Thursday, January 20, 2011

Not So Hot Buns in the Oven

previous post: Jon Gets Pissed



  1. Walter, I have a question.

    You there?

  2. Steeever has failed on his commitment. cant say im not disappointed.

  3. “Oh yes, yes I will marry you, baby! Proposing on Facebook is *so* romantic! I eagerly await my e-post containing my engagement ring whilst having painful contractions.
    P.S: The kid isn’t yours.”

  4. Stephanie needs to “abourt” her baby for spelling like that…Good God what’s going on with the education system nowadays? These dumb ass kids shouldn’t be bringing any more children into this world anyway sadly

  5. Not sure I get the last one. And Shane you’re so romantic, dude. I mean seriously.

  6. the last one, i think has she mixed up a joke of having an abortion and getting the baby out with a coat hanger.
    did she take the ‘cant’ literally?

  7. A little off the map here, but regarding Lamebook’s court case..I hope you lose.
    Now, surely I am not being malicious. I was such an avid reader of this site. How could a fan of such a beautiful, trendsetting, history making website be against it in its time of need?
    Simple. I stopped reading for about a year. I had been reading for perhaps seven months. In that time I submitted dozens of fake submissions, of which six were accepted. I was gleaming, shining, boasting with jubilance around the web about how I outsmarted a major website so easily. I was hailed as king. Pals and buddies from around the way would harangue me on how I did such a thing; fake Facebook posts. It’s easy. It’s called being savvy, fools.
    But in the midst of my gloating, a darkly disturbing thought occurred in the clefts of my overjoyed brain: “Faking this was incredibly easy to do. What’s to stop other people from faking their own posts as well? What if this whole website is just an extravagant plethora of fakes?”
    I began to read other Lamebook posts scrutinizingly. And to my dismay, it was obvious that many of them were fakes. I saw in them the same liberties I took in faking my posts. The “Like” symbol was removed; that word in the time in date is missing; etc. It was devastating, but only because of the multitude of fake posts. Most of them actually were not fake, maybe just one per page. Wasn’t too bad, either. You know that you can’t fake the photo posts. But 1 out of 10-20 was fake, and it was enough to clamp my enthusiasm for this website. Which lasted for a year.
    One day a month and a half and ago, Lamebook pops into everyday discussion. What? Where does that name sound familiar? Oh yeah, it’s that website where I ran shit all day, faking posts. Let me see how it’s doing…”Facebook is trying to sue us, help here.” Que? I did not want this to happen! How could Facebook be so cru-, oh wait, 95% of the posts must be fake by now. And they are. Not literally, but close. So I decided to get a few last peeks at my old friend. I click on a post that displays African American babies. “Hmm, amusing. Let’s read some comments. *wait patiently for Lamebook’s increasing memory to load* Yay, comments…..Holy shit. He’s racist. I hope someone set him strai-, oh, she’s racist also. And so is that guy. And that one there. The big long paragraph chastising all of them must this one. Oh, it’s a big long paragraph, that happens to be racist.” Every last post was racist. There wasn’t a non-racist comment to be seen. I clicked on a new post involving African Americans as well, hoping that the comments section would be drastically different. It wasn’t. It was same exact shit, to be exact.
    This entire community is now racist. How sad. I didn’t know that is now, but interesting.
    So yeah, I like the website itself, but not it’s new population. So I’m Team Facebook on this one. Sorry Lamebook. I’ll miss you and will try to find you when you’re operating under

  8. fake or not, still amusing.

  9. ………annnnyyywaaaay

  10. In visiting this site several times a day and almost always reading all the comments, I must have somehow missed all these racist comments…? Weird.

  11. @Beanstalker

    Epic comment, I read the whole thing, The comments on here are pretty much a hate-forum for humanity. Pretty much brings out the worst in all people when the things that are said on here about other people would never be said to their face in real life.

    Thus, I come on this site and post a link to another with cheap little comments (add this to the list of things that suck about this site). I’ve never been banned and I harbor no guilt about it.

    I’ve only come across this site in the last few months but it would have been interesting to have been here when you first arrived. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many ‘status updates’ that have been so obviously downloaded and edited in MS Paint.

    Interesting. I enjoyed reading.

  12. no mattymc, its a hate forum towards you.

    most people would say that stuff to people tho. being a dickheads’ cool after all
    do you ever see the girl going home with the nice guy? no its always the dickhead douche who gets the girl.

    also welcome to the internet. did you know im a 25 stone cage fighter who wrestles bears at the weekend.

  13. I see girls go home with nice guys all the time, I guess it’s all about the type of person you surround yourself with right Conor?

    It’s not a hate forum towards me, it’s a hate forum towards everything. I’m just an easy target when I post a link, and I’m cool with that. To reiterate, it really doesn’t bother me to offend this crowd.

  14. I legitimately facepalmed at the second one. I’ve never instinctively done so before, so it must be a sign.

  15. Mistake on my part. I did not stop reading for about a year. As of now, it’s been seven months. I was reading for a year. Silly me. Anywho..
    Ah, Mr. Matt. You certainly have missed out on LB’s heyday. The virus infested ads underneath the post up there did not exist. The posting community was lively and quite amusing at times. There were multiple arguments in the comments area, no post had under 20 replies. Surely I must be sounding like I am riding atop an intoxicated horse, but I kid you not on these interactions. If you feel like it, go back super far in Lamebook’s cache. Not too super far, but pretty super far. You will see what I’m talking about. Just look at this post.
    Damn that was funny. But lol. I trolled too much, just like now.

  16. wow. back when lamebook actually cared. that was a long time ago.

    ok how about in your 20s at some night club/bar type thing, 70% of the time a girl would maybe not go home with the guy but would most certainly get with the douche?? instead of you. thats basically every movie made about a guy falling for a girl, that girl always has a dickhead boyfriend. its like peter parker versus tony stark. tony stark is gonna win the girl.

    if you are a cunt to a girl, first they will be offended but as i am irish i have the irish accent so im able to slag in a way which is too hard to describe. maybe they will storm off but once they get a bit drunk they will come back and try to slag you back. the accent part only works for foreign people.

  17. your not really good at trolling are you beanstalker? you got someone to agree with you. your the anti troll

  18. #7
    I honestly hope that most of the posts are fake – especially any like the ones above. It’s the internet, you don’t really expect 100% authenticity do you?

    I haven’t seen much real racism on here. There is a lot of sexism and homophobia but who cares? Anyone who is a bigot is also a moron so there is no point getting upset about anything they say (or trying to reeducate them).

  19. @Beanstalker I read the post and comments, wish I was around then… That’s a community I would have enjoyed being a part of. Thanks for the link.

    @Conor I’ve seen guys work that angle with success, but the girl they take home is always the sleezy one who is gonna go home with someone anyways; it’s just not who I’m interested in. I like quality girls who are attractive, interesting and make me laugh.

    Nice guys ‘blow it’ picking up girls more than 9 times outta ten, and it’s just because they have the wrong strategy. At least the jerks of the world try to be interesting…

  20. @mb Not to put words in anyone’s mouth, I believe what he was saying is that there’s a ton of racism, sexism and homophobia on here and that it’s too bad. This place didn’t used to be filled with morons.

  21. #17, *you’re x2

  22. ya thats what i mean. the nice guy can sometimes be too nice and the dickhead can have the confidence to pull off arrogance. but at the end of the night the dickhead is getting laid, the nice guy is gonna be watching porn with a box of tissues. also im not talking about girlfried material, just purely getting the ride and thats it. have you seen how i met your mother? ted and barney

  23. word, I am able to use the English language in a sufficient manner.
    I don’t care if I constructed my sentence in a non coherent fashion. In my defense it’s half 2 in the morning here.
    Tkz u 4 ur cunsurn doh

  24. I like my coffee strong and my homosexual flaming.
    Women, I like my sandwiches toasted.

  25. I’m a little scared to ask, but what’s up mass?

  26. i faked an orgasm once…

    wait, that’s a lie. i came all over his face. woop.

  27. Hey Walter, appreciate your reply.

    Ah.. which way does the water spin down your toilet, clock-wise or counter clock-wise?

  28. mass?? have you been refreshing the page waiting for walter?

  29. No dip shit, he phoned me and told me commented.

  30. *he

  31. The toilets are different here mass. There’s only a small amount of water at the bottom, and when you flush, it’s just a massive, forceful gush of water that comes storming through the bowl. Not really much water spinning.

  32. ah. i feel stupid now, since i have been sitting here for the night just waiting.
    you kinda left your comment on a cliffhanger like an episode of lost. just had to see what happened next

  33. Really, eh .. here they spin clock-wise, 5 gallons at a time, But we have The Great Lakes.

  34. I know mate.

  35. Um, by the way, does anyone understand the point Beanstalker #7 was trying to make? Normally I’d never bother with a lengthy comment like that, but seeing as though I have all this (now incredibly frustrating) extra time, I decided to put in the hard yards and read it – ending up none the wiser. So, how about it, anyone?

  36. Beanstalker, you had me at hello.

  37. I suspect Beanstalker and mattymc are the same person. Either that, or we have just witnessed the internet version of mutual masturbation.

    Or perhaps it’s the really long con, and the lb admins are trying to stir the comments pot under assumed names.

    Who gives a shit if the stuff here is fake or real? I’m just here for a cheap laugh, and suspect the rest are as well. Well, that and to cyber stalk wordy.

  38. Fuck, I just got moderated, wasn’t even overtly profane that time!

  39. frying pan

  40. Show me the money???

    Come on people, seriously. I’m dying here.

  41. Shegsy, we’ve been able to say frying pan for quite some time now, and, fag, and, the c word. But I don’t use that one much.

    By the way, you cunts were no help.

  42. word, beanstalkers point is that Walter sobchak does not like Negroes.

  43. @Lamebook You must have the patience of a saint.

  44. Ahh, the “good ol’ days”.

    On another note…does every post now need to include a long rambling comment about how horrible everyone is?

  45. Walt, frankly, I don’t think he knew what his point was. But I do remember his comments back in the day. He was one angry dude.

  46. OK, I don’t get #15…what is so great about that comments section?

  47. @beanstalker – Man, I thought I had issues, up the meds dude, seriously and paragraphs would have made the whole sorry incoherent mess ‘easier’ to read.

    A brief summary:- Back in the day, lamebook was good and funny, now it isn’t and you’re all racist and horrible and that. Some submissions are fake as well apparently.

    Fuck me Sherlock, ain’t you the sharpest tack.

    P.S. WILL YU MERRY ME?????question mark

  48. Stephanies’ mum is working in the reverse order to me…. I normally buy a girl a puppy and then impregnate her, she’s got it all back to front.

    I think what Beanstalker is trying to say is that you’re all a bunch of racist, sexist, homophobic, politically incorrect bullies. I’ve been trying to tell you this all for ages but nobody ever listens to me.

  49. OK, while there is a boring comments section about whether or not Lamebook commenters are mean or stupid…

    The commenters that choose to make jokes about children and sex really are morons. That shit is not funny and it doesn’t make you edgy, clever or cool. Anyone that regularly makes those kind of comments (you know who you are) I automatically assume really is a ped0 (in jest is truth and all that).

    It’s just my opinion, I’m not all worked up about it so don’t go and gloat that you trolled me either.

  50. mb I’m also really into raping, necrophilia, bestiality, knobbing members of my immediate family, hardcore drugs, banging geriatric women, bumming myself and others with miscellaneous objects and drinking various bodily fluids… amongst various other stuff…

    but you don’t care about any them do you?… you only think about the children don’t you?… you sick baby bummer!

    I remember when you made that funny comment a bit back, about…

    Some of those sickos making those jokes (you know who you are) aren’t trying to be edgy, clever or cool. Maybe their morbidly commenting on the negative aspects of society in an engaging, inflammatory manner in an attempt to raise a slight smirk. Either that or their wanking off over their keyboard.

  51. mb, could you please stop trying to set up a paedophile ring here on lamebook.

    for those of you who aren’t aware, mb is a well-known code in paedophile circles for man-boy, and these purportedly anti-paedo messages are a common device used by paedophiles to identify each other. i know this, because they tried the same trick in an interracial twinks forum which i’m a member of.

    take your disgusting agenda elsewhere, you’re not welcome on lamebook. there’s only room for one child molester on here, and that’s imamofo.

  52. I didn’t think imamofo had even made that kind of joke before (so I’m not talking about him). Not that I ever read his comments in detail because I don’t share his strong interest in semen.

  53. Seriously – I had to check mb on urban dictionary. I hope you are joking that it stands for that!!

  54. vincent Thanks mate, I hate it when people try to muscle in on my turf… How old are you again?

    mb Booooo to you too! I don’t just comment about Paedoplay and Spunk you know, there are many different aspects to …. awww ok you’re probably right.

    Does mb stand for molest babies?

  55. master baiter perhaps? Filthy animal!

  56. mb, you need to recheck your data. I’m pretty sure mofo is the only person around here who is sick enough to joke about child abuse.

  57. walter Thanks! That was my point exactly! I think…hang on… look let’s not all dwell on the child abuse, what about all the other forms of abuse I engage in?! That’s like contemplating the whole of creation, but only really focusing on paving slabs… I’d hate to think that I’d pigeon holed myself, I have so much more to offer.

    mistreat bairns?

  58. Mb. whats better than 1 one dead baby? 10 dehad babies.
    whats better than 1 dead baby in a bin? 1 dead baby in 10 bins.
    Whats blue and wriggles? a baby in a plastic bag?
    whats green and dosent wriggle? same baby a few weeks later.
    how many babies does it take to paint a wall? depends on hard you throw them?
    How do you get a baby out of a blender? with doritos.

    Ahh dead baby jokes, truly the highest form of humour

    Anybody know who maddy macann is?

  59. conor How do you ruin a dinner party?….ask where Maddy is.

    Do you mean who is Maddy or where is Madddy… it’s yes to both either ways.

    murdering babykiller?

  60. Android, thanks for the Beanstalker For Dummies translation.

    mb, if you don’t mean mofo, who the hell do you mean?

    mofo, I’m stealing “slutslugs” (from the previous post). Thank you. Oh, and I just saw Black Swan. It’d be right up your warped alley, buddy. Dark, bloody, twisted, and some pretty decent lesbian loving involving the very hot Portman. I predict you’d release your love lava more than a few times throughout it.

    Anyway, goodnight.

  61. word You can have ‘slutslugs’ with my blessings, you still employing the use of ‘jam rags’ too? Thanks for the film advice, i’ll give it a bash…… in more ways then one. Nighty night.

    maltreat boys?

  62. I interrupt this reading of the most entertaining comment section to thank you, conor, for the link about that magnificient documentary on British Fashion. Truly, I feel better about this day now!

    Now back to reading…

  63. Man, I wish I’d been here sooner today. I missed all the fun!

    I have so many comments to make I don’t even know where to start.
    So just fuck off

  64. wandr Oi don’t you start too, I’ve been camping out in this thread all day, dodging abuse shaped bullets and ducking slanderous ill-founded rumour!

    minor bummer?

  65. your welcome wandr.
    imamofo yeah i was wondering if the americans were familiar with her is all. i got a few of her jokes tucked in my belt.

  66. Shut up! Stop being a whiny prick. You like abuse.

    So Bend over and take it like the male fat british fag retard that you are
    (Ok, I got sexism, fatism, racism, biggotry, mentallychallengeism… what am I missing?)

    And what the hell was wrong with frying pan anyway?

  67. You bully!… I am not fat…. The rest is fine, but i’m not a blobby mass of flesh ok? How the fuck would I catch my victims?! You missed agism and smallknobism.

    massage babybums?

  68. fuck! I’ll try harder next time.
    Then again, dead people can’t be TOO hard to catch.

    Also. mild burning?

  69. Who the hell is beanstalker?? His comments were very racist towards me; I find that horribly offensive

  70. Maltreats Buttocks?

    Massive Bleeding?

    Multiple Buggering?

    Minor Biter?

    Molesting Binge?

    Messy Balls, Messy Babies? (Okay, even I threw up a little for that one.)

  71. Nah, MB’s just a huge Wierd Al Yankovic fan: My Bologna

  72. Ok I think you all have it covered. Well done.

  73. I was referring to comments such as:
    Soup #8

    Gives me the creeps.

    And now I am off to get a new login…

  74. Wow Lamebook’s Legal Fund has doubled since last week!

  75. Wow beanstalker! Way to steal precious minutes from my life with your senseless babble. Fake or not the posts on Lamebook still make me *LOL* which is something everybody needs to do on a daily basis.

  76. I’ve been away, I have no fucking idea what is going on here. Are we all racist now?

  77. only to english. potatoe robbing bastards

  78. Jesus, I haven’t seen “potatoe” spelled that way since Dan Quayle. ( Good skills there Conor. Since we’re on the subject of vegetables, I suspect you might be a cabbage.

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