Monday, March 8, 2010

Oh Oscar!

previous post: Insert Tiger Woods Joke Here…

RELATED POSTS:


35 Comments

  1. fuck the oscars… what a waste of time

  2. All I know and care for is that oscar for Jeff THE DUDE Bridges ,really tied the room together man…

  3. Aw yay, more Lamebook posts about stuff I was unable to watch.

    Oh, and Emily… who the fuck uses ChatRoulette? After the first time a 40 year old man shows you his cock, I assume you’re meant to give up.

  4. Bill is a failure for screwing up a joke that would have been unfunny and overplayed even if he had gotten it right.

  5. Love that he attributes the quote to Kanye as if that’s just what he said.

  6. Bill is a failure at life.

  7. http://www.ihatesammi.com/index.php?id=d4117107575d4990d0089e0d30f9fd55

  8. Chatroulette is the single most efficient and feature-rich middle-aged-cock delivery system yet invented. For years, middle aged men have struggled with how best to expose their erect penises to unsuspecting females.

    In the days before the Internet, middle aged men used to just walk the streets naked under a big overcoat and flash women. This worked, but the perpetrators were limited to people in the local area (who might know them) and vulnerable to arrest.

    When the Internet was first invented, middle aged men experimented with ASCII-art penises. Unfortunately, these lacked the personal connection of showing off their own penises. Besides, 99% of the people on the ‘net at that stage were also men, so the chances of an actual female seeing your artful rendition was limited.

    Once we got modems fast enough to transmit pictures, middle aged men were able to send photographs of their penises to unsuspecting females. However, they were limited to women whose email addresses they knew and to Usenet, where they had to compete with thousands of other people’s cocks. Luckily, a penis-picture delivery service known as “craigslist” was soon created, and personal penis-picture delivery became much easier. However, the lack of movement in these pictures (other than crude animated gifs) made showing the act of masturbation difficult.

    Later, video chat was invented. With this, men could expose themselves to women and even masturbate. Unfortunately, they first had to convince a woman to open a video chat with them. This often meant tedious text-based chatting in order to gain the woman’s trust. This was time-consuming and boring, and it was often difficult to maintain an erection for that long.

    Now, we have chatroulette, where a middle-aged man can masturbate almost continuously in front of an ever-changing smorgasbord of horrified women, many of them attractive news journalists. It truly is a golden age of middle-aged penis exposure!

  9. totally. it’s wang 2.0

  10. @sosr

    haha for the “wang 2.0″!

  11. @sosr

    Yeah, my friends call it “Wank pro 2.0″.

  12. Nice, Sensible!

  13. Bill is probably one of those people that always tries to make jokes, but just fails so hard every time. Like how do you mess THAT joke up?

  14. Richard enjoys Dane Cook’s “comedy”? Why on earth would he be on this site?

  15. Interestingly enough, the comments system on this site accepts html. There should be an end sarcasm tag finishing up my last post.

  16. Sensible,

    You aren’t Australian are you lol?

  17. ahahahahaha, I love asking outrageous questions on people’s formsprings. oh and WHY DO YOU KEEP CENSORING FUCK

  18. Geoff, sorry but they got it so right this year.
    The Hurt Locker is fucking awesome.
    I love that James Cameron’s ex wife got the Oscar over him, go girl power!!!

  19. While Avatar shouldn’t have won, neither did The Hurt Locker.

  20. should*

  21. Ok i may sound doff here but I haven’t heard of ChatRoulette til now, I read Sensible Madness’s description, and from that I gather that ChatRoulette is an anonymous chat site that is text and webcam based… But I am confused when SM says “in front of an ever-changing smorgasbord of horrified women, many of them attractive news journalists”, how does this work? and the status “plays Precious on chatroulette” sounds like a movie or series?? sorry if I am not quite on track with this one but I have never heard of this before…

  22. lostintranslation

    @Rockerchick88: from what I gather from The Daily Show (they did a piece on ChatRoulette last week), when you log on to ChatRoulette, you’re instantly connected via webcam to some random person. When you get bored of that person, you can click a button and get a new random person–hence the “ever-changing smorgasbord of horrified women”.

    Also, I think (though I could just be making stuff up here) Precious is a character on some teen TV show? So in that status, Emily was saying that she thought she saw the actress who plays the character Precious while she was scouting around on ChatRoulette, presumably looking for middle-aged cock…

  23. hahaha awesome, thanks for clearing that up :) makes a lot more sense now. apparently we don’t get that tv programme here. or perhaps we do and I just haven’t seen it. haha getting to know your stars “intimately”… lovely… :P

  24. lostintranslation + Rockerchick- are you joking? It says in the title that all the posts are related to Oscars. “Precious” is an oscar nominated film. Unless you were being facetious…

  25. Lol unfortunately I’m not being facetious… Ok! Doff moment, apologies! I didn’t take a look at the title of the section, but no I don’t know the film, I’ve never seen it.

    I’m in SA. The local channels play OLD stuff and I don’t have DSTV so I didn’t see the Oscars (actually to be honest even if I did have DSTV I don’t think I’d watch the Oscars :P Not a fan of awards ceremonies that last bloody ages: it reminds me too much of school days!) hehe ;) But i just wiki’d the film and looks interesting (hardcore, but much along the lines of what happens on a day to day basis here), i’ll make a plan to watch it :)

    nope sorry it was a dumb moment on my part that i didn’t see the title there but no I haven’t seen it. At least I now know what Precious and Chatroulette are. So i’ve learned something today, thx :)

  26. rockerchick are you just visiting SA or are u from there? I’m from there originally ☺
    I’m sure cinema nouveau (‘scuse bad spelling) will be screening the Oscar movies, of course they won’t be on T.V. yet.

  27. lol

  28. lol Rockerchick and Tante that makes three of us… the word “Doff” just screams SA

    however, I too have never heard of ChatRoulette and I have no idea what a formspring is either.

  29. I saw the same girl on chatroulette too! She looked exactly like her… Trip out!

  30. Lol wtf I thought I was the only South African here.

    ChatRoulette sounds cool but I see the potential for vileness.

    Also I’m glad Cameron didn’t get that Oscar, Avatar was visually awesome but way too predictable.

  31. Richard makes me sick.

  32. Dane Cook is funny, once.

  33. @Tante: I’ve lived in SA all my life :) Unfortunately in the town I’m in at the moment there is no longer a Cinema Nouveau or Ster Kinekor anymore… They both closed down in the past few months so we’ve gone from having 3 movie theatres to one in less than 3 months… The only one left is a CineCentre and I don’t think they’re showing Oscar’s either :P In fact there’s a lot we miss out on with that theatre (and please note: yes this is not US spelling, it’s British spelling and it’s the spelling we use here too :) )… the 3d theatres- IMAX etc are about an hour’s drive from here. This town is getting worse… urgh. it’s like a retirement village :P )

    @dood: Haha so true I didn’t even think of that… “doff”, it’s very africanised but so widely used here :) hehe am glad to head I’m not the only “doff” one ;)

    @vj: cool, seems there are a lot of us floating around here :)

  34. “Haha! I’m in college so I listen to Dane Cook!”
    “He’s on the internet so I’m a fan!”

  35. rockerchick and vj- lets represent guys :o ), rockerchick I use the same spelling you do, I do dumb down occasionally- when I hand in essays ;o)

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.