Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Oh Jeez

previous post: PROfiles

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56 Comments

  1. Linda got it part right. She is a tool.

  2. amen to brad’s gospel!

    quality over quantity.

  3. CommentsAtLarge

    Friends are speed bumps? If someone is slowing you down on the road to success, I don’t think you are talking about a friend.

  4. Rick, speak for yourself. I’m “wholly” fulfilled by all those activities.

  5. Or “holey”.

  6. Enjoying lamebook today. Good posts. They’ve heard the recent cries of dissatisfaction, and have responded well. For today, at least.

  7. Unfortunately, too many drivers named Jesus do consider faith their insurance. THAT ISN’T GOING TO PAY FOR MY BUSTED FENDER!

  8. badasscooldude

    Dawnya and her flawless logic! Jesus will curb-stomp you, drive over the speed bumps without slowing down, shit on your insurance papers and flush them in the toilet, drive on red lights, throw the caution lights off-road, pierce your spares and fuck up your engine.

    Jesus Christ will fuck you up cause he’s a bad motherfucker!

  9. May God have mercy on your soul, badass.

  10. Actually, that was good.

  11. Come on, Rick. Tell me you did that on purpose. Join us all at the big boys and girls table and let’s get serious.

  12. When it comes to car insurance, it pays to comparison shop religions. Call KarmaMax today for a free quote!

  13. I was going to say the same thing, Soup.

  14. pineapplesalad

    Jesus H. Christ, Stefany does not know how to make comparisons at all. It’s like she’s playing a game of analogy madlibs.

    Also, I certainly hope she’s Croatian or something, otherwise there’s no excuse for spelling her name in such a way. I have a feeling it’s not an ethnic difference but just a parent trying to be “creative” with spelling to make her daughter’s name super special.

  15. I think if Rick is going to pimp out Jesus and his “hole-filling” skills, he needs to at least give us his beeper number and a general idea of how much he charges so I know how many liquor stores I have to knock over on the way to our “meeting”.

  16. My hope for an eternal life upstairs is growing… he’s saved a wrench like Linda.

    So after all this time thinking I shall burn in hell with “Dr 90210″ on loop tape, he’ll maybe save a wench like me.

  17. I feel awkward, Word, I bought you the first season of Dr. 90210 on DVD for your birthday, but after reading today’s comments, I feel as though I need to re-think it.

  18. Damnit, Soup, you beat me to the tool comment right out of the gate.

    Anyone noticed how psuedo-uber-religion is the new narcissism on FB? Now that it’s trickled down from the mount, and to the masses, that is.

    “Look at me! Look how freaking blessed by gawwwwd I am! My gawd is an awesome gawd, so I too, must be awesome indeed!!!!111!!!”

  19. Toadette is the winner

    haha. wrench.

  20. I guess a wretch like me is safe from being saved since they save wrenches.

  21. Wench, get me my drink!

  22. lol… Some people still believe in fairytales…

  23. If she’s a wrench would it be too much to ask to make me a screwdriver?

  24. Jesus wants to fill my hole? Dirty bugger. No wonder Catholic priests are reluctant to accept their part in abuse scandals, as they obviously think the Assistant Manager is leading by example.

    As for Stefany, if Jesus is driving why am I the one needing insurance? Surely it should be him. Especially if he’s driving and trying to fill my hole at the same time.

  25. Too bad Jesus didn’t teach the wrench a better vocabulary. I guess that would be just too much to ask.

  26. mcowles: if you are on here could you post that link to the rick roll window that you did a while back? at least i think that was you….might’ve been slim. or anyone that has something that can demonstrate the power of the rickroll. thank you.

  27. So friends slow me down, enemies stop me for thirty or so seconds, jobs stop me completely, if I hit the curb I… wait, I fail?

    Oh, wait, Jesus is driving? So everything’s his fault? But if I crash and I don’t have insurance, I get the blame? Fuck that.

  28. *he crashes. Way to ruin a joke, me.

  29. The “wrench like me” reminded me of the O-mazing Grace video on Youtube, Break, ebaumsworld and others:

    http://www.break.com/index/worst-singer-ever-omazing-grace.html

  30. MonkeyCMonkeyDo

    @lex that.was.slim. still upset over it :(

  31. Lol, I’m sorry monkey, but that still cracks me up. The first thing that always pops into my head is ‘Monkey see link, Monkey push link.’ and I laugh. It’s nice to be easily amused.

  32. Took me a while to figure out that she’d written ‘wrench’ and not ‘wretch’. My bad.

    But lol @ Soup.

  33. BritishHobo is my favorite person.

  34. I, too, enjoyed today’s posts. :D

  35. @Adel Khoury: What? That guy’s a douchebag.

  36. Rick nothing filled my hole except for drinking drugs and sex.

  37. prolefeedprocessor

    Saved a wrench like me! I’m gonna sing that every time I hear Amazing Grace now.

  38. Wrench. Effing beautiful. (And, although roads DO have curbs, do you think that’s supposed to be “curves?” That’s the word more commonly used when people want to illustrate difficulties in their road metaphors.)

  39. So according to this, you can avoid failure by driving correctly. Better euphemism would have been Stop signs = failure, dumbass. Secondly, why is FUCKIN’ JESUS driving MY car over my friends and potentially THROUGH members of my family? I don’t think I like the spare/insurance comparisons but I am getting tired of picking apart this shitty analogy.

  40. No Brad, holes, not hole, will be filled.

  41. Bulldoggy, return it buddy, as no doubt Satan will have the complete box set there for me.

    Yes, the thought of forever watching Dr Rey, with his scrubs modified to accentuate his biceps, is my idea of hell.

  42. @MonkeyCMonkeyDo….you don’t happen to remember what post that was do you? i want to demonstrate what a rickroll is.

    @slim…if you see this please post that link. please. please please please.

  43. rockinghorsefly

    How could Jesus be my driver when he is out slaying demons with Stephen?

  44. it wasnt http://www.1227.com was it?

  45. @lexluther: here’s the link to the Rickroll Lamebook entry, slim’s link should be somewhere in the comments:
    http://www.lamebook.com/a-couple-of-smarties
    :)

  46. @ Miss Shegas: I agree.

  47. Not another fucking Jesus freak. Stop being so brainwashed by all that religious shit. It’s all made up.

  48. @ Cobaltcat…Living in the Bible belt, I naturally have about 25% of my FB feed filled with religious references and Bible verses from friends and family. Being that I am not religious at all, and (although I do believe in God, aka a higher power) I often get annoyed at these constant religious messages taking up my feed, which is meant to be for a status update not a religion billboard. But everyone is entitled to their faith, and for that I will not mock or criticize something they strongly believe in…

  49. @southerngirl – it’s hard not to dislike Bible-thumpers when they practically force feed verses down your throat when you never asked for them. That, and they consistently pick and choose verses that are geared to suit their agenda. If you truly want to follow the Bible, stop candy coating that shit. Why not practice the verses that suggest we stone women that cheat on husbands or strip children naked and make them walk the streets in shame when they misbehave? It’s hard to please everyone, but voicing a dislike of a religion after they badger you with it first is never going to go away…especially on the internet.

  50. paisley i sincerely thank you.

  51. @sabretooth47 — like I said, I’m not religious and it gets annoying even to me to have to sift through all that to get to the real news (which is what status updates are for). But there is WAY more stuff on FB to be offended over than Bible verses…lamebook is proof of that with all these little girls talking about f**king their man, complaining about getting herpes, etc., lol :) . But I hardly feel badgered if someone simply posts a religious quote on there…if it offends me then I can simply block them from my feed updates and move on.

  52. @ lexluther: My pleasure. I had the post in my bookmarks – because I’m just that cool – and it gave me an excuse to sign up to Lamebook after reading it for several months in order to share my wisdom :P That post was epic. This one, not so much.

  53. It sounds to me like Rick can’t wait for Jesus to bend him over and fill his whole with his divine spirit.

    Wholey Communion?

  54. Hmm if I remember correctly in the Exorcist the girl did fill her hole with Jesus. Rick you must be right :)

    Linda the wrench you are God’s instrument Amen

    Hot damn, Jesus as my chauffeur, that is success, step on it beardy, lets go and make the Pope jealous, Popemobile loser :)

  55. NuquamNunchucks

    God. These people are brainless. “God saved a wrench like me!!” (in all caps) “There anit no high like the most high!”

    Can we please get someone to deprogram them and set them loose in the real world? Or at least arrest whoever home-schooled them?

  56. The only thing these people make me pray for is nuclear war.

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