Monday, March 22, 2010

Not the Sharpest Tools

previous post: Hey Ma



  1. “facey b”? Oh hell no.

  2. I have to say, sub conches didn’t half tickle me!

  3. Daniel FTW

  4. lols ima christian

  5. That second one makes me wish stupid people were sterilized at birth. How anyone who’s close to being of age to be married and be that dumb should not reproduce.

  6. DivineMonkeyTrigger

    I also like collage, not to detract from the other crafts. Mike is awesome.

  7. I wouldn’t want to go and “fuck off” #2, she’s a killer. That’s how she had part of her lip bitten off.

  8. but the first girl is not really married like her status says, because in her jumbled speech she later writes that she is “sorta” engaged…and that’s about as far as i could read without going dumb =)

  9. meant the second girl…

  10. Also, “*checks.”

    Steve actually seems like a pretty cool dad.

  11. I’m pretty sure in the second one, the mentioning of “put back home” and “gets out” is referring to her wonderful man being in jail.

    btw, Henral the Genral is an amazing name for a cat.

    I would hate them both… but… come on, Henral the Genral!!!!

  12. Reading through that garbled mess of an “about me” section gave me a headache. Also, not that the word hesitations, is a complex word, I am just amazed home-girl spelled it correctly.

  13. Lol mcowles, but how would you fit it all on the bowl?? And imagine standing on the front porch shouting that when you can’t find your cat!?

  14. DivineMonkeyTrigger

    True story, only a derelict intellect could come up with something so delightfully retarded as “Henral”.

    Notice how she starts with a disclaimer stating there’s not much to say, in the middle there’s still not much more to say, but after she says a bunch more she finishes up by saying she is going to change it all soon anyway. Watch this space…

  15. Shouting Henral the Genral would be the best part!

    Food bowl gets Henral, water dish gets Genral, and the “the” is implied.

    All is solved and we are the better for it.

    btw, I’d rather yell HENRAL, than PUSSYCAT or KITTYBOOTS or WHISKERSMITTENS! Hmmm, Henral the Pussy Genral (general of pussy cats).

  16. “and part of my lip got bitten off but yah can bearly tell”

    Grammar aside, what. The. Fuck.

  17. What a bunch of Sub conches Facey B’ers.

  18. Henral the Pussy General!?!?!?!? No one is going to be thinking cats then :P

  19. I fear for humanity as a whole.

  20. definitely adopting Facey B

  21. BringYourOwnSun

    I feel sorry that ol’ Henral has to live with that.

    Mike ftw though

  22. please don’t adopt “facey b” …are we a bunch of 5 year olds? and Henral the Genral does kick a lot of ass…Henral FTW!!

  23. @chinchillazilla No way, Steve is a weiner. He starts off his comment sounding pretty cool, but then he busts out the ole I condsider arresting kids using fake IDs for fraud? He needs to get the stick out of his ass is what he needs to do.

  24. tl;dr

  25. i bet that second girl looks something like mike tyson with boobs.

  26. i don’t see why Henral the Genral is more mature than facey b…

  27. I'm Canadian Also

    when did “yhu” become an acceptable substitute for “you”? Pretty soon all of the internets will be displayed idiomatic, semi-phonetic, representations of once-real words, and will be the subject of morphology or linguistics classes in universities years from now so that future generations will be able to decipher our facebook statuses and twitter updates.

  28. LOL Mike.

    And WTF was that dumb bitch trying to say in number 2? Half the time I had to go back and read it again just to attempt to understand her.

  29. Why is the first one on here? Feb 9th was a Tuesday.

  30. Lol, disregard that, today is not my day…

  31. Henral the Genral must be a LOLcat, and taught chica #2 how to spell.

  32. i couldn’t even read the second one. i think i killed some brain cells just trying to get through the first few “sentences”. wtf

  33. how is Henral the Genral immature? …besides “facey b” is not merely immature…it’s fucking gay

  34. Apparently anything that rhymes is immature.

  35. most of yhus shuld know dat #2 ain’t past no english clazs.

  36. also, “political views: wtf is that” = exactly the type of people that voted for obama.

    you can hate me now.

  37. x-x-vallium-x-x

    at least 32 spelled Maybe right…

  38. @29

    Because Tuesday is the only day of the week. It would have made more sense for Ali to say “Best Tuesday I’ve had all month.”

  39. After straining my eyes for a few minutes, the second one is actually kind of funny but really pathetic.


    CORRECTION: “political views: wtf is that” = exactly the type of people that voted for Bush 43.

  40. Does anyone else just skip over the grammatical nightmares that keep getting posted like in the second one?

    Steve is proof that the children of police officers are no better behaved than anyone else’s kids.

    COLLEGE, genius, COLLEGE!!! It was borderline funny ten years ago when future 13th graders kept spelling it COLLAGE. Now it’s just sad. You should at least be able to spell C O L L E G E before going to one.

    Daniel ftw.

  41. i didn’t even bother to read the 2nd one…

  42. @xs hes trying to scare his daughter so she doesnt get a fake id! duhhhh

  43. So much awesome fail in number 2. Like, when listing her brothers: ‘clay who’s maybe 23′.

    Shit, what if she atcks me?

  44. I hate myself.

  45. @42 yeah, obviously. and if she has half a brain she’ll be thinking “Oh dad, you’re such a loser. No kid has ever been charged with fraud for having a fake id”.

  46. So… is facey b what all the cool kids say today?

  47. @XS – You actually can be. You loose your drivers license. Also, it depends on what state you live at, but you can be charged with fraud and go to jail for a few years, or only be charged with a misdemeanor and have a $500 fine. Some states only give community service, but it is a crime everywhere, and those who get caught tend to be “made an example of”.

    See:, or go ask anyone.

  48. yes yes, i know the stupid law. Of course in theory you can be charged but tell me one time that’s ever happened. I will tell you from vast experience that the bouncer or cop takes your ID throws it out and tells you to go home. That’s it. Ever.

  49. But then again I live in Canada where the asshole factor in the justice system is considerably lower.

  50. lol

  51. mike ahahahahhhahahahah

  52. Love that I’m not the only one who dreams of below par sea snails

  53. @XS- you living in Canada will explain it. I know kids who have been fined and given community service. But a lot of bouncers do just throw it out, you are correct, but it is a possibility, hence the cop CONSIDERING it.

  54. and I meant at the fish and chip shop, not and.

  55. I signed up just so I could say that lexluthor’s comment made me laugh way too hard.

  56. @AussieGirl – I’d say she is the direct result of her parents. So they probably are proud and don’t see anything wrong with her.

  57. The 2nd one cracks me up, but then makes me feel guilty at the same time because we are obviously dealing with someone who is over minimal mind.

    Whatever. That’s how people roll on Facey B.

  58. 1 and 4 are both winners. I laughed at Ali’s status, it’s the kind of mistake I’d make.

  59. LOL #2 makes excellent mary sue material

  60. Henral G from Facey B, he got no ID for the snails in the sea!

  61. dancesforcookies

    Number 2 is the kind of girl who has been or will be a guest on Jeremy Kyle with all the other Chavs.1 and 4 ftw.

  62. Steve’s comment to Loren: I misread “rollicking” as “rickrolling” and thought to myself, “that seems like an appropriate punishment.”

  63. Wow, I wanna meet #2, talk some shit to her face and atcks her-she sucks. Loren just equals Mega Fail in every way, lol

  64. ps Guaranteed, Karl’s in jail atm

  65. Not entirely sure, but if “rolicking” means what I think it means, then I love the double fail in the Loren/Dad-Steve exchange. While busting his daughter for the stupidity of airing her criminal intent on facey b, he admits his own practice of police brutality.

  66. facey b? oh dear god.

    So she’s engaged but put that she’s married… interesting… not… And where can I get some mood eyes?

  67. Number 2, PARAGRAPHS PLEASE!!!! It hurts my eyes to look at it!!

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