek, and this has been my argument against the legalization of drugs. Thank you for listening.

  41. Since when did you not learn how “things is made n shit” in school ?

  42. That is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. I propose we replace “Ben” with “DEREK!” ;-)

  43. Where the hell is slimjayz?

  44. C’mon guys, if he wants to fry his brain on drugs, it’s his deshion anyhow.

  45. carpay deum. i love it.

  46. Haha much as I would love to believe this is real, I think it’s fake: “we talk for like 3 hours about the oil spill and all the oil that spilt”. Then again, as everyone has pointed out, ’tis a beautiful thing.
    Carpay deum. A classic.

  47. That dude is totally wrong about the carpay deum, it means your Escalade payment is due in spanish.

  48. tl;dr

  49. People who are high just think they are having really great amazing conversations, but they aren’t. I used to have a roommate who would get high and he would spend hours talking to me about the dumbest stuff.

    “You know the water is like home for the fish and stuff and like oil must be bad man.”

    “Yeah we need to save the marine life or something.”

    “Good point, we could have never learned that in school. Glad we have this pot.”

  50. Why comment and say that you didn’t read it? If it’s too long for you to want to read, then there’s no reason to comment strictly to let others know that.

    That’s like posting in the phoDohs section “I didn’t look at any of these pictures.”

  51. mcowles, I only mentioned Idiocracy because this post made me think of it, most however don’t. If it will further your “theory” I can post “Idiocracy, here we come!” on each posting of some poor dumb fool.

  52. I love getting stoned and talking about frogs and sticks and shit, ya hear? That’s where it’s at these days. Carpay deum.

  53. @btchyalien

    Nah, it’s ok, someone else probably will.

    Maybe I’m just cranky today, I apologize, if so. At least the comment section is flooded with “Derek should be sterilized!” and “Parents should have to get a license, you need one to drive a car!” and “Derek should be decapitated to spare the gene pool of his spawn later on!”.

    And I do agree that this was probably a joke by him.

  54. isn’t*

  55. @mcowles
    Yeah, I don’t doubt that someone else will mention it.
    Naw, You’re alright, didn’t think you were cranky at all, you were simply stating your opinion same as I was doing. Now those are the thoughts I have on the majority of the wonderful postings on Lamebook, or similar thoughts anyway.

  56. @btchyalien

    I like to think the opposite way. Instead of stupid people being forced to stop procreating, I envision a world in which the government ranks the attractiveness and intellect of its citizens and then forces the top 1% of the popular to have at least 10 children each.

    The numbers can be tweaks so as not to dilute the gene pool, but to slowly start increase the nation’s average IQ.

  57. ack, kid is dumb, his cause isn’t, won’t argue about it, the internet is just a trap

  58. dcrearview! I had a dream last night that I was driving around in my town and saw a street sign that said “DC Rearview Rd.” and I thought “Man! dcrearview must be from the same town as me!”

    I’m having dreams about lamebook posters…..that is really lame.

  59. Derek has to be taking the piss. Nobody that illiterate could write something that long could they?. He has to be taking the piss. Doesn’t he? He is. Right?

  60. krasivaya_devushka

    I just can’t get myself to read that endless sentence.

  61. @mcowles
    Well crap, that puts me towards the lower end of that ranking since I highly doubt the government would put a tiny 4’10″, less than 100 lb housewife anywhere near the top. :P

    Increasing the nations average IQ would be a good idea.

  62. “Maybe if I tried really fking hard, i could roll in meadows smoking a pot for like 30 or 40 minutes.”

  63. Well I’m sorry, but no matter how smart you might be, if you keep saying “like” every two seconds, that just makes you sound really stupid.

  64. Brilliant!

  65. Derek should be a salesman… because that pitch just totally worked. All this time I thought that drugs turned your brain to mush… what was I thinking? Who knew that this was the key to intelligence? Shame on us for thinking Derek shouldn’t make his own decishon, << if I'm not mistaking I do believe that meant decision. I think Derek is just too smart for his own good in that he has absolutely no need for spell check.

  66. CommentsAtLarge

    I sincerely hope this is a joke, you know, for society’s sake. With friend’s like this, the movement to legalize pot doesn’t need enemies.

    @jukaswo
    Just replacing Ben with Derek wouldn’t fully reflect his stupidity, I think we should go with “DEREK SAYZ FURST” or something of that nature.

  67. Dawn of the Dan

    Deshions, deshions…

  68. ya’ll niggas is posting in a troll thread!

  69. So many gems. Although I was quite fond of making you own deshions. I just can’t even fathom how one could even think this was remotely close to the correct spelling.
    But whatever. Say lar-vee! That’s Russian for “It’s all cool man.”
    I’m out.

  70. Jonny_Obnoxious

    As a drug user myself, I take great offence to all of you that assume Derek’s lack of education = stupidity.

    The boy needs to take education and communication seriously if he wants people to agree with him.

    Damn Nerds in high school all became internet “jocks,” and now they bully based on grammatical structure, rather than content of idea. Foolishness.

  71. hmm…Okay Jonny. I’ll live my life and you live yours…let me know how those lungs and braincells of yours are doing in about 30 years.

    Pah. Foolishness. Did you even read the thing? We have many grounds to accuse him of stupidity.

    Nonetheless, I sure hope it is fake…

  72. Do you know what’s funny and depressing at the same time?…

    Those garbled illiterate, illegible ramblings, intended to be so or not, make more sense and incorporate convincing logic than any counter argument I have heard, or found.

    Assuming that this is honestly someone attempting to express themselves then the fact that ‘Derek’ has been able to realize his human rights where so many others have not, indicates to me that he is in fact at least fairly intelligent. As for education… well dealing drugs in school probably wasn’t the most thought out idea he’s ever conceived.

  73. As long as alcohol is legal, I don’t see why marijuana can’t be. That’s all I’m going to say.

  74. all drugs should be legal, think of all the money this country would save if they were, think of how much it would help the economy, i’m just saying….cuz a crackhead is going to smoke crack no matter what, people who smoke pot are going to find a way to do it no matter what, it’s not like if they made all drugs legal there would be a dramatic change in users and non-users. but, that’s just me..and i’m high.

  75. Jonny_Obnoxious

    LOL! Well said Wonderbread, I have no fault in your logic. I actually plan to quit smoking everything this year on my birthday. Running makes it feel like I’m breathing through cotton. I’m gonna start eating it instead. And, FYI most of the braincells lost from smoking cannabis are from the smoking, depriving you brain of oxygen and poisoning your body with carbon monoxide created in the burning process. There is no hard evidence to support that the drug delta-9-THC actually has any permanent adverse effects on the human body. It’s the standard method of smoking that causes many of the health problems associated with cannabis. However, contrary to some propaganda I saw somewhere, cannabis has NEVER caused cancer in any way.

    I’m with you, Crazy H. But who knows, it’s a good possibility that a good number of groups may put out things like this to make such views look ignorant or ‘stupid’. He just needs to pay better attention in English.

    I love the counter-narcotics arguments as well. “Drugs are Bad.”
    And then launch to “everyone is stupid but us, so we have to tell everyone what to do!”

    I think we should just divide the country in half: Those who believe themselves as rational, thinking people who wish to make their own decisions, on the left. Those who need someone or something to tell them how to live, on the right. Notice I did not use a reference point. Because I don’t care. Pick states. Pick counties. Pick cities. I don’t care, just stop telling me how to lead my life.

  76. Jonny_Obnoxious

    Ohbabybaby… Hell to the yes. Portugal proves it.

    http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1893946,00.html

    People are going to do what they want to do. Don’t waste money trying to stop them. Don’t waste the time. There’s people out there asking for help, stop locking up the people who aren’t bothering anyone.

    If a drug addict robs someone, put them in jail for robbery. If they kill someone, they stay longer. Make jails produce something, make any able prisoners work and repay what they stole, or provide for reparations to relatives of victims. But stop locking people up for buying, selling, possessing, or using a product that some groups say “needs to be controlled.”

    And stop telling people what to do with their bodies.

    Separation of Church and State! SEPARATION!

  77. mymomruinedfacebook

    Derek is awesome!!!!!!!!!! “I know a lot of people who do drugs and they cool as fuck”
    You know he was stoned out of his mind when he wrote that

  78. Dancinganimal256

    @ Jonny_: I understand what you were saying up to the point of the “Separation of Church and State”. Are you referring to the nation in which you reside or the world in general.

  79. @Nuff , 52
    yeah, me too. And why not rolling around in a field for 30-40 minutes while your at it? That would be awesome!

  80. * you’re
    sorry, don’t kill me

  81. While I agree that it makes sense to legalize drugs, people like that make me second guess myself…Spanish, really?

  82. I’m pretty confident derek was a dumbass before he ever touched drugs. I hate when people like that talk about legalizing drugs. Just like I’m sure republicans hate it when tea partiers talk about anything.

  83. Pretty sure this is not an argument for legalizing drugs for keeping abortion legal, available and sometimes encouraged.

  84. He could barely speak English, what’s he doing trying to speak “spanish” (latin)? And sadly I must say I disagree with everyone who said he’s got a good point. I’m pretty certain it’s illegal because when you smoke it’s not just YOU that you’re affecting. Plus there’s more risk involved with drugs etc. Personally I don’t care that it’s illegal, you can all still get it anyway, right? Makes it that much more fun because you’re not supposed to be doing it. Oh dear, I entered the debate. Don’t kill me.

  85. Wow, now I want to do drugs so I can be cool as fuck. That’s some real shit.

  86. Oh, and in case nobody has mentioned it yet, carpe diem (not carpay deum) means seize the day (not live your life). I see Fred has already mentioned that it’s Latin (not Spanish).

  87. “we talk for 3 hours about the oil spill with all the oil that spillt”

    That’s generally what happens in an oil spill, Derek.

    Quite possibly the stupidest outpouring of “thogts” I’ve ever read. Oh well, c’est la vie. That’s Russian for ‘Derek makes me want to kill myself’.

  88. @fuckbook – your translation is correct but the phrase is actually spelled “say lavee”. nice try, though.

  89. Paranoid Android

    Idiocracy, here we come!

    Obviously.

  90. @seledoux

    Huh, I always thought it was Sailor V…

  91. That last looks like a smart person making fun of idiots. I know a time or two I’ve posted “mAn I rEaLlY l0v3 iT WhEn p33pS TaLk lIkE tHiS”, and had people not get the sarcasm at all. It would help if we saw this person’s whole profile, to see if they talk like this all the time.

  92. krasivaya_devushka

    Well I’m sorry, but no matter how smart you might be, if you keep saying “like” every two seconds, that just makes you sound really stupid.

  93. Ummm where do I start? The fact that this idiot makes himself look like an idiot because he is defending drugs and can’t spell worth a damn, nor does he speak English. Drugs have been go cookoo cachoo!! Derek, you might want to put down the drugs and pay attention more in school!!! Oh and by the way, it’s CARPE DIEM and it’s NOT Spanish you loon, it’s Latin and stands for SEIZE THE DAY! Talk about that on your next high!

  94. Ummm where do I start? The fact that this idiot makes himself look like an idiot because he is defending drugs and can’t spell worth a damn, nor does he speak English. Drugs have made him go cookoo cachoo!! Derek, you might want to put down the drugs and pay attention more in school!!! Oh and by the way, it’s CARPE DIEM and it’s NOT Spanish you loon, it’s Latin and stands for SEIZE THE DAY! Talk about that on your next high!

  95. My thoughts on why drugs should not be illegal.

    So I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time, and it is my believe that the use of drugs should not be something that is punishable by law. My reasoning behind this is that we are all adults with a capacity to make our own decisions as to what is or is not good for us, and to what degree. As most of you know, I was arrested for selling cannabis at school, which I think is ridiculous. If there is a demand for substances such as alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, LSD, etc, we should be able to procure them for personal use. The common wisdom is that if you are a drug user, you are inherently ‘bad’.

    I, however, personally know many people who are upstanding citizens as well as people who self-medicate habitually or use controlled substances for recreational purposes from time to time. Another bit of what is apparently common wisdom we’re all familiar with is that the use of drugs will automatically made you slower, dimmer, duller, or less intelligent; this, of course, is forgetting entirely the multiple breakthroughs thought of or discussed while under the influence of various chemicals. Just over a half decade ago, my boy Francis Crick, the Nobel Prize recipient, discovered the double helix structure of DNA while experiencing the wonders of LSD. They now teach you about that in school.

    Also, music! People don’t even think about how much musical expression would simply not exist if it weren’t for the various chemicals which created inspiring head-spaces for so many artists. So, the next time your favorite song comes on, ask yourself, “Just how high were these guys when they wrote this, and would it be here if they had opted for orange juice instead?” I know this is getting long, and you are probably tired of reading it, so I’ll leave you with this parting thought: The responsible, and even irresponsible use and abuse of drugs, have lead to many good things. There is a saying that I live by.

    Carpe diem, which I think is Portuguese for “Day Fish”. I’m out.

    -Malaclypse

  96. “carpay deum. thats spanish for liv ur life.” Best. Sentence. Ever.

    I think that it’s actually an intelligent guy writing, but he’s high with some friends and they decided to do this as a joke. While high. Together.

    Just a theory.

  97. i dont comment on these things alot but holy shit this is the dumbest thing IVE EVER READ! CARPAY DEUM ALL YOU HISPANICS OUT THERE! HAHAHAHAHA

  98. to the ones that actually think that this kid has a valid point… The way that I see it is this, If you want to smoke whatever you want, then have at it. Weed is the least of my concerns. I don’t do it, but I am not necessarily against legalizing it. The effects from marijuana are nothing compared to the effects of the harsher drugs out there. Sadly 98% of the addicts that I know of don’t work… Who do you think is supporting them? Yes, myself and any other person that works for a living. In fact, when the pills attack their liver and the hepatitis sets in, as well as the strokes that can occur from crack use and cocaine use, WE working people will also support their medical care. Who will pay for their drug addicted babies? Who is feeding them so that they can buy their next fix? WE WILL.. we will pay for their treatment, their transplants, their methadone etc.. That being said, the kid is a complete moron. He had no point. He is just plain stupid.

  99. @denise- people that pay for drugs for addicts are called enablers. I myself am a rcovering addict, and yes, i didn’t work but my family most definitely did NOT pay for my addiction, or my treatment. Some people get sick on drugs, with their addictions, before they even realize it. And i am sure over half don’t even have family to ask for money for drugs. I have yet to support a drug addict in anyway since my own recovery and think that everyone has a choice in doing something so stupid. My family made the right choice by leaving me out in the cold. i was lucky for that. but most people don’t have that. they ether have no family to not care about them, or they have idiot family like you, who enables them. weed should be legalized, and i’m glad you are mature enough to admit what most non-smoking americans cannot, that it just isnt bad

  100. Chinchillazilla

    I feel that selling drugs at school was only the first in a long line of bad deshions in Derek’s life.

  101. Either Derek is high and is living proof of the dangers of drugs, or he’s arguing against the legalization of drugs.

    I prefer, just to keep my sanity, that it is the latter.

  102. lmao you need to learn to spell and translate its spellt carpe diem its not in spanish its in latin and it doesnt mean livelife it means ceize the day

  103. @donkeypunch87
    Since you had to correct someones spelling I feel obliged to correct yours.
    The spelling you want is “seize”.

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